"Okay, here we are on the Second Heaven, where angels used to get locked up, but also a scenic singles destination… get it, cause all the angels used to be single? God damn it. One day someone will laugh at my jokes." Eleazar complained as the tour group and his sister looked at him like he really, really wasn't funny.
"Fine." the cat man spat, "So Dad freed all the people from the Babel incident cause he didn't give a fuck about a bunch of ancient ass wipes who teamed up to defy Yahweh, and he moved the prison cells up to the fifth floor so that angels who sin against his greatly reduced rule book can serve a quick sentence real time and you know… repent in a reasonable time frame to still be useful to Heaven."
"Aren't the angels enslaved to Dio?" Rias asked the man.
"Yeah, but if they want to disobey they can." Eleazar explained, "It isn't in their nature and Dad can severely fuck with their perception of reality if her wants to, but if they really get a hair up their ass about it they can do some pretty nasty shit to sever their relationship to their god. It's a bit harder to sever the relationship with Dad as he is way loosey goosey about, you know, morals and shit. Can't just eat a dude and get bounced out of the Heaven System anymore. Eat a baby though…"
"Basically any new fallen angels are to be killed on sight." Eleanora added.
Rias and Akeno nodded, the latter quite vigorously.
"Enough about eating babies, the Second Heaven is now a viewing deck of the night sky and various sections of the cosmos Dad has explored throughout his travels." Eleazar continued, "You can check out the schedule to see what portions of space are coming up, they change weekly."
"We'll be skipping the Third Heaven." Eleanora stated as the approached a lift station, "We have a brochure for those interested in a trip to the Third Heaven, here check it out."
Elaenora pulled out a thick book.
"I thought you said it was a brochure." Issei said as he reflexively reached out for the offered item, "HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IT BURNS SO FUCKING BAD!"
He shrieked while cradling his hand to his chest.
"I can't believe he fucking fell for that!" Eleazar laughed.
"WHY!" he cried out.
"The brochure to get to Heaven is the Bible, Issei." Rias sighed, "And why hasn't Dio removed those features of the Heaven System?"
"Dad has been waiting for something special." Eleanora said as she activated the lift to take them to the Fourth Heaven.
"We interrupt your scheduled Lift TV broadcast to bring you this Breaking News." A twelve winged news anchor in glorious golden power armor stated from behind a big news desk.
On the screen mounted to the wall of the elevator played out a clip of Serafall Leviathan in full magic girl regalia interviewing Ajuka Beelzebub.
"I am a shit cousin and a wanker." Ajuka stated stone faced, "Dio is such a swell guy, and I am very envious of his manly bod and his resting cool guy face. Don't let anyone tell you that Dio has resting bad guy face."
"And there you have it folks peace in our time. The Great War is finally over once and for all and the winner is Dio! Praise be to the Lord of Heaven. Blessings and Grace to the Faithful for a thousand generations."
"Huh. All my life it has been 'Don't do this, it could start a war.' 'Don't do that, it could start a war.' and now the war is over with barely a whimper." Rias said as she crossed her arms under her chest.
"I believe it was more of a uvular noise that brought world peace." Eleazar joked, "Ajuka reading those lines war more a smoke screen and the real work for peace between the factions was done on Serafall's knees."
"Not in front of Step-Mom." Eleanora hissed and elbowed her older brother, "I swear, you assholes enable each other's worst traits."
"Kicking ass and getting BJers is totes malotes cool." Eleazar defended his position.
"Just because Dad gave you a high five the first time you got your dick sucked doesn't mean you should treat women like walking sex toys." Eleanora swatted him.
"Preach sister!" Koneko shouted and put a fist in the air.
"I wouldn't mind Dio treating me like a sex toy some time." Akeno giggled with a hand over her mouth and a wiggle of her eyebrows.
"Expect to be visited soon by an incarnation of my father." Eleanora said while palming her face, "Though he technically hears everything in Heaven, he only really ever listens to people making requests to fuck him."
"But it was such a crisp high five." Eleazar said with a shine in his eye as he remembered the high five of yesteryear, "It carried so much meaning. Achievement, pride, shared experience. That high five was Dad's way of saying 'That's my boy.' That I had come one step closer to being just like him."
"Neat." Eleanora said as the lift opened, "Here we are at the Forth Heaven which used to host the Garden of Eden, but now have Gardens for all the other planets Dad has been to. All the animals are completely domesticated but watch out for a wandering Mudcrab business man. The guy is elite tier and can sell fur to a lion."
Walking through the Gardens, the tour group encountered a white haired statuesque woman with a young girl of similar features running around with seemingly boundless energy and fascination.
"Hey there little sis!" Eleazar shouted and waved at the girl and her mother.
"Ooohhh! Who are you? I've never met you before!" the girl ran up and looked the large cat man up and down, "You look like Daddy but also like a kitty!"
"That's because his mom is a cat lady!" a voice shouted as he burst out of a nearby hill as he wrestled in the jaws of a giant alien worm monster.
"This here, Emmy, is a Thresher Maw." Dio laughed as he twisted his body and slammed the worm into the ground, "They don't seem like much now, but Daddy grew up without magic or Shonen power creep, so big worms like this were a really big deal for people as they explored space. Daddy killed one during his Rite of Passage to become a recognized adult right before I splattered this fool named Uvenk's head on the concrete and took everything he owned for myself."
"Ohh! Is that when you became the Gatatog Chief?" Emmy asked while she played with one of the bladed mandibles of the Thresher Maw with one hand while smacking its glowing blue tongue with the other.
"Got it in one, baby." Dio grinned and rubbed the little girl's head.
"Hey, I don't remember us ever doing anything like this when I was growing up!" Eleazar shouted as he pointed at the touching father and daughter bonding.
Dio just looked at his son and spat on the floor, "That's because back when you were growing up I couldn't be in 99 places at once. Back then the excuse of 'I'm busy' held a lot more weight. Plus aren't you like the … fifth or sixth cat boy I fathered? I kinda lost interest in you guys after number 3."
"Dad." Eleanora stated as Eleazare knelt on the ground drawing an infinity sign in the dirt with his finger while muttering barely intelligible noises about being number four.
"Eleanora! Apple of my eye. Showing your Step-Mother around like a good and filial Step-Daughter should." Dio grinned as he pulled his second cat daughter into a hug.
"Daddy, how do I make sure you don't forget me like that cat boy?" Emmy asked while tugging on Dio's jacket, allowing the Thresher Maw to flee.
"Oh baby girl." Dio comforted the girl while petting her hair, "Your mommy is smart, and doesn't try to flood Daddy with an endless stream of babies like Kuroka and Sakura. The space in Daddy's heart is infinite and you will never lose your spot there, but eh… Number 4" (Number 4?) he silently questioned Eleanora whom nodded her head, "he came after Daddy had given all his fucks to the first three sons he had with Kuroka. So there were no more fucks to give for Number 4."
"Math." Emmy nodded her head in understanding.
"Math." Dio agreed.