After the Christmas and New Year festivities had died down, everyone decided to
return to their homes and since, I had promised to visit my parents, I had to do so.
My parents stay at Matsheumhlope, ever since they relocated from Mzilikazi. As soon
as we get home, I change into something comfortable, do some thorough cleaning in
the house and after that, Tariro and I get down to cooking supper. A rather light
meal, since everyone has been stuffing themselves with food stuffs the whole journey.
After cooking, we settle down to eat. Conversation erupts at the dining table with
constant eruptions of sweet laughter. A happy home if you ask me. This has been
the order of the day ever since I was a child. After the meal is done, I do the dishes,
take Simangaliso to his room and I retire to bed. Today I really feel exhausted. It
must be all the travelling.
The following day is yet another day. Born by the rising of the sun and the chirping
of the early morning birds. It really feels good to be home, around everyone else. I
clean the house and prepare breakfast before everyone wakes up. By the time
everyone wakes up, I am done with the breakfast. Everyone settles at the table and
has breakfast. After breakfast, I bathe Simangaliso and lastly I take a bath myself.
Tariro and I drive to town, with a very big agenda at hand. We have to buy school
uniforms for Simangaliso, stationary, collect my father's medication from the
pharmacy and lastly do the groceries which are rather expensive in Bulawayo than
in Harare.
"Tariro, if we decide to go together, we will take a lot of time so let's divide these
duties. Go and buy simangaliso's stationary and go to the pharmacy, I will do the
rest." I say
"Let's hope lunch is part of the schedule. I know that I will be famished by the time
I finish with all these chores." She says.
"An excuse to exploit me. I really pray that you get a job soon so that you can get to
spend your own money." I say.
'This is what sisters are for. I mean, Simangaliso is the only child, so he can't spend
all that money alone. He needs a helping hand." Tariro responds.
"It's not like the money is ever enough. I have too many responsibilities that depend
solely on my finances." I respond.
"Any excuse to keep it to yourself and you will jump at it. Anyway, please get us to
an expensive restaurant. I really miss fancy food." Tariro says.
"Well, unfortunately, I crave sadza and okra. So I will take you were I know I will get
that meal. No can do, not this time." I say to her.
When we get to town, the first thing to do is to drive Tariro to the pharmacy and I
leave my car at a certain parking lot. After that, I go from shop to shop comparing
prices of uniforms. I do have the money to buy any uniform but then, I go for the
cheapest uniform from a reputable shop. I buy shoes, uniforms and a satchel. After
that I go to the nearest hardware shop and buy a new tool box for my father, whose
tools are now old and rusty. Most of those tools are definitely older than my very
existence. Mother also needs some new knitting pins, wool and a new sawing
machine. The one that she is using is giving her problems. After all that has been
bought, I have the mammoth task of moving from supermarket to supermarket to
buy groceries. After that I visit the wholesales to buy more groceries because one
thing for sure, whenever I buy groceries, I always buy them in bulk.
As I walk out of the wholesale, my cell phone rings and it's an unknown number but
I just answer.
"Hello" I say.
"Finally! You pick your phone! I so hear that you are in town, can we meet?" Chris
Evans says.
"I don't have time. I am a busy and besides, I have a lot of work to do. Can we talk
over the phone if it really is that important." I say to him.
"Maria, can you spare just an hour of your time. It might be your lunch hour, I don't
mind. I will even pay for your lunch." Chris says.
"Look Chris, I am under a very tight schedule. I can barely breathe myself." I respond.
"Are you busy or you just don't want to see him?" Chris asks in a defeated tone.
"Both. Look, I think he is better off without me in his life. Just comply and tell him
that I moved out of the country or something. Tell him something convincing to get
his mind off the idea of ever meeting me. Because it's an absolute impossible." I say
to him.
"Why are you being like this?" he questions.
"Chris, I grew up. I have change, my life has taken a different twist altogether and I
don't want you to spoil it once again. Have a good day and pass my greetings to your
wife." And I hang up the call.
Chris Evans is making irrational demands. I can't go exhuming the past. It will
definitely bring nothing but pain. And I most certainly don't want to start my year
with drama and pain.
