Josh
Late freshmen year
Alice Winnie was one of the schools cheerleaders. She was a skinny blonde with smooth long legs. Her hair was straightened out this particular day, which made it look long and super soft. She was wearing the schools uniform and a shade of matching lipstick to go with it. She wore white sneakers that looked brand new with matching white socks. She was almost perfect. She could sure be a real pain in my ass though, she was a natural bitch.
She once grabbed a girl by her ponytail and slammed her head in between her locker and it's door. Alice claimed Rebecca, the poor girl, called her a slut. She also kicked Rodrick Martice in the balls when he tried to cat call her in front of his buddies at one of their games. It was all over Instagram, it was legendary. She was a bad bitch because she was a real one. She was my best friend and I was proud of it.
Although our friendship was just that, I could always tell Alice would've hit me if she could. She always checked me out and during winter when I wore sweats or joggers, she would scan me up and down slowly and I'd catch her glancing at my dick. I always pretended not to notice.
Having a girl friend in high school was not the goal. Besides she was known to be a little slutty. I was focused on school, trying to keep up with my advanced classes. I wanted to go off to school and I was told to excel in my academics and participation is key. There wasn't a sport I was good at though, besides running miles four days out of the week did not seem appealing. Maybe I could do band but they have summer school and would sit in the sun all day long or exercise to. Unless I was doing it willingly I didn't want to do it at all. I could draw however and I would sign up for art for electives. I just never thought it would get my anywhere. I wanted to help people rather and I knew if I followed in my moms steps, I could. I could be a nurse.
My mom was a lot like Alice. She always got her point across. I remember back when I was a kid, I was the only white guy at my school. One of the few in the city. I had a Hispanic teacher that singled me out almost daily. Eventually I chose not to give a damn. I intentionally started a fire on her desk. Luckily the fire extinguisher was nearby and she put it out. Needless to say I was expelled but my mom was able to sue for racism. They wanted to press charges. She won and we moved to a new rich town without dad. Dad left while the whole thing was happening. He went on a binge and never came back. I loved my mom ten times more that night when I caught her sobbing away.
Anyways before I wallow back into the dark pit of depression again, Alice was the girl every girl wanted to be and the girl every guy wanted to fuck. Besides me. But I confess sometimes I wondered if maybe, just maybe I liked her more than a friend. I met Alice a month ago whenever we were put in a class together for second semester. We sat next to each other in the same photography class. Our teacher Mr. Walks, despised us both. He was my science teacher as well and I felt like he would always refuse to help me. Science was one of the hardest subjects for me and anytime I struggled he brushed me off.
"The hot ones are always the biggest assholes," Alice says as she sees her newest grade. We had to take pictures and photoshop them. We were suppose to look like we were floating, elevating, or some shit like that. I sucked at taking pictures on a camera too. Although I never struggled to be Alice's personal photographer on her cell phones camera.
"Are you calling me ugly?" I raise a brow and say sarcastically.
"Joshykins, you're the biggest asshole I know." She smiles. "Now, what are we going to do this weekend?"
Anytime she asked my plans for the weekend, she wanted to go party or drink. The week we met, we went to the movies and snuck in a bottle. She was like my partner in crime. We could joke around for hours.
"I dunno Alice. I think we're getting hammered." I look at my grade. C-, wow.
"Ouch. That's bull. You did pretty good on making me look like I was jumping through space." She glances over. "That deserves a double." My project was having Alice jump in her cheerleading outfit with her pom-pons while in a Galaxy background. It was actually really difficult to shoot because I had to do it while she jumped. I got a perfect picture too meanwhile the class used an object.
I asked Mr. Walks after class why I got the grade I did. I even specified the way I did it should've earned me extra credit.
He just laughed in my face and said I didn't do it right and if he had an issue to take it up to the district. Lord knows I'm not above it.
Alice waited for me outside the door and asked me what happened.
"Typical douchebag." I laughed. "But we're getting fucked up tonight." I put my arm around her and we walk down the hallway.
I stalked Mr. Walks after school. I figured out where he lived and ended up running around the corner then calling my mom for a ride. Being stuck in his truck bed was mildly uncomfortable too. He has a wife and two boys, touching. Too bad for his white color on his hideous Ford.
Later on that night
Alice swooped me in her car from my house. We played hey mister and got two bottles. Vodka and rum, we had pineapple and orange juice for the mixed drinks as well. We were sitting in her room and she was home alone. Her dad and her step mom went on vacations a lot. They didn't trust Alice to watch her younger sister though, so she would stay with Cruela's sister. Cruela was what Alice called her step mom.
We were pretty fucked up within an hour. Halfway through both of our bottles. Alice had an interesting idea.
"We should watch porn," she slurs. She lights whatever she just rolled.
"I don't think you're serious." I say, grabbing the joint from her lips.
"I've never done it," she laughs. "Just hooked up with half the team while I'm drunk."
"That's not something you should advertise Ali," I laugh while blowing out my smoke. I hand it back to her. "Besides we're probably not into the same things."
"Oh please!" She says after her hit. "Guys get turned on by anything."
"Eh." I shrug. I take back the joint.
