Emerald's POV-
I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up, but I knew the sun wasn't up yet because the room was still dark. August's chest was vibrating against my cheek from him snoring. He had a tight hold on me and was starting to make me feel claustrophobic. I stayed still though in his lap and just kept staring at Helen laying in her bed.
I could see good in the dark and I could see her face and her long dark hair that was peppered with grey streaks. Her face looked calm and peaceful, but there were no chest movements showing any sign of breathing. The only hearts beating in the room were my own and August's.
And just like that I am alone.
Not literally, but in a way I'm alone now. That's it for me as far as family goes. I will never eat another home cooked meal from her. I will never hear her scold me over my hair or my excessive need to take off and hide away from everyone. I will never get to braid her hair again or hear her go on about her loyalty to the moon goddess and I will never get the option to call anyone mom again.
It just all went by too fast. I can remember being younger and thinking that me and Helen were going to just live out the rest of our lives together. I was aware of death obviously, but for whatever reason in my child mind it just never occurred to me that it would happen to Helen. Life with her just flew right by me and I couldn't even see it before it was too late.
I shouldn't keep feeling so sorry for myself. She is August's aunt. She is his actual family. They share blood and have a connection that I'll never know about. She was his last family member and he has more of a right to be upset then I do. He has lost all of his family and I can't imagine how much harder that must be compared to my own situation.
Sure I have no parents either, but you can't miss what you never had. He knew his parents, he remembers them. He even has a picture of them. I haven't got the slightest clue what my mother would look like or my dad. Did I get my hair from my mother and my need for an adrenaline rush from my father? Or did I get her brown eyes and his stubborn personality?
I'll never know, but August knows exactly about his origin and where his features come from. Even if he doesn't have his parents he still has people in his life who knew them and even that alone is more then what I have. It must be painful to have something and then lose it, rather then just always being without.
I wonder how much longer he planned on staying. The blue moon would be here soon and I'm sure he would have to go back home before then. A part of me wishes I could go with him. He did say I was always welcomed there, but after all the drama I caused at that party I am way too embarrassed to ask. He's basically made sure I was taken care of from the moment he found me, but now that I'm practically an adult there's really no reason for him to do that anymore.
I'll figure something out for myself.
August's hold on me suddenly tightened and I had to gasp to get air in. His snoring stopped and I felt him loosen his grip.
"Sorry." He said through a yawn and then laid his head on top of mine.
I didn't say anything and just kept my eyes on Helen's still body. Despite him now being awake August still held me and after a minute he started running his fingers in my hair and scratching my scalp. I closed my eyes because it felt so nice, but then I could feel him take in a deep breath as he leaned in nose down into my tangled bird's nest.
Why is he smelling me like that ?
I opened my eyes and started to try and sit up to get out of his lap, but then his arms tighten back around me like a boa constrictor and forced me to lay back on his chest.
"I'm not ready yet." He said to me lowly and goosebumps went down my arms and legs.
I wasn't sure if he was talking about letting me up or if he just meant he wasn't ready to leave Helen and start making calls and arrangements for her. I am sure the grief he feels is hard for him, so I stayed still like he wanted even though he was crushing me.
"I'm so sorry my sweet girl. She wouldn't want to see you upset about her. She's with the moon goddess just like she's always wanted." He said to me calmly as he rubbed his hand up and down my back.
I ignored the pet name and chocked it up to him feeling sorry for me while I'm busy feeling sorry for him. I didn't like that he brought up the moon goddess. I was never one to believe in religions, but I hoped for Helen's sake that she really was in a better place.
"Im sorry too August. I know how much you loved her." I said back to him without looking up from his chest.
"Mmm yes, but I still love her. Just because she's gone doesn't mean your love for her goes away. Not even death can stop love." He said back to me making his chest vibrate against my cheek again.
Not even death can stop love. Does that mean that if I had loved her properly the way she deserved that I could've stopped this? Probably not. Death is inevitable. It can happen at anytime to anyone with no warning sometimes. I was thankful that I was given the warning and had been able to take care of her for a little while like she had done for me.
I tried a second time to get up, but this time I couldn't even get my head to raise off his chest before he placed his large hand on my head to keep me still. I let out an annoyed breath through my nose.
"August you have to let me go." I said to him half smiling because I can't tell if he's playing or just being stubborn.
"No." He said to me in a much darker tone then before.
I tried to push myself against him, but I couldn't get my body to budge from his hold on me. What is wrong with him?
"August seriously you have to let me go."
He let out a low growl that rang in my ear from being pushed up against his chest and I stilled my movements. August didn't say anything else and just continued to hold me in this death grip. My bladder was full and the way he was squeezing me around my waist was putting pressure on me to go.
"August I have to go to the bathroom." I said to him feeling embarrassed and annoyed.
"Mmm hold it." He said and I could feel him taking in more deep breaths every time he dropped his face somewhere different into my hair.
I scoffed and then started to try and wiggle away from him.
"I'm going to piss myself if you don't let me go."
He chuckled deeply and finally started to loosen his grip on me. I sat up from him and gave him a mean look.
"It wouldn't be the first time." He said to me with a sly grin.
