A month later
(TomCat's P.O.V)
The Freakshow tent was dark and quiet, my only safe space from the unrelenting hate and disgust that had ravished me in the past month. I was being pushed away and ignored and it was getting hard for me to do my job as ringmaster of this circus. I had prayed this would never happen but it did and it made my life a living hell. Lewis was doing his best to keep my sanity together while we work something out but alas, his attempts are futile. The circus still thinks I'm the worst person alive, profit is decreasing, I'm deeply in debt and the only way I can escape my pressing issues is by hiding away in my office and drinking until I can no longer think straight.
Eventually, I made the tough decision to put an end to my misery. As much as I truly loved Lewis, I could no longer risk seeing him. My reputation had been far too damaged by our relationship and I feared that if we continued any longer, something horrible might happen to the both of us. I feared for Lewis; he was far bolder than I was and carried no shame in flaunting his sexuality and our relationship. He was very subtle with his ways, but it was there and I was afraid someone might see and hurt him. I didn't want that.
I got up from my knees with a strained huff and wiped the corners of my mouth on my sleeve. Lewis was in a state of euphoria and he flashed me a drunken smile.
"Was that good?" I wondered softly as I pinned him against the wall and held his hips firmly against my own. Lewis wrapped his arms around my neck and gazed deeply into my eyes, his drunken smile never faltering.
"You know it's always good, Reg," he responded sweetly and we shared a passionate kiss. We remained there for a while, hugging and kissing against the wall of the tent and sharing our body heat. We kissed each other's necks and Lewis began to push things further, hinting to me that he wanted more but I wouldn't allow him. The moment that I felt his hands in places they shouldn't be, I pulled away from him and grabbed his wrists.
"Er... not tonight..." I told him. Lewis frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"I... I've been meaning to tell you... I'm scared for what might happen if we continue this," I finally summoned the courage to tell the man but I was still nervous and Lewis' gaze was still piercing.
"The circus already suspects things and it's not good. I... I'd rather keep us both safe if we... stopped seeing each other," I explained. The look in Lewis' eyes hurt me but I knew I couldn't do anything about it.
"No, Reg," he protested, "No, we can work something out! Please, we can do this!" he insisted, holding my face in his hands. His lip quivered and I sighed.
"It won't, Lewis... It'll be safer if we move on. Don't get me wrong, I love you with all my heart, but I know something will happen to the both of us and it won't end well. Hell, I'm already experiencing the consequences," I said softly, taking his hands off my face and letting them drop to his side.
"Please... Reg... I don't know how I can go on without you," Lewis stated, his voice shaking and his eyes beginning to water.
"I don't want to let go as much as you do, Lewis, but trust me, this would be for the best," I insisted and no amount of suppression or fighting could hide the lump in my throat that made my voice waver. I meant every word I said; I really didn't want to let go of the only man who ever accepted and loved me as much as he has. I knew I never would find a man as weird and compassionate as he was.
Lewis stared at me for a while as his oncoming tears began to transform his face into an expression of hurt. I frowned and made a move to hug him and comfort him; however, in a fit of anger, he pushed me away and stormed off without another word. I felt horrible... devastated, even. No words could efficiently describe how I felt hurting the one man who loved me despite everything.
I had to take a moment to compose myself once again and keep myself from breaking down when I ultimately take care of my other plan. For almost two months, I've been repairing my relationship with Demon; of course, I know we will never be the way we were many years ago, but it was worth a try since a close relationship with her and maybe possibly even marriage could save my reputation and maybe even give me ideas for new acts that could increase the circus' popularity again.
After a few deep breaths, I wiped the stray tears from my eyes and sauntered through the Freakshow and out the back with the guise that I was as confident as ever. The path was dark and the cage was even darker; I never thought I would stare at that cage and feel fear. I was not afraid of Demon, I was afraid of what she was capable of. It was a mistake assigning Cheetah to her as her "tamer", they're best friends now and Cheetah is not only intelligent, but he's cunning and spiteful. That man taught Demon a lot of things I would rather her not know; she has confidence now, and an attitude. I'm scared of how clever she may have become.
...
(Tae's P.O.V)
I was still in the midst of remembering Ivan's visit from only two hours prior. We talked for ages about everything and nothing and laughed about stupid jokes that only we found amusing. At the end of his visit, he held me in his arms and we shared a loving kiss. When he was gone, I was nothing but blushes and smiles; I swear that man makes me feel emotions Tom never allowed me to feel.
I smiled as I remembered his lips; however, just as the thought entered my head, was it quickly destroyed by the sound of footsteps and a knocking on the bars of my cage. I jumped and turned quickly to see the culprit but I wasn't too surprised to see TomCat, peering in with a rather blank expression on his face.
