Am I dying?
The only thing on my mind is the searing pain emanating from my foot,
And I realize
I only stubbed my toe.....
But Fuck did that hurt.
I get up and I limp to the kitchen, I open the pantry
Its Empty.... I really gotta buy some groceries.
But its like 22:00, no grocers are open right now, guess its 7-Eleven taquitos for tonight.
I head for the door after rummaging all throughout my kitchen for any food or beverage,
Where the fuck are my shoes I could've swore I left them at the door.
I search the whole entire apartment, but alas no bloody shoes.
The only place I haven't looked yet is the god damned crawl space.
I fucking hate the crawl space, its filled with dust and insects the size of a house cat.
But alas, I venture forth. and there they are, right on top of a bin filled with Hot Wheels.
I completely forgot I still had these, I take out a toy truck and fiddle with it, and it finds its way rolling out of the crawl space. I grab my shoes and make my way past thousands of cobwebs on my way out of the crawl space. Glad to be rid of the stagnant air in the space I get up and take my final trek towards the door and eventually my dinner, but as I step forward something rolls under my foot.
I slip, falling backwards cracking my skull open,
Dead. On. Arrival.
I was always thinking "when is Truck-san going to kill my otaku-ass", but I never thought that a toy truck would be the end of my pathetic NEET-ish life. Whats next, I reincarnate into a fantasy world with a huge Hare--- and before I could even finish the thought a bright light surrounds me, The only figure I can make out seems to be the silhouette of a woman, as my eyes adjust to the light the picture becomes clearer,
It is the mother-fuckin Buddha!
Out of all the things I thought the Buddha would look like, I never imagined him to be a woman.
Like the Buddha was supposed to be a skinny Indian man, like Gandhi but without the misogyny.
Before I can comment on the thoughts running through my mind, she spoke,
"Yo, wassup homie, how's death treating you? I know what you are thinking, how is the Buddha so flippin rad, like she's totally tubular, so fetch."
"First of all, no one talks like that anymore, second that was not even the third thing on my mind, what I'm really thinking is, since when was THE BUDDHA a woman?" I replied,
She surprisingly started to blush, "What do you mean since when was I a woman. I have always been a woman, has history forgotten my true story?" she blurted in response,
I still in utter disbelief muster up the strength to spew a few words, "It is pretty common knowledge on earth that the Buddha is a man who decided to forgo worldly pleasures to reach true and utter enlightenment."
"It was thousands of years ago, do you really think a prince would give up his life of riches to reach quote on quote Nirvana? I was a princess who was to be married off, however I took a vow to follow the spiritual path, barring me from the arranged marriage tradition, There wasn't much pleasure to be seen in my future anyway so I decided to give it all up to try and reach peak righteousness, and you did it just because you were lazy, such utter fucking bullshit!" She exclaimed, This was a lot to take in, first that the Buddha was not a dude but also that she was really attractive.
"OK I get it, you, the Buddha, is a woman, and I have been brought here after I died for some divine plan right?" I submitted,
She looked pleased that I was moving on, "Finally, we moved on from the useless background. Yes were brought here, but you were on your way here much longer before you died, I put your shoes in that bin, I was planning on you being eaten by those grotesquely huge insects in the crawl space, but I think the toy truck was a way more humorous way to go, don't you think? But the real reason I brought you here is because you have just about reached Nirvana, and completely by accident. Your constant fasting to make up for the money you spend on light novels and manga has taught you to give up one of the worldly pleasures, this has gotten you awfully close to making it, but you would have never made it past fasting because of your love for "plot", so I thought I would give you a push, If you help me save this new world I created myself, I will make you enlightened and you will get to live in this realm with me and the one other enlightened individuals. So what do you think? not like you can go back anyway."