DISCLOSURE
THE DELUGE BREAKS
I wake up with the sweet melodies twitted up by colorful birds. Garden facing house is really a blessing for people like me who can get up early to enjoy this beautiful sounds of nature. Although I have a small lawn at my parents' house with grass, flowers and two trees, watching this big garden is really beyond words. I slowly open the glass door as Sartaj is still sleeping, and comes out in the balcony. The small colorful butterflies dance all around the environment. Few health conscious and nature loving are enjoying the fresh morning. I wake up feeling happy this morning, the whole world looks beautiful; contented and as happy as me. I wish the rest of my life be as blissful as this morning! Amen! (Who knows life gives us surprises every second; good or bad!)
I enter my room and see my love sleeping, I caress his cheeks and kiss him. He opens his eyes at once and circles his arms around me, pulls me towards him... his sea rover blue eyes hypnotize me like always... 'I get bed tea for you,' I try to get up but he won't let me go, I know. But to my amaze, he gets up and leaves the room. I keep sitting there, don't understand anything. After about ten minutes, he enters carrying a tray with two cups of tea with biscuits. I can't believe on my eyes! "A tea for my lovely wife" he keeps the tray on the bed, kisses me and go to bathroom to freshen up. I know he wants to sit in the room so trying to clear the chairs which are still stuffed with my clothes. But Sartaj sits on the bed again so I join him with our cups of tea. After tea, he holds my hands and say, "I am going to tell you something very important so please listen carefully and don't react until I say, please," his words confused me. I nodded only.
He begins in his calmed tone, "Samaira, I know you have been going through some mental conflicts for the last two days. I have observed and realized the way my mother and sister behaved with you. And I feel myself responsible too because I should not have let them take your room and give you this old one. I feel helpless at times." 'But why Sartaj? She's your mother and you could have refused to give your room. And I don't understand, being a mother how could she think about ruining your married life or the day when you get married,' I stop immediately to see the frown looks on his face. 'Sorry! You said not to intervene till you complete your sentence.' He comes more closer, his voice becomes more soften, "I am not angry. Don't worry! Actually Samaira, you are right I could have refused my mother. Every child who loves his mother can ask for anything because he knows his mother will fulfil his every wish. But... (his voice begins to falter...) ... but if your mother is not your mother in re...al... then?" 'Oh, come 'on, don't get so annoyed with her that...,' he puts his finger on my lips. "Let me finish first, my love." I catch my breath and stare up at him. "My mother is my stepmother" he announces it with the same breath. All at once a sudden shock passed through my whole being as I have been hit by somebody and I roll over and fell down. Sprinkling of water drops have regained my conscious. We remain sitting dumbstruck, no words to console each other. 'Have I asked more from God? I just wanted to be happily married with him and his parents' love and blessings. How would I survive with a woman who's not his real mother! If he's unable to get her affection in years, how would I be spared from her treacherous attacks! Am I watching some Hindi daily soap?' Sartaj's warm hug breaks my trail of thoughts, "I am with you, you just do whatever you want. But don't fight with them. Whenever you will have any problem, come to me. They don't love me; I don't love them either. I am just shouldering my responsibilities to make my father happy."
'Why didn't you tell me before marriage,' I ask Sartaj whom I really wanted to hit hard with the tray he brought with the tea. "Since I love you and don't want to leave you," he calmly says. 'O Come 'on, don't act like a Hindi movie hero,' I want to shout but my mother's face prevents me to say anything. I know I have to save my married life by all means. Sartaj pretends as he is the innocent one but I feel he stabs me in the back. 'I am not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you, Sartaj' I pull away from his hug and begin to cry. I cry until I get too tired to cry more.
With passing days, I get myself busy in my married life, my husband and my house. Yes, my house. My mother-in-law, neither showers her love nor hate, becomes neutral. Our relationship is like two strangers living in the same house who have no feelings for each other but still live in harmony. Although I don't like her but can't hate her also. We spend the whole day together under the same roof but hardly talks. If she initiates, I reply and never disrespect her. After my honeymoon, I attend two weddings, my brother Sammy's and step sister-in-law Neeru's wedding. If the wedding of my brother has given me immense happiness, Neeru's wedding has relieved me to some extent. After one month of my marriage, or I better say that after comprehending the situation completely, I disclose the secret of 'My Step mother-in-law' to my parents. And make them believe that I am very happy in my new house, new family. But I know this will not convince my Mumma who's already suffered a lot due to her step mother-in-law. This is called irony of life. She wanted me not to suffer like her so she asked my sister several times about my mother-in-law before marriage. One bitten by a snake for a snap dread a rope for a decade. But some things are destined to be…. good or bad. However, my Mumma says, "Although the doors of this house are opened for you always, you'll try your best to make this relationship work out but if it'll be about your self-respect, you'll come to me without thinking for a moment."
