Alex and Mitsu looked at each other for what felt like an eternety. Mitsu wasn't smiling anymore, he was serious and expectant. The sky was getting darker and Alex could barely see their face. None of them said a thing.
When one stood up, the other one followed.
They walked together to the station, the autumn air smashing their skin; Alex's cheeks were red from the cold, but he could feel his body warming up from inside. They stood next to each other on the train. Sometimes, Mitsu would check on his phone. Alex just went back and forth, from the scenery to the tall guy's face.
Mitsu Mafuyu got out of the train at almost the last station, and Alex followed. They took the stairs to get outside. Sometimes, Mitsu would look back to see if Alex was still there.
It was pouring rain outside. It was the first rain of the year, and it seemed like the clouds were pouring at their full potential.
Alex put his hood over his hair, already soaking wet. They sprinted under the rain for a bit, avoiding the small puddles on the ground. He followed Mitsu inside a tall, grey building, and went inside the elevator with him.
Inside, while going up to the 10th floor, they finally interchanged looks again. Alex was hugging his backpack, as he was protecting it from the rain before. He felt so off wondering himself how did he get into this situation.
Mitsu looked undisturbed, which made Alex nervous. When they finally got to the 10th floor, they walked to the last door in the hallway, which Mitsu opened, discreetly.
They walked inside, leaving wet footprints at the entrance. Alex pulled back his hoodie, which was damp because of his wet hair. The place was a small clean one room apartment.
To Alex's surprise it was full of things he wasn't expecting from someone like Mafuyu.
An expensive looking guitar rested in a corner, next to the queen-size bed, that wasn't centered - instead, it was closer to the big window in front of the entrance door. A slim black piano with music sheets on it was in the space between the bed and the kitchen counter, and in front of it a desk with - to Alex's exhilaration - a very professional-and-expensive-looking computer set-up. On the kitchen counter rested a pile of books and a a couple of small cactus on their pots. They had googly eyes pasted on them.
A disturbing idea popped up on Alex's mind.
He didn't know Mitsu, at all. He had talked to him only once before, and now he was at his place for no apparent reason. He looked at the leggy dude drop his keys at the kitchen counter and his backpack on the floor, without care, and dead-eyed.
Was he about to get murdered? Alex got agitated.
Mitsu then turned around to see Alex. He saw the pale boy was noticeably uncomfortable and worried at once.
'Are you okay'? he asked Alex, slowly as he looked as if he was going to faint. Little did he know that was his natural skin color and, although he was nervous, the coffee was delicious enough to make his stomach full.
The scrawny boy looked at him with doubt as he started to shiver because of the cold. It was weird how the same question sounded so different from Mitsu's mouth. It was genuine concern and he was expecting an honest response.
Alex stared at him, not knowing how to answer. Then, he sneezed loudly, making Mitsu jump in surprise. In a hurry, he covered his nose with his arm and blushed. 'Why do you have to be so lame!?' he thought to himself.
Mitsu giggled as he walked to his desk, opening a drawer. While going, he took off his jacket, revealing his oversized wet black t-shirt stuck to his shoulders and back. He pulled a big red hoodie out, and handed it to Alex, who was still standing completely still at the door.
'Change, you're deathly wet'.
Mitsu's laughs made Alex relax a little bit. He left his backpack on the floor and walked a few steps to take the piece of cloth, snorting what was on his nose.
'This is too oversized' Alex thought. 'I'm a head shorter than him, I'll look ridiculous'
'Here, have these too" Mitsu handed him a pair of sweatpants. Alex grabbed them in disbelief because there was no way those would fit on him. Alex tried not to put himself down and conserve some of his dignity, but it was getting harder with Mitsu's presence.
'Are your socks wet too?' The long-legged guy looked at Alex expecting an answer. His long bleached hair looked darker because of the rain. Alex shook his head no.
'Good. The bathroom is over th-'
Mitsu was interrupted as every light and device in the apartment turned off. Alex jumped, wide-eyed, and looked up at the light bulb that had seem to explode.
