Emerald's POV-
When I got out of the shower Jody was waiting for me on my bed with his arms behind his head and his legs crossed. I only had a towel on when I came out and just like every other male Jody had no scent, so I basically almost had a heart attack when I came out.
"Don't worry I'm not looking at your lady bits." He said and kept his eyes on the ceiling.
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my same pajamas I just had on and went back into the bathroom to change. I threw the towel over my head and tried to dry as much water out of my curls as I could before going back and sitting on the bed next to Jody.
"I'm surprised he let you in here." I said and then snuck a glance at the bottom of my door to see if his shadow was there or not.
It wasn't.
"It was his idea actually." He said making me turn my head back to look at him.
"If he thinks he can just use you to get back on my good side he's got another thing coming."
Jody chuckled and then sat up some and propped his head up with his elbow.
"So spill the tea bitch." He said to me grinning.
I huffed and laid down flat on the bed while looking at the smooth ceiling above me.
"He kissed me." I grumbled lowly.
Jody gasped and put his hand on his chest to give a dramatic shocked expression. I slapped his chest and he laughed at me.
"So what? He's your mate he's suppose to kiss you." He said making me drop any smile I might've had on.
"You don't know that for sure and neither does he! And it wasn't just a kiss it's the fact that he didn't even ask to kiss me he just did. Even when I wanted him to stop he just wouldn't Jody. August has never been like that with me before and it's not like him to act that way." I explained to him and he dropped his smile too.
"Em he can't help it and honestly I'm surprised he hasn't just went ahead and marked you already." He said as if marking me was no big deal at all.
Like it wasn't a life altering thing that could happen to me.
"I will never let him mark me Jody."
He gave me a serious look for a minute, but then laid flat like me and looked up at the ceiling with me.
"You can't control everything Em. I know you think you can, but you can't. You have got to relax and just let life happen sometimes." He said and took my hand in his and interlocked our fingers.
"How can I relax when my entire world is fixing to change? If he marks me then I won't be me anymore. I'll be some love struck idiot who just thinks she's in love when really it's all just these involuntary fabricated feelings." I said to him while turning away from the ceiling and to his face.
Jody was a good looking boy despite how feminine he can be sometimes. His blonde hair was cut short and shaved down. He had warm brown eyes and even though he was a tall and lanky his jawline was sharp and the couple freckles he had on his nose and cheeks were cute. He wasn't the type of guy I would normally like because I obviously have a type, but something about Jody has always just made me feel relaxed.
"Jody?"
He looked away from the ceiling and to me.
"What happens if you mark someone who's not your mate?" I asked him and he raised one eyebrow up at me.
"Uh. Pretty sure it'll hurt your actual mate, but it's not going to form that mate bond with them if that's what you're thinking. That can only happen with your mate, so you'd basically be marking someone for no reason." He said to me and I nodded my head and looked back up to the ceiling.
"So what are you going to do?" He asked me and I tried to decide if I should be honest with him or not.
"I'm going to leave." I said not looking up to see his face that I know is looking at me.
"Em I don't think leaving is the right way to go about this."
"Jody I can't do this. I can't just hand over my free will like that, you don't understand." I said to him as I tried not to let the memories of Scout come to the surface.
"Oh why? Because I don't have a mate I can't understand? Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know what I would give to find my mate? I don't even know if the moon goddess makes mates for people like me." He said to me snappily and I felt guilty immediately.
I sat up some and looked at Jody with an apologetic look.
"Don't say that. Of course you have a mate and you will find him. I'm sorry I'm not trying to seem ungrateful it's just that.. I just.. I had some bad.. experiences when I was much younger and having some guy who thinks they own you is.. it's fucking awful." I said the last part quietly before looking away.
I sat up fully and Jody scratched my back a little before saying anything back.
"It's not ownership Em. It's a partnership that is for life. Yes, in a way he does have a claim to you, but you have just as much of a claim to him. So really if you think about it you both have co-ownership over each other." He explained poorly to me with a smile as if what he said was sweet instead of morally wrong.
"Jody that's terrible! I'm not some piece of property. I don't want to 'own' him and I damn sure don't want him to 'own' me. I'm better off just leaving I think."
Our talk got cut short once I heard the sound of August's foot steps on the stairs. I immediately jumped out of the bed and ran into my bathroom before shutting the door and locking it.
"I'll see you tonight Em. Try and relax like I said okay?" I heard Jody say to the bathroom door between us before I could hear him walking out of my room and closing the door behind him.
When I didn't hear anyone come to my door I decided to get ready and dressed for tonight since we'd be leaving soon I'm sure. I wasn't ready to face August, but at least we will be around other people and I don't have to be completely alone with him.
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place it seemed. I don't want to be anyones mate, but if I reject August then I guess we both die. How convenient is that? Not that I ever would reject him. I don't want to hurt August's feelings and I know how much this mate stuff means to him, but this is my life too and I should get a say so in what happens with it.
He's been acting so unpredictable that I don't even know how I'm suppose to act anymore around him now. I can't be playful or harmlessly flirt now because now it means something. I can't keep being hateful towards him either though. As much as I hate to admit it, Jody is right. He can't help it and I'm sure the blue moon is making it even more difficult for him.
I found myself constantly biting or rubbing my lips together. No matter what, all I feel are his rough lips over mine and feeling how badly he wanted me. I didn't hate it. I cried and It broke my heart in a way because of how he went about it, but I didn't hate the kiss. I hated that I loved the kiss and that I loved feeling him on top of me.
