I must be in the right direction. The song is getting louder. Thank god, I'm relieved that I'm going the right way. It's been a couple of minutes of following down the strange hall. And it would be a waste if I wasn't.
I've been trying to remember this when I turn- so I can find my way back. I don't want to be lost. But it's easy to get distracted by what I found here. My eyes can't seem to stop themselves from roaming.
But seeing it has proven one thing for sure, this hall is abandoned.
It has to be. It's full of discarded pieces with little to no organization. As if this were the land of castaways- I see furniture covered up in big white sheets and portraits piled on each other. Unidentifiable pieces of wood and building supplies are bundled haphazardly together- as if someone intended to come back for them. But that must have been who knows how long ago.
Everything has a thick coat of dust. I move my hand to trace a line over an exposed armrest. It's clean against the thick coating- a dark grey.
No one's used this place in a long time. I'm sure of it.
Perhaps, it's forgotten?
"Such things are expected in these old castles. Secret passageways are built and then forgotten over time in power exchanges." I tell the bear. It's something I read- the construction of important buildings. It had detailed pictures.
So, this must be one of those places. And I bet no one uses it now—forgotten places for abandoned people.
"I think we'll pair well, then." I chuckle. Somehow I can see the humor in that. It seems appropriate that I would be the one who found it again.
When my small laugh dies, I feel that pang in my chest. I ignore it and turn from the chair. There is still a lot of walking ahead if I could guess.
I should not dwell in one spot for long.
At the end of the hall, I find the staircase. It's heading up. I check to hear that the melody is wafting from above.
It looks like I'll need to climb. I look up the stairs. I wonder what will be up there. More of the same? Or will I find something new?
Lured by the music, I don't hesitate anymore. Instead, I pull up my skirt and start up the steps. My bare feet drag through the dust like sand.
It's closer now. I can hear it. It's louder. And at the top, the melody is more comprehendible. It is a sweet and pleasant trickle of bells.
Another hallway, I see. But no more furniture or piles of debris. It's shorter- and there are doors.
Doors line the walls instead. All of them are closed. But one sticks out differently from the rest.
It is the last door on the row. A small line of light peaks from underneath the frame. It's the first light I've seen in the hall in a long time.
Is it coming from there? I guess that way? I think before my feet move. I follow along the hall with the door in sight.
There are cobwebs here- the spiders are long dead, but I'm still nervous, so I crouch. I dodge them before I notice something else on the floor- footprints.
Has someone been here? I am surprised. They look fresh and seem to lead to the same door with the light.
I wonder- curious, I steal a look back. I was right. There they are. That pair of footsteps have followed mine all the way here.
"Someone's here?" My voice is so quiet as I pull in my lip. They are here- or should I say, were here.
They must have gone through here.
They must have because I see the tiny feet stop at the door. The melody is louder- the closer to the door I get. But now the tone is morphing.
It sounds…sadder.
Interesting. I have to wonder why? Is it because of the echo? The notes seem to hit differently from so close. It's the same song, but I feel different. It hurt to listen- the small of my chest is starting to dig deeper. I have to press on it to remind myself there is no hole.
It's all in your head, Ana. Just ignore it. You are almost there. I tell myself.
I can't lie and say I don't feel just pain. There is a thrill in my chest. I've made. I've found the source.
I can finish this and head back-
I step closer until I am in front of the door. But I'm quick to find some key pieces missing. The door has no doorknob. It is as smooth as the walls around me.
"What?" My voice betrays my disappointment. Is that it? I can't go any further.
I look back at the door as if it will change. A doorknob might grow, then I can go in, But I end up just staring at the wood.
Again I feel my shoulders drop with disappointment. I walked all the way here- for nothing.
"Ah," I look back at the hall.
Should I… go back?
"No," The answer is quicker than I can think. But I don't argue with it because it's right. Why should I go? I'm already here.
I can listen to the song, at least.
"I'll go back when I've had enough." The plan is simple. I know I have time- there is no need to rush. I could stay here all night if I wanted.
No one would notice till morning when Maddie came in. And she is not a morning person. So it will take her time to get up. I know it well.
With that in mind, I relax. It's better to enjoy it. The song does still sound lovely, after all.
Maybe I'll figure out what it is if I listen enough. Wouldn't that be nice? I lean in to get a better earful. My footsteps are closer, and I press my hand on the door to help balance myself.
Let's see what- I press just a little closer and-
"Ah!" A quick cry escapes as I hear a sound. It's the door's creak. I didn't- that scared me.
But wait, something's different. The door- it's shifted?
Did it move?
It did! I can see it. The door is open.
I thought it wouldn't, but it does. I can see the sliver of light widen and fill the hallway.
