CW: Don't forget every chapter has 18+ content, including drugs and sometimes sexual activity. This once in particular has violence and homophobic language and behaviour.
The apartment was warm and filled with sunlight. Since it was on the 10th floor, Alex could appreciate the view of the plain city. The buildings seemed never-ending, and the tiny people rushed down the street. The spring air blew the few trees he could catch with his eyes.
'Why haven't you been on campus?' asked Alex, taking a long drag of his cigarette.
Misty had cooked a bunch of food. He had made vegan plant-based hamburgers, cups of rice, and a combination of fried vegetables. Alex was skeptical whether the food would be any good, but after much insistence from Mitsu, he decided to try it - and it was terrific. The young boy made fun of Mafuyu for the rice as it was a perfect recreation of the Japanese dishes he had seen. Mitsu immediately made him shut up by explaining it was a traditional dish.
The young boy was impressed that Mafuyu even had ice cream for dessert. It seemed as the meal was very thought through. Alex rapidly forgot about all the overthinking from the past weeks. He was enjoying himself too much there.
They ate everything like starved animals and do not say a word until finished. After the feast, they were so full they stayed at the table to rest. At that point, Alex gathered all his energy to get to the window and roll a cigarette.
'So?' Alex insisted.
'Huh?'
Mitsu lifted his head as he lay on his back, so satisfied after his creation. Alex was trying to digest the delicious food and the fact that he was with Mafuyu, sharing a meal after the kiss. None of them had addressed it, and it seemed it wasn't going to happen that day, as Mitsu had just moved to his bed and closed his eyes. Alex couldn't handle his anxiety anymore, so he decided to ask away.
At that point, Alex got up and and approached the desk, under the big window, so he could roll himself a cigarette. He made one for Mitsu too and he lit it up looking outside.
'I told you I wanted to drop out' Mitsu sat upright very heavily. He stared directly at the young boy's eyes as his face seemed surprised.
'So you did?'
'Nah,' Mafuyu shrugged. 'But there's no point on going if I'm gonna.'
Alex thought that was exactly what dropping out meant, but he just nodded. Silence took over the room, and Alex felt awkward and nervous. Mitsu's checked his phone and got up quickly.
'Hey, a friend is coming over to pick up something,' said Mafuyu while picking up the dishes at the table. Alex immediately reached out to help him.
'Should I go?' asked the young boy while splashing water over the sink.
'Oh, no, no. He will leave right away. Mafuyu took Alex's place and started washing up. 'Let me clean, dumbass.'
Williams frowned. As he took a step back and rolled his eye, the bell rang. Mitsu left the dishes in the sink and opened the door with his wet hands.
'Hey, man.' He greeted as drying his hands on his t-shirts.
A tall and muscular guy with a bike appeared from the side and high-fived Mafuyu. Alex couldn't recognize the guy. He had never seen him around campus or elsewhere.
'This is Alex,' Mitsu introduced. 'So, how much do you want?' Alex felt awkward again and barely moved.
'Just the 2G,' replied the guy. Mitsu opened a drawer at his desk while the guy stepped inside, leaving the door still open.
Alex slithered to the side and sat down on the bed. He focused his stare at Mitsu to avoid eye contact with the huge dude. Mafuyu poured a bunch of weed into a small glass flask, making Alex raise his eyebrows as he realized that was the pick-up. The boy felt small and naive because he had never known someone who dealt drugs.
He remained in silence, and Mitsu gave the flask to his friend.
'Bye, Mafuyu. Bye, Alex' said the guy, somehow awkward when it came to say Alex's name, who shaked his hand saying good bye.
'So...' started Alex breaking the silence.
'I'm not a dealer,' Mitsu quickly interrupted, stretching his arms slightly uncomfortable. He avoided Alex's eyes and returned to the dishes. 'We just bought a bunch together, and he was picking up his half.'
Alex looked at him in disbelief, but he didn't insist.
