I get home late and when I get home, my cell phone rings. It's Arnold.
"Hello" I answer, balancing the cell phone between my shoulder and ear, whilst I
settle down on one of the couches to remove my shoes and massage my swollen feet.
"What is this I hear about Simangaliso being mauled by a bulldog? Is he okay? Can
I talk to him?" Arnold says, firing a million questions at one go.
"Yeah, he is okay. It's been almost a month since he got hurt but he is taking the
recovery step by step. But he sure is recovering." I say to him.
"And why didn't you tell us sooner?" Arnold says.
"Arnold, I was in panic mode and worse off, I had a lot of pressure from work, so it
completely slipped off my mind to notify everyone about the incident. I very sorry for
being selfish." I say to him, whilst I massage my feet.
"I am still very disappointed but for what it's worth, I will let this pass. So how is he
doing though?" Arnold questions.
"He is re-covering pretty well and rather too fast." I say to them.
'Is he awake? I want to talk to him."
"I doubt that he is, it's late but if he is, I sure will call you back so that the two of
you can talk. If not, then I would have to call you tomorrow when I wake up."
"Okay, have yourself a good night." Arnold says.
'same to you." I respond as I disconnect the cell phone and I head to the kitchen to
get some water and there I find Antony sitting with Simangaliso at the kitchen
counter, having cookies and some milk. No wonder Simangaliso was quiet. He knows
that it's very illegal to eat sweet things at night and that won't change even though
he is sick.
"Caught red handed."
"Come on mom, just for today only. I promise you, I won't eat any of them at night
anymore." Simangaliso pleads with me.
"Oh no! Never. You get away with it once and it becomes a habit." I say to him as I
take the plate of cookies away.
"Dad, I mean Mr Clarke, can you please talk to mom about this. Just a few more. I
don't think they could be any harm. Please talk to her about this." Simangaliso says
to Antony, whilst wearing his manipulative face. He sure knows it won't work with
me, so he is using it with someone else.
"You two can't and won't talk me out of this. It's not going to happen. Simangaliso,
finish up the milk, it's now past bedtime anyway." I say as I get myself a glass and I
fill it with tap water. I seem to crave tap water. Funny how someone can crave water.
"Buddy it seems like we are not winning this one, let's get to bed." Antony says
"Okay, but only on one condition." Simangaliso says.
"What's that condition?" Antony questions
"I get to sleep with you guys. I am having trouble sleeping at night." Simangaliso
says.
"Is it me or someone is starting to be a cry baby?" I ask sarcastically.
"I am not being a cry baby. it will be for only one night and I promise, I won't repeat
it again." Simangaliso says.
"Ask your mom buddy." Antony chips in.
"Mom, what do you say?" Simangaliso questions, as he looks at me with cute little
eyes.
"No! No can do. My boy, you are growing up and growing up means independence
and that sure means you sleeping alone, on your own bed in your own room. I bet
you don't want to be a big old cry baby who at this age, still wants to crawl into his
mother's bed. Now be a good boy and go up to your room." I say to him, well aware
that I am speaking more sense than his childish brain can manufacture nor digest
but I can't help it! Antony shoots me a look which I ignore. I mean, this is how I was
raised and I thank that strict, sass-mouthed woman because she raised one hell of
a woman whom she can be proud of and that's what I want to do with my son- I want
to raise a fighter who leaves no room for weakness.
Simangaliso walks up to his room after murmuring his good nights to both Antony
and i. I am left in the company of Antony, who is mutely observing every move that I
make in the kitchen.
"When are you planning on telling him about me being his father?" Antony says, in
the process breaking the peaceful silence in the room. I clearly know what he is
talking about and I am also very much aware of what he is insinuating.
"Right now might be a good time, so that he could dream about the two of you riding
horses to wonderland. I respond.
"Why do you seem so hesitant about telling the boy about me?" Antony questions.
"Because it's never easy to. I mean, where would I get answers to that boy's
questions? Questions about your whereabouts all along, why we weren't staying
together? That boy can be a real nuisance when it comes to questions and he doesn't
drop the conversation until he has answers. The answers that I have are too big for
his small brain to handle. Those answers could poison his brain to hate me, turning
his back to what gave him life in the first place." I respond.
