Emerald's POV-
August and I walked since I decided it might be inappropriate to show up on a loud motorcycle. We didn't talk most of the walk which I was glad about. I think even he knew that it was time to put everything else to the side to get through this ceremony.
I looked up to see the moon. It was more full tonight and seeing it made Anala yip and pace. After tomorrow night it will be completely full and will cast blue glow down that turns Alpha's into mindless bounty hunters with only one thing on their mind. Mates. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do. I can't think of a way to get out of this besides just running away.
I was secretly scared to run away and go somewhere that I don't know anyone. How will I know who to trust and who not to? How will I know who's out to hurt me and who's not? The only education I have is high school so I won't be getting any high paying jobs no matter where I go, but I can make it work. It's just me to worry about anyway. I don't eat much when it comes to regular food and can rely on hunting. If I haven't found a place to stay for a while I can always just stay in my wolf form and sleep in the woods.
I don't want to lose myself again though. That first time I shifted had left large holes of missing information. Time. Memories. Even self awareness. It only comes in fast blurs or short flashes of a scene, but nothing that could tell me how long I had actually been in my wolf form. I made a guess that I probably was out in the woods for a few months, but anything before that is just in that pen or on that metal table.
Would life be so awful as August's mate? I like where he's from and the people there. I find him very attractive and like I've said a million times he's never done anything to make me not trust him. I'm just not use to having this type of attention from him or anyone else like him for that matter. It's different around an Alpha because you can feel how much more they are then you. You can feel that authority and that power they give off, so it's even hard to rebel against them. And to have someone like that who wants me is intimidating to say the least.
I feel immature and inexperienced when I'm around him. Even though I've lived a very tiny bit of regular life now he has years of life experience over me and I just don't feel like we are on the same level. If there was no mate bond what would me and him even have in common besides our eyes and an enemy?
If he had came and never suspected me as his mate would he have still tried to pursue anything with me? Or did he only do it because he thought I was his Luna? I wanted to ask him, but let's all just be honest with ourselves. No man is going to say the God's honest truth to questions like these.
Even a man like August.
I guess I will never know now. I don't know much about love and I don't claim to either, but I will never be convinced that this relationship is based on that. It's based on instinctual need and it's not even my need it's his. I still don't feel any pull to him, no smell, no butterflies, no sparks.
He's just a good looking older man, who is nice, but I've seen how females are over there mates and this isn't it. I can't believe he wants to turn me into one of those girls. It's humiliating as a woman for me to just submit to that and go along with it.
What's worse is that my other half has been elated over the situation. It's like all those years of her having to suffer through me being with Keith are coming back on me and now it's reversed. Now I know how she felt.
'If he makes me happy then he can make you happy.' She said to me almost sounding like she was trying to cheer me up.
'But how come that doesn't work the other way around? I was happy with Keith in the beginning, but you never were.' I replied back to her.
'Were you happy with Keith? Or were you just happy he wasn't your mate?' She asked me in a serious voice.
'Both.' I said and rolled my eyes.
'You were happy because you knew there was no real commitment therefore you couldn't get hurt.' She argued back in her usual calloused tone.
I let out a low growl at her in annoyance and we both decided to agree to disagree.
"What's wrong?"
I looked up to see August looking at me while we continued walking towards the town hall area.
"Everything." I muttered after turning my head back down to the sidewalk.
"There's still a chance." He said lowly to me and I stopped walking to look at him.
"What?"
He turned around and looked at me and even though it was night time the moon shed enough light for me to see his features clearly.
"There's still a chance that you're not my Luna."
I wanted to find any form of comfort in his words, but all I felt was electrical shocks to the chest. I could see that it hurt him too just to say it because he never masks his emotions from me.
"You're just saying that." I said back to him.
He gave me a small smile and took my hand in his to interlock our fingers.
"Let's just call a truce. Right now we aren't possible mates we're just August and Emerald going to go say goodbye to an amazing woman that we both love very much." He said to me and squeezed my hand tighter.
I wanted to hold on to my anger more and hold my ground. If you give a man an inch he'll take a mile and I didn't want to be tricked. But I couldn't hold back the small smile I gave him before he pulled me along back down the sidewalk. His hand was much bigger then mine and rough from years of manual labor. He would trace small circles with his thumb every once in a while, but when I could see the small group of people standing around a large fire pit.
I tried to drop August's hand when we got close enough for people to see us, but that didn't happen because he has a vice grip on me.
Everyone was standing near a giant fire pit.
It was stacked with large black stones in a large circle and inside the circle of stones were multiple pieces of chopped wood and the ground around the fire pit was decorated with wild flowers and pine straw. On top of the wood though was a makeshift stretcher made out of bamboo wood and on top of that was Helen's body. It was wrapped in all white sheets or blankets.
Alpha Paul and his family were here along with a few familiar faces that Helen was close friends with and Jody. The ceremony was only meant for close friends and family, but Jody was nice enough to come just for me and I felt even more grateful for his friendship. I tried to shake off August's hand again and this time he allowed it.
I walked over and said my hello's and thank you for coming's and then went to meet Alpha Paul.
"Hey, thank you for taking care of all of this. I really appreciate it." I said to him.
He hugged me and I hugged him back and when he let me go he smiled down to me.
