One more step
Drew spent the night with me. Waking up next to him was a distinct feeling. It was nice to feel his steady breaths against my back, his enormous arms wrapped around me. We didn't actually do anything. After what I told him, I doubt he would want anything sexual from me again. He was hesitant to kiss me, part of him probably disgusted by me now, but he still helped me feel comfortable, even if just for the last time.
I attempted to pull out of his grasp. He pulled tighter. "Nope, not yet." He leaned in, planting a kiss on my cheek.
"Gotta piss, damn it." I tugged gently.
"Ugh, if you must." He relented, letting me move.
I found myself quietly stalking to my bathroom, like I was afraid of making noise. I finished up, deciding to brush my teeth. Hopefully, my morning breath wasn't too terrible. I can't imagine what poor Drew had to deal with all night. A light knock startled me. "Open up."
Confused, I opened the door, foaming from the mouth still. He looked at me, "Madison had the other bathroom occupied, you're gonna have to share," he smiled, walking past me.
I rolled my eyes, spitting now. I rinsed my tooth brush, hearing the telltale pee sound behind me. "You couldn't have given me 2 more minutes before doing that?"
"Oh, come on, Kavi, it's not like you've never been in a bathroom with me before." He chuckled. "You can look if you want," he quipped. Immediately, he sighed. "Sorry, habits die hard, I guess."
He flushed, moving next to me, washing his hands. "I'm not going to fall apart if you mention sex around me, I promise."
He smiled, leaning over for a kiss. "Excuse the morning breath." He pecked me gently.
"Ugh, dude, brush your teeth," I said, digging out a travel brush from the drawer, tossing it at him.
"Hey now, I spent the entire night sleeping next to a sexy chainsaw. I think I should get a buy on morning breath, damn it." He raised his eyebrows, smiling.
I shoved him lightly; him grinning at me as he started brushing. "Fuck you, I don't snore like that." He didn't even move when I pushed him, making him choke a little, laughing. Walking out, I felt myself smiling, happy for the first time in such a long time...
He followed a few minutes later, "Let's get some food, I am starving. I have been so messed up the last couple of days, I hadn't eaten anything." He grabbed at my arm, wrenching me along. "Let's go see what you have in the fridge, I'll whip us up something."
Madison was in the living room. She seemed to be getting dressed for another night out. When she saw Drew walk out with me in tow, she smiled. "Hey, nice to see you two made up, finally!" She followed us into the kitchen, walking up behind me, whispering in my ear, "So he spent the night, huh?" She had a mischievous smirk on her face.
I just gave her a look, and she walked around the island, over to Drew, now digging through the cabinets. "Did you finally get her to give it up?" she teased. His face turned red immediately.
"There is more to life than sex Madison. I know you couldn't possibly understand that." He said, angrily.
She took a step back, looking over at me now, as he refused to look at her, pulling pans from the rack now. "Oh," she rebutted, unsure. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it." She teased Drew and me a lot about it. She had no idea how things got so serious.
He continued grabbing things, avoiding her completely as he started cooking. Madison walked over, sitting on the stool next to me. "Sorry," she whispered. "I'm guessing you told him."
Drew turned now. "Yes, and I would really appreciate it if you can just lay off the jokes for a while," He scathed.
"Really, I am okay." I interjected, but Madison snapped back.
"Hey, how was I supposed to know? Some of us have done our best to try to help her forget and move past it."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" He slammed the pan down on the counter.
"You claim to be such a good friend to her and you didn't even know." She said flippantly.
The room felt silent. Drew's eyes fell to the floor, then he turned back to the stove, silent. Madison stood. "I have an event, I have to get going, gotta keep food on the table."
"Right, an event," He spat, angry still.
She stood, looking his direction for a moment. For once, she didn't have a comeback; instead, she just bolted out of the room. He stewed for a moment. "Sorry, I know she's your friend."
"It's okay. It's still fresh for you." I paused, waiting to see if he had reacted. This was really eating away at him. I knew it. "Maybe you should go home, take some time to process before we--"
"I'm not going to run away and just pretend you're not hurting. All this time, I was blind. I knew you were struggling, but I never understood how deep it really was. I feel like a fool." He stirred a pot, not turning to look at me.
He had every right to be upset. After all this time, I should have told him. I just assumed he knew, and he was trying to help me forget... It never crossed my mind that he had no clue. "I should have told you a long time ago." I said, trying to find an apology.
"No, I should have known. I should have seen it." He turned to me finally. His face was red. "How could I fall in love with someone and not even know they're in pain?" His words shook me. The shock must have been on my face, as he quickly turned away again. "I mean, how can I call myself your friend if you can't share things with me?"
We sat silently for a few minutes, as he kept himself busy at the stove. He was in love with me? I understand he is attracted to me, but love? That's awfully strong, seeing as how we barely shared a kiss...
"Let's eat," He said, laying out the plates of food. Drew was a skilled cook. He made a simple breakfast: fruit, boiled eggs and hard cheeses. He slid the plate towards me, sitting at the seat across from me. We sat there silently, awkwardly, for the entire meal. No childish banter, no deep conversations, just deafening silence.
I picked through the food, eating just a bit as he devoured his plate. My stomach turned, focusing on the change in our relationship. Just days ago, he was the only person I really felt comfortable with, and now I could feel him pulling away.
I stood, taking my plate to the sink, putting the leftovers down at the disposal. He was behind me when I turned. "I'm sorry, but did you just throw that food away?" He asked, very seriously.
"Yeah, I don't have much of an appetite." I said mousy.
He shook his head now. "Damn, what happened to offering to me before you did that? I worked hard on that food, and I'm still hungry." His brow furrowed.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just..."
He burst out laughing, leaning in close, placing his plate in the sink. "I'm just messing with you. Lighten up a bit." His gorgeous smile spread across his face, sending a little shock through my body. He placed his hand on mine, leaning in for a kiss. When his lips touched mine, I felt instantly sick, this feeling of dread over-taking me. I couldn't let on, instead I just kissed him back, letting him pull me into a hug.
Why did I feel this way? What was this fear that kept haunting me?
I wanted this with him. I wanted to be happy. But something was holding me back, keeping me from taking the next step. He was kind about it. We spent our time doing my endurance exercises, with slight breaks of smiles and kisses, but I spent the afternoon on edge, waiting for everything to explode.