" How he got to know?", Ayan asked me.
" I don't know yaar..... He didn't tell me much. He told he will call me when he is free ." , I replied.
" Okay.... Now that he already knows and you also want to take this chance to breakup then just do it. Don't think so much... And don't worry. " , he tried to calm me down.
"....."
" ....and since you already tried to breakup with him before giving him different reasons. Why don't you try saying him that we both are in relationship. Maybe that can help." , he suggested.
Honestly, even I thought about this idea but I couldn't say anything like that without his permission as he isn't my boyfriend yet. And also because I couldn't ask him anything like that.... we are not that close....are we?
Now that he suggested it himself.... ofcourse I will do it but in my way .
I was watching as usual after taking to Ayan when I received his call. Of course we talked normally untill he started his interrogations.
Honestly, I was kind of surprised when he didn't lash out his anger at me before and waited for me to call or text him when he already knew things since last night. Maybe because cheating on him for someone was unthinkable for him. Well he lost his loyal girlfriend long back. This girl could easily cheat on him and yet never regret for it. I don't know if he deserves to be cheated on but I don't deserve it either nor do I deserve to be treated the way he does or say things I hate to listen from him.
I know more than anyone how much he loves me but I want respect more than love. I wanted to be his partner, his friend....not just a doll he loves.
" Why did you lie?", he asked.
" Simply .... because I didn't want you to know.", I replied.
" Why don't you want me to know? If you had to hide it from me then you know that you shouldn't have done it? Don't you???" , he asked again.
" No, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to know that I talked to him at night." , I replied.
" Okay..... but you told me that you were feeling sleepy so I cut the call . But you went on by back and were talking to guy at night. What should I think of this? " , He asked.
" I lied you because I didn't want to talk to you and later I talked to him." , I replied him with all the courage I had in me to say this sentence.
" You don't want to talk to me but you wanted to talk to Ayan at night when it should have been me ? "
" Yah.... I like talking to him.He seems like good friend ." , I replied.
" Good friend.....( rage was all over his voice) you will know how good friend he is of you when when he screw your ass untill he is content with it." , he told me but it took great deal of self restrain not to lash out at me as he was at home and didn't want to lose me forever. But could anyone tell him that he did lose me long back.
We kept beckering back and forth for last one hour untill his mom called him for dinner. We tried to be more civilized. He was still ready to forgive me when I didn't even ask for it but he wanted to make it like before. But nothing can go back. There is no doubt I love him. Four years of love couldn't just vanish in thin air even after I feel that I have been wronged by him. But I don't like him anymore. I don't like talking to him. I don't like the doubt that craved into my heart of him cheating on me , flirting with anyone and everyone. Words my parents told me about his family and him.
Ofcourse I know whatever they spoke of him wasn't truth but not everything was a lie either.
I seek for Ayan not because I love him but because he could put me at ease. And love doesn't happen in fews days itself. It takes time. A lot of time actually. And I am not someone who believes in love at first sight.