"Red, you have far too witty a brain to worry about that. You are capable of confusing
a whole adult and after that, extinguishing the conversation in a way to avoid further
investigation, what more a child?" Antony reasons.
"That's the problem. I don't really deal with children. I am better with older children
and not the infants." I respond, my voice screaming out the worry I have.
"I'll be there to help you. If it means we have to lie, we will have to. But the bottom
line is, we have to tell the boy the truth today." Antony says, his determination clear.
I gulp another glass of water and I head upstairs to Simangaliso's room. I knock
lightly on the door and I push open the door and I walk to his bed. His eyes are tightly
closed, a clear sign that he is not asleep. I whisper something into his ear and he
smiles, selling himself.
Antony sits at one side of the bed and I sit at the other. The reality of telling
Simangaliso about his father settles solely on my shoulders. However I manage to
pull up the courage and I tell him. Most of his questions are answered by Antony
who proved to be a very big help today. After the whole paternity thing is done, I then
retire to bed.
I wake up at around nine to the sound of someone knocking at my door. I really hate
being woken up like this and I sure know it's not Simangaliso, because if it was him,
he would have just barged into the room.
"Come in!" I shout lazily and into the room walks Antony. Just as I suspected. In his
hands is a tray of food, most probably breakfast. It's most definitely not the greasy
and salty breakfast that I prefer, but what can I say. Moreover this is not my house
so I am in absolutely no place to make demands.
"Good morning" he says as he puts the tray on my bed and proceeds to open the
curtains, just before my eyes get accustomed to the light of day in the room. This
idiot definitely has more to learn about me, than the fact I put on red lipstick three
sixty five days a year.
"Antony, I always emphasize on communication. I really appreciate the efforts to get
me an early breakfast in bed but you just don't know what I like. Secondly, don't open
the curtains before my eyes get accustomed to the idea of light. It makes them supper
painful. If you are not aware, I have an eye problem and I most definitely don't want
to spend all my life wearing spectacles 24/7." I say as I push the covers away.
"Well, I am very sorry about the curtains but as for the breakfast, I sure did my
homework." He says.
"Thank you for the effort once again. Now can I get some privacy, I want to change."
I say to him.
"Okay but before I go, I would like to notify you about my family's arrival today for
the dinner. The boys and I will have an early braai, so they will be earlier. You don't
have to worry about the preparations, my sisters will take care of that" he says as he
walks out of the room.
If he thinks that I have changed my mind about the dinner, then he sure should
think twice about this. I am not going to attend the function....
After taking a bath and putting on my baggy domestic clothing, I then head to the
study that I have been accorded or borrowed. There, I get down to marking the
assignments. They have been accumulating and today, I plan to finish them all. For
some hours, I penning down each and every wrong on the manuscripts. As I am still
marking, I hear voices
"So, where is she? I really want to meet her. I didn't get the chance to meet her the
last time when she came for the outing." A masculine voice with an accent says.
"She is definitely nothing out of the ordinary but if you want to see her, then go on."
A female voice says.
"Well, she is not in the bedroom, maybe she is in the study. If we don't find her there,
she might have gone for a doctor's appointment." Antony's voice says. It gets nearer
by the second. It's as if he just joined the other two.
'A doctor's appointment? Is she sick or does she have some kind of condition? Or an
allergy of some sort?" the masculine voice says, asking from curiosity.
"No, she is not allergic…well, not what I know of but she is pregnant." Antony says.
"Good heavens! You guys are expecting!? Antony, you are so full of surprises. From
having a woman in your life after a very long time, to expecting a child." The
masculine voice says.
"Oh, don't get ahead of yourself. The baby might not be his for all we know, but what
can I say? The choice to be with an underage woman, with an eight year old child
and is expecting, is not mine. Now let's get going." The feminine voice commands
impatiently.
A few heavy footsteps make my way to the study. The individual comes to a sudden
halt and a knock announces their arrival and before I get the chance to answer,
Antony peeps in.
"Lucky you Alex, she is inside" he says as he enters, being followed by the school
teacher and a guy I presume is Alex. Antony and the guy look very much alike, in
terms of hair color, eye color, height and the color of the eyes. Their smiles also
have a similarity too.
