I suddenly remember how I skipped every
service and ceremony that was held in his
memory—memories I abandoned. I didn't
even bother to visit his grave. I can't seem
to stand still. I keep pacing back and forth
through the empty house as these sudden
emotions, the one's I've been holding back,
cycle through me like ice water in my veins,
making my hands shake. Mika was right.
What would sam think of me if he knew
how I treated him?
As I replay the last few days in my mind,
I begin to understand something i didn't
before. All my pent up anger was nothing
more than a wall to hide my guilt.
It wasn't sam who left me that night. It
was me who abandoned him. The second
I realize this, I'm back outside and running.
An overcast sky has appeared while I
was inside, painting shadows over the
neighborhood as I cross the street.
Ellensburg is not the smallest town in
central washington. But there's one main
road that runs through the whole town, and
if you follow it straight through, you've seen
everything. A few blocks before you reach
the university, there's an unmarked trail that
cuts straight across the entire north side.
I follow the trail toward the hill as more
clouds roll in, and I feel the first sprinkling
of rain.
It's about hour's walk to memorial hill
from the neighborhoods, but the trail cuts
the time by nearly a third. And because I
Haven't stopped running since I left the
house, I reach it in no time.
It's drizzling out, but the rain has resolved
into mist. I can hardly see in front of me.
My clothes are half soaked from the run,
but it's not enough to bother me as I stride
toward the memorial Park's entrance.
Sam is buried somewhere up there. I
have to see him at least once, pay my
respect's, and tell him I'm sorry for not
coming sooner and what a terrible person
I've been. I have to let sam know that I
haven't forgotten him.
An image plays in my head like a film
reel. I see him sitting on top of his
headstone, in his denim jacket, waiting for
me for the past week. A dozen
conversations play through my mind as I
think of what to say to him, how to explain
why I've kept away for so long. But to feet
before I reach the main gate, I stop short.
The lamppost hanging above the gate creaks, until in the rain.
TO BE CONTINUED....