Vimbai and Chiedza had tried to convince me to get some sleep but I just couldn't.
Whenever I closed my eyes at night, my mind always journeys back to Simangaliso
who is laying on a hospital bed, unconscious and deathly pale. His breathing is being
aided by machines and tubes. Part of his face is heavily scarred by the claws of the
animal that mauled him.
Today, I am sitting here in the living, staring at memories of my son's state. Whenever
I think about the animal that mauled him, my blood boils. I pick up my and I dial
the S.P.C.A. now that I have found out Clarke's address, it's easier for me to send
them over to his place. When they pick up my call, I immediately jump at my emotion
based, more like anger based statement. I tell them a hell lot of lies, the only truth
being 'the dog mauled the boy'. I give them the address and after that I disconnect
the call. At the same time, yawning uncontrollably from the fatigue.
These are the times I wish I still had the privilege to smoke or drink some Vodka,
just to calm my nerves. I mean, I am even perspiring from all the anger. I swear
that if it wasn't for the fact that I value the artifacts in my house, I sure would have
broken something just to relieve my anger….in a matter of minutes, it will be visiting
hour and I am going to see my boy. It breaks my heart that despite my numerous
prayers, he still is lifeless. The only thing that indicates life is his heart beat and
respiration. Otherwise, he has not moved an inch, nor has his skin gained some lively
colour. It really scares me…. The worst part about all this is that Antony is still
visiting Simangaliso and he might be footing some of his medical expenses and telling
the hospital staff not to tell me about it. It really drives me nuts!
Today when I walked into the hospital, he was there. When he greeted me, I flat out
ignored him and proceeded to the ward that Simangaliso is in. I have been sitting
here for a while now, praying, admiring him, pleading with his lifeless self that he
come back to me. When the visiting time elapses, I up and leave, fighting tears and
fatigue. When I get out of the hospital, I wipe off the tears that are tickling my eyes
and clouding my view.
"Red" a masculine voice calls behind me, causing me to speed up the process of
wiping off my tears.
"Yes?" I turn to face Antony and again, my anger kicks in, replacing the pain in my
heart.
"Good heavens! When last did you sleep? You look like a mess" he says as he comes
closer to me.
"I am pretty sure you didn't come here to speak about my appearance. Please get to
the point please." I shoot back.
"Okay…." He says as he raises his hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Look, can we get to some place private. I won't to discuss something really important
with you." he says.
"If it's about us, then forget it! There is no more us. Your family members made sure
of that and besides, I had told you that this is nothing but a temporary relationship.
Our skin tones disagree…." He cuts me off in the middle of my sentence.
"This is not about us. It's about the boy" he says and my heart drums in my chest,
almost drilling through my chest in absolute shock.
"What's wrong with him? Don't tell me that he…." He again cuts.
"No! But what I have to tell you is really important. Can we go and stand over there."
he says as he points to a tree. "So that I can tell you."
I walk anxiously, a thousand thoughts running through my mind. I take a few steps
towards the tree and I stumble, only to be caught by Antony, at the same time, my
head gets really heavy. I know it's from all the fatigue and lack of sleep.
"I think you should get some rest." Antony says, his voice now more of a command
which further infuriates me. I don't get commanded around as if I am a little girl!
"Don't you think I know that? And besides, I will get some sleep after you tell me
about whatever you want to tell me." I say, my tone laced with attitude.
"I think whatever I want to say can wait, if it's compromising on your health. We will
talk some other time. Just get some rest." He says.
"look, I am not a little girl….." a sharp headache silences me as I cradle my head in
my hands , trying to make it subside so that I could hear whatever the hell Antony
has to say. It's the only thing that is keeping me here. And to say I am not curious
to find out would be a white faced lie! The suspense is killing me!
"That's it! Stay here, I am going to get some pain killers and some water and after
that, I am taking you straight home. You are in absolutely no state to drive." He says
and he walks away to his car. I sit down at a nearby bench, still cradling my head in
my hands. Antony immediately comes with a packet of pain killers and some bottled
water. I take two and I return the packet back to him.