After all the groceries are done and everything from my side is settled, I then call
Tariro and we meet up at a certain restaurant. We both settle down, order and
immediately dig in.
"You look stressed, whom did you meet along the way?" Tariro questions.
"No one in particular. Just thinking of having to go back to living alone after such a
good holiday, where I was surrounded by family." I respond after flashing a weak
smile to elude the very issue I have at hand.
"I could come and stay with you as I am still job hunting." Tariro offers.
"I don't intend on becoming broke."
"Come on, I am not that much of a spender." Tariro defends herself, causing me to
roll my eyes. Since when has she ever been economic?
"Well, on the contrary, I beg to differ. You have never been economic and I really hope
that getting a job and living solely on your own finances will put your spending on a
leash. Then, about stay with me. No. you can come and visit as much as you want
but not stay with me." I say.
"Maria, I am no longer a little girl. I grew up and with my age came responsibility and
maturity." She protests.
"I really wish I could return the complement but no. you are not yet fully grown. And
I will forever treat you like my little baby sister." I respond.
"Just like everyone else at home!" she protests
"Maybe your husband will treat you better and that's if you grow some maturity. If
not, then I pity you. You will forever be a baby. Imagine a baby with babies. Pathetic
if you ask me."
"You can be mean sometimes and trust me, when I say, I really makes me want hate
you for it." Tariro says as she glares at me with glossy eyes.
"Look, Tariro, I am your sister. I have to tell it the way it is. And besides, the truth is
forever painful. Just work on the negatives that I pointed out and the two of us will
become best friends. Just like Arnold and i." I say to her.
We have the rest of the meal in absolute silence and we drive back home in silence.
When we get home, we unload the shopping and after that, I get down to cooking.
Tariro seems too angry to even help with the cooking, so mother helps with the
cooking. Whenever she is cooking, she makes us some tea. We both settle down at
the kitchen table and drink our tea whilst chatting.
"So Maria, when are you planning on getting married? You are not getting any
younger you know." My mother says.
"I know but now, I haven't found the rightful man to get married to." I respond.
"Have you been dating or you have been heavily occupied by your work. I know how
much you value your work but as good as working hard is, it most definitely is bad
if it takes a toll on your social life." She says.
"I do have a social life with a small sphere of friends. Vimbai and Chiedza, whom you
have met before, are my friends. The thing is I just don't get enough time to be busy
with men."
"You need to let loose a bit. Let someone take care of you" Mother says.
"And besides, men are a problem. I can take care of myself." I say.
"I know. But then then on the other hand, you really need some love in that life of
yours. You also need a man to mentor that boy." My mother points out.
"Baba, Arnold and Miriam's husband can take care of that part and that would be if
need arises, which I really hope wont." I say.
"Okay…. That's if you insist. On the other hand, I really think it's about time you
start living with Simangaliso. He can come here for the holidays but you would have
to stay with him during the school terms." Mother says, causing me to choke on my
tea.
"Why?" I ask, wide eyed from shock and struggling to breathe from the choking that
almost killed me.
"He is your son after all. And besides, it's a way to strengthen the parental bond
between you and Simangaliso which according to me is a bit unstable." She reasons.
"Ma, my working hours are a bit unfavorable for me to stay with Simangaliso." I
protest.
"You will have to accommodate him, one way or the other. We took the responsibility
of parenting him, ever since he was a little baby. Now it's time for you to grow up and
take responsibility." My mother says.
"I know and I really am going to take him in when the time comes but right now is
not a good time. Everything is a bit dramatic right now." I say.
"Maria, there is absolutely no better time than this one. You will have to put your life
in order one way or the other and that boy is going to be a push factor." Ma says.
"So it's more or less, a push factor?" I ask.
"That's how we learnt our greatest lessons in life. Life never waits for the best times,
it strikes when you are least prepared. That's why you have to be prepared at all
times." She says.
"Ma, I don't know… life is a bit too dramatic right now. I mean, having to raise a
whole son single handed whilst balancing my ever demanding job and businesses.
It's most definitely going to kill me." I say as I heave a sigh in absolute defeat.
"The more the reason why you should get yourself a spouse to assist you with the
boy." My mother says.
