It's been a few days since Ivan's first experience as an announcer. We never discussed Tom's possible affair any further, as I had been busy learning to read and write. However, for the first time in a while, TomCat made his appearance one early morning and asked me to come with him to his office.
Ivan wasn't with me to act as my guardian against him, so I was very reluctant, but, after a great deal of assurance and convincing, Tom managed to lure me out of my cage to follow him. It was a particularly chilly morning and the damp grass was cold against my bare feet. Still, despite my urge to complain, I remained silent and followed the tall ringmaster. I was determined not to agitate him.
The moment Tom opened the door, he and I were greeted by a sight neither of us was expecting. Leopard stood in his living room with a glass of liquor in his hand and some day's paper in the other. I was too stunned to speak and I remained hidden behind TomCat.
"Lewis!" Tom exclaimed in surprise. Lewis?? Tom never calls anyone by their name!
"Oh, Reg, I apologise. The door was unlocked so I thought I'd make breakfast for you," Clearly Leopard hadn't seen me hiding behind the ringmaster. His demeanour was so calm and sweet towards TomCat, it was an utter shock to me! He spoke to him as if they had been married for years!
"Lewis," Tom called the freakshow leader's name again in a more threatening tone and a frown crossed Leopard's face.
"What? Did you not want-" At that instant, I had shifted slightly to my right to get a better look at the scene and Leopard's sharp eyes saw my tiny movement. We made eye contact and I watched with probably just as much shock and disbelief as Leopard as his face visibly drained of colour. Not a single word was exchanged between the three of us and I was only able to escape the awkward encounter when Tom wordlessly grabbed my arm and pulled me to his office.
The very second the door closed, Tom spoke frantically and in a quivering tone as if he were close to tears, "Don't you dare speak of this to anyone! Do you hear me, Demmy!? Not a word!"
"So it is t-true! You're m-messing around w-with the f-freakshow leader!" I exclaimed the obvious. Tom bit his lip and nervously fidgeted in his spot for a moment.
"Look! I know that's what it seems but trust me-"
"Oh, d-don't even start! You and L-Leopard have b-been acting s-strange f-for a while! D-don't lie to me, T-Tom!" I interrupted him. The look in the man's eyes could only be described as true horror. It was obvious that, despite me knowing of his sexuality already, I was capable of many different things now. He knew that if he messed up even once, I could end his whole career with a single word. I was no longer young and stupid.
"Tae..." the sound of my name coming from his mouth surprised me once again and I felt obligated to listen to him.
"I beg of you... Please say nothing of this! I will do anything you want! Anything at all! Just... please!" The man even got down on his knees and clutched my skirt tightly. Tears bordered his eyelids and threatened to slip if he wasn't careful. Somehow, I knew he wasn't acting now; there was true fear in his panic and I could see it in the way his lip quivered and his knuckles turned white from their grip on my skirt. I stared at him for a while, taking in this rare moment where the one who was begging and crying wasn't me for once. I liked the feeling of power it gave me; I had control and Tom's entire future rested in my hands.
"Alright... but o-only as l-long as you k-keep your w-word," I finally decided.
Tom gasped from whatever level of relief he felt, "I swear it! Whatever you want! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he breathed and hugged me around the hips, planting his face deep in my stomach. My body involuntarily tensed up and I instinctively shoved him away. He fell back but quickly composed himself and wiped away his tears.
"I'm... I'm sorry... what did I bring you here for again?" he muttered while shakily fixing his hair. I shrugged, my gaze stabbing into him like a battalion of knives.
"Oh, wait... I remember..." he continued on and turned to one of his numerous standing mannequins which were decorated with different costume pieces and accessories. One of them was completely bare, save for a luscious blue skirt with golden stars embroidered into the fabric. He removed the skirt and handed it to me without meeting my gaze.
The skirt was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't get over the delicate gold sparkles and glittering stars that accompanied the royal blue satin fabric that I loved so much. Yet, all I offered TomCat as gratitude was a monotone, "Oh, thanks," that killed the man's brief moment of pride in himself over his work.
"Not a problem..." he mumbled with the same amount of emotion as I had given him.
"Can I g-go back to my exhib-b-bit now?" I wondered dully. Tom nodded without a word and I promptly turned and left the small, cluttered room. I passed by Leopard, who sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees. He glared at me when I passed and I glared back, challenging his threat as I left the small shack of a home.
When I returned, I ran up to Ivan laughing like a maniac. He jumped in his seat when he heard me laugh and looked over as if I had just announced that I would slaughter him right then and there. To his relief, that wasn't my goal and I stopped right in front of him to yell in his face that his hunch was correct.
"What hunch!?" he squeaked, clutching his book tightly in utter terror of me and my sudden excitement this early in the morning.
"About Tom and L-Leopard!" I stated.
"No way! I knew it! I told you I knew it!" Ivan's terror suddenly made way for that devilish grin of his again. I laughed in near disbelief and sat beside him in the grass.
"Tell me all about it!" he insisted.