"What?" I wondered quietly and scooted closer.
"Can I come in?" he asked. I was a little hesitant and I didn't trust his intentions, but I promised myself I would fight back and scream as loud as humanly possible if he tried anything. I nodded slowly and scooted away from the bars so he could climb in. He did so without a word and the first thing he did was throw himself to the ground and release a heavy, shaky sigh as if he were crying.
"Are... are you okay?" I wondered timidly.
"To be completely honest... not quite..." he mumbled as he brought his long legs up to his chest.
"What h-happened?" I questioned.
"I... had to let Lewis go..." he responded. I paused when I processed what he said and for a while, I stared at him in utter surprise. After so long and absolutely refusing to quit despite all the drama and hate he and Leopard received, he finally gave up. He finally did it... I knew he cared too much about what people thought about him. I knew his reputation was too important. My only thought now was: what will he do now?
"I'm... I'm s-sorry to h-hear that," I offered as much sympathy as possible, but deep down inside, I wanted to laugh because I was proven right after all. Tom only hummed sadly as a response.
"Is there... anything e-else?" I wondered softly.
"I uh... had a question... but I'm not sure if I should ask it anymore, there's no way you would agree," Tom muttered and turned on his other side to face away from me. Now things were getting interesting and I pressed him further to give me answers.
"You d-don't know th-that. Tell me," I said.
"No, no... I know you. There's no way you would agree... I'd rather just lay here quietly for a while," he insisted, waving me off. Still, I remained persistent and I gathered up as much courage as I could to get closer to him and lean over his shoulder. I gazed down at his face, which he hid embarrassingly behind his gloved hands.
"Tom. tell me, I i-insist. I'll k-kick you out i-if you d-don't," I threatened. Tom released another heavy, shaky sigh and I kept my eyes glued to him, mentally trying to pry the information from him without any words.
"Fine, but... please don't get mad..." he started and took a few minutes to prepare himself. I imagined he was the one who needed more preparation than I did, but then again, I had no clue as to what he was about to ask me. But, oh god, I really did need more preparation than I thought.
"I was wondering if you'd be interested in... marriage... to me...?" Tom's voice escalated into a breathless squeak and his face turned beet red with embarrassment. I, however... I froze.
Of all the things I thought he would say, marriage was not on that list. I was under the impression that Tom was no longer interested in me because of Leopard. In fact, I was under the impression that he wasn't interested in any female at all because of his sexual preferences. This was more than unexpected, I was shocked that I was the woman he had chosen to quickly replace Leopard.
"What-..." I squeaked in shock and Tom finally turned around and sat up to look at me.
"Wait, before you raise hell, please just hear me out!" he spoke with a pleading look in his eyes. I don't know if it were his lingering emotions regarding his breakup that made him look so unhinged and afraid, or maybe it was just sheer nerves, but that look was something I'd never seen before. I've seen a look of desperation and fear on his features when he learned that his relationship had been found out but this expression was far more desperate than those looks. It captivated me, wondering why he was so desperate to have me agree.
"Okay?" I responded, nodding to urge him to keep speaking.
He exhaled shakily, "If you say yes, I'll get you out of here. I'll get you whatever the hell you want so you can leave, just as long as you say yes and help me save my image," he explained his reasoning very bluntly. There was no prolonged explanation with fancy words to make it seem like a lovely fantasy. He didn't add any excuses as to why it would be a good idea; he simply said it as it was and waited for my response.
All at once, a door opened to me and I smiled as the possibilities entered my mind. He was offering anything I wanted including leaving my cage and, with how he worded his explanation, leaving the circus entirely. I could easily have him let me escape with Ivan and he wouldn't be able to run after me and stop me. I could even have him spoil me before I leave so I have everything I could ever want. And all he asked for in return was for me to just save his reputation and make everyone think he wasn't sleeping with men.
"Yes..." I said, my voice barely audible from the shock I was in, but my excited smile was plastered to my lips and it made my cheeks hurt. For a moment, Tom remained just as frozen as I was, but after a moment, his desperate, pleading look made way for an expression of surprise. As if my expression wasn't enough to convince him, he scooted closer, grabbed me by my shoulders and stared deeply into my eyes to see if I was lying. I had to look down at his chin just so he wouldn't go absolutely mad before he even confirmed that I said "yes."
"Are you sure?" he asked in utter disbelief.
"U-uh... yes I'm sure," I responded. I felt as if I were being forcefully interrogated, but the moment I saw a joyous smile make its way onto Tom's lips, I relaxed and allowed myself to share in the excitement. I wasn't sure if by agreeing to this, he expected me to act as his wife and treat him with love and respect but I assumed since he didn't mention it, he didn't require it. And if I really had to, one of the things I asked of him would be to not treat me like a wife, but rather the woman in charge.