It's open, but my celebration is cut short as I realize something else. The door is open. But now what.
Should I go in? I now need to hesitate. I didn't expect it to open. But since it is, I have to consider new things.
I don't know what's on the other side. I don't know what I'm about to walk into. Someone could be there- someone good or someone terrible. I won't know until I go in.
Was any of this wise? Going into strange doors, a strange hidden hallway? What if I find someone? Or I'm not supposed to be here?
How much trouble could I get in? I turn to my only companion for guidance.
The bear, once again, has chosen silence as his answer.
"You are not helping." I find his input not constructive.
"Ah," I sigh, shifting the bear to my left hand. I guess the choice will be up to me again.
I don't know... The memory of what happened before is still fresh. Stepmother was clear. The woman hadn't bothered to mince words.
No one wanted me here.
So what's the point in worrying about them? What's the point of being good? I have to ask. Like the bear, my efforts here were going to nothing anyway.
It doesn't matter what I do. I've decided and give the bear a quick squeeze for courage. His plush body is almost too much for my hand, but that's fine. I still have my right to open the door.
The door creaks wider as I push to pour the music into the hall. It's clear now without the wood to silence it. And it tickles my ears as I step in with one last push.
I'm inside. But where am I? My breath hitches as I take another step in. The sight leaves me stunned for a moment before I can move my lips to mutter.
"What is this place?"
It's a room. But it's not like I've ever seen it. The colors are so vivid- I must blink to ensure my eyes aren't playing with me. I want to say they could be because I've been in the dark for so long that it's not adjusting to the light just yet.
But they're fine. My eyes are not seeing things. I am standing in a room like that which I've never seen. And I'm blown away right there.
If I had to break it down, the room should start with the walls. They have painted shades of blue in yellow of the likes I have never seen. It's almost garish in the shade- seldom used in nature. It's a color I never expect to find in my palace. But that is just the walls.
What is inside the room is as follows- a lush purple carpet that sinks in with every step. It borders most of the room save for the sides where the furniture is. I see toys everywhere- they litter the ground. I see trains, building blocks, even full life-sized lions plush. And the shelves are brimming over with even more toys.
A giant doll with a white face, rosy cheeks, and a bright red bulbous nose sits in the corner. It holds a thing of paper balloons that are tied to the ceiling as if to float. The doll was an outfit of polka dots and strips.
I instantly don't like this doll. I can't put my finger on it to say why, but I don't. And I keep my eyes on it as I move past. Just in case I catch it move and need to make a run for it.
Why ever would someone make a doll like that for anymore is beyond me, but I suspect they have issues.
Past the doll, I can hear it- the music. At last, I have found the source.
I tread over to the music box tucked away in another corner. It rests on a tall dresser next to a cascade of blue and gold fabrics. I believe they are meant to be stars.
It's a canopy. I realize this after a pause, just like the one in my room.
The canopy hangs over what looks like a tiny bed. A bed that something shifts within. I catch my breath in shock.
Someone is sleeping in here!
I knew I should have come in. I should have checked first. I should've- But the if's and buts won't change anything. I'm in the room now, and I'm not alone.
My mind quickly runs through the scenarios. Should I run? No, they will wake up and hear me. Should I walk- what if the door creaks open? Then they still wake up.
Then what shall I do? I have to cry at myself. I am not giving myself any room here. I need to do something.
Stay still until I know they are for sure asleep?
Yes, I nod to myself. That sounds like the idea. Of course, I'm already doing it anyway.
My back is stiff as a board as I stand by. My eyes are glued to the sleeping frame. I am looking for any chance that they might wake up.
If the person wakes, I will run back. I already plan. I even flex my legs to make myself ready to sprint.
Just turn and run. It's simple. But still, I mentally prepared the map I remembered in my head. Turn here, go straight, climb down, turn there-
This is a waste of my time as time passes. Because the sleeper is not waking, and it doesn't look like they will anytime soon. They must be in a deep, deep sleep.
It is pretty late. I realize after a moment.
Most would be sleeping like that.
The realization relieves me, but I don't stand still after long. Seeing them fast asleep only makes me grow bolder. There is still something I need to do
I turn away with quiet steps around the toys to navigate where I want to be.
What kind of person could sleep in such a room? The question looms over my head, but it's forgotten just as quickly as my real goal comes into being. I stop to look up at the dresser. The music box must be on top.
I'm too short! I furrow my brows with the offense that the dresser is higher than my hand.
How will I be able to see it? The music is right there, and I'm too short to see.
Absolutely not! I stare on with fire in my belly. This can never stand.
I am Empress. No dresser shall get the better of me!