"No, not at all! I don't want men around that boy. Not even my colleagues. I don't
want him to get mixed up with schemers who will use him to manipulate every single
decision that I make or worm their way into my life." I say as I stand up from my seat
and I attend to the pots.
"Actually I have been meaning to ask, where is Simangaliso's father and why isn't he
taking part in his son's life?" ma questions.
"Ma please, let's not talk about that one. He is a chapter I am willing to forget." I
respond dismissively.
"But then, he has to take responsibility of his child and play a certain role in that
boy's life, whether he wants it or not. We are actually being more than generous to
even grant him the right to be called Simangaliso's father." Ma says.
"Ma please. There are some things that a woman should forget about, move on and
make the best out of the present. If he happens to grow up and at some point in time,
own up to his mistake. Then I will start from there." I respond.
"What is it that that man did to you? You seem so insecure these days. In fact you
have been insecure ever since you had Simangaliso, why? What happened?" Ma
questions.
"I am not insecure, just protective and I value my independence. It's the only good
thing a woman can parade with much criticism." I respond.
"Now that's a new version of the woman I raised. A strange version I would like to
admit." Ma says as she starts taking out the plates from the cupboard. We then start
setting the table. When everything is done, we settle down and eat.
Immediately after supper, I retire to bed after supper as I am feeling exhausted and
my feet are burning. These days I easily get worn-out I really wander why. Maybe it's
the age… when I get to my bedroom, I strip naked and I take a long hot shower. After
that I get under the covers and fall asleep.
The next few days are characterized by the washing of laundry, further spring
cleaning, doing the hedges and the garden, pruning the trees in the yard, repairs of
faulty things and painting certain parts of the garage. After all this is done, I then
decide to return back to Harare.
Arnold drives out of the yard, heading to the airport since I left my vehicle in Harare.
"Sometimes I really think that you are running away from something in the city. I
mean, you never spend more than a month here. What's the deal?" Arnold questions.
"Nothing. I just am business minded and time conscious" I respond.
"Liar! I know you and sometimes I feel things you do. It's called a family bond. And I
know that each time your trip is cut short by something. What's the problem?" Arnold
probes.
"Nothing. Everything is fine. There is nothing more to the situation than what you
already see." I respond.
"Let's hope you are not running away from Simangaliso. It's unfair on his part to
have a mother who avoids him at all costs." Arnold says, causing y heart to pound
dramatically against my chest as I f I despise Simangaliso. That boy is the center of
my universe.
"I most definitely a not. I love that boy." I protest.
"Then you have a weird way of showing it. He feels like you are pushing hi away. The
other day he overhead you talking to mama in the kitchen about you staying with
him, which was solely his idea in the first place. And he said you protested against
staying with him. As young as he is, it broke his heart." Arnold says.
"And where are you taking all this from?" I ask as my heart beat increases.
"He spoke to me about it the following day. Actually he walked up to me and said 'I
feel like mom doesn't like me at all' it really shocked me at first but as his
conversation unwinded, I discovered that he was speaking some sense. He even
went on to ask me about why his father never comes to see him and that's when it
hit me badly that the boy is now growing and I can't forever cover up your acts for
you. It's about time you take that boy and be the mother that he deserves. And you
would have to tell him about his father at some point in time. if possible hook them
up together. Let be his sole decision whether or not the man is of any value in his
life." Arnold says. His words jab at my heart and my heart actually throbs from the
emotional pain that I am feeling.
"Things are a bit complicated between his father and I. maybe when he is older I will
tell him about his father but not now." I respond as a painful lump develops on my
throat, making it difficult to even breathe, later alone speak. I mean, if your own son
thinks such about you, then it definitely means, I have not been the best mother.
"For now, we might be able to help you cover up about the issue of the father but we
are most definitely not going to cover up for your poor parenting skills. I am not yet
a parent myself but with that boy, I have put my every inch of effort. It's about time
that you did the same." Arnold says.
"Arnold, I really try. Truly speaking, it's a heavy load on my already weak shoulders."
I respond as my eyes mysteriously water. I open the window in order to breathe
properly, at the same time trying to fight the tears.