"Red, this is my brother Alexandra and his fiance Melinda, of which you know her
from the school. Guys, this is Red." Antony says.
"Wait, your name is Red?" Alexandra questions.
"No, her name is Maria but she prefers to be called Red." Antony says.
"Nice to meet you. I have heard so much about you." Alexandra says as he offers his
hand to me, a broad smile plastered on his face.
"Well, nice to meet you too." I respond as I stand up from my chair, in the process,
cradling my incredibly big pregnancy with my left hand.
"Whoa! When Antony said you were pregnant, I didn't think you would be this huge.
At this stage, you could pop at any minute now." Alexandra says. The way he says it
makes me giggle. This guy has an incredible sense of humor. It pours from his voice
and expressions. A hell lot different from his mundane brother.
"Well, that could happen from next month on wards. Currently, I am in the second
month of the third trimester." I say
"It seems like you guys want to discuss a few things. I am going to get the braai stand
from the garage. I will see you guys later." Antony says as he darts out of the room.
"I think I will go and land a hand whilst the two of you get to know each other."
Melinda says as she comes to give Alexandra a kiss, then she throws me an evil eye
and strides out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"So what are you up to?" Alexandra questions as he comes to sit opposite me at the
large study table.
"Some assignments" I say as I pick up my red pen to emphasize how busy I am.
"Some assignments? Are you doing your tertiary education?" Alexandra questions in
absolute shock.
"No, I am a lecturer. An Economic Professor to be particular." I say as I return my
attention back to my papers.
"And how the hell did my bother get to meet and charm your educated and witty
mind? Economics professor?" Alexandra questions, causing me to laugh.
"Well, it's a rather long story. However here we are after a few misunderstandings
but so you know, your brother hasn't yet owned up to the wrong he did. I am here
because of another reason" I respond and after that, I turn my attention back to the
paper work.
"I can't advocate for my brother because I know how faulty he gets with women.
However he sure does love you, that's one thing for sure and please don't break his
heart because this time, we might log him into a mental institution." Alexandra says
in absolute concern for his brother.
"Well, that's if he doesn't heart break me first." I reason.
"I pray he doesn't" Alexandra says as he back the marked manuscripts on the table.
"I see that you have been working for a very long time. Come on, get some rest. You
are at a stage where you should get more rest than anything else." Alexandra says.
"I have a back log of work that's supposed to be completed by Monday. I have to be
a time keeper, just as much as I emphasize time keeping." I say to him.
"I know but come one. Its just for a short while. After that, I will let you work but for
now, you sure deserve a break. You should take constant breaks." He says as he
takes my pen and puts it on the pile of papers in front of me.
"Anyway, what is being done? I don't intend on spending my time sitting." I respond
as I remove my spectacles, put them in their case and put them on the table.
"I promise you, you won't regret the time you will spend around us. Now let's go and
join the others" Alexandra says as we move to the exterior. We head to the gazebo
where a number of white people are. They look like couples and it's always each to
their own, a hand to the waist and all the bragging about this and that. This is
something I am definitely not used to. In black native families, men sit on their own
whilst women sit on their own as we discuss this and that. We later mix during meal
times or during certain important happenings.
"It seems like the braai stand is not yet here, let me go and get the coal, can you get
the lighter for me." Alexandra says.
"Okay" I respond and we walk to different directions. Truth be told, I have no idea
where on earth the lighter is and so I decide to go and try looking for it at the
storeroom. The storeroom that Antony went to might be the best option in this case
because it's loaded with things used in events. From festive lights, Easter staff to
braai stands and a hell lot of other things.
Its quiet a distance from the house but I manage to get there in three minutes. I am
a very swift walker despite my heavy pregnancy. Just before I get to the door of the
storeroom, I hear sounds. Sounds of gasping, more like people having sex. I walk to
the nearest window, cup my hands over the glass to see what's going on and I get
the shock of my life. Well, I have seen worse but this! This almost gave me a heart
attack, because for a minute my heart stopped beating in absolute shock. Even my
body is refusing to react, I stand by the window, staring at Antony and Melinda, half
naked. Antony is screwing the hell out of Melinda. Melinda is pinned against the wall,
her legs wrapped around Antony, Antony is also...
