"Bad dog." I admonished while I smacked Fenrir to the ground after he leapt up to the ceiling.
Poor thing broke one of its golden shoulder spikes during the impact and rolled around on the floor whining in pain. I looked at the giant broken bone spur briefly before storing it in the Gate of Babylon.
Never know when I might take up raising Fenris clones as hunting dogs.
Before we could engage again, a series of green energy pyramids trapped the massive skunk striped wolf and his daddy compliments of Ajuka and the pair were teleported out.
"And just like that I am left with my fight boner unsatisfied." I grumbled, "I should have known all you peace loving jagoffs would ruin a good time."
"That was quite the smack young man." Odin spoke out as he stroked his long Gandalf beard.
"Well if it isn't another one of the old fuddy duddies that are determined to ruin my war." I complained while looking at the once warlike being.
"Interesting." He mused as he took a closer look at me, "Very interesting."
"Neat, dawg." I yawned, "Can you guys bring back Loki and Fenrir so I can put some real party in this party? Nothing like a little deicide to lighten things up."
"I am afraid that we cannot allow Loki to be slain at the hands of devils." Odin denied, "There are too many that would take the death of one of our major gods at the hands of devils up as a rallying cry for war."
"Sounds like two birds with one stone." I grinned.
"Which is exactly why you will have no part of any conflict with him." Ajuka stated.
"You know Ajuka, you are really lucky that the idea of sitting around doing math till I figure out your super power is so diametrically opposed to how I live my life that I can't just replace you with a cooler cousin clone that is DTW." I spat and left, but caught a little bit of the post exit convo.
"DTW?" Ajuka questioned.
"Down to War." Azazel answered, nailing it.
"What are the odds he goes and does something good for the cause?" Sirzechs asked.
"Fucking zero." Odin spat.
"Oh my." Michael peeped up, "I need to go home. RIGHT NOW!"
Why did Michael need to run home? Because I just showed up at the Pearly Gates and kicked those suckers down. When Quipploth and the Chaos Brigade invaded Heaven, they did so through Purgatory allowing them to enter the Third Heaven directly, thus bypassing the massive defenses of the First Heaven. But why would I do that?
I pushed my hands out to my sides and projected a bounded field across the entirety of the First Heaven, speeding up the time within hundreds of folds and ramping up the time for those seeking to enter the field by the same factor. This allowed me all the time I needed. For fun of course.
I could destroy all the Heaven's with a single attack after all, but why would I throw away a slave race. Killing all the angels would be like killing house elves in Harry Potter. House elves that you'd like to fuck this time instead of those fuggly little tykes.
So instead of breathing purple fire across the expanse of Heaven, swinging a Super Serious Punch, or a crisp strike of my mega anime buster sword, I began to jog. I jogged and I only slowed my roll long enough to lay hands on everyone who came near me, and after I shrugged off every ranged attack that hit me from the many thousands of angels and Brave Saints living in the First Heaven, that meant everyone came near me in a mass suicidal charge to stop me.
It was fucking beautiful.
I parted the tidal wave of holy bodies like a martial arts Moses through the Red Sea and as I ascended to the Second Heaven I looked back and saw that my work was good.
Contrary to popular misinformation, Angels do not fall the moment they sin and the Second Heaven is the Black Cells in which those who sin are held, and those involved in the Tower of Babel. Why those two categories are held together only God knows as only one side is here to repent.
It is also where the Angels peer out across the sea of stars, the pitch blackness allowing for some killer views.
I bypassed the Third Heaven that housed the souls of the mortals allowed entrance to Paradise and the Tree of Life. I bestow immortality like candy, no need for a tree that I'd have to care for that does the same.
I'd be coming back to the Fourth Heaven and the Garden of Eden it contained. Best Zoo Ever.
The Fifth Heaven housed the R & D department and the terrified researchers within. I get the feeling that the Fifth Heaven has never done an active shooter drill, because these people are running around like headless chickens with the only organization to their retreat being any direction that takes them away from me.
I encountered the Four Great Seraphs, Michael, Uriel, Raphael, and the bounteous beauty Gabriel on the Sixth Heaven, pausing my rampage for the first time since I took a look at my work on the First Heaven.
"You will go no further!" shouted Uriel, an exemplar of his race with hair just a touch darker than the golden locks of Michael and Gabriel.
"Hahaha!" I laughed in his face.
Then I bound them in the Chains of Heaven, Enkidu.
Still laughing I dragged the bound divine beings up to the Seventh Heaven and to God's own throne.
"You should rejoice." I announced as we ascended the stairs leading up to that radiant golden seat, "How long have you sat upon this throne a pretender, desperately trying and failing to hold together everything your father built? No more is that burden upon you, because Daddy is home."
My voice changed to a more gravelly iron on iron tone as I transformed into my Machine Devilgod form, my power latching on to the celestial realm and warping it to my preferences even before I lay my shiny metal ass upon the throne.
As I got comfortable in the big chair, a series of cables materialized out of the back of my head like dreads and integrated with the Throne of Heaven causing my fiery purple eyes to widen at the completion of the connection.
"God truly was so far ahead of you simpering birds that you could have never come close to even an ounce of his genius… " I announced, "but then again you are his personal slave race. Why give his toys any real potential?"
"You lie!" Uriel shouted in defiance.
"Everything I say is Truth." I commanded.
"Everything you say is Truth, Father." the Four Great Seraphs responded together.