I hate myself. Im too stupid to decide what I want to do. I don't want to just hand myself over just because someone says I have to. At the same time I'm curious as to what our relationship would be like if we were mates. Would we go back to his home together? Would he let me come back here when I wanted? Would he be more like himself if I cooperated with him or is this just how it's going to be with him now?
Just a constant give and take battle with him.
I got dressed in the only black dress I owned. I wore my moon necklace and kept my hair down. I was worried now that if I wear my hair up that my neck will be better exposed for August and I don't want that. What if he doesn't even wait to find out for sure and marks me before the blue moon?
I'll burn him alive just like he asked that's what.
I could hear August coming up the stairs and before he could open my door I did for him.
He looked at me up and down and gave me the sweetest smile.
"You look beautiful Emerald."
Any other time I would've enjoyed his compliment and maybe even blushed, but not now. He went to reach from me but I took a step back and put my hand up to stop him.
"I know." I said back curtly and slid past him to walk back down the stairs.
As I'm sure you know he followed right behind me and into the kitchen. He sat down at the bar counter and kept my back to him as I made some coffee for myself.
"I'm sorry Emerald okay? I'm so sorry that I did that to you. I should've stopped and I'm sorry." He said to me, but I didn't turn around.
He was not sorry in the least bit. He's sorry that I didn't swoon over him pawing at me like that.
"You're lying." I said lowly.
"I'm n.."
"Yes you are!" I yelled at him after slamming my hand down on the counter to stop him from continuing to lie.
"You're not sorry at all August and even if you wanted to be sorry you couldn't be, so stop trying to bullshit me okay?" I said making sure to look him right in the eyes.
I could see the flash of hurt on his face, but he covered it when he went to argue back.
"What is it that you want me to do? You want me to just leave and go back home and act like we aren't mates? Act like I didn't find my packs Luna and just go on through life without you?"
I felt something painful when he said this. It was weird like a lightning rod shooting through my chest, but I didn't let it show.
"Yes. That's exactly what I want." I said trying to sound like I mean it.
"You're lying."
I squinted my eyes at him. He's always copying me and throwing my own words back in my face. It's annoying.
"Stop trying to bullshit me and tell me what it is that you want." His voice came out two decimals lower then before and it sent goosebumps down my arms and legs.
I looked away from him feeling like I couldn't mask right now when he's doing that. I could sense him getting up from his seat and walking closer to me, so of course I backed away. Until there was no more free space to walk back into and I ended up with my back to a counter top.
August placed both hands on the counter, caging me in and I made sure not to look him in the eyes.
"What do you want?" He asked me in a softer tone.
He can make my heart flutter with just his tone of voice or the way he talks to me. I don't understand how when I haven't been marked yet. Does that mean that feeling is real or is it still just the mate stuff somehow?
He put his rough fingers under my chin to make me look at him.
August is the most handsome man I've ever seen before I think. He has a strong jaw and the dark scruff on his face makes him seem even more manly. He's huge compared to me. His frame towers over mine and being in between his large arms makes me feel too small. His eyes. I wish I wasn't so angry with him so I could just stare into his eyes for hours.
Weak. That's how he makes me feel.
"I don't know." I said to him honestly.
"Do you trust me?" He asked me and I know I probably should've told the truth, but I couldn't.
He's gorgeous and kind and gentle and has never done anything but make sure that I am safe and secure. He's too good for me and I can't do all that for him. Even with Keith I was not the greatest girlfriend. If we weren't making out then I really was just bored being with him. Not to mention I tend to have a wondering eye if you know what I mean.
I don't know how to get my emotions involved with someone like that. August is open for the most part, but if he marks me then he'll have unlimited access to every thought, memory, and emotion that I have and I can't stand that thought.
"I used to." I said to him even though it was painful to say. Literally that shooting lighting strike hit my chest hard.
He took a step back from me and gave me that same look that night of the party. Like he didn't know who I was. Like he couldn't recognize me.
"Don't say that please." He said to me and my eyes went wide when I could hear the shakiness in his voice.
I bit my tongue to keep it from saying anything else, but the longer August looked at me the more the blue in his eye was swallowed by black. He moved right at me and the next thing I knew August had me sitting on the counter top and his arms wrapped around mine to keep me from fighting. He leaned his forehead on mine and I kept my eyes shut because I knew what he was trying to do.
"I will never leave you, no matter how many hateful things come out of that little mouth of yours." He said to me huskily in that deep raspy voice.
I squeezed my legs together tighter from feeling slightly warm down there all of a sudden and gripped the edge of the counter top hard. I still refused to look at him though. He moved his head from mine and I could feel the prickles from his facial hair on my cheek and his warm breath fanning my ear.
"What's the matter little girl hm? Did I say something you liked hearing?" He asked making sure to continue using that same enchanting tone.
I felt the goosebumps go to my arms, but this dress didn't have sleeves so when August started to drag his fingers over them I knew he had noticed. I hated that my body was betraying my mind and that August was able to read me like a book.
"Mmm don't move." He commanded and gripped both my wrists to keep them still against the counter top.
I squeezed my thighs together again and I could feel Anala purring and needing her claws. I let out a small whimper for him to stop, but it only made him chuckle darkly into my ear.
"That isn't going to work every time." He said before pulling back from me and kissing my forehead.
"But I will behave because what I did earlier was wrong and I really am sorry about it." He said in his normal voice and I opened my eyes to see his.
I just slowly nodded my head to him and he grabbed a strand of my hair in his hand and tugged on it slightly.
"We need to leave. It's time." He said to me and I didn't know if I should've felt relief or more stress.