Emerald's POV-
I'm in my room hiding under my blankets as I hold myself into a ball and just try and focus on my breathing and nothing else.
In. Out. In. Out.
I don't know what happened. I don't know how I lost control like that, but it hasn't happened since that day August sent me away. I remember everything we were talking about, but I can't explain it. August said something that just flipped a switch in my brain to roll back the tapes of my early childhood.
"You are mine!"
I shivered remembering August's words.
I don't think I hurt him, but I definitely scared him. I can picture his face clearly in my mind when my feet hit the grass again. Anala had to practically force me into unconsciousness and took over. As far as I know I just walked away from him and I've been here hiding ever sense.
I couldn't hear anything from downstairs and knew that most of the people had probably left. Tonight would be extremely difficult. We would have to finish making preparations for Helen's body and I'm sure she wanted a traditional ceremony. One that I wasn't ready to witness, but would have to.
I wasn't sure if Alpha Paul was still here or not, but one thing I know for a fact is that August is still here. I can hear him anytime he walks up the stairs and walks right to my bedroom door. He never knocks and never says anything and then eventually he just goes back down the stairs again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at August in the face let alone talk to him again.
'You can't ignore our mate.' Anala said sternly.
'You are worse then he is. He is not our mate, you and Zeb just think we were because you're both dumb animals." I said back to her angrily.
Anala was beginning to get on my nerves with how much she enjoyed the idea of being a Luna and having a mate. I don't want that. Not because of August, but just in general I don't want that at all. To be fair I'm not sure what I want as far as what to do with my life, but I can tell you it's not that.
Me being his mate isn't even a for sure thing, so I don't know why I'm so worried about it. He could still be wrong. I could still be someone else's mate or I might even just be defected. I can't smell, not because I'm a Luna, but because I've been genetically altered in many ways. That's the only thing that makes since to me anyway. Anything makes more sense then me being mated to August.
It made me want to pick a part every little interaction we've ever had just so I could see if there was something I missed. I can remember the very first time I saw him when I was fully conscious and I was strapped to that hospital bed. At first I thought he was a human like Scout, but when I saw his eyes I could see he was like me. Not me like a werewolf too, I just mean he was like me. Altered. His eyes were forced to be the way they are and so were mine.
That doesn't make us mates though.
In fact, none of his explanations make us mates. Not whatever he 'feels'. Not because Helen said so. And not because I might be a Luna. Non of those things guarantee that I'm supposedly his mate.
I was nauseated thinking about the blue moon being so close now. What if I was his mate? He's already convinced I am which means he's not going to go back home before the moon. He's going to stay here where I am. If I am his mate and that moonlight hits he's going to mark me. Even if he didn't want to it doesn't matter Zeb will mark me and Anala will let him.
I quickly sat up in bed and pulled my blankets down and looked around my empty room for a minute. Like I said, who needs all that stuff anyway? If you ever need to take off on last minute the minimalist life style is for you.
I need to take off. I need to leave and get far far away from here and him. I can't let him mark me. Even if I was his mate I can't just let someone do that to me. I care about August and I always will because of what he's done for me, but that does not entitle him to me for life.
I can't leave yet though. Not until after the ceremony is finished. Then I can leave right afterwards, but where should I go? I don't know anywhere else besides here and August's pack. I guess it doesn't really matter where, as long as it's far away that's all that really mattered.
I laid back down on my pillow and snuggled up in my blanket again. I tried to come up with a plan and steps to take in order to skip town and leave without August knowing, at least long enough for me to put some good distance between us. I'd also have to stop using my fire for the time being. He always seems to be able to smell it and I need to mask my scent as much as I can.
The more I thought about it the more complicated I realized it would be to try and run from an Alpha like August. He said so himself he's been waiting a long time for his Luna and if he thinks I'm her then I'm sure he's going to make it hard for to get too far from him. What if I wasn't his mate? Would he still mark me anyway because I'm a Luna? Is that allowed ? I wish I had payed more attention in school about it. Who knew I was actually going to need that information?
I hear his steps coming back up the stairs again and I quickly hide under the blankets again and crush myself into the fetal position and try and be as still as possible. I can hear him walking to my door and then the footsteps stop.