"So you're telling me if I show you my who-ha you'll reject me?" She giggles and gives me a seductive glance. She scans me up and down. She reaches for the string on my sweats but I push her hand away.
"You're my best friend." I tell her.
"So?" She blows her smoke in my face. "I have never been rejected by a guy. Do you really want to be the first?" I take the joint from her.
"You've had enough," I laugh at her and distance myself.
"You would so do me," she giggles. "Now lets watch porn. You chose first and we can see how similar our taste are."
"How about we go egg a teachers car instead?" I say with an evil smile. I hand her back the joint.
"Fuck yes," she stumbles.
"We'll have to go on bikes," I say.
"Oh yeah." She agrees as we finish the joint.
Alice had two bikes that were perfect. We rode the ten minutes it took to his house with a box of eggs in one of the bike baskets.
"Together?" She asks as we're standing looking at his house from across the street.
"Together." I nod. We open the carton as we hold it. When we shoot the first one and it lands, his alarm blares.
"Hurry!" She starts tossing them furiously. His lights turn on and we drive off leaving the carton on the ground. Sorry Mother Earth. We took a sharp right turn covered by even more houses so he never saw us. It was the biggest rush I ever got.
~
It had been a little over a month since I last saw Ariel but here we were. Alice accidentally mixed up appointments and asked us to both come. We had both arrived at the same time.
"Hi," I say staring right at her while Alice is sitting and she's standing on her right. Her belly looked huge.
"I have an appointment, I'm gonna go check in," she brushes me off and only speaks to Alice. It stung in my chest. She walks away taking extra steps to distance herself from me.
"I'm so sorry," Alice says. "I must've invited you both by mistake. So sorry Joshykins."
"It's fine," I fake smile. "Think they'll call you soon?"
"Any minute now," she sighs. "If I don't pop in the next two weeks, we'll have appointments again."
"Great," I smile. If I was being honest, I was not thrilled. I didn't want to speak the words but I'm certain that I'll never love this baby. Just like I'll never love Alice.
~
Ariel
I had spent what felt like a life time pining over Josh. Regretting what I said, wondering if he regretted what he said. Probably not. Alice says how he's happy to be a dad and how he's been showing up and helping out in ways he can. I wondered if he was still going to school. I wondered if a part of him cared for Alice how he used to care about me. It stung in my chest and ached in my throat. I swallowed back these intrusive thoughts and pretended nothing mattered. Besides I didn't know what I would say or do if I saw him.
My worst fears came true when I walked into the doctors office for an appointment I made with Alice. I saw Josh standing there with a huge smile on his face, keys still in his hand. He touched her shoulder. I wanted to cry.
"Hi," he shyly says. And I want to say it back. I want to go back to when we were in love. But with the way he looks at her, it's clear he's no longer sailing in my boat. I just brush him off and look at Alice.
"I have an appointment, I'm gonna go check in." I say looking at her. I don't bother looking up or waking near Josh. I figure this is the only way I'll be able to get over him. It's hard to accept the fact I need to move on.
The nurse at the front desk has me fill out a form. I do it while I stand there since no one is really here besides us four.
When I hand it back to her she tells me to sit down and that the doctor will see me soon.
I take a seat on the opposite side of Alice.
"I hope you're having a girl. Maybe our babies can be soul mates." Alice beams with joy. Just what I need to be permanently attached to the lovely couple.
"Hopefully," I fake my joy and smile.
"Thought about any names?" She asks.
"Only for a boy," I laugh to myself. What a joke. "I'll have to start thinking about girl ones soon."
"Is it too soon for the gender?" She asks.
"I'm barely about to reach 16 weeks. Maybe in two?" I say unsure.
"Hmm. Ask for an ultra sound. I found out at 15."
"Winnie," a male doctors voice says.
"You coming?" She asks Josh. He stands to follow her but the doctor stops him.
"Sorry, but she'll have to be alone this time."
"No problem." He sits back down. "Let me know anything relevant."
He closed the door behind Alice.
Josh sat a seat away. Smacked his lips then blurted:
"I know it won't mean much but I'm sorry."
I don't know what to say. I'm frozen. Part of me wants to forgive him, tell him I love him, and suck him off right here right now but I can't. Because I have to move on and he's about to start a new life. Without me.
"As you should," I cross my arms. I can't think of anything besides giving the cold shoulder.
"You know," he sighs. "I never asked for this. I never even thought it would ever happen. Yet alone with Alice."
"But it did," I mumble.
"Ari, you make everything so impossible. I can't even apologize to you." The look of defeat swallows his face. "I don't even want this baby." He whispers to himself but I still heard it. Part of me wants to run to Alice but another part of me wishes he'll come back for me.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked.
"I'm still going off to school, she's not about to hold me back." He sighs. "I would've only ever given it up for you."
"Thought she made good company?" I shrug.
"Not even," he chuckles. "I just wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry."
"I know," I sigh. "I'm sorry too."
"Can we go back to how it used to be?" He asks.
"Like dating?" I try to pretend I'm not melting like chocolate in someone's mouth.
"Like friends?" He smiles.
"Yeah, friends." I fake smile. I think i died inside.