"Now let's get you into your car and going home, I will call you later in the day to tell
you about the issue at hand." He says as he supports me to stand up. My head is
too painful for me to even protest but that doesn't mean the inner voice is not voicing
out sick things that the physical ear cannot hear.
I get into my car, start the engine and I drive towards home. My eyelids constantly
get heavy and sometimes I would veer off the road, until a point when I veer off the
my lane, almost coming with an oncoming car. I am brought to reality by the hooting
of the other cars and I come to a sudden halt. My eyes are getting really heavy. I can
barely see. The front door at my side opens.
"I knew this would happen. Look I am going to drive you. take the passenger's seat
and I will drive" Antony says as he unbuckles my seat belt. From all the fatigue, I
just obey. As soon as I take the other seat, I adjust it and immediately fall asleep,
without even thinking about the fact that Antony does not know my residential
address....
I am awoken by the growling of my hungry stomach. I am in a strange room. One
that I can't recognize. I can't even identify the scent of the sheets. It's all strange.
Panic hits me, causing me to throw away the covers and I take to a sitting position
just as the door slowly opens.
"Oh, you're awake? I thought you were still asleep. I had brought you something to
eat. I knew that you would be famished when you wake up." Antony says as he comes
near me with a tray full of food staffs.
"Where am I?" I question him.
"At my house." He responds as he puts the tray in front of me and he also sits on the
bed, looking at me. More like, his eyes consuming my appearance.
"Why didn't you take me home, instead of bringing me here?" I question.
"You didn't tell me your address, so how was I supposed to know where you stay?"
he points out. I exhale lightly, noticing where I went wrong.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"Four thirty." He responds after looking at the time on his wrist watch.
"What!? Why didn't you wake me up so that I could go for the afternoon visiting?" I
question him in absolute bewilderment.
"I didn't want to disturb your sleep, so l let you sleep through the hours." He
responds.
"Antony, those visiting hours are very important to me. I can't afford to even miss
one of them!" I say.
"You can go in the evening. For now focus on your health. The boy is in good hands."
He says…there is a brief silence as I fail to think of any come backs. One problem
about me. I really hate talking whenever I wake up from sleep. That period is usually
dedicated to my own personal thoughts and not words and fights.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Antony asks in the process bringing me back to reality.
"Oh" I say as I look at the tray hesitantly and finally, I hungrily dig in. as I am still
eating, a thought strikes me. Antony had said he had something important to say to
me pertaining Simangaliso. I abandon eating and I turn my attention to Antony, who
is staring observantly at me.
"You have such a small appetite for a pregnant woman." He says.
"Believe me, you wouldn't match my appetite even on a normal day. You said you
have something to tell me about Simangaliso. What is it?" I question.
There is yet another void silences. More like a pregnant silence. I wait impatiently,
with a growing curiosity and eagerness to hear whatever he has to say. Finally he
breaks the silence, when he stands up from the bed, paces about the room and finally
turns to face me.
"Who is Simangaliso's father?" Antony questions as he stares at me intently. Most
probably anticipating an answer.
"And why do you want to find out about Simangaliso's father? In fact, how is it your
business?" I ask.
"It's not any of my business but something strange happened today." Antony says.
"What happened?" I question him in absolute curiosity. His brief silences are not
helping. They are only killing me with suspense.
"Remember the donation that I did for the boy. The tests were done. As they worked
in the laboratory, trying to match Simangaliso's blood sample to that of mine. They
found out that, not only do we have a matching blood group, but also our D.N.A.s
are a perfect match." He says, causing my heart to drill through my chest. For a
moment, I go silent trying to process the news, until finally, I break into a sarcastic
laugh.
"Nice try Mr Clarke, but you can't worm your way into my life that easily. Simangaliso
has a father and you are not that father." I respond venomously.
"Look Red, the technology that they use in the laboratory tells absolutely no lies." He
responds.
"They might have made some mistake and I think that they should apologize to you
for raising your hopes so much. But Simangaliso has a father and that man is not
you!" I respond.