'Why don't you put some music on my computer while I go to the toilet?' said Mitsu while quickly getting away. Alex lit up his cigarette again and nodded. While Mitsu was in the bathroom, Alex thanked the PC was on, so he didn't have to ask for his password, or worst, guess it. He searched for one of the albums he had been into lately.
Alex felt a knot on his throat as if all the questions he still hadn't asked were accumulating inside him. He wanted to ask about the kiss and how the older boy felt about him. Why hadn't he reached for so long?
He clicked the link as he found the exact full album and grinned. He wanted to share it with Mitsu and talk about it - that was a great conversation starter and could break the ice. Then, a good segway to their whole situation.
Alex stared at the screen as he planned what to say to Mafuyu.
He was in his thoughts, that¿s why He didn't hear him go out from the bathroom.
Mitsu was suddenly behind. Alex paralyzed completely, because he wasn't just standing behind, he slowly got closer to Alex and he felt Mitsu's chest leaning onto his back. His warmness overpowered Alex's body which made him blush.
Mitsu rested his hands on the young boy's shoulders, making Alex feel goosebumps down his spine. The young boy slowly turned his head around, and their gazes met.
Mitsu spoke first:
'That's a really good band.'
'You know them?'
'Yeah,' Alex swallowed loudly and blushed intensely.'
The young boy's pulse was increasing by the second. He felt the way Mitsu's hands slide down his shoulders, to his arms.
'What's with the... uh... Mafuyu thing?' Alex barely mumbled, forgetting everything he had rehearsed before in his head.
Mitsu leaned his head slightly to his side as he didn't know what the young boy meant.
'I mean...' Alex continued, '... I noticed they don't call you by your first name'.
'Ah, my friends really call me Mafuyu,' Mitsu explained without taking his hands off Alex's body.
'hmm'
'You can call me Mafuyu if you want,' he mumbled closely to Alex's ear. The young boy's eyes widened, both terrified and excited.
'Hm' Alex managed to let out again.
This time, the young boy decided to go against his instincts, and instead of running away, he firmly grabbed both of Mafuyu's wrists, whos hands were still on his arms, closed his eyes, and leaned forward to kiss him.
As if he was waiting for it, instead of getting surprised, Mitsu got away from Alex's grasp and pulled him closer by the back of his head.
Alex lost complete control over himself. He wasn't acting out rationally - his body was on charge this time. He grabbed Mitsu by his shirt and kissed him even more passionately, pressing his eyes shut. The sensations were so surreal as he had been longing for this for a month.
Mafuyu walked backward and grabbed Alex with him, who followed the older boy's lead without a doubt. Both bumped with the end of the bed and fell over it. Mafuyu pulled back a little and smiled. Alex snapped out of the moment and looked back at Mitsu with shock through his eyes.
They stared at each other for a few seconds, and before the young boy could say o ask anything, his phone rang. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and took a peek. It was Rai.
'What?' Alex splurt out without taking his eyes off Mitsu's, who stayed still looking at him back.
'Heeeyyy!' Rai shrieked loudly, making Alex's ears ring. He pulled the phone a bit away from his ear. 'There are a few people at my place. Come and join!'
'Are you drunk? It's like 5 pm!'
And also, you're interrupting at the worst moment, he thought.
'Ugh. Don't be a loser! We're in like our twenties. We should be enjoying this like every night!' Rai's yelling was starting to annoy Alex, who wanted to hang up quickly. 'Bring Mitsu!' she added.
Alex quickly blushed. Did she know she was with him? He started panicking. 'What?'
'Yeah, call him or whatever!'
'Rai, it's Monday...'
She had already hung up. Mitsu finally moved back and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled his hair back and tied it with a hairband. Alex noticed he left his ears on sight, which had a few of piercings on both of them.
'We should go,' Mafuyu said.
Alex's heart was still uncontrollable, and he just stood still, not knowing what to do.
'It'll be fun. We can get high'.
Alex felt his heart on every part of his body and didn't dare move. His eyes betrayed the discomfort that was growing inside him, from his stomach.
'Are you okay?' Mitsu stared at him closely. 'I told you not to put that face on me.'
