"So I guess we should invite her in?" Janice suggests.
"Why thank ya," Alice tries her best at a southern accent but it sounds Jamaican. She walks in and hands me her cake. "You look good as a chef. It'll be great when we're sister wives." She laughs.
"Ha," i say sarcastically and take her cake and set it on the coffee table.
"So is Josh your baby daddy?" She blurts out.
"Anything to drink?" Janice asks as Alice and I sit down.
"Water would be great. Thanks." Alice tells her and Janice leaves the room.
"Unfortunately it's Alan's." I say and Alice immediately bursts into laughter.
"God future dexter in the making I see."
"Gee thanks," I say sarcastically and I turn to face her. "Who are the other possible baby daddy's?"
"Like I'm stupid enough to tell you," she scoffs. "Besides I'm certain it's Josh. We were fucking for a while you know?" She looks at her nails. They're coffin shaped black acrylics with little red hearts.
"Yeah I heard when we were dating," I look at her. Letting her know I was special, she wasn't and I would easily beat her at any competition she starts.
"Heard all about that too. Especially how you had him kill for you." She laughs. "Now that's toxic!" She exaggerates.
Janice returns with her water and tells me she's going to finish stirring. She runs off again leaving me alone with Alice. I just wanted her to go back to the fiery pit she rose from.
"Someone's mad," I laugh. "Your other baby daddy is my actual and vice versa for you. Talk about luck." I rub my belly.
"Unfortunately reality sucks." She clears her throat. "Speaking of…" she begins "I know what I did was horrible. There's probably no way of ever being able to forgive me. Everything I ever did to you, it was just so awful." I think she's starting to cry a little. I almost want to forgive her.
"Alice…" I try to say.
"Please don't tell me to go just yet." Her eyes a little red and watery. "I need to apologize and I need to know I did everything I could to try to make it right. So I wanted to help with something."
"What could you possibly help me with?" I scoff.
"Well babies cost lots of money." She tries to propose an offer. "Reality is, you're going to have to juggle school and a baby. Plus you're going to have to get a job so you could afford basic needs. Taking time away from your baby and you'll have to pay for supervision, either nanny or daycare. You'll be broke, stressed, most likely failing classes for lack of time."
"What are the conditions?" I ask. Interrupting her long speech she clearly prepared. If I was being honest, I hadn't even thought about this stuff. I just assumed all three of us would take care of it but I haven't dreamt a new dream. It's hard to imagine life without Celeste.
"Have your aunt drop the case and I won't have to look at time in jail. I'm about to pop in two months!" She pleads. "I would have to give my baby away and I can't!" She sobs. "I just can't do it. So I beg of you. I'll give you a million. Well my dad will."
"So you want me to forgive you so you can get off Scott free?" I stand and I'm disgusted. "Get out." I point to the door.
"Please Ari," she begs. "I will never get to raise her!"
JOSH
Days kept rushing by that there was no more time to grieve. Sometimes I had a moment though. Especially during dinner, I missed Ariel sometimes. Cheri was moving in to my moms house and I was stuck doing most of the heavy lifting. She had so many heavy useless ugly paintings I was thankful to be leaving. Cheri would be selling her home after her and mom got married. The invitations were all sent yesterday and I hoped I'd see Ariel.
School was a dread. I begged mom to let me do online classes at home and just come once a day. I hated being in classes without my friends there. Celeste's locker became a shrine and it was on my walking way between two classes. I had to pass by it daily and it was a constant reminder that I didn't get to give her the justice she deserved. Alan should've been rotting in a cell at a state penitentiary. School was the only time I ever mourned them so I hated it. I was glad it would be my last semester of high school. The week after graduation, I would be headed towards Arizona. A one way ticket in hand.
My mom and I began to drift. I wasn't exactly pleased she slapped Ariel. Cheri never talks about it nor to Ariel. I hoped she was okay but I didn't want to bug. She wanted her space, it was clear. Shit, she never even texted me. Just that one time I told her about Cheri but that's all. It hurt me to think about Ariels life, I tried my hardest not to but it was impossible. She's just lost so much, including me.
