Whether Jace wanted me in his life didn't matter much. There was a moment of weakness on my part. Deep down, I knew we were like two broken puzzle pieces that unfortunately didn't fit.
Coming home, I just wanted to curl into my bed and let my bed sheets drown me, but unfortunately, she's here. I looked over to Max, feeling an unwanted mix of anger towards him. I had Jace; everything should have fallen into place, especially when I knew he was my chosen poison, my addiction.
Right person, wrong time? Regrettably, we weren't meant to be—neither with Jace nor Andrew. I don't want to admit it, but I'm beginning to understand why I was so involved in their lives. Maybe it was my desperate attempt to be a normal teenage girl with normal teenage drama, only that drama was nothing like the movies I've watched.
The reason I'm beginning to understand is when I reached my lowest point and I was emotionally exhausted, I ran away. I ran away because it felt bigger than me. I thought it would consume my entire existence, suffocated by my reality. A reality that had a sorry excuse for a mother.
"You need to leave," my dad uttered, voice firm and holding a small trace of danger, but managing to mask it well in front of Max and me.
"I only wanted to see my daughter on her birthday, Steven," my mother's voice sounded exhausted, evident bags under her shallow eyes, hair combed neatly, and clothes creased, probably from not ironing.
She gulped, "Please, I beg. Just let me tell you something." Her face showed genuine concern, wrinkles obvious, looking twice her age. Once a beautiful free spirit, now a woman with only weariness in her troubled eyes.
My dad wanted to speak, but I asked her, "What is it?" in a serious tone, drawn in by her worried expression.
She paused for a bit and started sobbing, "I don't know how you're going to take this, but—" she swallowed, her voice trembling under her faint breath.
"Just say it," I told her as my heart began to pound with anticipation.
"He's being released from prison." Her body started to shake, and my heart sank to the bottom of my chest. I knew it. There was a pit in my stomach, knowing my mother; she wouldn't travel all the way here if it wasn't serious. Max and I would have never been a good enough reason.
"He wants revenge, Lucy," she warned. Although it didn't feel like a warning, the uneasiness has followed me like a looming dark cloud of self-destruction. The day he screamed at me when it was the court sentence that he 'would get me,' and I better 'sleep with one eye open.'
I let out a breath. "Well, why are you here? You should have just called," I stated, not wanting to be another antsy teen, but how else would she have me react? Hugging her? Thanking her?
"I needed to see you were safe," she replied sternly, her gaze fixed on me.
"After two years, you finally remembered you had children. Mom, you took his side, saying that I was wearing inappropriate clothes, that I was enticing him. A man old enough to be my father," my voice had exhaustion written in every word I spoke.
Her audacity alludes me, how she could come back into my life to play the hero. However, she just stared at me, eyes swelling up with tears.
"I am so sorry, Lucy. I divorced him. Spending time apart from him has been a real eye-opener. I'm sorry that you had to go through so much pain for me to finally realize it and Steven. I am sorry too, for keeping you away from Lucy for so many years." She turned back to me. "I've been getting counseling and joined a gambling support group. Right now, I am not perfect, but I am getting better." She stated, her voice filled with hurt.
I turned away from her, not being able to look at this woman I barely recognize; she has caused me so much pain and misery. I remember praying for a better family, and now I don't just have to scroll on social media and stalk them because I'm living with them.
"I don't need your help; I have my dad and Emily."
The look she gave me showed she was shattered, and so was any reconciliation she would be willing to make. I wonder if she realized that our relationship was broken the day she met him.
With a nod, she silently took her leave, head slumped down. Ashamed. Although she was many things, I couldn't help but feel some sort of remorse towards her.
"Lucy!" Max yelled at me; my neck snapped towards him.
I shrugged, "Why are you yelling at me?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"Because mom moved all the way here for us. She's better; she got a hairdressing job. She's been doing so well that she got a promotion to Salon Manager." He scoffed. "She wants to be a better mother."
I looked at him in a confused manner.
"How could she possibly make up for taking your dad's side?" I shook my head.
He went silent, "I don't know Lucy, you could have worn more clothes around him." Max said distantly.
"Max?" I looked at him in bewilderment. "You can't honestly be serious right now?"
"I don't know what I think; they're my family." Max said in exhaustion.
"No, we're your family." I told him. "I am your family."
"No, you are not. I have been more than patient with you running after Andrew and the guy next door, throwing yourself into their drama but not turning around to see how much of an outcast I am here." Max's voice broke.
"Max, we never meant to make you feel like that." My dad interjected.
But Max shook his head, "I heard your conversation with Emily, saying that I look just like 'him' and some days you can't look at me." Max began to cry.
