'what am I doing here?' The hill Is more
than four hundred acres of folded land.
I look up and see a thousand grave
markers lined up for miles. I don't know
how long it would take to find him or where
to begin. My feet stay frozen on the wet
concrete. I can't go there. I can't make
myself do this. Sam isn't here. There's
nothing to see but a newly laid plot where
he's supposed to be. But I dont want that
to be the last image I have for him. I don't
want this memory. I don't want to think of
him having to spend the rest of enternity
buried somewhere up on that hill.
I take a few steps away from the gate,
wondering why I came here. this was a
terrible mistake. Sam isn't there. I don't
want him to be.
Before I even realize it, I've turned away
from the gate and nearly slip as a break
into another run.
The evening mist has turned into a
shower as the bricks walls that run along
the cemetery fade behind me. I don't even
know where I'm going this time. I want to
get as far as I possibly can. The sky is
pouring as I enter the woods. I keep on running until the view of houses and roads is long gone.
Rainfall has softened the ground ang filled it with puddles. As I'm running, I start imagining myself emerging into an alternate world where everything still okay, and wishing I could leap through time so I can go back and change everything. But no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to will time and space and undo the fabric that is twisting and pulling me apart.
Suddenly my foot catches on something and I slam to the ground. My body stings in a million places before it goes numb, and I feel nothing at all. I try to get up but I can't seem to move a muscle. so, I don't bother. I just stay there on the floor of stone and leaves as the sky continues to pour.
I miss Sam. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss knowing he would always answered me if I called. I don't know where I am or who I can talk to. this isn't one of my finest moments. And tomorrow, I will regret ever letting it get to this point. But right now, I'm so desperate and alone, I pull out my phone and turn it on. The light blinds me for a few seconds. I forgot I deleted everything this morning — all of my photos, messages, and application, so nothing's there. I go through my contact list, trying to think of someone else to call, but there aren't many options. When I noticed sam's name isn't even there, I remember I deleted it, too. I'm not sure if I even remember the number anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing when I dial it anyway, hoping to hear him again through his voice mail one more time. Maybe I can leave him a message, let him know I'm sorry. The ringing startles me. it's strange sound to hear in the emptiness of the woods. I shut my eyes and shiver from the cold, The phone rings for a long time, slowly drowning out my thoughts, and I feel as though it will go on and forever, until suddenly the ringing stops.
someone picks up the phone.
There is a long silence before a voice comes through the line.
" Julie..."
Raindrops patter against my ear. I become aware of the sound of my own heart beating against the earth. I turn my face up slightly toward the sky and keep listening.
" Are you there?"
That voice. faint and raspy like the murmur of the ocean in a seashell. I know it. I've listened to it a thousand times before to where it become as familiar as my own. That voice. But it couldn't be.
Sam...
TO BE CONTINUE.......