I stretch out as far as I can. My legs are pulled taunt as my toes become extensions of my legs. It burns- my body doesn't like this. I have stretched too far and need to stop lest I hurt myself.
But I can see victory. My tippy toes are just that extra height I need to see above the dresser top. So now I can finally see the source.
The music box is made of wood with its lid pulled back. Inside, a mirror and a little person twirl on a mechanical spring. It spins in a single motion that doesn't match the song but continues as if it doesn't mind. It turns and spins on like the tiny dancer had no other reason in life.
And I am thrilled.
Look at her go! I watch, mesmerized. Her little legs hook to the rest of her body by a small metal ring- so they jitter and swing as she moves. They give a particular impression as if the little lady is alive.
How fun!
It's worth all the trouble. I have never seen a music box like it. I'll remember this night forever. I think with a smile.
Yes, it can be the best part of today. If not, the only part. But before I can feel sad again about that, my eyes drift up. The mirror- the little dancer is shaking and spinning in the reflection. And then there is me behind her, a giant.
My red eyes stare back at me through the low light. Red eyes, not blue.
Those are not the eyes I came all this way to see.
"Haa,"
I quietly lower myself back to the ground. My legs and toes hurt but not as much as my chest. Stupid hole- I rub at the spot, but it doesn't rub off for some reason.
I can only turn away to find myself noticing the bed again.
The sleeper shifts again before something pops up from underneath the thick quilts. Its hair- short brown curls tangle and curl on the pillow. They seem to sprout out of nowhere.
But I know that's not true. They are coming from a person. But who that person has me now curious.
I want to know what the person sleeping in this room could look like. So I dare to do something I would never do before. I creep closer.
The quilt moves again, and I see a flash of brown skin. His face is out of the covers. And I step closer until I can see it better.
This is a boy. A boy much younger than myself.
"Who are you to have such a grand room?" I ask the chubby sleeping face. I see them twitch their nose as if to sniff. They relax after, and I smile. They seem to be having a peaceful dream.
"Whoever you are-" I look around at the toys, the colors-everything.
"You're well cared for."
It's obvious to see- this room wasn't made by chance. Although the colors are atrocious- they were picked out. Everything was done with intent. The colors and fabrics were chosen with care. Even the toys look quality and are crafted by hand. All to go to him.
This boy is not neglected. He is not ridiculed or shunned. His life must be good.
You're probably welcome wherever you go. I bet servants smile and speak to you. Your father takes you to the knee and reads. And your mother does-
The idea hurts my chest, and I'm angry. I don't understand, but I am. I'm so mad that I have a bitter taste in my mouth.
"It's not fair, " I look back at the sleeper. He sleeps so comfortably without a single problem- not a single care.
Why do you get everything? And I nothing at all?
I can't even see my father- not once. Yet here, this boy can sleep so soundly, feeling loved.
It just isn't fair at all.
"Why is it always me? What have I ever done?" I can taste that bitterness in my mouth drip and fall to the floor.
Why should you get everything?
I squeeze the bear tightly as I glare down at him. I suddenly need to strike him- throw my hand and hit his face hard. I want him to cry. Anything that will make him feel as miserable as I am now.
It's tempting, and I can feel my hand itch for a moment. But just as quickly as I think it, it stops.
I can't just hit someone- even if I feel like this. It has nothing to do with him. I don't need to make others suffer.
It's not like it would change my problems.
"Sorry," I whisper as if I need to apologize to the sleeper. But I do.
"I should go-"
I've seen the music box. My mission is accomplished. No need to stay.
"Bye-" I raise my hand to wave before they shift again. The quilt is pulled down from their face entirely as they turn. A soft coo comes out before they breathe a soft snore again.
"Your-"
I can see his face, all of it. I couldn't before- half covered. But I do, and I can see so much more.
If I was still angry from before- it's gone. Wholly drained from my veins. His face- There is no mistake.
I know these features. Right down to the very nose, - the resemblance is recognizable. Though small with baby fat, the face is a miniature of my father's.
"Baby brother?" My breath hitches. I can feel my chest warm- the first time since coming back. It's warm- and the hole is gone. It's hot and beats as though something is rushing back in.
It is you!
"We finally." Tears come into my eyes. One slips out, but I wipe it away on the back of my hand. I'm so happy, but something pulls me down like a balloon.
I wanted to meet you- but not like this.
This is not how we should have met.
I wipe another tear away before I breathe and smile.
"You look like Papa," I kneel to look closer. He's breathing so quietly- his nose wiggles as he snores.
"I'm your big sister, Anastasia." I smile wide enough to let my baby fangs out. I drop my head into my hands as I fall into watching him. He looks so much better than I could ever have dreamt up.
"Call me Ana."