"I am Sudhanshu, your classmate," he smiles through his green eyes. 'OMG! Sudhi, after a long time, almost a decade I think,' I say. Sarima holds my hand as though want me to introduce her to Sudhi. 'Meet my daughter Sarima,' I point to my angel. "Wow! She's really a doll," he shakes hand with Sarima. We exchange our contact numbers and say goodbye. 'Thank God! He didn't ask anything about my husband,' I heave a sigh of relief.
Sarima sleeps after having dinner but me, 'sleep is a luxury, I can't afford'. But the reason is different today, it's not about my broken heart. I have been thinking about Sudhi since I met him in the metro today. He was one of my best friends. I still remember how did he help me in preparing notes when I laid down with fever. We used to catch the same bus. He visited my house several times with other classmates. I am really happy to see him today. But what if he asks about my married life? Forget it, let's sleep Samaira, you've to wake up early. I hug my baby and close my eyes.
Next day has passed as usual. While travelling in metro, my eyes are searching for Sudhi. I am so silly! I met him by coincidence yesterday. In the evening, when I am busy in teaching Sarima, my cell phone rings. I speak slowly. "Hello! I am on the way to home. So, I thought to call you," he seems delighted. I got surprised to hear his voice, "How did you get my number"? "OMG! you forgot? You gave me your number yesterday," he replies. 'Oh! I forgot'. We talk about everything; our life, our profession etc. He is happily married with one daughter. I am happy that I have got a friend. And happier to think that he'll remain a friend only. Great!
He gets shocked to hear about my divorce. I am used to see shocked faces or to hear sorry for my divorce. But I am confused why did his voice got wobbled when he told about his marriage!
Days passed, weeks passed, I get busy in my life but the phone calls of Sudhi change my monotonous life into interesting one. Although he calls once a week, we talk for hours about our college days. But what bothers me that whenever I ask about his wife, he gets silent for a few minutes as he is choosing right words to answer me.
'What we anticipate seldom occurs, what we least expected generally happens.'
There is not a single day when Sudhi doesn't call. I too anxiously wait for his calls. 'Why?' I ask myself. 'I just like his company as a good friend that I badly needed,' my heart explains to my mind. 'Don't worry, I could never love anyone; in this life,' my heart justifies itself. One bad relationship could make you never want to fall in love again... never. And I know that I need his friendship only, nothing else, and moreover, he's happily married.
Sartaj was also happily married! Why did he fall in love with someone else? Or he never loved me and was not happy with me? He never said that he didn't fall in love with me. He said that he couldn't love me anymore after falling in love with some other woman! What is more insulting? How could we get attracted to anyone when we are already committed in a relationship? How could I get failed to ignore the signs of betrayal! I could even sense his basic needs, his feelings, his unsaid words; but what happened to my sixth sense, my intuition, when my love was leaving me? Having someone you deeply love and care for walk away is devastating. Mumma said, "Don't worry! He'll come back after being on his own for a while and learning that he committed a mistake by comparing your love with someone else. Nobody can love him and care for him as you did." He has never turned up. He left me broken. I tried my best to pick up the pieces, always questioning why and what I had done wrong for someone to leave me . But I am failed to get any answer. He left me with a gaping wound.
My mobile rings and takes me out of the whirlpool of his memories. Thanks to Sudhi! "Hi Samaira! I am near your house location for some work. Since today's Sunday, may I be invited for a cup of tea?" 'Yes, of course,' I couldn't refuse. I send my address and rush to change as I had planned to clean the kitchen and wash Sarima's toys today so wearing lowers and t-shirt. Sarima, too, is playing in her night suit. I get her ready too.
Sudhi comes with a nicely wrapped gift and some fresh flowers, remind me of Sartaj... again. But I divert my thoughts, 'Nice to see you, Sudhi! But why have you bothered to bring a gift?' "This is not for you; this is for a beautiful princess. And flowers for you, beautiful lady!" I get embarrassed while taking flowers from his hand. I don't remember when 'somebody' gave me flowers last time.
"Nice house! I must say that you keep your home immaculately clean. Flawless!" he praises everything, from Sarima's room to kitchen.' I deserve this admiration though never got any. After a tea (I didn't ask him for COFFEE) and some snacks we, three, go to the nearest park for a walk. The dusk has fallen and makes me conscious of the closeness to a man, after years. After got separated from Sartaj, I never allow anyone to come closer. We sit on the bench while Sarima gets busy in playing with her ball. The feel of someone's hand makes me shocked; my whole body is burning up 'with hate'. I take a quick step and drop his hand from my shoulder. "I had no intentions to hurt you, it was just a friendly gesture," he tries to convince me but after struggling in the male dominating society, I can perceive the intentions behind every 'gesture'. 'Don't dare to call or meet me ever,' I, after warning him off, hold Sarima's hand and drag her to the house.
'Trusting someone is my decision, then proving me right is their choice'
Why all men are the same? I thought Sudhi understands me and would change my perception about men to some extent. But I was wrong. He is like other men who thinks that I am 'easily available'; they show their wicked intentions by 'different gestures'.
Next day, I discuss everything with my best friend and colleague. "I think that you overreacted," she whispers and her words make me surprised. 'How could you say this even after knowing how did he behave in the park! How has he broken my trust like Sartaj? He's even behaved worse than Sartaj. I was so happy to get a friend whom I could rely upon,' I hold my tears after realizing about the presence of other teachers. "Why did you want a male friend when I am there for you always? Listen, Samaira," she holds my hand and whispers, "You need a man in your life. You cannot ignore your feelings and needs for a long time. Be human! Don't try to be Devi (Goddess). My silence makes her comfortable and encourage to go on. "Dear, there's nothing wrong if you find comfort in his company, in his arms," I open my mouth to oppose, but she puts finger on my lips, "You deserve to be happy."
'Yes, I deserve to be happy. I need a shoulder to cry on. I deserve to be loved and cared. But not at the cost of ruining someone's married life. He is married. How could I do with his wife, what somebody had done with me? I cannot be the reason for breaking anybody's married life. I know how does it feel,' I immediately wipe my tears. Don't want anyone in the school to gossip about me. Although 'being divorcee', I have earned respect and reputation here.
"Who is telling you to break his house? Just continue with the friendship. Call him today and make some points cleared," Her advice persuades me to think about Sudhi again. I call Sudhi in the evening but not to continue the friendship, 'Sudhi, I don't know what was your intentions on the day but I felt cheated and insulted. It's my advice to you not to play with anybody's emotions in your life. Don't take advantage of any woman who, like me, trust you. Bye!' I drop the phone, feeling so relieved as though the frustration that was burning my heart and soul for years, causing me depression; flush out today.
My life has turned to the same track as it was before Sudhi. Sarima and I get busy as usual in our lives. Sarima is going to celebrate her eight birthday today. I have planned to celebrate her birthday at 'FUNKY LI'L MUNCHKINS' IN Vasant Kunj. Her friends and family, my friends with their kids; it is an overall grand party. She seems very happy and excited to see everyone comes specially for her.
Sarima sleeps as soon as we reach home as she's got tired of playing and dancing. I, as usual, make coffee for myself and sit in the balcony. My mobile rings. Who could call at this hour! I glance at my wrist watch. It's 23.30 hrs. I get inside to attend the call. The voice makes my heart sink, "Hello Samaira!" his calm voice makes me wobble, I sit on the chair to prevent myself from falling. "Samaira, I know this is you. Please give a phone to Sarima, my daughter. I want to wish her on her eight birthday."