'Shit' expressed Mitsu, 'it's probably because of the rain. Cables always get tangled and fucked up when there's a storm'.
Mitsu moved his hair away from his face with both hands and tied it up with a hair clip. He didn't noticed Alex's terrified aura. He was starting to panic and shiver even more - half because he was getting colder and the other half for being in the dark with a guy he barely knew.
'Well, isnt this fun?'. Alex couldn't see, but he heard Mitsu's voice as he was smiling. 'Blackouts are fun. when's the last time we had one...? I think I have a few candles somewhere...'. he turned on his phone's flashlight and pointed it at Alex, who covered his face, dazzled. 'Oi, why haven't you changed? You're shivering! I'll look for the candles"
Alex's eyes got used to the dark. Mitsu was making a lot of noise and suddenly had stopped. He had turned around and pulled his own t-shirt up, revealing his naked back while he pulled another dry t-shirt from the drawer.
Alex was relieved that the room was in complete darkness, because he couldn't look away went from the boy's back muscles. 'How is he so skinny, yet so fit?' Alex thought almost jealous. 'He must play sports or something'. He turned away from him, thinking he could never get that shape. He proceeded to change clothes and, as he had predicted, everything was too big for him. He turned around trying to adjust the sweatpants, when he noticed the room was slightly lightened by two candles.
'You okay?' he asked to Alex, lighting another candle.
'Yeah' he answered, shaking his hair with his hand to make it drier. Mitsu took a peek at Alex and couldn't help to smile softly. The boy looked really small and skinny with his clothes on. Although both of them were skinny, he taller and more muscular than Alex, so his clothes didn't fit them right, as his feet got covered by the end of the sweatpants and his hands full covered by the sleeves. Mitsu couldn't help finding the image cute.
'What?' Alex frowned when he saw the tall boy staring.
'Nothing' Mitsu giggled, mischievously. 'Yo, what's with that people that hates all-black clothes? It's the best outfit for a blackout' added Mafuyu pointing at their clothes. 'We make the perfect pale-skinned-ninjas'.
'Don't say that' Alex mumbled sourly and looked away, as the thought of Connie rushed into his head. Mitsu was surprised. He actually had annoyed him.
'I'm sorry' he placed his hand on Alex's shoulder and pressed on a bit, trying to reassure him. 'I won't say it again'.
Mitsu sat in his desk chair, relaxing his body. With a hand he pointed at his bed, inviting Alex to sit down. He obliged and sat cross-legged, and took his phone to check the time. It was already 9pm but, he had no texts.
No one was worrying, so he wasn't going to panic about the time.
'I'd offer you a coffee, but with the power out my kitchen is pretty much worthless' Mitsu defended, while he opened a drawer and took a tobacco bag out. He rolled a cigarette really fast. Faster than Alex ever could. 'So, i guess, we are stuck with tobacco'. He placed an ashtray and the other stuff in front of Alex.
He stood up and sat next to small boy, in the exact same position as him. 'Are you always this quiet?' asked Mitsu lighting up a cigarette, 'Are you sure you are OK?'.
Alex was indeed really silent, but it wasn't something particular, other than he was out of his comfort zone and really didn't feel like talking. This was a completely odd situation for him, being with a friend - he barely knew-, at his own place, just hanging out, without electricity or anything to distract themselves. He took the rolling stuff with his thin fingers and started pouring the tobacco on the paper, trying to focus on the rolling as his hands were still shaking.
'I'm okay' he eventually said. Mitsu noticed his shaky hands, so he took the paper with tobacco and rolled it up himself. Alex looked up and the scene of Mitsu's tongue licking the rolling paper with his eyes closed made Alex feel weird on his stomach. He blushed out of nowhere, which made him frown in confusion.
'Good' Mitsu smiled, cheerfully. 'Me too'. He seemed a lot more comfortable now that he was at his house. He lit up Alex's cigarette and handed it to him. They both exhaled the smoke into the dark room, looking at each other. They shared a laugh.