My mouth dropped open because I knew immediately what he was referring too. I stood up from his lap, but he was quick to wrap his arms back around me and pulled me back.
"August what is with you?" I snapped at him.
I was honestly getting more and more frustrated with the way he was acting.
He stopped his hands and looked at me with an expression I couldn't read. He took his hands back from around me and brushed his messy silver hair back.
"Nothing.. sorry." He muttered under his breath.
I felt guilty now for snapping at him on a day like today and pushed my fingers through his hair for him.
"It's okay I know it's because you're upset. I'm sorry I'll make us breakfast and if you don't mind calling Alpha Paul for me that would be nice." I said to him.
He was staring back at me intently and leaned more into my touch and just nodded his head to me. I gave him a small smile and took my hand back from his hair and stood up from his lap. I took another glance at Helen before I finally left the room and went upstairs to my own.
My house was crowded with people from my pack. There were people I went to school with and their parents to Alpha Paul and his Luna and their three boys, people from work, and anyone who was close friends with Helen which is apparently almost everyone.
Everyone was coming by to pay their respects and say their sorry's and condolences. I have probably gotten over a hundred hugs and sympathetic looks at this point. I had my hair pulled up into a bun that I tried to make look as neat as possible. I wore light makeup and had on a grey pencil skirt and black button up top that had the sleeves rolled up. I wore my silver moon necklace that Helen had give to me when I graduated and tried to force a smile and a 'thank you for coming' to every person who stopped to talk to me.
I felt his eyes on me the entire time. August had been acting different since this morning and I've been trying to convince myself it's because of Helen, but I'm starting to think differently. Whenever I got ready and came out of my room he was already standing on the other side of the door waiting for me. He hovered over me the entire time I cooked us breakfast and tried to get me to sit in his lap again while we ate. Even when I was cleaning up the dishes he was right there behind me just watching me.
I haven't said a word to him since people started showing up and I've forced myself to not look his way either. Not that I didn't like the extra attention he was giving me or anything, but it wasn't needed. I don't know if he was worried that I'd be distraught over Helen's passing or if he was just trying to be there for me, but either way it wasn't necessary at all. I have known she was going to go soon for months so I have been preparing for this day for a while now.
It was nerve wracking feeling his stare on me all day and even harder to ignore. It wasn't until I spotted Jody walk in that I felt more relaxed. I went to go meet him and he gave me those pity eyes that everyone else has been giving me and brought me close to him and hugged me tightly.
"I'm sorry baby girl. She's in a better place now."
That's another thing that people have been saying to me all day. If everyone is so sure there's a better place on the other side then how come hoards of people aren't killings themselves to get to it?
"Yeah thanks for coming Jody. I really need more friends like you."
I did need a friend right now. Someone who wasn't biased and would be honest with me and not just tell me something I want to hear and that's the kind of person Jody is.
He smiled down at me.
"Well I'm one of a kind, so good luck finding another one like me." He said and I laughed.
Jody looked over my head a minute and took his arms back from around me before saying he needed to go use the bathroom and quickly walked away from me.
Uhm. Okay?
I furrowed my brows and turned around to see August standing near the other side of the living room staring at me. He had on black slacks and grey button up shirt that clung to him tightly. His arms were crossed over his chest and the blue in his right eye wasn't there and it was just black and white eyes looking back at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a weird look.
What's wrong with him now?
I can't deal with these people and his weird mood swings at once. I looked away from him and made my way through the people in my living room and into the kitchen. Luckily plenty of the wives brought over food so there were several dishes of different foods set out. I wasn't hungry though and walked through the kitchen until I made my way to the back door and to the back yard.
Alpha Paul was out here talking to his youngest son Zack. He was around fourteen or fifteen now, but he was the spitting image of his father.
"Hey Em, how are you holding up?" Alpha Paul asked me as I made my way to meet them.
"As good as can be expected I guess." I said back to him with a small smile.
He nodded to me and then shot his son a look. He didn't say anything, but I could tell they were mind-linking and soon Zack left us and went back inside.
"Come on Emerald let's have a talk." He said to me and we both started walking down the small path that led out to the open field where I usually run.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him curiously.
"I just want to know how you're feeling. I know there's a lot going on right now for you between this and August. It's a lot of change to handle all at once." He said to me as we walked side by side.
I stopped walking and he looked back at me.
"What are you talking about? What does August have to do with it?"
He gave me a puzzled look for a second.
"August hasn't told you?"He asked me and now I really felt confused.
"Told me what?"
He gave me an even more confused face then I was giving him.
"He hasn't mentioned anything to you about.."
He was looking at me sternly for a minute and was about to continue, but then his eyes went above my head and I turned around to see August walking towards us.
"I'll leave you two to talk." Alpha Paul said and I looked up at him shocked and watched him walk back the way we came and towards my house.
I turned back to August and he like always was already looking at me.
"Are you supposed to tell me something?" I asked him hoping for an actual answer this time.
He had a serious look on his face and grabbed my hand and held it in his and started to pull me down the trail again.
Anytime I tried to take my hand back he'd squeeze it harder and I groaned in annoyance and gave up trying to get free as he continued pulling me down the dirt path without a word.