Alex turned around slowly and looked at his coffee, already done in the machine. His eyes stayed on the steamy cup and his mind quickly went into a blast of thoughts.
He hadn't seen Mitsu in a while. He thought he liked him, but he never saw him again, so the crush went away. Did it though?
Why was he back all of a sudden? He had even forgotten he was friends with Rai!
'Ahhhh crap, crap, crap' Alex felt their eyes drilling into the back of his skull. They were probably expecting him to join them.
Alex grabbed the cup of coffee, carefully, covering his hands with his sleeves first, to avoid burning himself. Then he turned around, and, as he had guessed, they were looking at him expectantly. He walked towards them, trying not to fall or spill any drop of coffee, so he wouldn't embarrass himself.
'Hi!' Greeted Rai in a high-pitched voice and smiled at him when he reached their spot. She tapped in front of them, signing him to sit down. 'How's the snow treating you?'
Alex sat. His heart was about to jump out of his chest and run away. Maybe it was his imagination, but he could feel Mitsu's penetrating gaze on his face.
While he tried to accommodate, he looked up briefly, just to see if he was right. Alex's eyes met Mitsu's. Both quickly looked away, as if both were hiding from each other.
Alex started to freak out. He hasn't seen him since Mitsu went his way on his bike, waving and smiling. And, as if it wasn't enough, he remembered all those dreams he had. Alex could feel his cheeks burning, as he got more embarrassed.
'So?' Rai waved her hand in front of his face.
'What?' Alex returned to reality.
'I told you he was like on another planet lately' said giggling Rai at Mitsu, who smiled. His eyes got smaller as his grin expanded. This made Alex freak out more. They were talking about him? Did Mitsu ask about him?
'I just asked how the snow was treating you?!' Insisted Rai, raising her voice a little bit, as if that'd help.
Alex focused as much as he could, and tried to look calm. All he wanted to do was shoot questions at the other boy, and ask him where the hell had he gone? He took a big chunk of air and muttered;
'oh, it's been hell. I was very late today because the train had to stop. Some tracks were frozen or something. I missed the only class I had'.
He took a sip of his coffee, trying to hide behind it. Instead, he burnt his mouth and tongue, making him push away his cup and cover his lips in pain. Mitsu reacted quickly to this, and took the beverage away.
'You should be more careful, Alex' he said, blowing on the coffee to make it colder, and taking a sip of it.
'Did he really just do that? How didn't he burn his mouth?' Alex thought to himself, astonished. 'Wait. Did he just say my name? Does Rai know that we know each other? I mean, of course, you arrived together to her party, but maybe she knew that I went to his house also...' Alex started spiraling, wondering what that would mean.
'I was just telling Mitsu that I felt really bad because you wanted to leave psychology' interrupted Rai. Alex felt relieved for just a second, but then he remembered that the only reason he was considering that, was because Mitsu's words convinced him it was a good idea.
'Is that so?' Mitsu asked, smiling, as he gave Alex's coffee back. Alex blew a little bit on the cup and took a sip, trying to hide and avoid eye contact. He remembered how he'd reacted to Mitsu's suggestion, and couldn't escape the thought that that day, his expression gave away the fact that he thought it was a terrible idea.
'Yeah, I've been thinking about it.' Alex replied only looking at the hot beverage, 'I might leave after I finish my first year'.
Alex took a shot at looking at Mitsu's face to check his reaction, who was hiding a smile and looking right back at him. He was wearing the same red sweatshirt he had borrowed Alex from the night of the blackout, as if that was the only piece of clothing he owned for cold weather.
'That's too bad' commented Mitsu as he put a cigarette between his lips. He took a puff and offered it to Rai, who shook her head and passed.
'I'm trying to quit.' Rai added. Mitsu laughed in disbelief and put it back in his mouth, but before he could take a second drag, a hand grabbed it from behind and took it away.
The three of them looked up to see a tall guy with messy black curls, taking a long drag from Mitsu's cigarette and smiling. Alex noticed how Mitsu quickly looked away and his shoulders tensed up all of a sudden. On the other way, Rai smiled and cheerfully greeted the new guy:
'You're back!'