'I'm sorry. I just thought we could hang out here instead of that hell of a school, but the rain and the power failed me today' Mitsu commented.
Alex grinned, taking a new drag off his cigarette.
'That's ok, this actually looks a lot like my own room on a daily basis' he joked and their laughs joined. Mitsu leaned forward to his window and slid it slightly open, to allow the smoke to leave the room. The rain sounded strong against the ground and the different rooftops. The air was weirdly warm, signing that there could be thunder at any moment.
'You don't like the school?' Alex asked curious as he felt relaxed. He pulled his knees up and hugged his leg with one of his arms.
Not liking the university they attended was so wild to him. His parents, his ex-girlfriend and her family, even all the kids at Alex's high school, thought that university was a huge privilege. He had to study two full years to get accepted. He couldn't think of someone not liking studying there.
Even more surprisingly, Mitsu snorted at him.
'Honestly, all I want is to leave it' he confessed, looking directly at Alex's eyes while blowing out a big cloud of smoke.
'Leave?' Alex wided his eyes, looking shocked 'As in dropping out?'
"Yeah, exactly" Mitsu looked away. Alex was shocked as the idea was something impossible to do in real life.
'Why?' he enquired, pressingly.
Mitsu didn't replied. He seemed to have shut down because of Alex's reaction. The pale guy took notice.
'Ah, right' Alex teased his silence, 'that's a good reason'.
Mitsu laughed, but Alex waited for him to answer. He looked away, feeling like an intruder. He squinted his eyes and pressed his lips, concerned.
'Please, don't make that face' Mitsu groaned lowly.
'What?' Alex looked up, surprised, and changing his countenance.
'You always make that face' Mitsu smiled. 'Makes me want to... hug you, so whatever you're feeling goes away'
Alex got quiet as he felt something in his stomach.
Alex looked at Mitsu not knowing what to do.
Mitsu was about to burst in laughter, like he had just said a joke, but he stopped at once, when he saw how Alex placed his hand in the back of his neck.
'Wait, you make that type of face too' he added, looking at his extinct cigarette.
Mitsu's eyes widen a little. When Alex looked up at him again, he smiled gently and his eyes got tinnier and slanted.
And to Alex's surprise, Mitsu had just described what he had felt in the last encounters with him. After a minutes, Mitsu yawned and leaned backwards, holding his weight on his elbows, supporting himself. He never broke eye contact with Alex and kept smoking.
'so, girlfriend?'
Alex blew a rapsberry.
'God, no'.
For the last couple of months, Alex felt he would've exploded in tears if anyone would ask him that, but with Mitsu there, he felt like he needed to put on a strong face and act cool about it. Besides, he was actually determined to get over her - after Anne's comment.
'I get you. Neither do I. Who needs that' Mitsu replied.
'Yeah...'
Mitsu couldn't tell he was lying. Although he had been deppressed, he also felt dull and numb, as he wasn't in the mood of dating - or even leaving with some random girl at a party. Getting a new girlfriend was not on his mind at the moment. He was still holding onto the last one. Mistu kept talking:
'Like, it always gets hard when you involve sex in the relationship with someone' Alex got slightly embarrassed by his sudden approach to the subject, 'even so when you're already friends' Alex looked at the tall guy's lips while he spoke. He was serious about his statement as if he had already thought about it before.
'I know, right?' Alex replied pretending he knew anything about it. 'It should be much... simpler'
'Yes! My thoughts exactly!' Mitsu sat back up, excited. 'I would love to just do it, you know? Have a nice time, a little bit of fun, and not it being a big deal. Like when you do it with friends'.
Alex moved from Mitsu's lips to his eyes, which encountered them staring back. Alex couldn't prevent giving him a terrified look, behind his wet locks of hair.
Then, Mitsu realized what he had just said.
'Right' Mitsu coughed and leaned back again.
After a few seconds of tense silence, he quickly tried to find a way to fix the mood, so he said:
'Should I try putting some music on my phone?'