Alex nodded and crossed his arms on his chest, putting on a stern face. He swallowed and turned his face to the side. Then, he responded:
'Yeah, uh, I'm okay. So you wanna go to Rai's?'
The other guy was already collecting his things to go to the impromptu gathering. Alex felt frustrated and sighed lowly to himself.
'Yeah, it sounds fun. We should drop by' he answered and took a peek at the boy, who looked stunned. 'How are you not sweating the hell out of yourself with those winter clothes on!?'
Alex was doubly shocked. How embarassing! He was feeling so insecure about it and now he had pointed it out.
'Let me borrow you something,' said Mitsu as he opened a drawer. Alex looks at him, deeply ashamed. He couldn't ignore the fact that Mafuyu was acting so naturally after what had happened. 'A kiss and off to a party,' the young boy thought desperately. 'Are we even going to talk about it?' Also, he was about to borrow his clothes as if it was something that always happened. Alex thought that maybe Mitsu was used to being so casually intimate with everyone.
While finding himself with a pair of black shorts and an oversized white t-shirt on his hands, Alex felt light-headed. The clothes smelled like Mafuyu.
'Uh, no,' Williams said, adopting a tougher voice, trying to keep his dignity, and he extended his arms, returning the clothes. 'I'm good. Thanks. Besides, your clothes are too big for me, anyway'.
'Drop that toughie attitude' scolded Mitsu and pushed his hands back to him. 'You don't need to do that with me. And you like baggy clothes! This will fit you alright. C'mon.'
Alex hesitated but then silently walked to the bathroom.
'Why all you do is like an exact copy of what a Korean idol would do?' Alex joked from the bathroom, trying to feel less anxious. He stared at the white t-shirt that had a probably japanese kanji written on it. He wondered if Mitsu knew what it meant.
'they're the ones that want to be like me', the old boy replied with a serious ironic voice.
Alex smiled and flushed. He could feel the pressure on his chest getting lighter. He loved how Mitsu could turn any situation into a comfortable and chill chat.
'You see? Now you don't have to burn yourself to death.
They stepped outside Mafuyu's building and headed to Rai's. Alex didn't want to admit how much he liked the outfit. Before Mitsu, he would never think about caring for fashion stuff, mainly because Connie would always criticize him if he when he changed his style slightly she usually said it didnt fit him well. He dug the symbols on it and knew the t-shirt was probably a smaller size for Mitsu, but he felt comfortable on it. The shorts were simple black long shorts but fitted like the Asian models he had looked before on stores or fashion ads. He was considering buying a pair after realizing he didn't look as awkward as he thought he would on them. he used to think his legs would look to pale and skinny behind black shorts, but he didn't feel that way once he had them on.
Plus, Mitsu liked it.
'You can keep them, by the way.'
'Don't be stupid' Alex mumbled, not sure if it was a joke or not.
'Seriously! Keep them. They're too small for me anyway' he peeked at the young boy with a mischievous smile.
Alex pushed him with his shoulder to the side, annoyed at his teasing. Mitsu pushed him back, chuckling. They both smiled to themselves.
'Thanks', Alex said in a lower voice. He fixed the strap of his shoulder to make it look like he was not satisfied. Mafuyu replied with a shiny and wide smile, which made the young boy fluster and feel butterflies in his stomach. He is always smiling...
They rang the bell at Rai's apartment, filled with laughter, music, and loud conversations coming from inside. 'How did she managed to have all that people over on a Monday afternoon?' Alex wondered. He thought he hadn't considered how popular Rai was.
Rai blasted the door opened and screamed with joy:
'You came together!' Her high-pitched voice was loud enough to have some heads turned. Alex felt all his blood rushing to his face faster than a bullet.
'Rai-'
'You invited him!' she screamed over his voice and hugged him. Alex felt like an idiot and blushed intensily.
She proceeded to hug Mitsu, who was smiling as widely as before, making his eyes squint into nothing.
'Hey, you! It's too early to be this drunk,' Mitsu laughed, still hugging her, and lifted her a little. Rai pulled back and stuck her tongue out at him, which was bright red, probably from a considered amount of Jell-O shots.