If I stayed up late, I would drive myself to Celeste's house and re read all of our old group messages and Ariels. I looked at pictures, anything I could. Just to sulk in the reminder that I fucked up. And to remind myself that she's really gone. This is all real and there's no time machine.
Unhealthy habits always form in our ugliest moments. As I found myself driving to the liquor store to play 'Hey Mister', I realized there's no moving on in life. There's only living on with the pain. I found an older gentleman and offered to buy him beer. I just wanted my tequila. He accepted and within ten minutes we were drinking on the swings together. There was a park across the street.
His name was Earl and he was 39 years old. He grew up in North Carolina and claims he was friends with J Cole back when his name was Jermaine. I laughed so hard for the first time in a while. I spit out a little bit of the slug I tried to swallow.
"It's true," he says. He takes another huge drink out of his 40.
"I thought he took care of his homies." I take a swig out of my bottle. I almost want to spit it out but I don't want to look like a pussy. Especially not in front of this guy.
"Only some," he chuckles. "Nah I was too busy slinging. I ain't want out the hood until shit went south." Another swig. "I always thought I'd be pro baller. I was real good too. Unfortunately tho pops bailed, ma got sick. Leukemia. Had to drop out when I was 16. I had siblings to take care of."
"Where are your siblings now?" I ask. "There's gotta be someone you can stay with."
"Wait you think I live on these streets?" He starts busting out laughing really hard. I felt awkward. "Holy shit main."
"Im sorry, I didn't mean to offend." I quickly say.
"Boy do my clothes look raggedy to you?" He says still laughing. "Nah I live with my first baby momma and she a real pain in my nuts. Gotta get outta there sometimes." He takes another swig. "Don't ever knock up a bitch cause then ya life pretty much over and done with. No more hopes or hoes." I laugh at that last part.
"Cheers to that." I say and we clink bottles before one last nasty swig.
By the end of the bottle, im hammered. I can't drive, let alone walk.
"Hey man, why don't you just come stay at my place? You can crash on the couch. My baby mama won't mind and we only got the one kid." The older man says.
"You sure bro?" I feel myself losing energy. Like im about to crash.
"Yeah main. Come on. It's only a few minutes walking." Why did he keep calling me main? It's like a fancy way of saying man. Just didn't make sense.
He helps walk me and I stumble on along the way. It was only a four minute walk.
He lets us in and immediately sets me down on his couch. He covered me with a blanket.
A women came out and they ran into the kitchen. A whispering fight going on and I can't make much out of it except that Earl pleads to let me sleep off my drunkness.
I feel my phone buzz as I drift away into a good nights sleep.
I had a dream that I had impregnated Ariel. That it was my child and not Alan's. We had a happy life together and it was perfect. That's how I knew it wasn't real when I was watching the slide show of joy play in my mind.
Earl snaps me out of my thoughts. He's standing over me with a mug of coffee.
"Drink up sunshine," he says with a smile and hands me the mug as I sit up.
I take a swig. I hated it black. So bitter. I almost spit it out. I set it down on his side table that's holding a lamp and a picture frame of a baby.
"Thanks for letting me sleep off my drunkenness." I say. "I should get going." I stand up. I begin to fold my blanket.
"No need main," he grabs the blanket from me. "I hope you figure whatever it is you're going through out." He paused. He hands me my phone. "I think it fell while you were sleeping."
"Thanks," I say as I grab it. I see several missed calls from Ariel and a message saying "code red". I even had a call from a blocked number but that didn't seem important. I said goodbye to Earl and bolted out the door.
I flew by doing 80 on the highway all the way to Celeste's house. Ariel was living with her mom, Janice, since the whole slap incident.
When I pull up to the driveway I see a nice brand new red Mercedes and I can only think of one person who would drive it.