Next day I woke up , got ready and went to college along with my roommate. As usual I sat with Tia. We had our usual games and bir chit chat when teacher wasn't noticing us. I also told her about my breakup and what he did. So she didn't leave me alone and made me laugh more than other days. It's not that she leaves my side any other days but yet today it was more days. But I know I was fine . I didn't need her to do it for me but I didn't want to hurt her feelings as she is a close friend of mine. So I let her have her way as I didn't want to argue with her. Actually I wasn't sad over my breakup but unsure about my relationship with Ayan and the group.
I know my relationship with Ayan was as good as before but I was unsure about others. I don't blame them though. As usual he texted me that he came to college. But I didn't go to see him after second period. As I know I will need to face others if I do so.
I continued my classes and now it was lunch break. I was on my way to hostel for lunch as I wasn't shure if they wanted to see me or if i was ready to face them after the little stunt my ex - boyfriend pulled up.
It was Fazeed who called me for lunch in canteen. My best guess is because they got the idea of me avoiding them which was true . I didn't want to eat with them when it was then who will be paying for food after yesterday's incident..... not today at least. So I told them that I was having lunch in hostel and will meet them later after lunch in canteen. So I went to meet them after my lunch.
As much as I was scared or felt guilty but I wanted to make things fine between me and all of them. I might not want it as much as I want it now if U wasn't interested in Ayan. But I was so I needed make things right. So I went because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew Ayan would be with me or maybe that's what I wanted to believe. Whatever it was, I just had all of these thoughts in my mind and an expression as good as before and went to sit with them .
I greeted everyone and they also greeted me back . They also acted like before nothing particular or distinguished but I could feel it. I was feeling different around them.
Ayan informed me about the things my ex told Haniya about my past which meant they all knows about it. The thought of them knowing my past bought discomfort to me. But I tried to remain calm and composed. I have no idea if I was successful in it. But then Fazeed told that Ayan told them about things I had been feeling and facing in my relationship with my ex . He also told me not to worry about him. Even if he comes here they will help me with it. For which I was thankful but I know no-one can help me if he comes here. The only person who can help me is myself.
I know what to do if here ever actually comes here to see me but I have no idea how to do it without affecting my present life. Because any change or event in my present life will cause me to lose my chances with Ayan and I couldn't afford that. If there was no Ayan or my feelings for him , I wouldn't really care if he came here or not. I do now and he can't come here. Because of he does one or other thing will affect. Either it will effect my present life or my relationship with Ayan will be affected. If not publically then privately. I can't afford any of it.
However , they made me feel comfortable and soon I started feeling like before with the group. I liked it and thankful for their understanding and also thankful to Ayan for explaining them things because I couldn't do it myself. So things went back to as we were. This we were done with our college for today.