I don't say goodbye. I just watch Mika disappear through the entrance door,
ringing the bell behind her, leaving me alone
again. The waitress offers to reffil my
coffee, but I shake my head. I suddenly
can't stand to be in here anymore, inside
this noisy, cramped, syrup-stained diner
that's making me anxious. I need to get out
of this place.
There goes my afternoon. I don't know
what else to do but wander outside again.
I try not to think about Mika and what I
should have said differently, because it's
too late. I walk through town, letting the
caffeine kick in. At least the morning chill
is gone. Shop windoes glisten in the
afternoon sun. I pass by without going
inside. There's the Antique store. Sam and I
used to go in and furnish our imaginary
apartment together. pause at the window.
theough the dusty glass are long shelves
crowded with paintings and figurines,
floors swathed with persian rugs and old
furniture, among other things. Then despite
myself, another memory comes....
Sam hands me a gift " I bought you
something."
" For what?"
" Your graduation present."
" But we haven't even—"
" Julie, just open it!"
I tear off the wrapping. Inside is a silver
bookend in the shape of a single wing,
outstretched.
" Shouldn't this be a set?" I ask. " Where's
the other piece? it's missing"
" I could only afford one at the time."
Sam explains. " But I just got paid. We can
go back for now."
When we return to the antique store, the
other half was already sold.
" Who on earth buys half of a bookend?"
Sam asks the woman behind the
register.
I turn to him. " You."
It became an inside joke for us. But it
doesn't matter anymore. I threw it out in the
box with the rest of his things.
This town is full of memories of us. There's the record store where I'd always find him when I got off work. The red door is propped open with a chair. A few people are looking through the aisles of old records. Someone is changing the strings of an electric guitar. But no Sam sitting on the counter by the speaker, adjusting the music. He didn't even work here. He just knew everyone. I hurry off before someone sees me and tries to start a conversation I don't feel like having.
I don't know how much longer I can stand to be in Ellensburg. I'm tired of relieving these memories in my head. Graduation isn't far away, I remind myself.
Only a couple more months, and I'll be out of here. I don't know where exactly I'm heading yet, but it doesn't matter as long as I never have to come back to this place.
* * *
TO BE CONTINUED....