"Where is he then? Where is he now that his son is fighting for his life, laying on a
hospital bed, breathing through tubes…." I cut him before he goes any further.
"All thanks to you! All thanks to you for letting your dog's loose during a children's
training! And yet here you are, saying whatever nonsense your sick mind conjures
up!" I respond.
"Red, I have the paperwork that proves that Simangaliso is mine. Our D.N.A is a
match. I even took more tests to see if I it's true and the paternity test came out as
99.07%." Antony says and he hands over the paper work to me. Even though the
reading strains my eyes, especially without my spectacles, I take the papers and I
read them. I look at the paperwork in absolute shock.
"This is absolute nonsense. There is no fuckin' way that Simangaliso might be your
son. Remember we met each other last year and we can't have an eight year old,
miraculously, that's absurd!" I say to Antony as I throw the bunch of papers on the
bed.
"The papers have spoken!" Antony protests.
"I don't know what game you are playing or what you are scheming but please, don't
involve my son in all this! It's so low key that you decide to fabricate D.N.A. results
of an innocent child who is fighting for his life, just so as to get between his mother's
legs!" I say to him in absolute disgust! I mean, what the fuck! How could a man stoop
this low!
"I didn't fabricate this! It came as an unexpected shock just as it is to you!" Antony
says.
"Antony, what the fuck man! You are dealing with a woman who has a PHD for crying
out loud! A whole professor and you bring such shit to their table, do you really think
they could believe whatever the fuck that you say? These days, these D.N.A piece of
shits are a bunch of unreliable things! I mean, anyone can fabricate these, just so as
to manipulate things to work to their advantage!" I say to him in absolute anger. This
idiot is really trying his very best to keep me in his circle of life. This time, he has
even gone as far as roping in my son. That's very unfair!
"Red, you are not answering my question. Where is the boy's father?" he questions
yet again. This time, his voice is calm. As cool as a cucumber. The acting skills that
man reel when they want to corner a woman into accepting their proposals is very
shocking. This type of acting really deserves an Oscar or a Golden Globe Award. I
mean, how could a grown man come and stand here and act so serious yet he clearly
knows in his heart that he is lying. It really makes me sick!
"To clear the mist once and for all with you, I met Simangaliso's father at a cricket
match at Hartsfield Stadium in Bulawayo and we had a crazy session in his car. I
didn't get his name and I am still not looking for it! He is history and I am sure I am
history too in his life. For he was a married man, who got overthrown by lust! The
lust for a black woman's vagina. Just like most of you perverted white fuck boys!" I
say at Antony and his face goes pale. He looks at me, his mouth agape.
"Now this makes sense. You were the woman that I met in Bulawayo during a boy's
day out. You were dressed in red leather stomach high skirt, a white long sleeved
blouse, block hills and you had divided you hair into two pony tails that dangled
from each side of your head. You were wearing a red choker and had painted your
lips with maroon lipstick. You looked like those girls from old school magazines!" he
says as he recalls exactly what I was wearing!
"No wonder your face looked familiar! I knew that I had seen your face somewhere
but I couldn't point out where exactly….isn't your name Maria? The name that you
flat out refused to tell me until a friend off yours told me." He says.
So he remembers everything about that day! I look at him in absolute astonishment.
To say I am surprised would be an understatement of what I am feeling.
"So this confirms that he is mine?" he questions and I go mute, not willing to object
nor agree.
"You know, just the thought of you having a child shocked me. You never seemed
like a mother. On the other hand, the thought of me having an unknown son with
you, now that really took me back. It was an unimaginable thought!" he says as he
comes to sit next to me on the bed. There is a long silence, both of us in our heads,
thinking about a million things. Antony is wearing an idiotic smile on his face. He
sure is busking in the moment I tell you!
"Look Antony, as much as it comes as a shock to the both of us, it still does not
change anything about our complicated lives. I still am the very same black woman
that your family fussed about the other day. It's best we live our lives the way they
used to be. If you want to be involved in Simangaliso's life then that can be arranged.
Anything more than that, I am not willing to approve of it." I say to him.