"No wonder Melinda seemed annoyed by the thought of me being in relationship with
Antony, but then on the other hand, Melinda is Alexandra's fiance. What on earth is
she doing with Antony?...Antony removes himself from Melinda and he is not
putting on a condom!
"And yet you say you love her more! The truth of the matter is that you love me. You
are just too proud to accept it." Melinda says as she removes her garment and uses
it to wipe herself.
"We can't keep doing this, you are my brother's fiance and besides, Red is here to
stay so you should get used to that." Antony says as he shoves his partially erect
penis into his jeans.
"Okay, I won't force you to do anything but I know you will come crawling back to
me in no time. Women like her are never easy to handle, educated and highly
sophisticated. In no time, she will have your name on the divorce papers, tearing half
away 50% of everything you own including some maintenance for those little brats
because if you happen to marry her, legally become your children too." Melinda says
as she comes to savagely kiss Antony and Antony returns the kiss with the same
passion. More like an underlying fire. From the way they are taking things, they
might be heading for a second round.
I move away from the window and I walk back to the house, fighting tears and
battling the pain I feel in my chest. It's as if I have been stabbed in the chest because
for one, I can barely breathe. When I get to the house, I rush to garage, get into the
car, reverse it and I park it in front of the house, since I don't have the keys to the
garage door that leads to the interior of the house.
I hurry to my room, quickly pack my clothes back into the suitcases together with
my shoes. I get into Simangaliso's room and wipe out every clothing and shoe that I
spent my money on and I stuff them all into the suitcases. Then lastly I get into the
study and I pack all my papers into the box file and I head to my car. I move
everything to my car and then I go hunting for Simangaliso, ignoring every greeting
and comment that comes from the white gathering. At last, I find Simangaliso playing
with a bunch of kids. I yank him out of the group, more like haul him away, despite
his protests. The strength that I possess when I am angry, sometimes scares me the
custodian.
When I get to the car, I put Simangaliso at the back seat and I strap him to the chair
using seat- belts. I then get into the driver's seat and I drive, heading back to my
suburban home in the city. Simangaliso is quiet all the way, I look up the view mirror
and I confirm my thoughts, he is crying. Let's hope I didn't hurt his neck. I really
wish I could have been more careful but right now is really not a good time.
I pass by a food outlet and I put his favorite food including some ice cream and I
earn myself the first smile of the journey. I really wish I could return it back but I am
just too upset to smile back. No, upset is an understatement of how I feel but it sure
is part of the long list of feelings that I feel. When I get home, where most of my
plants, trees and lawn have overgrown. I put my bags into the house, open every
window in the house, and convince Simangaliso to watch a movie- a cartoon movie
of course. I just want to get him to relax before I unpack the good news of us never
returning to that shit hole ever again!
As we are still watching the movie, my cell phone rings and I just answer without
looking at the caller's I.D, hoping that it would be Antony so that I could blow his
brains with the bombastic words that I have been cooking as I was driving back
home.
"Thank God you picked up your phone! I know that you and Cameroon are in a bad
space after the last encounter but I really need your help." Chris Evans says. He is
sounding more desperate than I have ever heard him.
"And what can I help with Chris?' I ask.
"Cameroon. The boy has been a mess ever since the day you two had a
misunderstanding. He has been severely depressed. We thought it would go away
but it is getting worse by the day. His roommate says Cameroon is now drinking on
a daily basis and is a complete mess. Can you please talk to him?"
"As strange as it sounds, I don't have his cell number and also, I really don't know
where he is staying." I confess, after exhaling. To tell the truth, the pressure is
unbearable for a single day.
"I will send everything to you. All I am asking is that you talk to him, maybe he will
listen to you. The depression has made him very hostile and rather too quiet." Chris
says.
"I am not promising any positive results but I will try." I say to him.
"Okay. Thank you for the hand." Chris Evans says and he hangs up. In a matter of
seconds, Cameroon's details are sent to me and it turns out, he stays in campus. To
tell the truth, I too am worried about him. I mean, he will be writing his exams soon
and already he is wasting her life away.
"Simangaliso, I am going out, do you want to hop in or you want to stay here?"
"I will stay here." He responds absent mindedly.