"Well, Simangaliso did not choose to be born but now that he is here, please give him
your all. Don't spoil him rotten but be a parent and be there. Find out more about
him, besides his age, height, weight and complexion. That boy is a blessing and a
half. Any parent would be blessed to have such a child. He is never a bother but he
seeks attention when it's supposed to be given. He understands and he is very
accommodative. Let's hope staying with him won't prove how much of a terrible
parent you are but let it show that you are the best. Give him a taste of the caring
Maria who raised me. The woman who would carry me on her back, sing me lullabies,
help with my homework, bathe me, wash my laundry and play with me. You were
forever there. And to say I am not grateful would be a white faced lie…. be a tender,
caring but principled parent." Arnold says, causing the tears that I have been fight
so hard, to fall. I feel an indescribable pain in my heart.
"You make me feel like a bad mother. The worst that there ever was. Yet I am giving
it my best shot. The thing is, I am a bit too young to take care of…." I say but Arnold
cuts me.
"Maria, you were born a nurturer. You were twelve when you started taking care of
me. I know that deep down that young Maria is still there. She is the Maria that
Simangaliso needs right now and even more. Failure to that, you will be emotionally
detached from him and all he would want from you is your hard earned money.
Nothing hurts more than that scenario in life." Arnold says.
"I really am trying my best." I respond in a husky voice as I wipe off tears that
uncontrollably stream down my face.
"Let's hope you give it your all. And it's about time you settle down. Have one or two
more kids to add to the family. Simangaliso loves big families. He envies Miriam's
family who have more or less adapted him as their sibling." Arnold says.
"I really don't think I am ever going to get married. I am past the age of being a young
woman who is a perfect candidate for marriage. And I most definitely don't want to
get an old man for a husband only to be called names by my own family members
and later on despised by his relatives and children for being a gold digger." I say to
him.
"Maria, there are so many men who would rush to marry you, especially with a kid
as a testimony that you are not barren, but I don't know. You seem insecure these
days. What happened to all the confidence, pride and principle?" Arnold questions.
"Let's not talk about some of these things." I say to him sternly. Trying to extinguish
what he might unearth.
"I am not saying this as a way to mock you, but I am concerned. Really concerned.
You are no longer the Maria that everyone knew. And to tell the honest truth, it
scares us, especially me. Let's hope you are not some lesbian and you are hiding it
from us." Arnold says, shocking me completely.
"What!? No! Never. I might be secretive to some extent but I am not a lesbian and
besides its illegal in Zimbabwe. So you have nothing to be worried about." I respond.
"At least it's coming from your mouth. But you have to do something about your
marital status. It's about time you got married. We might all hide under the
camouflage of independence but we all have to come home to someone at the end of
the day. Sleep next to someone at night. It makes life worth living." Arnold says.
I exhale lightly as I listen to him talking. He sure has grown. Far more than I
imagined. To think that I changed Arnold's nappies, carried him on my back, fed
him, bathed him and for certain period of time, I was his guardian angel. Now he is
my counselor, my confidante and the guardian to my son. Life!
We get to the airport. Arnold offloads my bags out of the car and we walk into the
Joshua Mqabuko Nkomo International Air Port, which is buzzing with people who
are going in and out.
"If there is someone I will miss and I will miss most, it is you." Arnold says as we take
seats at any empty bench.
"I will miss you too but I need to work" I respond.
"The problem about you is that the moment you go back to Harare, you don't call or
reach out." Arnold sulks.
"I will try and call but the problem is that I sometimes get too busy, I don't even get
time to spare, but I will try to communicate as much as I can." I respond.
"And please visit as often as you can. It really gets lonely down here without you.
Tariro and Miriam are there but they can never be you. When you are at home, I
would rather give up my freedom just to spend time in your presence." Arnold says,
causing me to smile. So he still sulks when I leave. This one! We should have been
twins because our bond goes further than anyone else in the family.
We chart about a number of issues until my flight comes and I am supposed to leave.
We hug tightly and after that we walk our separate ways. I get into the plane and
luckily, I have a window seat, so I settle down, take out my novel and head phones.
I am listening to Erykah Badu's On and On whilst I embark on a journey of crime
and mystery through the novel I have at hand.