I waved him off, "I d-didn't learn a-anything about them, j-just that they're t-together. I'm n-not supposed to t-tell anyone, but I t-trust you."
Ivan laughed again and tousled my hair, "May I use that against either of them if they decide to pull anything?"
"No... let m-me do it. I'd r-rather you k-keep your job. If no one b-believes m-me, then you c-can step in," I informed him.
He scoffed, "Buzzkill... whatever you say then."
I changed into my new beautiful skirt soon after the conversation ended. It fit like a dream and was so flexible and soft, I barely even felt it on my body. I never even realised how scratchy the black skirt was until I put the new one on. Ivan even expressed how much he liked it as well when I presented it to him with a graceful twirl. I was so very happy in the skirt, I felt as if all eyes would be on me and they would all stare in admiration.
My position for the day was a risky spot right next to Ivan. I sat in front of the cage with only my human will holding me back from attacking my audience. It was risky indeed, but if Tom was as serious as I knew him to be about his reputation, he wouldn't tell me to go back in my cage. I was testing this very thought.
Tom came by to check up on us sometime in the afternoon. I was in the middle of doodling on a pad of paper and Ivan was reading as per usual. When he made his presence known, we both looked up at him as if he were the most annoying mosquito to ever fly the earth.
"Good afternoon, sir. What can I do for you?" Ivan wondered. I could hear the lie in his pleasant tone.
"I came by to see how things were... why is Demon out of her cage?" TomCat inquired. I could see he was also acting as if nothing were the matter, but it was harder for him because of the glare that I was giving him.
"To enjoy the autumn breeze, sir. It's a nice day out," Ivan was as relaxed as can be, making Tom begin to appear more and more obvious that he was the tense one.
"Well... er... you're not wrong..." Things were growing unbearable now for Tom but Ivan and I remained stoic and challenged his authority with a single look.
"On second thought, Demon does deserve some time in the sun. I mean, look how pale she is!" Tom chuckled uncomfortably and, finally, he gave up and walked away with his tail between his legs. I heard Ivan snicker beside me and I looked up at him with a cheeky grin plastered to my face. He really did value his reputation too much to control me; he could no longer keep up both and he knew this... and now we knew it too.
...
Neither Tom nor Leopard came to check up on us for the rest of the day. I wasn't complaining about their refusal to deal with us; I was able to make my first ever attempt at a formal greeting to one of the guests. Ivan taught me the basics and I practised on a nearby woman and complimented her dress. I thought I did very well because the woman smiled, thanked me- albeit nervously- and the others allowed themselves to come a little closer and perhaps see me as a human just like them.
Ivan informed me once that crowd had gone that confidence was key in a greeting. If I'm quiet, nervous, and stuttering, I'll come off as less than respectable (whatever that meant).
The day went by quickly for me, with all the guests I was practising my greeting on and the reading I would do in between- Ivan let me borrow the dictionary so I could learn my words. However, when the sky began to darken and the only lights available were the torchlights on the pathways and the bright glowing aura of the Big Top, that's when Ivan and I began to question where the two leaders were.
We both were aware that it was near showtime, but Ivan didn't have a watch on him and someone was usually sent to tell us that we need to be in the Backyard. I wasn't as worried as Ivan; I couldn't care less if we performed or not, but Ivan took his performances seriously. He hated missing shows and he seldom ever did. So, naturally, he was very anxious and constantly watching the path where a performer typically would come to let us know.
Then it happened. We heard the grand fanfare of the big show from across the grounds and we both simultaneously panicked. I've never seen Ivan move more quickly to pull me to my feet and rush over to the Big Top. He was so determined to get there as quickly as possible, that he threw me over his shoulder and ran with me clinging desperately to his shirt.
We arrived just as the trapeze twins were opening their act and we arrived with Ivan gasping for air and sweating while I stumbled around to find our props. Leopard was backstage and when he saw me scramble around, he rushed to find Ivan as well. Leopard was quick to release Hell on the poor man and everyone backstage could hear the two yell and argue about the situation.
"Excuse me? No one sent anyone for call time!" I heard Ivan yell.
"You should know when call time is! You've worked here longer than I have! What are you?! Daft!?" Leopard shot back with the ferocity of an angry lion. If I hadn't known any better, I would've pounced on him thinking Hercules had come back from the grave!
"Sir! Call time changes every goddamn day! The master was supposed to send someone! Now, kindly tell me why he didn't!?" Ivan fought back, his face was reddening from the rage he felt and I knew that, if he wasn't calmed soon, he would say something that would absolutely ruin our entire scheme. Carefully, I began to inch closer so I could grab the tamers attention and pull him out of the argument.
"The master did send someone! You were-"
"Oh, don't put the blame on me, you cock-sucker! No one was sent! And now I'm beginning to think it was deliberate!" Ivan hissed, shoving his finger into Leopard's chest. I felt my own chest tighten with the fear that a physical brawl might take place. I was just about to step up when FatCat suddenly appeared and did the job for me in a far more efficient manner.
