A month later
I've not grown impatient. If anything, I'm even more patient than I was before. However, I've decided not to wait until the band is on my finger and the papers have been signed. I'm going to leave before anything is official.
Something terrible is going to happen and the tension is already growing. The circus is in limbo about everything that's going on. They still feel the disgust and outrage that they did when Tom was with Leopard but they're confused by his choice to marry me of all people. The one he imprisoned, abused, beat down, put on display, and violated for his own benefit. They turned against me because they believe I'd gone completely mad for saying yes to such horrid slime. No one knows what to believe anymore so they've alienated the both of us to discuss how they feel with each other.
On top of it all, Leopard isn't done with the ringmaster. He had shaved his facial hair, cut his hair and returned as a completely unrecognisable man in order to see our new show. Suffice to say, he was outraged by Tom's proposal and began to harass him once again, this time, taking his attacks to the towns nearby. He took to the news and posted well-written articles for people to read and be appalled by TomCat's "horrid" treatment of his employees and "vile" conditions that we're forced to endure.
I witnessed the effects myself. Day by day, fewer and fewer people filled the stands and clapped for our show. For the first time ever, rotten vegetables were thrown at the ringmaster and he was booed out of the ring.
We weren't sure whether to pity him or not. I was obligated to fix this because of our deal however, Tom and I both knew I couldn't just magically make the newspaper articles disappear and have all the rumours erased from everyone's heads. It was out of my hands and it tore Tom up about it; here he was, hoping that the problem wouldn't escalate beyond the circus and now the entire town thinks he's a fraud. I watch him every night; crying in the bathroom as he cleans his face of tomato juice and makeup. He then comes to bed, where he sleeps at the edge as far away from me as possible and whispers his thoughts to himself until he falls asleep. All the while he thinks I've already gone to sleep but once he's out like a light, I slip away into the night to meet with Ivan at the edge of the woods.
We lay out a blanket between the trees, just far enough away so no one sees or hears us talking but still close enough to hear the circus so I know when to return to Tom's bed. We talk for hours beneath our canopy of leaves and when we grow tired, we hold each other close and listen to the nocturnal birds and insects sing lullabies to each other. Those nights are our most intimate nights and, while we've never made love because I'm honestly too scared, I know that if it were to happen, I would be safe because I'm with him.
We have our moments when we're both exhausted from a day's excitement but neither of us is willing to fall asleep because we're both enraptured by each other's eyes. Not a word is said between us but at the same time, we know exactly what the other is thinking and it draws us into a deeper state of meditation and bliss.
There was one night when we decided to go further out into the woods than normal, only so as to find a clearing in the trees to see the stars. I was wearing nothing but one of Tom's white button-down shirts and some short pantaloons. We settled in our spot and gazed up at the brilliant stars that lit the forest around us in a dim hue of blue. Yet, even though the sparkle of the stars amazed me, all I could see was Ivan's face and all I could feel was his warm hand caressing my bare stomach.
When I'm having a bad day, I always think back to that night and smile. The feeling of his rough hand on my skin, the warmth of his body close to mine which was open and exposed to him in an act of trust, and the kisses and marks that we left on each other to show ourselves who we truly belonged to. We exchanged our first "I love you's" that night and whenever I think back on such an intimate, sacred moment, I always feel joy and hope for the future.
...
A mere hour before showtime, Tom was already stressing and fretting over the show. He mumbled to himself and to anyone who was in earshot about how much he didn't want to show his face to the people in the stands. He looked like a psych ward patient in cat ears and the rest of the troupe treated him as such. No one wanted to approach him in case he snagged them in a long, insanity-filled vent about how much the state despised him.
I, of course, was forced to be the only one who had to comfort him despite not wanting anything to do with him as well. He scared me; under his breath, if I really listened, he made delusional remarks about shadows and threatened to kill himself. I was worried, not just for myself, but for others as well if he snapped.
Thankfully for me and unfortunately for everyone else, showtime soon came and I had to leave Tom's side in order to head to my spot. I could see in everyone else's eyes that they were just as worried about the show as Tom and I were. Moreso about Tom.
The band played and shortly after, Tom ran out into the ring with the same excitement he always carries and announced proudly, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Welcome to the Nočne Mačke Circus! Today we have for you, a unique new performance that will baffle and amaze you! We have sights that will shock you and make your veins rush with adrenaline as we perform death-defying acts with animals as well as highwires and the trapeze! Up first for your delight is our magnificent trapeze twins, Kitten and Mitten, now featuring our beloved Demon!" TomCat yelled and his sudden normalcy honestly shocked me. I managed a sigh in relief before giving the twins, who were on the platform opposite of me a curt nod to signal my start.