'Pfff, you sound just like Alex, ' Rai scoffed and laughed.
Alex was overpowered by anxiety and wanted to run away. His house wasn't far, and he could say he was feeling sick. Before he could even form a sentence, Rai grabbed him and Mitsu's hands and pulled them inside.
'Come in, come in! Everyone's inside.'
'Who the fuck is everyone?' whispered Alex to himself. Mitsu looked at him as he had heard him, which made Alex panic even more.
Rai introduced them to everyone who was there. The young boy could recognize a few people from campus, although he had only seen some of them around because they were from Rai's year and also that girl with the shaved head (she kind of was everywhere?).
Anne was at a corner having a blast. 'Of course,' Alex thought, 'they're like besties now since they found out both shared the passion of annoying me.'
Suddenly, when he saw the girl with the shaved head (whos name was impossible to remember for Alex), approached, Alex soul dropped onto his feet as the flashback of her and Mafuyu kissing and going together hit his mind.
He saw how eager she was when she saw Mitsu and came over to say hi. She kissed his cheek with a smile and just she interlock her hands behind her back, looking directly at him like Alex wasn't there.
He had the same sickening feeling on his gut when he saw York for the first time. He got silent and shut down as he realized how jealous he could get.
'Where have you been, Mitsu?' she asked, touching his arm, pretending like Alex wasn't there still.
'Is she flirting?' Alex thought, shocked. 'She is!' The young boy felt foolish and small. Mitsu kept entertaining her with a cheerful aura, so Alex decided to walk away, wishing he was invisible.
'We should've stayed' Alex thought,feeling gloomy. He hoped to get both drunk and high enough to talk about their situation. It was two kisses now. But the reality was different from his expectations.
Mitsu acted nice and gently with everyone, not just with Alex. He must have known the shaved head girl was flirting but do anything about it. Alex was confident they had hooked up the last time he saw them.
'And now he's doing the same thing with me '.
Alex felt so upset he clenched his teeth and turned his hands into fists. He wasn't used to feel so cornered and helpless. He was always the one in charge with Connie - he took care of her and treated her like a queen. No one could approach her like the shaved head girl did to Mitsu. He would flirt with her on purpose to make her blush because he thought she looked so cute.
But Mitsu had made that side of him disappear when he was around. Alex felt as if Mitsu knew how powerless and nervous he felt around him, so he made him feel like that on purpose all the time.
Alex felt frustrated and angry. He was just about to punch the wall when Rai showed up. Her eyes lit up as she greeted him. Alex's heart softened when Rai approached, looking like a little kid trying to hide from eating cookies before dinner.
'Hey,' she whispered, 'you look different. New clothes?'
Alex blushed instantly but didn't worry about it because Rai was too drunk to notice. He avoided her question and asked in return:
'Why are you throwing a party on Monday? Where are your parents?'
'Dad's overseas for work and Mom is visiting some family,' she answered quickly. 'Aaand it was Anne's idea.'
Of course it was.
Alex noticed how Rai seemed a little off. She wasn't looking at him, and instead, her stare was wandering somewhere in-between her thoughts and the party. Something was definitely up.
'Do you have a cigarette?' she asked.
'I thought you quit.'
She shrugged. Alex hesitated for a second but then reached his pocket and offered her a rolled cigarette from her tin can. She thanked him, saved it in one of her pockets, and added: 'I'll need one later. Do you want something to drink?'
Alex cleared his throat awkwardly.
'Nah, it's okay. I'll make one myself,' he replied, taking over as he thought that Rai couldn't make drinks in her state. 'What are you drinking anyway?' Alex smelled her cup, and she turned away, looking like a little kid again.
'Wine,' she replied with a snotty attitude.
Alex smiled, feeling grateful that Rai was there and had approached to check on him. Even if she didn't ask anything directly about Mitsu, she still had found a way to make him feel less conflicted.
After a while, Rai rejoined the party, and Alex was left unsure of what to do. he peeked through a corner, looking for mafuyu and found him sitting on the floor next to the shaved head girl, preparing a pipe.