The tall boy tried to sit in a space between Alex and Mitsu, which made them both move aside a little, so he could fit in. Alex looked at him timidly and confused. He had long locks of hair, was as pale as Alex, and even had a lip piercing. He started to chat with Rai as if they knew each other from a long time. Alex noticed he had a foreign accent. French? Nordic? He felt kind of intimidated and a bit out of place, as he was the outsider.
'And who's this?' The guy inquired with the cigarette again in his mouth. He extended his hand in a friendly manner.
'Hi, I'm Alex' he managed to say as he shook his hand, which was dead cold. Alex noticed this boy was only wearing a black long-sleeved shirt that sticked to his body, with matching skinny jeans.
'I'm York' he said confidently, as if Alex should know who he was. Alex, confused, looked at Rai, seeking help, as if he had missed something.
York chuckled and turned to Mitsu:
'So you're not telling people about me, eh?', he said with a cocky grin and not taking his eyes out of Mitsu, who just smiled, took a puff of his cigarette and stared away. Alex wondered why Mitsu was acting this way. He surely wasn't a great speaker all the time, but his sparkle and great smile were definitely not there. Maybe he was just too into his thoughts, but Alex knew something was off.
'You didn't answer me before. So, are you back? Or just coming to visit?' asked Rai, taking away Alex's coffee, who didn't realize as he was distracted analyzing Mitsu.
'I'm just visiting, for now' replied York as he laid back, supporting himself with his arms.
The corridor, once full of students, was now empty. Classes were finally over and the snow had made everyone go home as soon as possible. Mitsu and Rai were leaning against the wall, and Alex and York were facing them, forming a square. A rush of icy air blew everyone's hair and some papers lying on the ground. Alex helped Rai to get them in order and noticed how York tried to fix Mitsu's hair, but he pulled away, annoyed.
'I have to stay home for at least a month before visiting you guys again' said York, as he shook his head to make his hair fall into a perfect mess. 'Anyway, fellas, I should go now or I'll miss my flight' he added as he stood up.
He gestured to Rai that he wanted a goodbye hug. She quickly stood up, and wrapped her arms around him in a caring way. Then he turned to Mitsu and approached him closely.
'Talk to you later, babe'.
Alex's heart stopped.
He couldn't look away when York pulled Mitsu's face closer and kissed him on the lips. Mitsu pulled back and flushed instantly.
'Get over it!' York laughed triumphantly, 'I'll text you later'.
Alex was petrified as the tall boy took his bag, somehow delicately, and left, walking away, leaving a thundering energy behind him.
Alex felt his soul had left his body. His stomach felt empty, which made him nauseous.
Minutes passed after York had left. Mitsu had not said a word since the encounter and Rai was filling in the gap, babbling about whatever crossed her mind. The air was so tense, it could be cut with a knife. Slowly, it started to snow again. The cold air flew some small snowflakes their way, setting place on Alex's curls. This made Alex snap out of it and stand up quickly. He hid half of his face on his scarf and hugged his backpack.
'I should go' , Alex mumbled while staring at the ground. 'Uh, the train... the train is probably running late again and I need to get home now, so...'. He turned around quickly and started walking.
Rai got up fastly, reached for his hand, and stopped him.
'Wait' she said 'let's go together'.
Alex's throat was in a knot and started to hurt by the second. He didn't really want to, because that meant that Mitsu could also join, and there's nothing he wanted lessof. He started to quickly think about excuses, until Mitsu interrupted:
'Uh, I'm picking some stuff up at a friend's house'. He started to collect his things and stood up, 'I-I guess I'll see you around'. Alex, not looking at Mitsu, shook his hand goodbye and left.
Rai did a little run to catch up with his pace. When they were finally out of Mitsu's sight, she reached for Alex's hand again and pulled him to a stop.
'Hey, could you please stop for a sec?' she asked, alarmed, but Alex shook away her grip.
'Can we just go?' said the boy while looking through his wet curls. Some frost fell down from them, onto his clothes. Rai approached closely and looked directly into his eyes.
