Ariel
It had been a whole month without speaking to Josh. I wasn't going to Alice's appointments with her either because of it. To my surprise, she was completely understanding. But I would be lying to myself if I didn't worry about Josh. I just couldn't let go of everything he said. He was supposed to be my best friend but that was all complicated when we fell in love. Love, you're a bitch ass. Why could I never chose to love the right guys? Psychopath versus sweet guy but they all have their issues. Someone should've warned me about this.
I apologized to Janice for everything that happened. She of course was super understanding but I felt like I was becoming a burden. Luckily for me, Alice was in the process of handing me a golden ticket. She had given me a quarter of what she promised and with that I bought a home. Usually people with no credit can't get a home because of the loan but I didn't need one. I was trying to grow up for the baby inside me. No one had to be proud of me because I slowly was.
I ended up signing up for independent studies back at Rosemond. Sometimes Alice and I would carpool since she was forced to do independent studies as well. She would show me her ultrasound pictures then and would talk about baby names and how she is setting up her nursery. She was thinking of naming her bay Alex or Jaxon. And I thought for a moment if I had a boy I'd want to name him Josh. How fucked up that was.
"Cruela and I are doing like blue-green wall patterns. We also set up a crib and a diaper changing area! The table is green and the crib frame is blue. I wasn't sure what blankets to get yet though." She laughs. She pulls out her latest ultra sound. He's a big boy, I glanced as I was pulling into the parking lot.
"He's adorable." I smile at the pictures. I hope I glow and get this much joy at eight months. Although my mom always mentioned when she was on her third trimester that she was tired, cramping, and having her veins pop out and itch. She always said she wanted to stop with me. That's probably why she left, it's funny to think about now. "You practicing your kegels?" I tease.
"Ha ha," she says sarcastically. "How's your baby?" She asks as we get out of the car.
"My doctors visit is this Thursday," I say as we begin walking. "You should come. I'm always alone." I try not to think any depressing thoughts but it's so hard not to.
"You are? Still not speaking to Cheri huh?" She smacks her lips. "I'll be there. I couldn't imagine doing it all alone." I can tell she actually means her apology. I almost want to cry. Fucking hormones.
"I'd appreciate it." I smiled but tried to mask the fact that I wanted our friendship back. Despite everything that happened.
"Anytime friend," she smiles back as we walk into the classroom that holds independent studies.
~
Flashback:
Last school year
Switching schools always sucked. I used to do it pretty often when my parents were still together. Everyone always picked on me for having to wear glasses, luckily it was only a few years. I was definitely not excited to do it again. After everything that happened though, I had no choice. I picked a great time too, a little while after second semester started.
On the bright side, I was in advanced classes at my last school. Everything they were teaching, I had already learned. The school was suppose to be better than my last. It was not.
That was until I was called over to the main office to be given a proper schedule. Truthfully, I loved being in class and reading any book. I just despised the idea of being in captivity with a bunch of judge mental strangers who were born the same year. I liked the fact that anyone could shove their nose in a book and actually learn something. God forbid one do it willingly though, that's why Horace Mann and Harry P School are rotting in hell. My new schedule consisted of APUSH , Honors Chemistry, AP English, and Calculus. My electives are Español and Creative Writing. Although I was smart, I had no idea what I was going to do as a career or wanted anyway. Katie always said I should be a shrink because all I do is listen and learn. She was a dumb slut though, what did she really know?
The dean released me at the bell. We got a bell that gave us ten minutes to walk from class to class. I walked back and forth all the way across campus. They never gave me a tour or even told me where all these classes were. I would've asked too if the dean didn't just leave me alone in her office for twenty minutes.
Then a really cute guy walking where I was stopped me.
"Are you new?" He asked. "You seem lost." His smile was welcoming.
"Unfortunately," I nervously smile and brush my hair behind my ear.
"Let me help," he says and I hand him my schedule.
"Ariel, like the mermaid?" He laughs and when I don't, it's awkward. "Sorry." He says.
"Used to it," I try not to sound rude but it comes out that way.