"Okay, I won't be long." I say to him as I pick up my car keys and head to the
University. Just because I am one of the University's lecturers, I am easily allowed
into the hostels, even though it's a male hostel. I however look for Cameroon's room.
I find the room unlocked. As I open the door, the reeking stench of alcohol and dirty
laundry strikes me. I enter the dirty room an the first thing I do is to open the window
in the room. I scan the dirty room with my eyes. Bottles of alcohol are scattered
around the room, books on the floor, dirty laundry, sheets, shoes, cigarette stubs
and Cameroon on the bed, laying peacefully asleep on the bed, wearing boxers and
his t-shirt. As I am still scanning the other side of the room, someone clears their
throat.
"Excuse me, how can I help you?" the masculine voice questions rather rudely and I
turn to see who the hell is questioning me. As soon as I see the face of the individual
and he recognizes me, I snort.
"So you stay in such a room?" I question in amusement as I look at Tonderai
Chirenje, one of the best Economics students.
"Professor Red? What brings you here?" he questions in absolute amusement.
"This idiot over here. I have come to collect him. Where are his things?"
"Unfortunately, his things are scattered all over the room." Tonderai responds as he
enters the room.
"Well, let's strike a deal, I will clean this room only on one condition, you get another
guy and you carry Cameroon to my car. I am taking him home with me." I say.
"Home?" he questions.
"Yes, to my place." I say to him.
We get down to packing Cameroon's belongings. Most of his things here are just dirty
laundry and shoes. After everything is done, the boys take Cameroon to my car and
I strip off the sheets from his bed. I then clean the other side of the room, arranging
everything properly, sweep the floor, mop the floor and after that, I head to my car
and I drive home. Tonderai and his friend help me to take Cameroon to his room as
soon as we get home.
After that I give the boys some money as a token of appreciation and also for
transport. I get down to washing Cameroon's laundry including his underwears. I
know I shouldn't do this but what choice do I have? I am the mother here and I am
helping an incapacitated idiot who is just too drunk to even realise he was being
moved from one place to the other.
As I am still hanging the laundry outside, Simangaliso comes up to me.
"Mom, who is the guy upstairs?" he questions.
"It's your brother Cameroon" I respond.
"My brother? Do I have a brother" he asks in amusement.
"Yeah, you do have a brother." I respond and questions start pouring out. Questions
of Cameroon's whereabouts and why he suddenly is here. Some of the questions, I
answer and some of them I divert. I cook supper, Simangaliso and I eat, I wash the
plates, take Simangaliso to bed and I check on Cameroon. He still is asleep. Now I
am starting to get really worried. I get into his room and check his breathing, it
sounds normal to me. After that I retire to bed.
I wake up at around seven in the morning, my head pounding from lack of adequate
sleep. I use the bathroom and after I take a long hot shower, dress in yet another
maternity dress. I can't wait to get back to my original body shape.
I get down the staircase slowly and I head to the kitchen, where I find Cameroon
sitting at the bar stools, carrying a cup of tea. Seemingly staring at a thousand
thoughts in his head.
"Good morning." I say, causing him to turn his head to my direction.
"Good morning." He responds, his voice hoarse.
"How are you feeling?"
"I am fine. Nothing but just a slight headache, most probably from the headache."
He responds.
"Have you eaten anything?"
"Not yet. I don't have that much of an appetite." He responds.
"But you should eat something. Let me prepare breakfast so that you can eat
something at least." I say as I busy myself with the pots.
'So, how long am I staying this time?" he questions, his voice laced with an icy
attitude.
"For as long as you wish." I respond.
"What changed?" he questions yet again, his tone venomous.
"You are my son, what do you expect from me?" I reason.
"The very son that you abandoned at a day old. The very same one you abandoned
at a day old. The very same one you didn't seem interested in when he showed up
twenty years later." Cameroon responds.
"I see where I went wrong. Look Cameroon, I know my mistakes and I sure am willing
to fix them. Everything that I did back then had a reason. Your departure a few
months back had a reason, which I clearly explained to you but I did not explain the
reason why I left you with your father." I say to him.
"I really don't think there is a logical explanation to that. You just don't want me,
just like you didn't want me a few months back. I bet my father went down on his
knees just to convince you to take me in, of which I see really unnecessary." He says
to me venomously. I really can't believe he thinks of me as such a heartless thing.