"Alright! Alright! If I hear one more peep out of either of you, I will shove you both in crates and use you as props! There's a show happening right now and if neither of you is gonna play nice, neither of you will be in it! Got it!?" FatCat's deep voice bellowed until the whole of backstage went quiet and only the ongoing performance in the ring could be heard.
"Yessir... sorry, sir," Ivan was quick to apologise and hang his head in shame; however, Leopard was more stubborn and he stood glaring at the tamer until FatCat intercepted his gaze and demanded his attention.
"Got that? Lewis?" he growled the man's name harshly. Leopard curled his top lip and fidgeted where he stood.
"Sure..." he hissed with a smile so petty and sarcastic, I was concerned FatCat would pummel the man right then and there. Thankfully, FatCat was more mature than any of us, he kept his fists at his sides but his chest was raised and his glare was strong. I admired his will to remain firm and non-violent; anyone with the patience needed to withstand Leopard was truly a soldier in my eyes.
Leopard sauntered off to conduct whatever business he needed to deal with and that left only the three of us. FatCat turned to Ivan and pointed two fingers at him and me.
"You two! Cheetah, you better get your attitude under control! I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but you've been nothing but cold to both Leopard and TomCat! Shape the hell up! Or you'll be fired! And you... Demon!" I stared up at FatCat with widened eyes, wondering what he could possibly say to me in regards to the argument that I had no part in, "You aren't performing tonight because you two were late. TomCat told everyone that call time was four today so there is no excuse. Either one of you or both of you get watches and learn how to tell time!"
"But!-" Ivan started but he was quickly shut down with a wave of FatCat's large hand.
"No buts! Now get out of here!" FatCat stated firmly before turning on his heel and stomping away. Ivan's growl of frustration was loud and beastly and he stormed out of the Big Top as if he were a child who was just refused. I chased after him and jogged lightly to keep up with him.
"That's bullshit! You hear me!?" -and he turned momentarily to the Big Top- "BULLSHIT! This place SUCKS!!" -and then he turned again and continued on towards the Freakshow tent. I've never seen Ivan this livid before; he's always been so calm and nothing ever pushed him over the rails. Once again, I was reminded of TomCat because of this out-of-character rage and it was scaring me.
"Ivan? P-please c-c-calm down..." I stammered fearfully.
"No! Don't tell me to calm down! That was unfair! Those two assholes did that on purpose!" He continued to yell and curse the ringmaster and his "male whore" while we walked and I was forced to silently endure the fear his rage was giving me. I walked standing a few feet away from him and I watched him carefully as if he might suddenly hurt me. I knew he wouldn't. He wasn't mad at me... but I was scared.
Ivan went straight up to the cage and smacked the bars hard to let out a brief moment of uncontainable rage. The cage rang out in a chorus of groaning metal and creaking wood, I saw the cage sway ever-so-slightly.
"I swear I'm going to get back at them! I swear it!" he spat while he paced impatiently and dug his hands deep in his pockets.
"Ivan...?" my voice was barely more than a terrified squeak. I was shaking and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest; I had never been afraid of Ivan, but I was now and the underlying paranoia that my only friend would turn on me just as Tom had was creeping up on me and consuming every other thought. He turned to me and, in an instant, his demeanour changed.
"Tae..." his once furious tone was all but gone as his fists were lowered and the redness in his cheeks disappeared. He approached me and before I could respond, I was trapped in his embrace and I was silently crying into his shoulder. He held me as if we were lovers who hadn't seen each other in ages. I began to relax the longer he embraced me and the feeling of safety filled me like a much-needed glass of cold water.
"I'm sorry... I over-reacted," Ivan mumbled as he gently let me go. I wiped my eyes and sniffled.
"It's fine..." I responded.
Ivan shook his head and sat down in the wooden chair, "No, it's not fine. You get enough of that type of attitude from the ringmaster, you don't need me adding to it... Goddamn... I'm turning into him..." I finally allowed myself to come closer and kneel in front of him.
"No... you're n-not. You j-just got m-mad, is all," I knew I was partly lying to myself only to make him feel better. He had absolutely terrified me; he almost nearly mirrored TomCat with his anger and it was something he usually never does. But I hated to think that I would make him feel bad for causing my panic.
"Still, I shouldn't have yelled like that. I don't know what came over me," Ivan insisted and held his head in his hand. I had no more words to say, but I still felt as if I had to do something. He seemed so upset with himself.
So, without a word and with a great amount of awkwardness, I took his free hand in my own and rested my head on his thigh. I was waiting for something to happen, or maybe I was expecting something to happen, I'm not sure. But the more time passed with nothing happening, the more I began to wonder if Ivan had even noticed.
However, just when I began to accept the idea that he either didn't care or didn't notice, I felt his hand leave mine and gently place itself on my head. His fingers massaged the side of my head and, at first, I didn't quite know how to feel about it. However, after a while, his touch began to feel nice and I allowed myself to relax and enjoy the comfort of my dear friend. I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep but I never fought the oncoming blanket of slumber. I was comfortable, I was safe, and I trusted Ivan to take care of me.