I sit on the hammock chair in the garden with a hot cup of coffee. No sugar, no cream. I like you dark, bitter and true. Mumma keeps the newspaper in my hand, "go through the classified advertisements and apply for a job."
'But Mumma, I don't have any experience. Also, I haven't done B.Ed. How would I get any teaching job,' I look at her with moist eyes? "Listen my bebu, there are many sectors where you can apply, it's not necessary to go in a teaching profession only. You have done Masters in English; you can go for other options also." Mumma encourages me with her, as usual, inspiring attitude.
I have shortlisted few vacancies; editor in the office, counsellor in computer institute etc. I keep the newspaper aside. Mumma holds my hand and take me in to her room, "Get a sari from the cupboard to appear in the interview tomorrow." 'Tomorrow!' I, like a little child who is reluctant to go to school on the first day, get nervous. But I know, I can't win over her. Thank God I hadn't taken my certificates to Sartaj's house. Mumma has carefully kept them in the cupboard.
The office building is just at half an hour distance from the house. It's an overseas company which deals with visa, job application and overseas education. It's a panel interview having a group of four people; three men and one woman. I have been asked about my personal and professional information. 'Marital status', the question makes me nervous. The second interview is of counsellor, I do my best in both the interviews and waiting for the results. After two days, I have got a call, I get the job but the salary is too low to accept. Since I haven't got any call from the computer institute, to improve my situation, to survive with my daughter I take on a job of an editor with a package of 20k.I have to join after a week, so I go to parlor to give myself a professional look. The corporate world will not accept a house wife's image.
Mumma wants Sarima to go to play school with her cousins. I and Sarima get busy in our lives but a void is still there. My loneliness left me in a void. I have got a room in Mumma's house, I cook whatever I want. This is the same house where, I felt, I had a right to do everything but now, don't know what stops me. This house is Bhabhi's (sister-in-law) house, Mumma's house but not mine. I want my own house, my kitchen where I can cook anything for my daughter. Although I am not restricted to do anything here, I want to own a house but I can't afford to buy even a single bedroom accommodation. I make a call to Sania to give her news about my job but actually I wanted to discuss about rental accommodation. "You don't worry, I'll discuss with Garry today," she assures me. I know Mumma and Sammy will get miffed to hear about this, but to keep my self-respect and to preserve the affection in relations I have to take this decision.
Sammy comes to know from Sania about my decision of shifting to some other place. He wants me to stay here with all but has to get agreed finally. Mumma cries but she can perceive what others are unable to see.
'Giving up is simply not an option when you got family to support.'
Sammy and Sania has bought a flat of two bedrooms in a well-developed civilized society.
I forget about my court hearing in job and accommodation problems. Tomorrow's the last court hearing or final judgment; decree which would make Sartaj free of his marriage liabilities and he would fly to make a new nest.
Today's the last day when I am seeing him who was once 'my Sartaj'. He behaves as though I am not sitting there; I don't exist. Although, he sits near me to sign papers, he's too far for me to reach. The divorce papers are signed. I'll be called 'Divorcee' from now onward. My advocate comes and whispers, "Your husband has given five lakhs as compensation."
Wow! Five lakhs! My husband, no... my millionaire ex-husband is so generous that he gives five lakhs from his treasure. I am the luckiest divorcee. I want to throw the cheque on his face but I can't. I need money.
I cry for hours as though want to wash out my heart; keeping it inside will tear me apart. Actually, I don't want to leave Mumma's house, feeling too unsecured to live alone. " Happiness is having a large, loving, close knit family. The dream of having a family would remain a dream only!
I leave Mumma with heavy heart. My nephew and nieces cry when Sarima sit in her mother's second hand car. I have left this house again' second time, though the feelings are not the same.
I am missing daddy today. Father's home remains a father's home always. Daughters are welcomed always. Had daddy been alive today, I would not have to leave my parents' house. it's not that my brother has any objection but when a divorcee sister has to live in 'brother's house', she could be responsible for ruining her brother's happy marriage life, the old cliché. . I cannot think of any need as strong as the need for a father's protection. I feel his presence wherever I go.
Moreover, I want to give Sarima, 'her own house, her world' though rented. The house where she can live, play and enjoy. for few days I'll live in rented flat and then buy my own. Thank to my brother who 'allowed' me to sell one of daddy's old house from our ancestral property to buy a flat. It is an irony that a daughter has to take permission of son to use her father's property.