TomCat gave a relieved laugh and, before I could really plan ahead, he planted a kiss on my lips. I was caught off guard and in any other situation, I would've immediately pulled away and panicked, but I had to constantly remind myself that I needed to allow this for my own benefit. Tom's breath was laced with the slightest hint of whiskey and gin; it sickened me and brought horrifying memories back to me. Everything about it felt wrong. I yearned even more for Ivan's warm and safe embrace.
"I didn't think you'd say yes!" Tom admitted after he finally pulled away. It was a quick kiss but it was still far too long for my own comfort.
"Well... you had- had me at h-helping me leave," I stated and wiped his kiss off my lips. Tom nodded, his puppy-dog eyes gazing at me like a dog would when begging for affection.
"First th-thing, though..." I started. Tom nodded again. "Ask first... okay?"
"Yes... I'm sorry..." he agreed and looked to the ground. This change in attitude about him was weird but refreshing. I was hoping this obedience and willingness to tend to my every wish would last because it made me feel in control for once and I liked being in control. It made me feel powerful because for once, I wasn't the one hanging my head in shame and pleading to be given mercy.
...
The next morning, I admit, I had completely forgotten what had happened the night prior, so when I woke up in the arms of a man who smelled of stale booze and popcorn, I nearly screamed and raised hell. Alas, I didn't and the man who held me was TomCat (to my dismay). When I saw his face, that's when the memories returned and I took a few long moments to comprehend how my life was possibly changing
I began to doubt myself as I lay there, trapped by the one man I did not want to be trapped by any longer. Would I really be able to escape? Can I do this? What would Ivan think? Would he still help? Hell, would he still leave with me?
Tom shifted in his sleep and unconsciously, he pulled me closer to him and I responded by scooting away and out of his grasp. Tom hummed tiredly and yawned as he woke.
"Oh, I'm s-sorry, did I w-wake you up?" I wondered quietly.
"Not really... it's fine," he answered groggily. I only nodded and didn't say anything, hoping that if I pretended to sleep, he would leave. I heard him find his pocket watch within his coat; the delicate jingle of the tiny metal links reminding me of the quiet dinging the glass decorations make when a breeze blows through.
"Oh shit! I need to get ready!" Tom abruptly exclaimed and he hurriedly scrambled to his feet. I watched him intently as he brushed off the stray pieces of straw from his clothes and smoothed his hair. I was relieved, knowing he was leaving and, even when he kissed my forehead as a farewell, I still felt relieved and happy when he was gone.
When Ivan finally arrived, I took the plate of rolls he offered me and wished him good morning; however, I couldn't bring myself to tell him what had happened last night. I was afraid he would be upset or angry with me and I didn't want that. So, until I could muster up the courage, I kept it a secret and simply acted as if nothing were happening.
"You're awfully quiet this morning, angel," Ivan noted.
"I'm just t-tired... t-tired of all th-the drama," I answered dully after finishing a roll. Ivan nodded sympathetically and placed his hand on top of mine through the bars of the cage.
"If it makes you feel any better, TomCat went into town and Leopard won't leave his tent, so hopefully nothing will happen today," he stated. I looked up at him, confused.
"Why d-did Tom g-go into town?" I wondered. Ivan shrugged.
"Don't know... Said he had some business to do in town and left FatCat in charge till he gets back... But since Leopard won't leave his damn tent, no doubt FatCat will come around and ask me to announce the freakshow," Ivan explained. I huffed and my tone must've sounded spiteful because Ivan turned to me curiously.
"Do you know something I don't?" he inquired with a smirk. I nodded slowly and smiled back; the least I could tell him was the destruction of Tom's relationship with Leopard. That would surely make Ivan happy.
"Tom b-broke up w-with him," I stated quietly. Ivan's expression went slack and he stared at me in disbelief.
"Finally?" he said. I nodded and he continued, "Huh... I wonder how the both of them will recover from that aftermath..."
At that, I had to stop myself from saying anything more than, "Yeah..." I didn't want to accidentally reveal just how Tom would recover from all the hate he had received from his own recruits. Ivan had nothing else to say for a while and it made me uncomfortable; I wanted him to bring up another subject so we could get our minds off of the subject.
However, like a godsend, FatCat arrived as Ivan had predicted and asked for him to lead the freakshow. Ivan agreed to the job and after FatCat left, Ivan passed me the key to my chains and the cage and told me with that devious smirk of his to "not go too far". I gladly returned his smirk and for the rest of the morning, I happily engaged in conversation with guests who had questions and practised my reading in the Freakshow. It's amazing how much one can learn when you finally understand the words people are telling you.