"You have no idea what happened twenty years back. Did your father tell you how
old we were when we had you?" I question.
"No and I bet that doesn't have anything to do with you abandoning a baby at a day
old."
"Like I said, everything in my life is calculated. I want you to sit down and listen
because most of your answers will be in what I tell you" I exhale as I try to compose
myself, preparing myself for the next step of this whole thing. I have never verbally
spoken about this particular part of my life but today I have no choice but to.
"I grew up in the high density suburb of Mzilikazi. My father was a mechanic and my
mother was a cleaner at a certain hospital. My parents earned a very small salary
that could barely educate all four of us, so we had to work extra hard, so as to get
scholarships. My sister and I were the first to get scholarships in our family. We went
to an expensive boarding school, where all our expenses were paid for. There, we
really struggled to fit in, as we didn't have the financial privileges that the other
children enjoyed. We also faced challenges from boys and male school teachers who
came drooling for our beauty and innocence. For first formers, our bodies were
overdeveloped. They had taken to womanhood, far too early. For four good years, we
were thick headed, refusing and turning down whatever advance that came our way.
And this constantly got us punished by male prefects and male teachers but still we
did not bend. And then the rumor that we were lesbians spread like a wildfire. It
got so intense that we were called at the disciplinary committee to be questioned but
female teachers who knew better, defended us. When I was in form three third term,
I fell victim of your father's love. Chris Evans was charming, he was the talk of the
school and every girl drooled for him. His being colored, only added to his points.
So when he courted me, I agreed. Our relationship ran for a month in complete
secrecy but my sister easily caught the tell-tell signs of love. She reprimanded me
about it but I was determined. I had tasted love and I didn't want to give it up. On a
certain day during sports, your father took me to the prefects' common room. The
common room had a bed meant for the prefects who didn't feel well. And on that bed,
Chris took away my virginity. It was painful but memorable. We continued to sneak
to the common room and have sex, until the day that I discovered that I was
pregnant. As young as I was, I knew that I was doomed. When I told Chris about it,
he scolded me and refused that he was the baby's father, yet I had been faithful, even
to his shadows. I had to tie my abdomen to prevent the pregnancy's visibility until I
wrote my o'level examinations. After the examinations, I didn't go home, I stayed with
a friend until I gave birth. It was a domestic birth. I stayed overnight with you and
the following day, I decide to take you to Chris's house, together with a letter and
from that day, I disappeared for good in his life." I say, as I recall all the memories
as if it were yesterday.
"So why then didn't you come looking for me?" Cameroon questions.
"To tell the truth, I just closed that chapter in my life. I didn't want my parents to
find out. I really thought we will never cross paths in life because I had cleaned out
all the evidence tracing back to me and all my movements were forever calculated.
Especially those that I did in Bulawayo." I respond.
"So how then did my father find out about you?"
"Through my sister. She was the one who told him my whereabouts, my occupation
and where he could possibly find me. So, if it wasn't that occurrence or loop hole,
then that chapter of my life would have been closed for eternity. It's not because I
don't love you or something but then, my life is complicated. I am a complicated
person myself who has a lot of fears. At least now you are here, alive and well." I say
as I resume my cooking, snapping out of memory land. There is a long void silence
in the room. Cameroon is absolutely silent.
"Good morning" Simangaliso says as he enters the kitchen.
"Morning, how are you?" I say to him.
"I am fine." Simangaliso responds as he settles next to Cameroon who is looking at
me and Simangaliso in confusion. I guess, I would have to clear the mist between the
two of them about who is who.
"Well, Cameroon, this is Simangaliso, he is your brother and then Simangaliso I
guess I told you about Cameroon yesterday." I say to the two parties. I resume my
cooking as the boys start talking. I am listening in on their conversation. Finally I
finish the cooking and we all settle down for some breakfast. For the very first time
ever, I have my two boys sitting together. They look so alike, you wouldn't be able to
tell that they are born of two different fathers. The only distinguishing factor in this
case is their complexion and eye color. Simangaliso is more white than black and
his blue-grey eyes only worsen the situation whereas Cameroon is darker with brown
eyes.