Please just go away. Go back downstairs.
I hear the door open and I instantly tighten my hold on my legs and shut my eyes closed.
"Emerald."
I let out a low growl from my chest to warn him to back off.
He did not.
I could feel the bed dip down when he sat on the edge and I scooted away from him until I was on the other side and still fully under the blankets.
"I know you're mad at me and I don't blame you for that, but please don't hate me for something I have no control over." He said to me, but I didn't reply.
Even though I couldn't see him I knew he was probably running his hands through his hair like he always does when he's stressed.
"Does being with me sound that awful to you?" He asked in a harsh tone making my face and hands heat up in anger.
I sat up in bed and pulled the blanket down from over my face. My frizzy hair was no longer in a bun and fell down around my face and shoulders. I was back in my pajamas from last night and i made sure to give August my favorite blank face.
"Yes." I said back to him but this only made him scoff.
"You're lying."
"I'm not." I said back automatically.
He hardened his eyes at me for a minute, but then he started to try and scoot closer to me and that's when my eyes went wide and my mask fell.
"Don't August!" I yelled at him, but he was quick to crawl to me and wrap his arms around me tightly.
I thrashed around and pulled back from him, but it was pointless. August was just too big and too strong to fight back against especially in a human body. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him until my hands were pushed up to his chest and our noses almost grazed one another's.
I moved my hands to find any bare skin of his and when I wrapped my hand over his bicep I tried to burn him. I did burn him. I know I was burning him, but August just took it. He didn't flinch and he didn't move back. He just stayed staring at me and let me cook his arm.
I let out an annoyed sigh and took my hand back. There was now a burnt hand print on his arm and even though he'd heal fast it still didn't mean it wouldn't be painful until then.
"Burn me all you want Emerald. I will always crave your fire." He said lowly to me never taking his eyes from mine.
I stayed staring back at him in shock.
I wasn't sure what to say to him.
He leaned his forehead to mine and we stayed way too close to each other just staring. Our noses were touching slightly and I could feel his breath fan my lips.
'Kiss him!' Anala demanded, but her voice broke me out of the spell I was in and I tried to pull my head back from August.
He let out a low warning growl in the same way I did earlier, but he did let me put some space between us. He still had his arms wrapped around me and my chest and arms were up against his. We both just laid there together staring at one another.
That is until August tried to lean in and kiss me.
"Absolutely not." I said to him and pushed his chest back.
He growled at me again and I could feel the vibrations rattling from his chest and to my hands.
"Why are you being so stubborn?"
"Me? You're the one being stubborn August. You've waited this long just to make a random guess at who your mate is? Don't you want to make sure before you make a mistake?"
He softened his face up a bit and moved his hand up and started moving my frizzy hair from my face and neck.
"Kissing you could never be a mistake even if I was wrong, which I'm not."
I could feel him moving his face closer to mine again.
"I don't want to hurt you." I whispered feeling my hands heat up.
"You could burn me alive if you wanted and my ashes would still beg for more."
Before I could respond he crashed his lips over mine and growled so hard it sent ripples down my throat. His lips were soft, but rough at the same time. He kissed me gently at first, but soon his kisses became hungrier and I could feel myself pull him closer as I opened my mouth for him and he devoured it with his.
I was feeling so much at once and I couldn't think about any of it in this moment. I didn't want to kiss August, but now that I am I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to have a mate or to be marked or to be a Luna, but my instincts wouldn't let me pull back from him. His hands were tangled in my hair and soon his kisses started to slow down and I could feel his beautiful smile on my mouth.
He broke our kiss and then planted his lips to my forehead before leaning his against it and staring back into me.
"Mine." He whispered to me.
I shook my head no at him, but that only drove him into rolling over on top of me. He made sure he had his hands planted firmly down on mine and keeping them still and began kissing me again.
Roughly. Sloppy. Needy.
And every time I tried to move my head or break our kiss or even hold back he would push more of his weight on top of me forcing me to open my mouth to get in air. I never got any though unless it was from him.
He wouldn't stop even when I started to whine.
Even when the tears started to stream down my cheeks.
Even when my body wanted to cooperate with me and push him away.
Even when my own instincts wanted him to stop.
He didn't.