'Oh, right. He said he wanted to get high again,' Alex thought.
As if Mitsu had heard Alex's thoughts, he looked up in his direction and showed him the pipe. Before the young boy could run away and hide, Mafuyu got up and walked towards him, leaving the girl he was with shocked. She looked offended, as she was left talking alone, which made Alex feel a pleasant feeling inside.
'Hey' Mitsu said, leaning on the corner of the entrance, where Alex had been hiding. 'Are you hiding from me?'
'No, idiot' Alex crossed his arms and looked away. He pretended to cough to hide half of his face with his hand so that Mitsu wouldn't notice he was so flushed.
Mafuyu handed him the pipe with half a smile. The young boy grabbed it awkwardly, surrendering to him. 'Whatever, it's a party,' he thought while placing it on his mouth. The taller boy took a lighter from his pockets and got closer, to lit it up for him. Alex felt uncomfortable at the thought that Mitsu was so eager to do this kind of stuff. Always so close.
He handed the pipe back, trying to cover up the coughs.
'OI!' Rai startled both by appearing out of nowhere. She pulled from Mitsu's shirt and dragged him towards the balcony. Mafuyu could barely keep balance. 'Smoke. Out. Side!'
Alex pressed his lips together to avoid laughing and started to feel the effects from the weed.
'Heya!' a hand waved in front of his eyes. Knowing right away who it was, he pushed it away. Anne stood next to him with a sarcastic smile.
'Are you drunk too?' asked the young boy to annoy her.
'Yeah. Right,' Anne scoffed. 'It's barely seven o'clock'
'Like that mattered for you...'
Anne flicked Alex's forehead with her fingers making the young boy move backward, frowning.
'What about you, stoner? I just saw you getting a huge hit'.
'Yeah, but like once.'
'You're so gonna get addicted,' she mocked him and laughed at his face. Alex felt immediately cheered up after talking to a friendly and known face.
They stayed together as the night went by. They joked and chatted about their time in high school and other stories about their puberty. Alex was having fun, and for a moment, he remembered that being in crowded spaces didn't always suck as long as someone friendly was by his side. A part of him knew that Anne was aware of this because she always seemed to rescue him from social interactions and make him have a good time.
Mafuyu kept orbiting around but never really interacting with Alex. The older boy looked so comfortable around everyone that Williams preferred to stay out of his way and stay next to Anne. Until she went to refill their drinks.
In need of a break, Alex went to the balcony, where a couple of people smoked and talked. He kept his distance and lit a cigarette.
'Are you Alex?' a voice came from behind him.
Alex looked back and saw a tall, well-built man standing behind him. He recognized him as he had seen him with Rai around campus. It took him a minute to realize it was her boyfriend. The young boy panicked as he realized he didn't remember his name. Why was he so bad at remembering names?!
'Ye-yeah. I definetely know... you...' he said, trying to smile not to look terrified. 'You're Rai's boyfriend'.
The guy took a step forward with an intimidating look. He smashed his foot loudly on the ground while looking at Alex from head to toe. This caught the attention of some of the other guys on the balcony.
Rai's boyfriend was pissed off. Alex was so perplexed and scared. He knew people like him before, in high school. He was definetely trying to intimidate him.
He started to think about if he had said or done something wrong in the last five seconds.
'Listen carefully, you pussy' the guy said in a low and menacing voice. 'You're going to do exactly what I'm about to tell you, alright?'
Speechless, Alex looked at the corner of his eye and noticed how the other people on the balcony were still looking. This made Alex relax a bit as he thought that at least they'd be witnesses. He tried to hide how scared he felt. He could tell the other guy was drunk, so it seemed things could go wrong if he made any mistakes.
'Listen...'
'I'm the one talking here,' the tall guy took an even closer step. 'You don't get to get home with my girlfriend anymore, okay? All those secret lunches and the love emojis. Do you think I'm stupid, asshole? I know what are you doing.'
He leaned onto Alex with a threatful gaze, and the shorter boy couldn't manage to say a word as he was paralyzed.