One hour and forty five minutes later of music, Mitsu and Alex were laughing together, laying back next to each other in the bed, both of them holding a cigarette. Alex had been telling him about Connie. After the previous talk, Mitsu had put on a very good mix of music, which made them start talking about love songs, which inevitably led to Alex vomiting all of his anger and sadness he had to encounter all these months. He couldn't stop talking - not just because he desperately needed to tell someone about it - because Mitsu was an active listener, asking a lot of questions and commenting what he could relate to. Alex felt understood and content.
'Okay, so, you guys dated a long time' Mitsu took a drag of his cigarette. He coughed a little and added: "Fuck, I miss tea. I wish we could boil some water'.
The power was still out. Their phones had run out of battery, so the music had stopped a while ago. Their hairs were dry and messy now.
'I also dated someone for too long' Mitsu mentioned suddenly, looking at the ceiling, like he was reminiscing.
Alex took notice at the choice of his words.
' For like six - no, seven years, i think' he continued, 'it's hard to keep track..." Mitsu tapped his cigarette to drop the remaining ashes on his glass ashtray. 'We broke up too many times to know for sure'
Alex felt speechless. Mitsu probably had felt what Alex was dealing with now, and even more times and for longer periods. The embarrassment started to grow inside of him. He had just told a story about his first girlfriend, who dated only a couple of years and his lame only one break-up.
Mitsu, in only a sentence, had shown Alex he had been through lots of heartbreaks. The shorter guy turned to look at his expression.
His eyes betrayed him. He had been hurt. But Mitsu continued, not catching on Alex staring.
'I totally get it. You know, what you said about not being able to listen to music, for example, because it was her thing. That's how I feel about psychology now. I chose this degree only because a person who I supposedly loved was there. But when things got, uh, bad, I couldn't stop myself from just wanting to destroy it all, you know" Mitsu took a long puff of his cigarette.
Alex realized that was the reason Mafuyu wanted to leave. Also, he realized he did exactly the same thing. Making that important decision, something that should determine your whole future, just for someone else. Did he start to hate school too, because of Connie? He was about to tell him he felt the same thing, but Mitsu precipitated:
'About the music thing, did you liked the playlist I chose?" he asked, lifting his head to look into Alex's eyes, as he vividly wanted to know his opinion.
'Actually, yeah!' Alex felt excited saying those words. 'It's the first time I've actually enjoyed music and liked a song without other's influence'.
'I made some of them' said Mitsu, incapable to hide he was feeling really proud.
Alex looked at him in awe, and mouthed a wow, silently. Mitsu laughed, feeling accomplished with his reaction.
'Wait, for real?' Alex moved slightly forward. 'Which one was yours?'
'The one that said... mmm-mm..' Mitsu hummed the melody and drummed his fingers on his legs, trying to remake the sound of the song.
"Oh, I recognize it" Alex nodded. He remembered the song, because it had a slow piano in the end, and the tune was so smooth, but extremely fluid, transmitting a deep feeling that gave Alex goosebumps. 'I really liked it. Can you send it to me?'
'Of course. As soon as I get the power back' Mitsu dropped his head on the pillow and imitated Alex's arm position, going under his neck for support. Then, he asked:
'So that's the reason you're sad? That Connie girl?'
Alex felt slightly better because the boy remembered the name. He was indeed paying attention. But he didn't reply right away. He wasn't feeling so sure about his answer, so he just looked into Mitsu's eyes directly. Before he could reply, Mitsu added:
'Yeah, didn't think so' he smiled. 'You have that face again. It's melancholic, I think'.
Alex looking away and smoked from his cigarette. Then, he finally said:
'I can't really explain it. I guess sometimes it's...too much... to handle?'
Their eyes met again, this time with a small gloomy smile from Mitsu.
'Yeah. Sometimes it is just too much'.
They held each other's gaze in silence for a couple seconds. Alex could feel Mitsu's breath close to him, almost invinting.
Then, the light came back.