Mitten swung down on the trapeze and I leapt off the wooden platform. The wind whistled in my ear as I was flipped and thrown by the twins who so effortlessly manoeuvred the trapeze. My adrenaline was suddenly racing and during those short moments, while I flew through the air, I completely forgot about my stress.
I completed the stunt and received applause from the small crowd we had gathered. Although it was meek, I still felt proud of myself that all went well thus far. However, all at once, all eyes were on Tom as we fearfully prayed nothing would happen.
"Now watch as the graceful falcon of all birds crosses this line and-"
"Faggot!" a loud voice from the audience interrupted Tom's words and sent the entire tent plunging into an uncomfortable silence. It was as if time had stopped; even the band, which had been playing so joyfully up until this moment had screeched to an unbearable halt.
"You're going to burn in Hell!" another, equally loud voice interrupted the silence and I heard Tom fumble over his words. Oh no... I thought in a panic. I watched as the ringmaster slowly began to descend into the mental wreck he was in moments before the show started. By the looks on everyone else's face, I could tell they were thinking the same thing I was: he's cracking.
I quickly and quietly left my platform and pushed through the confused performers to the front in order to see better. I couldn't even describe what was happening. Tom was panicking but it wasn't with tears and heavy breathing, he was fidgeting in place and mumbling to himself, his head shaking like a scared dog to block out the sound of the other audience members joining in on the hate-filled jeering.
I knew I had to do something. So, with a deep, scared breath, I jogged out towards him. FatCat must've noticed me because I heard heavy boots behind me and when I began to pull Tom in, the strong-man stepped up to order the audience to calm down so the show could continue.
I took Tom past all the curious onlookers and forced him to sit down on a crate of props in the back. My intentions were to simply let him sit there while he recovers; however, I realised I would have to do much more in order to shut him up.
"No! No! I can't let them think I'm defeated!" Tom insisted and stood to his feet again. I could hear the show continuing as rehearsed and I hastily sat him back down again.
"No, y-you'll d-disrupt the sh-show," I stated calmly. Tom pushed me away and made a move to stand again.
"I'm not going to give them the satisfaction! I need to finish the show!" he persisted. His eyes were wild with emotions I couldn't even begin to comprehend. I shoved him down once again and kept him down by keeping my hands on his shoulders.
"Tom! You're u-unstable!"
"I'm not unstable! They just don't understand! I'm supposed to lead the show! Me! They can't get rid of me! It's not possible! I knew this would go wrong, I told you! Didn't I tell you! No one listened! No one ever listens! The show is shit without me! Don't they-"
With one hard swipe of my arm, my hand connected with the man's cheek and created an audible smack, "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, REGINALD!!" I ordered loudly and my voice was enough for the artists who weren't in the ring to glance over in concern. I thought my tone and harsh, demanding glare had won over the man's crazed episode, but the moment he glanced back up at me... I knew I was so very wrong.
"How dare you hit me..." He growled through his teeth as he clutched his throbbing red cheek. His enraged glare was enough to give me cause to back away in sheer terror. I had never seen this amount of anger from him and at that moment, I was scared for my life. He stood to his feet, keeping his eyes burrowed deep within my soul and I never felt smaller.
"I'm s-so-sorry..." I stammered weakly, but it was no use. The very second Tom made a grab for me, I acted on instinct and made a dash for the exit. Still, I was too slow and Tom grabbed me around the waist and wrestled against my struggling to restrain me. My screams echoed around the tent and attracted everyone's attention. They came up with outraged protests but the only thing that kept them at bay was Tom's fury-driven orders for them to stay back.
Tom wove his fingers into my hair and, despite my screams of pain, he ignored me and dragged me through the backstage area and outside. I screamed for Ivan, for anyone, for help of any kind and the chaos that was beginning to ensue was quickly growing.
My eyes burned with tears and I screamed and howled until my lungs burned and my throat stung. I desperately clawed at the ringmaster's hand but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, his grip only tightened.
He had grabbed a heavy bullwhip that hung from the tiger cage and I could only stare at it in horror and scream as he dragged me. The braided leather haunted me and I knew what was to come next.
He dragged me all the way to my cage, where he finally threw me to the floor and unravelled the whip in one fell swoop of his hand. The whip cracked loudly and the metal bars above me cried out in anguish as the whip struck them; foretelling my own screams when the ghastly tool strikes me.
"You've wrecked... MY ENTIRE CAREER!!" He screamed, and the beast of a whip came down upon my small body with a violent crack. I wailed in agony as every muscle in my body tensed up from the waves of unbearable pain.
"NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU!!" He continued, his face was flushed red with rage and spittle flew off of his lips as he spoke. I could only cry in fear and pain and pray that someone would stop this monster.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!!" His words stung more than the whip's strikes, but I could do nothing to stop him.
"I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BROUGHT YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU GOD-FORSAKEN ABOMINATION!!" He shrieked furiously as he kicked me in the gut and threw me to the floor again as if I were nothing but a broken doll to him. He whipped me more for the sheer satisfaction of releasing his rage and kicked me into the bars of my cage. I grunted pitifully when I hit the floor but the sweet relief of the pause Tom took to breathe felt like heaven at that moment.
The grass was cold against my burning hot wounds that slowly healed and left nothing but fresh blood and pale skin behind. I imagined what death must feel like and I yearned for it. I didn't care what that experience would be as long as I was away from this beast of a man. Someone, please save me...
"I'm going to give you some of my power... don't hold back on that son of a bitch," a voice as ethereal as an angel's echoed in my ears like music; I almost thought I was hearing an angel's voice. However, the heavenly voice was not from above but rather, behind me... it was familiar. My skin tingled as a small hand placed itself firmly in the centre of my back; I would've screamed in terror had I not been weakened by Tom's attack and calmed by the mysterious voice.
My back began to buzz and I could feel the sudden wave of unfiltered energy ripple throughout my body. My fingers and toes twitched with a yearning to move and be free; with a groan, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and hugged my knees close to my chest, savouring the intoxicating strength that I felt and the awareness in my senses that opened up to me like a locked door. I remembered feeling like this before, but it had been so long that I had forgotten just how exhilarating it is. I had been subdued by TomCat all these years.
"Oh god! What have I done?!" Tom whimpered suddenly and I looked up at him. He threw his whip down in defeat and clutched his hair as he stared at my terrified, huddled body in horror. He knew he messed up and I wanted to show him just how badly he did so.
"I'm so sorry, Tae, I didn't mean it! Please forgive me!" he wailed as he fell to his knees. On pure, animal instinct, I growled at him and he immediately stopped in his tracks and stared fearfully at me. My teeth were bared and my eyes were ablaze with the rage that I seemingly stole from the ringmaster. For some tense moments, we both remained frozen; I growled threateningly at Tom as a frightened wild animal and Tom stared back in horror.
"Go now," the ethereal voice ordered and I gladly obeyed. Without hesitation, I lunged at him, screaming and ready to claw, bite, and maul until the ringmaster was only shreds. TomCat responded with a petrified yelp of fear and bolted as quickly as he could back to the sanctuary of the Big Top. I gave chase and my legs felt lighter than air; all I could see ahead of me was my target and I was determined to achieve it. In one great leap, I pounced on the man's back and clamped my jaws onto his neck.
Tom's blood-curdling screams deafened me but I would not relent. The taste of his blood on my tongue had entranced me and driven me mad like a rabid beast. I tore into his flesh and clawed at his skin only so as to taste more of the sweet liquid.
Tom desperately clawed at the grass and cried for help, he struggled and wriggled beneath me and finally, he managed to swing his arm up far enough to elbow me in the face. I cried out in pain but despite the throbbing in my eye, I scrambled to keep Tom within my grasp. It was ineffective and he quickly crawled to his feet and was off running again. I growled and seethed with fury as I got back to my feet and pursued him. There was no way I was going to let him escape; I would fail if he escaped.
I reached out and grabbed the man by the billowing tails of his coat. With a vice-like grip, I held on despite his fighting and slowly made my attempts to pull him back to my cage. Unfortunately for me, he was quick to think and he slipped out of the coat before I could even begin dragging him back. He sprinted as hard as he could towards the crowd of performers who were running up to intervene and I heard his panicked voice scream for help. I yelled in frustration and once again made chase. I ran like the wind, determined this time to pounce on his back and snap his filthy neck before he could run away for the third time.
I was almost in reach of him again, I could almost smell the blood leaking from his wound. I was just about to pounce on him again when, to my surprise, FatCat came barreling toward me like a raging bull. Everything happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure what he had done. One moment, I saw the strongman racing toward me and the next... I was suffocating on nothing and the only thing I could see was Ivan in the crowd of performers... absolutely horrified by what had happened.
My throat felt deflated and I gagged and choked for air but to no avail. I squirmed like a worm in the sunlight but the only relief that came was the enveloping darkness that took hold of my senses and momentarily welcomed me in a cold embrace.
But I knew this brief visit of Death's was just that... brief.