I entered my hostel on time. It was already dark outside. I called him to inform I reached hostel without any problem. Then I informed my mom also texted my boyfriend that I reached hostel.
Ofcourse my mom asked me a lot of questions like where I went , with whom, whose birthday it was she also asked me to send pictures of us. I did answer her questions and also send her pictures.
After my usual prayer , I was talking to my roommate about drama and college and classes when I got a call from my boyfriend. Ofcourse I received.
We were talking about how and when he will come to see me. We had to book tickets for him. So he took one of his friends on conference with us who is studying B. Pharm one of the colleges of Bangalore. Even if i despised the idea of him being here , I know I couldn't stop him without a actual reason which has to be related to him because he doesn't really understand or ever try to understand my problem as it is not even a problem for him. Right now I had no such reason to say. So I just went with the flow.
I called the agency which books tickets for me. His friend also called one more agency he knew. We ourselves were checking in online for tickets. Finally we decided to book a train ticket for him which was one month later. So I transferred the money to his friend who was booking the ticket for him.
After all of these , I was irritated and scared and guilty for Allah knows why. But there was only one word to all my emotions or to be more specific there is only one name coming to mind .
I had this urgent need to talk to him. To listen to him and wanted him to listen to me. I wanted to tell him my insecurity, my feelings and my guilt and that I was sorry for doing this to me and maybe him. I don't know why I was so sure.
I had three relationships in my past and my current boyfriend is my fourth boyfriend. But I have never felt this way for anyone. I never even felt pity nor anything. They didn't even come to my mind unless we were in official relationship. But this guy..... I know I felt different for him. I also know he is different. None like I met in my past. He keeps coming into my mind so much that I need to push him out of my mind to even concentrate in my classes. I need to control the uncontrollable smile when I think of him , or see him or even hear his name.
There are plenty of people who wanted me to stay away from him and his friends. Honestly, I did consider staying away from them but I couldn't help the urge to see him, feel him and feel his touch.
I know I shouldn't think of such things. But I can't help myself and instead I crave for it more and more . I know I can't stop it so I decided not to fight it and let go with flow. Because one thing I know about me , which is the more I bind myself into this boundaries I don't believe or want to from heart, I will crave for it more and more until I have it.
When he was running on my mind, my phone vibrated which showed message notification from Snapchat. Seeing that notification , a smile made its way to my lips. As it was only him with whom I chatted over Snapchat.
That night we chatted a bit longer . I told him everything except for one. Ofcourse it's none other than my feelings for him. We bid good night to each other when my boyfriend called me. I asked him to sleep because if he doesn't my thoughts will come back to him over and over again and I didn't want to let my boyfriend get suspicious not now. Not yet.....
Then I talked to my boyfriend for half and hour and wished him good night.
I wasn't sleepy yet so I watched for sometime and signed off for from such a beautiful day.