"Helen was such a special person to so many people, but I think the best thing she ever did was convince me to allow you to come here. I'm so glad I agreed and that I got to watch her raise you up to be the woman you are today."
His words made me want to shed tears almost, but I swallowed that feeling and just smiled bigger at him.
"Thank you I don't know who I'd be if it wasn't for her." I said even though it felt like I was lying. I wasn't really sure still who I was.
I hugged my Luna who also had blonde hair and shiny blue eyes and said my hello's to there three kids before finally making my way to Jody. He was wearing a nice black button up shirt and black slacks and to my surprise he took all of his earrings out and even his nose piercing was missing.
"Hey." I said to him before giving him a hug.
He only hugged me briefly before he bent down and whispered something in my ear.
"You're not suppose to wear jewelry to these things." He informed me and my hand went straight to my moon necklace.
I nodded my head to him and quickly unhooked it and just held in my hands to hide instead. Everyone was making small talk, but eventually Alpha Paul spoke to let everyone know we were staring. Everyone made their way to the fire pit and we all formed a circle around it.
"Tonight we are here to release Helen Gray back to the moon goddess. Helen was loved by so many people and she loved them back, but her family was what she lived for. Her nephew, Alpha August and her daughter Emerald will be the ones who ignite the flames that will free her spirit and her wolf's back to the universe so that she may finally rest in peace."
My heart was hammering in my chest and my hands were heating up, but I just clutched the necklace in my hand tighter to smother the heat. August was standing on the opposite side of the fire pit facing me and I slowly walked from my spot in the circle to where Alpha Paul was and August did the same.
Alpha Paul picked up a long stick that had dry grass and pine needles all bundled on one end. He handed it to August and then looked down at me and gave me a small nod before moving away and standing next to his wife and kids.
August grabbed my wrist because I was frozen at this point and made me walk closer to the fire pit with him. My hands were scolding hot at this point and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do this.
I looked back to Helen's covered body. I didn't understand the point of these ceremonies really. But I knew this was important for Helen and this was her core beliefs that she had tried to pass on to me. I refused them and would argue them and would even tell her that it was all just superstition or a poor explanation to explain the existence of werewolves. I had to push all those feelings and thoughts deep down and tried to stay open minded for her.
Before anything else could happen I shook August's hand from me and I bent down and picked up a few wild flowers before I walked to the fire pit and stepped onto one of the large black stones. My hands were hot, but undid them and wrapped my necklace around the flowers to keep them together like a bouquet and sat them down on her and whispering one finale goodbye.
I stepped back and stood next to August who I could feel was looking at me. Alpha Paul walked over and had a small box in his hands.
They were matches and he walked to the end of the stick that had grass and lit the match and the opposite end of the stick. I looked up at August and sure enough he was still looking at me. I took in a deep breath and grabbed the stick with him, but when I did the flames on the other end turned from fiery orange to bright green. I heard a few small gasps from some of the people, but they were hushed when Alpha Paul gave them a look.
August was still looking at me though and didn't seem to either care or notice the green flames that I had accidentally started.
"Ready?" He whispered to me and I slowly nodded my head.
We both took a few steps and held the stick down to the pile of wood and the green flames waisted no time in growing and soon the entire fire pit was lit in bright green flames. I kept my eyes on Helen's body the entire time. Even when the flames started to catch on her white sheets. Even when they started to spread over the flowers I had placed over her. Even when the only thing you could see was green fire. I just couldn't look away as my flames consumed the one person on this planet that loved me fully and unconditionally just like parents are supposed to.
I didn't even notice when me and August were the only ones left standing by the fire pit. He stood a few feet behind me, but he stayed silent as I stayed standing close to the fire getting lost in the dancing green flames.
I don't know how long he let me stand there, but eventually I could feel his heavy hands on my shoulders and I could sense him taking in my scent from the back of my head. I didn't stop him though I just kept my eyes on the flames. He moved his hands from my shoulders to my arms and then wrapped them around me and pulled me until my back was against his chest.
"Call to her." He whispered to me.
I looked up at the almost full moon and tilted my head back until it was laying on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and howled loudly. I was no longer calling to the moon though. I was calling to Helen and I howled louder and louder hoping that wherever her spirit is that she could hear me.
Then I felt August's chest vibrate against my back as he raised his head and howled along with me. His howl was booming loud in my ear and it was much deeper then my own. It didn't slow me down though and we both stayed doing this until you could hear other pack members calling too from a distance.
August stopped howling and so did I and he let me go, but still held my hand in his.
"Let's go home." He said to me and started to pull me away from the fire pit that was still burning green.
I didn't argue and forced myself to look away from the green flames and down at my feet as we walked. After a minute August let go of my hand that he was holding and grabbed my wrist instead to turn it over.
"When did you do this?" He asked me.
I looked down at my hand to see a crescent moon shape burnt into the palm of my hand that hadn't been there before.
"I must've done it by accident when I was holding it." I said to him and he looked up at me with a puzzled look.
"Can you not feel it when your skin burns?" He asked me and I shrugged my shoulders.
"Obviously not." I said with a small chuckle.
He nodded and brought my hand up and he kissed my burnt palm before holding it with his and locking our fingers back together.
We didn't talk much on the walk back and my head was busy going through all the thoughts I was having right now about Helen and the moon goddess and the afterlife.
That is until my house came into view and then it finally registered that I was fixing to be alone all night in a house with just August.