"Well if you don't totally despise me for that lame shit I said, we can walk together?" He says nervously scratching the back of his head. He had long hair, it was like an '09 Bieber due. It looked soft like his too, I kind of wanted to run my fingers through it. "It's just we have the same class." He does an awkward small chuckle and I wonder if he thinks I'm cute too. My heart belonged to another unfortunately, not a good guy either. But for the first time ever, my eyes opened up and found some other guy attractive.
"Yeah," I look down to hide the fact that I'm blushing. "Please. I'm totally lost and I don't want to be late."
"Well right this way ma'am," he pretends like he has a hat and is holding the visor. I giggle like a school girl.
We walked to class together and he told me his name. It was Josh. He opened the door for me too. He introduced me to his friend in class. He mentioned how close they were and how they became good friends almost two years ago. I imagined a jock best friend. It seemed like the perfect duo, a dorky guy and an asshole jock.
Unfortunately the illusion was shattered when I saw what his friend looked like.
She was a long legged blonde cheerleader who definitely upheld beauty standards. She was super thin, God I'd kill to have her body type. She was wearing a two piece cheerleading outfit that was in red, the schools color. She had perfect white sneakers, almost like they were new. They had a gold check mark.
"Well look at my Joshykins pulling all the cute girls!" She teased. "Hi I'm Alice by the way," she scans me up and down. Her facial expression says unimpressed but she seemed friendly.
"Ariel," I go to shake her hand but she doesn't bother.
"I'm a germaphobic," she giggles. "Sorry."
"No worries," I fake smile and take a seat. I sit on the right of Josh which was the next row of lined up desks. Alice sat right in front of him.
"So where are you from?" Alice says to me.
"Your guys rival school." I say.
"Oof I apologize," she laughs. "Joshykins?" She turns around and faces him. I watch without trying to make it seem like I'm staring her down. "Think we can swim in your pool today? It seems like a warm day."
Josh laughs at her.
"Even if it is hot my mom is still mad about the weekend party we had."
"A few friends isn't a party," she rolls her eyes. "Besides you owe me for letting you ride passenger in my whip." He rolls his eyes in return and takes a moment to speak.
"Riding passenger is not an automatic pass to my pool!" He laughs again and opens up a history book.
"Pleasseee??" She makes puppy eyes. "For me?" He looks annoyed.
"Fine," he finally gives in. "But you owe me way more than a ride."
She was about to say something, she opened her mouth to speak, but the teacher finally walked in.
"Good morning class," he says as he slowly walks to his desk. He was an older man that was real tall and slouched just a little. Definitely not your typical elderly man, he seemed happy and energetic. He ranted on and on about the elections going on. Clearly unsupportive of either side, he said they were both idiots. Some laughed and some just shrugged at his comments. "In the back you'll find our new student hiding out, Ariel." He pointed me out and everyone looked at me.
"Hi." Is all I managed to say.
"She's shy," Alice says for me. "She's from our rival school and she's a cutie. What more do you need to know?"
"Thanks," I say sarcastically.
"Anytime friend." She smiles at me.
~
When I returned to Janices house, she gave me a letter I got in the mail. It was a fancy envelope and when I opened it, it all made sense. A wedding invitation to Aunt Cheri's wedding. I think about setting it on fire for a moment. I just don't know if I'm ready to see any of those three anytime soon. What if my egg donor went? It would be in two months, an April wedding, how stupid.
"I think you should go," Janice suggests. "It might be a good idea."
"I don't know who will all be there," I laugh. "Knowing my Aunt, she'd invite my mom."
"But she's a flake right? Maybe she won't show?" She tries her hardest to be positive for me. I've always been realistic though, no matter how negative or bad it sounded.
"Doubtful," I fake a smile. "Besides I'd have to see Josh too."
"Maybe it's time you guys talk," she rubs my shoulder. "It might be good to get some closure or rekindle the friendship. You guys were best friends."
"Yes we were but that didn't stop him from being so cold. He never snapped like that." I thought about him. A lot. That's how I knew it was bad. I wanted to be there for him, honestly, but I just couldn't. It seemed like Alice wanted him and if that was his child, why should I stand in the way?
"It's just how men are. He was probably freaking out, considering." She holds my hand. "Communication saves relationships."
I hated wise women.