Taking a turn
Over the months, we did grow closer. He would innocently flirt with me. Although I could never really see it, Madison was sure to remind me every time she saw us together. Not that I minded, per se, but it was hard for me to be comfortable with it.
I wanted to be comfortable with it, but my nerves were shot. He was a very handsome man, he had a tall thick body, he worked out constantly and it showed. I mean, his job was basically to use his body to move you...
The doorbell rang around 4:30. I knew Drew liked to be early, but it caught me off guard. I had an armful of laundry as I ran across the apartment to get the door.
When I opened the door, he was standing there with a huge smile on his face. "Good evening, m'lady." He said, a pang of his accent bleeding through, bowing, his bright blue eyes piercing through me as he peered up.
Rolling my eyes, I took a step back, allowing him past me. "You're such a nerd."
"Oh, come on, Kavi! You have to get out of this rut you live in!" He waved his hands in the air. "It's a beautiful day, and you're a beautiful woman." He said while whipping out a single flower, "You need to lighten up!"
I shook my head, taking the flower. "Still a fucking nerd."
He grabbed the laundry from my arm. "Let me get this. You look exhausted." He carried the basket off towards my bedroom. "You should really take it easy, babe. You're not helping yourself by exhausting yourself every day." After a moment, he called out to me, "So I don't think you meant for me to see this," He came out, waving a large pink dildo.
"Oh god!" I exclaimed; my face burned as I laughed.
"It's perfectly natural, sweetheart." He said in his understanding, patronizing voice, gesturing with it.
"Not mine. Must belong to Madison."
He dropped it on the floor. "Oh, ew." His face scrunched up and his mouth hung open as he flipped his hands disgustedly.
Trying to poke at him, I said, "But it wasn't 'ew' when it was mine?" I laughed.
"You are a different story, Madison gets around... And" He stopped, awkwardly running his hands down his pants, "It is different with you, okay?" He huffed, searching for the hand sanitizer.
I laughed again; my whole body exhausted. I sat down as he shyly moved to the chair across from me. "Take a moment to rest, because I have some new endurance exercises to try today."
"I hope you weren't planning on that toy being part of them?" I shot back viciously.
He snickered. "I may be open with my fondness for you, but you wouldn't need that with me, lass." He sneered, propping his feet up.
I sighed, laying back, mostly out of annoyance, a little part of me burned with embarrassment. It wasn't anything I wasn't already used to, but his advances seemed to hit me a bit more recently. Maybe part of me was getting interested in the idea. It's not like I was a robot after all?
"I swear to all the holy hell, I just cannot handle you sometimes." I tossed a pillow in his direction. He deflected with ease, flashing his tongue at me.
"Well, if you want to have a sexy pillow fight instead of our normal routine," I tossed another, and he burst out laughing, "I didn't bring my boudoir with me, so you have to loan me some!" He stood now, grabbing a pillow, smacking me repeatedly. "Huh, you wanna see me in my skivvies? Now I know why you wanted me to start seeing you at home?!" he cackled as he continued to barrage me, now on top of me.
"No, I might have to pop my eyeballs out instead." I pushed him off, struggling to put much into it.
"Yeah, yeah, right?" He stood up, stretching a bit. "Alright, break time's over! Get up!" He grabbed my hand, lifting me to my feet. "Let's go, in the gym." He pushed me towards the hall; he followed, continuing to urge me to move faster.
Madison had a personal gym in her apartment already. It was easy to move the equipment and set up a workout area for our sessions. It was nicer to do it at home, but the truth was, I wanted to help him out a bit.
Now he was a personal medical assistant, so he would get paid more and I would be his only client. The insurance would cover it, so it made it better for us all.
That meant we spent quite a bit of time together. 4-7 hours a day, 5 days a week, sometimes occasionally on the weekend, usually that was more casual, not really work. I tried to keep a separation, but it seemed to be less and less recently, and we had just spent the weekend having a LOTR marathon. It was awkward, more than anything, but I enjoyed spending time with him. I felt weird being around him, even though he was the one that used to carry me around when I couldn't walk and has seen me in every possible embarrassing situation possible.