'Did something happen between you and Mitsu?' she inquired. Alex looked away, not sure what to say. 'I noticed everything. Are you... like, into him or something?' she insisted.
Rai's words floated away and a terrible silence took over. Alex couldn't reply honestly, even if he forced himself. Instead, he asked back:
'Who was that York, anyway?'
Rai coughed and fixed her beanie. Her feet sort of played with the snow from the ground. Alex could tell she was in need of a cigarette at that moment.
'Well, York is Mitsu's ex'.
'Ex? as an... ex-boyfriend?'
'Yeah'.
Mitsu...
liked...
guys?
What about the girl of the party? A memory rushed into Alex's mind immediately. Mitsu had told him that he had dated six or seven years. 'It's hard to keep count because we broke up too many times' he remembered Mitsu's lips as he muttered the last words, as if it hurt every time he pronounced them.
'I'd like to go home now' said Alex after a minute of complete silence.
Rai could see there was obviously something going on, but she didn't have the heart to insist, even though she was very intrigued. They walked together all the way to the station, without saying a word. Alex could feel the worried peeks of Rai checking in once in a while. And, although he knew his face wasn't showing a pleasing gesture, he didn't know how he really felt. It was a weird, uncomfortable feeling, almost disappointing. He didn't know what that was all about - he hadn't seen Mitsu in so long, so whatever type of feelings he might have developed were gone, supposedly.
But when he saw him sitting there, and then with York... his stomach clenched as the image repeated in his head. Alex couldn't understand why these feelings were flourishing again and rushing so fast. They were completely taking over, and dragging him and he couldn't do anything about it. He felt so powerless - was he powerless over Mitsu? He was unable to recognize any of the feelings that were sprouting inside him. He knew he didn't like the situation, but he didn't know exactly why. This made him frown really hard and grunt in frustration. Rai just looked at him, worried.
They reached the train and entered it to go home. It wasn't crowded, so there was enough space to choose where to sit. The sun had set already and the snow was keeping everyone inside, keeping themselves warm. Alex just sat by the window and Rai followed, sitting in front of him. They both left their things aside and looked outside the window, as the train started. None of them said a word. The scenery was enchanting, as the white from the snow started to cover everything - almost making the world disappear, as the snow grew dense.
Alex's thoughts wandered. He had the image of Mitsu laughing next to him on his bed, on the day of the blackout. He remembered his dreams about him, now so vividly, as if they were memories - how they hugged, and held hands. And then, a disruptive picture of York lovingly interacting with him, as if he owned him. Alex clenched his jaw and made his hands into a fist.
'Fuck' Alex muttered under his breath. He didn't want to admit it, but he knew.
Yes, that was definitely it.
He was jealous.
'What?' asked Rai as she couldn't catch what Alex had said.
But before Alex could even react, the train stopped in its tracks, making both of them almost jump off their seats. The stop was so sudden the lights flickered a couple of times until they turned off completely.
Alex let his head fall back and grunted with frustration.
Right away, the distorted voice of the conductor filled the wagon, giving out some information. Alex couldn't catch any of his words, as he was still recuperating from the shock and the quality of the sound was terrible.
'Oh no, we're going to be stuck in here for a while' said Rai.
'What? You really caught any of that?' asked Alex in disbelief, as if it was impossible any human being was able to understand any of the sounds coming out of the speakers.
'Oh yeah. He said the tracks were frozen, so there was some malfunction in some of the lines, and that we'd have to wait' she clarified, and then, with a cheeky smile, she added 'also, he said there was this huge storm approaching and they were trying to defrost all the tracks asap, with all the personnel they've got. That they were trying these new flamethrowers, but there was a problem with the burning part of it. And then he added that the government passed a law to encourage people to own solar power in their homes'.
Alex blinked in confusion and Rai just chuckled. He understood it was just a joke and smiled in return. He appreciated her trying to light the mood as it was very needed at that moment. Alex rubbed his eyes and laid his head on the cold window and groaned in frustration. He was tired of all the spiraling and the bad luck. He could see through the window as everything started to disappear behind the strong, white blizzard.
They were, indeed, stuck for a while.