THE NEW BEGINNING
SHE MADE BROKEN LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG LOOK INVINCIBLE. SHE WALKED WITH THE UNIVERSE ON HER SHOULDERS & MADE IT LOOK LIKE A PAIR OF WINGS.
The warm ball of light filtered through my eyelids awakes me on the first day of my new life. Yes, today's the first day, the dawn of my new life, a day when I'll take the first step to living the life that I want, and leaving the life I don't want. Leaving Sartaj in the Café was like to get triumphed over myself, my victory over fear; fear of losing my daughter, fear of 'loving him' again. I gave him more chances than he deserves but I'm done now.
I have decided I won't let past relationship ruin my future. I know Sartaj will keep interfering my life but I won't let him interfere my emotions, my feelings. I won't let him penetrate into my soul. I know it's difficult for me to look forward to falling in love again once my heart, my trust has broken badly but I'll not close the doors of my heart for someone who comes to my life as a new ray of hope. But relationship with no compromises. "Remember that you are more than skin and bones. You are one thousand stories of before. One thousand stories of potential. One thousand stories you've yet to see and know and feel and breathe. There's more to come. And it's something beautiful." Hope so….
My priority is Sarima only. I'll strive to give her the best. No hero is coming for me, I know. So, I have to be my own hero to grab the sword, to rule the world. I'll be the best at being the mother and father, all by myself.
I have made a cup of coffee for myself; coffee- my one-way ticket to contemplation. I know coffee reminds me of Sartaj, time spent with him. I know his memories will haunt me always, his betrayal, his leaving me for another woman. Somewhere in the core of my heart, I was waiting for him, I was waiting for him to apologize and feel guilty, to love me again but I am happy that he came back and shattered my illusion. I'll no longer wait for him. This COFFEE had once made me weak because I had to like it's taste to prove my love for 'my so-called love.' But the same bitter taste has made me strong now as the only antidote to bitterness is bitterness.
"Mamma, where are you?" Sarima wakes up and starts looking for me. She, likes her mother, wants to see her mother's face in the morning. I rush to my bedroom and carry her. She hugs me tightly as though someone is taking her away from me. I am overreacting again. I hug her tightly.
"Mamma," she lifts my face with her little hands, "Papa will not come to meet me?"
I have been trying to assure myself that I can survive without him but Sarima's question has made me muddled. What would I reply to my little girl? I know I can't refuse Sartaj to meet Sarima, according to the law.
I make Sarima sit in the balcony and get a glass of milk for her.
'Listen, your papa will come to meet you but we cannot live with your papa'.
'Why momma'? I want to meet him. He is not as bad as I thought'. Her innocent eyes melt me. I try to be normal and smile.
I keep her in my lap and sit, 'I never said that your father is bad. He loves you the most and I know that he will never break your heart and fulfil your all dreams. The dreams which your momma may not be able to fulfil. But bebu, he doesn't love your Mamma. He doesn't want to live with your momma. If you'll live with him, you have to leave your Mamma. Would you like to live with him?' my heart drops when I look into her innocent eyes. 'You can meet your father whenever you want.'
She thinks for a while, "I'll never leave you. If Papa don't like you, I hate him. I'll not meet him," she hugs me again. I almost died but she resuscitated me.
I take a deep sigh....
Sartaj tries to meet Sarima twice but leaves disappointed. My lawyer informs me that he leaves the country. But I know he may come back and fight for her. This time I won't get scared. I'll save my daughter and never let him to snatch my soul from me. I know that his love for his daughter is temporarily. If his second wife and child had not disowned him, he would never have returned to us. Being a womanizer, he may fall in love again with another beautiful woman with sexy figure and then he'll again throw my daughter from his life. So, no more compromises, no more tortures.
Sarima hugs me tightly and I shower kisses on her lovely face.
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky".
I won't beg someone to love me. I deserve to be loved, to be cared, to love unconditionally.
I am a beautiful piece of broken vase, put together by my own hands. I know this critical world will judge my cracks while missing the beauty of how I made myself whole again.
"Flowers grow back. Even after the harshest winters,"
I WILL TOO....
"It's important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story."