'You know what's coming for you if you don't obey. Get it?'
'Uh- look, you've got the wrong-"
'Who the fuck do you think you are?' he cut him off loudly this time. 'You leave my girlfriend alone, or I'll destroy your face.'
People from inside were now paying attention, too, and Alex flinched when the guy grabbed harshfully Alex's shoulder.
Alex was panicking, and he lifted his palms up, trying to show him he was not looking for trouble. The tall guy pushed him back in less than a second, making the young boy hit the balcony's wall. He was frighteningly intense, and he was about to punch Alex when a hand got in between them and pushed Rai's boyfriend away, tugging from his arm.
'Hey' said a voice, 'Leave him alone'
Mafuyu spoke with a calm but low voice. Alex noticed he was as equally drunk as the other guy. Also, it was the first time he saw him like that. There were no signs of his usually bright eyes or wide smile. He was being completely serious and slightly dark.
Rai stood next to Mafuyu, looking horrified and ashamed.
'Nick! Stop it, please' she begged, getting closer to him.
Rai's boyfriend removed Mitsu's hand with a big shake, clearly not paying attention to her. This gave Alex the chance to slide to the side and escape Nick's grip. He had his heart on his throat and felt like he was going to collapse. The young boy wanted to get inside, but Nick was blocking the way, so he could not get close.
'Ha! Mafuyu!' Nick scoffed sarcastically. 'This is none of your business, so you gotta leave now.'
'Leave Alex alone,' Mitsu muttered still with a somber expression.
Nick laughed loudly, making Alex flinch again, and in a blink of an eye, he had grabbed Mitsu by the neck and pulled him closer. The people around gasped, and Rai covered her mouth as tears ran down her face.
'Wait!' she whined.
'What are you going to do about it, little Mafuyu?' Nick said, pushing Mitsu with great strength, making him hit the ground. To Alex's surprise, the older boy grinned even though he was noticeably in pain. He rushed to his side but met Nick's hand on his chest, pushing him away. Williams stumbled back and got grabbed by Rai, who had a desperate look in her eyes.
'Oh, I get it now. Your boyfriend was coming to rescue you, huh?' he said to Alex, chuckling. Alex was red with adrenaline and angry, 'Yeah, I've seen you around, Mafuyu. I know how it is. Do you think you can do something to me, you faggot?'
Widening his eyes in terror, Alex saw how Nick kicked Mitsu on the stomach, leaving him without breath. Mafuyu gaped. Rai ran to his side, apologizing and crying, trying to help him get up. But Nick didn't stop. He pushed Rai aside and kicked him on his side twice, making the tall and skinny boy curl in pain. This time, Mitsu didn't recover and hid his face while in a fetal pose. With a quivering voice, he managed to say:
'Stop....stop'
Nick stared at him, and his face went emotionless.
'Yeah, I thought so.I guess I had nothing to worry about,' he said while peeking at Alex. 'You both are just a couple of pitiful fags'.
He made one fake movement with his fis, next to Mafuyu, which made him flinch. He laughed and got inside, getting together with his friends who celebrated him. Everyone was staring at the scene while Rai sobbed quietly. Anne quickly slid her arm around her shoulders and walked away with her.
Hesitant, Alex got to his knees next to Mitsu. People dissipated and started to leave, as any of them didn't know what to do to help.
'Mafuyu?' the young boy whispered.
Alex tried to move his hand away from his face, but Mitsu didn't let him. He was shaking.
'Hey...' he mumbled with frustration, 'I'm getting a cab,' Alex murmured, taking over. He felt how everyone who passed by just stared directly at them and moved away quickly. 'Let's get you home'
After a while, Mitsu looked up, and Alex's heart clenched. Mafuyu's eyes looked empty but holding tears. They seemed filled with a lot more than pain from the beating.
'I need to go,' he said with a trembling, husky voice that only Alex heard. The boy nodded and checked his phone to see if the taxi had arrived. His stomach felt tangled in a knot, and his throat hurt.
'C'mon,' he managed to say and helped him get up. 'I'll come with.'