I have decided I won't let any moment comes when I have to choose between the two houses. But I forget that I am not God, 'You can't change your destiny.'
Sartaj and I have been to various interesting destinations, usually go for dine out, shopping and I never forget to bring gifts for my mother-in-law and father-in-law. Whether she likes or not but accepts quietly.
I get pregnant after three months of my marriage. Sartaj's joy knows no bounds! His sea rover blue eyes reflect contentment. My mother-in-law congratulates me, father hugs me and blesses me. He remains very supportive all the time.
I give birth to a baby girl, my princess. The doubt that my mother-in-law may taunt me for giving birth to a girl, vanishes as she carries her and kisses her. My 'easy going' nature and unarguable attitude might have changed her!
'Sarima', her father gives her a name, becomes a lifeline of the house, of our lives. Mummy has begun to enter my room to carry her when she cries. Her grandfather never wants to bring her down from his lap. Sartaj comes home even before evening tea from his factories. My daughter has become the strong bond who has connected us forever. Amen! Who knows that these happy moments are short lived! I want to hold on to the tiny moments and cherish the little snuggles of my daughter, but she is growing up too fast, like every child. Daddy used to say that girls grow faster. So true! She is six months old and makes us occupied all the time. I have put on some kilos which I am seriously planning to shed but I don't get time. "Samaira, please get me a cup of hot coffee," Sartaj calls from his study room. I while giving tea to mummy, makes a coffee for him. "You manage everything so smartly," mummy says. Our relationship is building and going on the smooth track.
After sister-in-law's wedding, her room has converted into the library and study room. Mummy wanted us to move to the room, but I refuse. This is the room for which my first night had been spoiled. The feeling of being insulted still reopens my old wounds. I have been observing for days that Sartaj gets engrossed in his work till late night. I try to get awake to have a talk with him, to sip a coffee with him but I get too tired to realize when I get into deep slumber. I know he loves me and cares for me, he understands how busy Sarima keeps me all the time. But today, I have decided I would awake and wait for him to get free from his work. He enters around 23.30 hrs. and gets surprise to see me awake. "You haven't yet slept?" he whispers as Sarima is sleeping in her cot near my bed. "You are looking beautiful in this lavender nightie," he lies near me. We talk about his business (as we used to discuss in the early days of our marriage) and Sarima. We get closer and I keep my head on his strong arm. He turns towards me and places a soft kiss on my forehead. We make love for hours... and sleep into each other's arms. ' He still loves me' I think and fall into sleep near my husband, my man.
"There is a curious thing that happens with the passage of time: a calcification of character...
Sartaj is changing; his behavior, his priorities are changing. He gets occupied with his work all the time. The weekends that he used to spend with his family, are being spent with his clients, as he says. I don't remember when last time he kisses me, have dinner together, he used to hold me from back while I am busy in the kitchen... craving for my love, urges to kiss him.... What's happening to him or it's already happened, the realization of his ignoring me comes late?
"If he's forgotten me, I'll make him remember me. I'll make him want me again."
It's 22.30 hrs. and he's still not come. I call at his factory's number, "Hello!" this is not Sartaj's voice. 'Hello! I am calling from home, where is your Sir?' I get worried. "Madam, Sir to nau bajje hi chale gaye (He's left at 21.00 hrs.)," his watchman answers. 'He must have gone with his client' I convince myself. Sarima sleeps, mummy and daddy sleep too. I have changed into his favorite nightie. He comes around 1 a.m. He looks at me and says, "got late today." 'Please don't overexert yourself, Sartaj,' I take his blazer and ask for dinner but like always, he had dinner with his clients. Sarima sleeps with her grandmother because her cot is too small for her and I can't let her sleep alone in her big room. Sartaj changes and I make coffee for two of us. He without saying anything holds the cup. We are sipping the coffee quietly. He never takes his eyes off the coffee cup, and remains silent. While taking a sip, I creep closer to him and put my head on his shoulder. I know he will turn to me and holds me as he used to do, he will place a kiss on my forehead, his favorite place and my favorite kiss, I know... he will....
But to my shock, he shrugs his shoulder and keeps me away with his hand which once used to raise to hold me with love only. 'What happened! Why are you behaving like this my love, are you get too tired to love your wife,' I reach to his face. 'Let me give you a head massage,' I touch his hair. He looks at me and throws a hot coffee on my face..........