He squatted down on the mat, taking off his jacket, signaling me to sit with him. We would start with stretching/yoga, then endurance training/weight training. I knelt across from him, starting with some basic stretches. He knelt there while I worked, just smirking and watching me.
I struggled to get through the initial exercises. As I plopped down on the floor, he handed me the weights. "Alright, keep going!" I stood, trying to hold my arms out, only lasting a few minutes before they dropped. "Come on! You can do more than that!" He stood now, correcting my posture, moving my feet. "Okay, give it a go. This time, try to alternate feet while you hold them."
I very carefully I tried to balance on one foot, holding my arms out, and I wobbled; having to catch myself before I fell. He walked behind me, putting his hands on my hips. "Let me stabilize you at first, so you can get used to it." I felt my body clench up as soon as he touched me, throwing off all concentration I had. "What's wrong, babe? Not feeling well?" He pressed himself against me, holding me up.
I pulled away. "Sorry, just a little anxious today."
He stepped back suspiciously. "Are you sure? You've really been acting weird for weeks now." His face looked serious now, his normal goofy demeanor gone. "I'm starting to think it's because of me."
I laughed nervously, "Drew," I started as he smiled a bit, "maybe its best if we just call it a night. I am really tired." I relented.
He smirked a little. "You do look like hell. But Kavi... I," he stopped, giving me a sad look.
"I know. I have to keep working if I'm ever going to be normal again." As I walked back down the hall, I said nonchalantly.
He followed behind me, putting his jacket back on. "That's not what I was gonna say this time…"
I found my way back to my room, plopping down on my loveseat, and he followed, sitting next to me. "Alright, I guess I get to be the one that says it." He slapped his hands on his legs.
"Oh please, Drew, I don't need another lecture. I get it. My recovery has stalled, and you think I'm never going to be normal again." I blurted sarcastically. Rolling my eyes so hard my head moved with them.
He just shook his head. "No, I wish it was that simple." He hesitated, looking like he was trying to find the words. What had him so emotional today? He always had a tendency to get weird and quiet at times, but this was to a new level.
I turned to him, realizing he was being serious, which wasn't something he did often. "Is something wrong?" I felt my heart sink.
"Yeah, I think so." He folded his arms now. "I think it might be best if you find another therapist."
"What?" I whispered in disbelief.
"It's been amazing working with you all this time, and I really appreciate the financial security you've given me. "
"Financial security?" I said, chuckling, still is disbelief.
"Damn it Kavi," he stood up now, his face turning red, "You damn well know you're not just a paycheck to me. I just can't do this anymore. I adore spending time with you, and I am super happy about your progress, but I think we've hit the end of our road together." He was very stern now. His eyes fell to the floor, and he whispered, "I'm torn about it, but you deserve more."
I wanted to burst. It was like I was losing my best friend. And maybe in some way I was. "I understand." The only words I could muster; I locked the words in my throat. Sobs barely held inside that way.
"So that's it?" he said, standing up. "You have nothing else to say?" There was a long silence. "Okay, I guess I'll head out." He choked a little on the last word. I almost broke at that moment, but I found the strength to stop myself.
Part of me wanted to stop him, grill him, trying to figure out what was really going on, but the other part of me was furious, mostly at myself. How could I let myself think anyone would be interested in the shell of a woman I was? I heard the front door shut, the apartment falling quiet.
I felt emptiness I couldn't quite understand. Had I discovered deep, veiled feelings for him? Was it more than just friendship even?
For almost a year, I had spent hours a day with him, and now he was gone. Just like that, he dismissed himself from my life. I couldn't lie. It was uncomfortable, but I knew it was nothing compared to everything else in my life. I wish I had the courage to confront him, ask him if it was ever more than a job to him...
I laid flat on the floor, spiraling into my sorrow. Some wounds are just too deep.