Tyler then walked in the room with Todd peeping against the wall. I frowned at him, and he hid away.
"Is that true, Dad?" Tyler faced our father.
"Well, I'm not proud to admit it, but the man wanted to force himself on my baby girl, and if anything, I blame myself for not being able to protect her." My dad confessed. "Some days you really look like him, Max, and that reminds me how I failed Lucy. I really did think that conversation was in private. I would never intentionally hurt you." My dad walked over to Max, but Max rejected my dad with a shake of the head.
"I don't know, Max; I don't think that Lucy was a problem. Even if she had to walk naked in the house. That guy knew her since she was three. It seems wrong to accuse our sister of seducing an old man." Todd interjected, sharing his opinion.
"But it's not just that," Tyler argued.
"Ty." Max shot him a glance.
I frowned. "What is it?" I shot Max a look. "Max, I looked after you since the day you were born, when the kids teased us about our torn-up clothes I learned to sew to make new ones, I pricked my fingers night after night so you could look presentable while the woman you love so much gambled away the money my Dad gave. She barely provided us with enough to eat, so I took up a job after school at Aunt Crystal's bakery. My grades slipped because, when I came home, I made sure you had food. For goodness sake, Max, I was just three years older than you. Couldn't you see how tired I was?
I looked at him, my voice filled with anger and frustration. "I sheltered you from your dad's drinking, mom's gambling. So what if mom is the Salon Manager? I looked after you all those years, not her." I shake my head at him. "It really hurts that you would say that. When I could finally be a normal teenager, you explode this bomb in my face. Let me tell you, Max, it is not my job to take care of you. I am sorry that you feel like an outsider; I felt like one too. But I didn't burden you with my problems. If you're feeling hurt, if you need someone to talk to, you should have asked Emily or Dad to take you to the therapist. I'm not your mother or your therapist. I am just a kid and I was dealing with my own stuff too." Isaid brokenly.
But when I finish that sentence, it felt like some sort of burden had been lifted off of me, the burden to protect and take care of Max. I love him, and nothing he could do would ever change that. But I can't live for someone else anymore. I am glad I got distracted by Jace; that whole experience taught me to put myself first.
Max stormed up the stairs. I felt really bad, but I knew I had to let him deal with this on his own. I wanted to shield him and protect him from everything, but no one ever protected me.
"I hope you're happy now, Lucy." Tyler stormed off.
"Tyler!" Emily scolded, but he just gave his mother a look and walked away.
Todd walked closer to me and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Lucy." He pulled away.
I smiled at him. "Thank you, Todd."
"How are you feeling?" My dad asked.
I shrugged. "Not great." He pulled me into a hug. "I just tried to protect Max all my life, always putting him before me. The time at the hospital, he called me, and I felt scared that that man was with my mom and Max. I knew he was going to get out soon, so I thought they were going to take Max away from me. I was so terrified that I might lose him. I couldn't think straight, and the walls were closing in, and all I knew was I had to get him no matter what, the stress got to me so badly that I passed out, I don't want to neglect myself like that anymore."
"I know, I know, pumpkin, and you shouldn't have to I'm here for you now, I'm the one who's going to protect you." My dad comforts me.
I I give him a tight squeeze and we remain like that for a while before I pull away. "I need to check on Max still; I'm worried."
"I know you are, but take it from me; it's best to give teenagers some space to feel out their emotions."
I scratch the back of my neck. "You're right." I sigh, "it's just difficult, the only fights we had is when I told him to do homework instead of watching TV. Not something this... big."
I chose to listen to my dad, he does have more life experience under his belt. So I find myself waiting up in my room, pacing restlessly, wondering how much time is enough time. I sigh and look down at my phone. "An hour should suffice." I convince myself.
I walk out of my room to the room next to mine. I knock lightly on the door. "Max." I knock again. "Is it okay if I come in?" I wait for a response, but nothing.
"I'm coming in." I turn the doorknob as I let myself in.
He isn't in his room; his bed is neatly made, and the window is wide open. I frown. On his bed lays a piece of paper. I picked it up and to my horror, it read,
Dear Lucy,
Please thank Emily and Steven for me; I really appreciated them looking after me. I've been trying to tell you that I wanted to live with mom ever since the first day she came into town. She's really different this time, and I can't live with you because at the end of the day, they are not my family. And they never will be. Lucy, Steven is your dad, not mine. I just feel like I'm a stranger to all of them, including you, since the day we started living with them. You've treated me differently, and I understand why. I know I'm not your kid. But I never asked you to "shield" me.
- Max