Living regret
When I woke, there was a nurse hovering over me. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't make it out. I saw the bright fluorescent lights, smelled that too clean smell, sending me into a panic. The last time I woke up like this, I had lost a decade of my life. I moved now, trying to sit up. My body felt like a rock, completely unmovable. I heard the heart monitor beeping rapidly as I struggled to move. Then, all at once, I flailed, ripping the IV out of my arm, landing hard on the floor.
"Please, ma'am, you're in the hospital. You're okay." The woman pled, trying to pick me up off the floor. "You're severely dehydrated and possibly had a heat stroke. Please, just calm down."
Her words offered some comfort. I managed to get to my feet with some help, the two aides helping me back to the bed. "How long was I out?" I rasped.
"Maybe an hour or two," she said, sounding confused.
Forcing a few deep breaths, I laid back, relaxing a bit. A doctor joined the fray, shining a light in my face. "Can you tell me your name?"
"Kavielle."
"Good, how are you feeling, Kavielle?"
What should I say? Terrified? "Better."
"Okay, Kavielle, I need you to stay calm. We are going to put your IV back in and run another bag of fluid through you. We called your emergency contact, but they haven't been able to reach her. Is there anyone else who you can call?"
"No," I said, realizing the pain was creeping up on me again.
"Well, you're going to be fine, but I would feel better if you had someone that could come pick you up and maybe spend the evening with you." He dropped the light attached to his lanyard. "Well, we can keep you here tonight. Maybe we will have more luck in the morning."
"No," I said sternly. "I'll get a cab. Just let me out of here."
"I would recommend you stay and get the treatment, maybe eat something..."
I sighed. "I'll stay for a bit until I feel a bit better." I conceded, positioning myself correctly on the bed.
"That's for the best, Kavielle! I can get a nurse to bring you your cell phone so you can let your family know you're okay."
He smiled kindly, not realizing he was just waving normality in my face. When the kind nurse brought it in, I turned it on, being welcomed by several messages. A few from Madison, trying to get me to update her on how I was handling the news. A few more letting me know she had to work tonight. And a few from Drew, asking where I was and how the therapy went.
The last message read, "Can you call me when you get home? I really have something I want to talk to you about?"
I ignored it, firing a quick text to Madison, "Had an incident at St. Mary's, should be out later. I'll message you when I get home."
After a few moments, she messaged back, "OMG GRL! U ok??"
I took inventory, realizing I was just a little stressed, but not quite where I was earlier. "Yeah, heat stroke, they think. Should be okay with fluids."
"I'll leave work nw, brt."
I responded quickly, not looking forward to her too protective rant about my health and even less so about the hate Drew boat she was captaining. "Please don't. I'll get a cab when they tell me I can go."
"I rly want to b there, but it's just not a gud time." She responded.
'I'll be okay. Don't worry about me," I wrote quickly, throwing the phone on the table. I just couldn't process anything right now. Maybe a few hours alone in this room will give me the time I needed to pull myself together. Spending a few hours mulling over my life choices was never good. The idea that I had finally let someone get close to me to get burnt? This is not a shining example of love prevailing, instead another reminder that the idea of romantic love is far-fetched at best.
The phone vibrated a few more times. I opted to ignore it, trying to take a nap; the exhaustion was overwhelming me, my eyes hard to keep open. I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew, a nurse was standing over me, smiling, "Feeling better?"
Groggy, I sat up, trying to get my bearings. "Yeah," I said as she shone her pocket light at me.
She smiled gently. "Let's get your paperwork and get you out of here." She turned quickly, exiting.
Picking up my phone, I heard the curtain open again. This time it was Drew standing there, holding a clutch of flowers. Immediately I averted my eyes, not able to look at him, as he spoke, "So you really weren't going to tell me you were in the hospital?" His tone was solemn, a hint of anger underneath. He moved now, sitting the flowers on the bed as he took a seat.
When I looked down, the last message from Madison was, "I am so sry! I may have told Drew."
Angered at her carelessness, I dropped the phone on my lap, still avoiding this awkward conversation thrown into my lap. I wondered if she had spoken to him about everything? Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut?
"Not talking to me, then?" He said, drawing my attention back to him.
"I don't have anything to say." I rebutted, still avoiding his glare. I knew if I gave, the pain would just wash over me again and I had to be strong, make sure I didn't embarrass myself further.
"Are you okay?" He asked, somberly.
"They're discharging me soon. I'll be fine." I said with a smirk, awkward.
We sat silently for a moment, still not able to put a voice to my pain. He started, "I'm really confused right now. I thought we were past all this... and here we are. You're angry at me, and I have no idea what I did. Frankly, I thought we were a... thing?"
"Thing?" I chuckled lightly, feeling I was actually about to lose my mind. "I really wanted that." I said, looking over at him. Grabbing my phone, I scrolled up to the picture, handing it to him. "Then Madison sent me this today."
He looked at the phone, scrolling a bit. He was stunned. "You think there's another woman?" He murmured, then a small laugh as he tossed it back at me. "So what if there is? It's not like we have even put a label on what we are. Hell, you didn't even think to let me know you passed out and got rushed to the hospital. Sounds like we're not a lot of anything, anyhow." He shrugged.
I felt a fire ignite, anger burning through me. "Who the fuck do you think you are? How dare you pretend this isn't a big deal? You never once mentioned having a girlfriend, or anything outside of your work, and now you want to pretend like it's--"
"Just stop right there, there's no one else." He interjected. "That woman was a former patient. She was having a hard time, and I met her for lunch to catch up. I was trying to console her, nothing more." He raged back, a glaze of red over his face.
I took a deep breath, still angry. "Why are you always trying to get under my skin with shit? You could have said that from the start."
"Had Madison, your 'best friend', bothered to talk to me and not just take a sneaky picture, this wouldn't have been a thing. But she is always trying to find a way to come between us." He exaggerated.
"Don't go there, damn it, she has been hounding me for months to hook up with you!" I rebutted sarcastically.
"Yeah 'hook up'" He snorted, "that would be what she wants from a man." He wrung his hands, frustrated.
"And what does that mean?" I asked as the nurse returned, clipboard in hand.
"Is there an issue? Do I need to call security?" She asked, looking between the two of us.
Drew looked at me to answer. "Are those my discharge papers?" I asked, reaching out.
"Yes," she said, walking up to me, using her gloved hands to remove the IV. "Just a few signatures and you are free to go." She eyed us both, trying to get a read.
I took the clipboard, flipping through the pages eagerly, signing every blank. As I handed it back to her, she looked at me empathetically. "Are you okay? We have resources if..."
"I'm fine, just a little lovers' quarrel." I said, sure of myself. She seemed to accept that and walked off.
Swinging my legs off the bed, I stood up as he watched me. "At least let me take you home." He whispered.
Staring him down, I responded, "We still have a lot to talk about."
He nodded slightly. "Then let's go somewhere and talk."
Even though I was overwhelmed and furious, I knew he was right.