CHAPTER 30: The World Has Turned and Left Me Here
BLAIR WADSON
Maliwanag na ang paligid nang mapagdesisyunan naming magpahinga muna. Pinilit ko ang mga paa kong maglakad kahit na ramdam na ramdam ko na ang sakit. Bumabalik na rin ang sakit ng likod ko na nakuha ko sa pagtilapon ng bus namin sa bangin.
"We should rest," ani Jem na mukhang napansin ang pagbabago ng postura ng katawan ko.
Umupo kami sa makapal na ugat ng puno. I sighed and gave our surrounding a quick scan. May mga nagliliparan na ring mga ibon sa bawat sanga ng puno. I had this fascination with birds. Pero hindi ito iyong regular na araw na tinutukoy ko—iyon bang gigising ako at maghahanda para pumasok sa Ellis High. Those days were long gone. And this is just the second day in our own hell world, I thought to myself.
"Ellis High," bumuga ako ng hangin. Ngayon ko lang na-miss ang school namin nang ganito. And maybe because if I was there, I would feel safe. Not exposed like this. Hindi katulad ngayon na, ang buhay namin ay nanganganib. Like we were on the edge of the cliff and if we just made one wrong move, we would fall into a void, into nothingness.
Back there, everything was smoothly flowing. But here? That I wasn't sure.
Jem let out a soft chuckle. He turned to me. "Ellis, huh? We all hated that school."
Bahagya akong umiling. "Yeah, I know. Pero… bigla ko lang naisip," pahayag ko.
"This will sound strange, but it felt safe there," aniya.
Doon ako napalingon sa kanya. It was as if he'd read my mind.
My lips twitched, amazed by his comment. "Ako rin," I said. "What I would give to make everything return back to normal. And to be home, safe and sound."
Marahas siyang bumuga ng hangin. I felt his eyes looking at my face—studying every part of it. Bago ko pa magawang takpan ang mukha ko, ibinalik niya ang tingin sa ulap na natatakpan ng mga makakapal na dahon ng puno. Naalala ko ang gabing sinagip niya ako. If it hadn't been for him, I would've been dead from the cold. Why did he save me after everything I had said to him? Those hurtful words I shouted at him?
It was quiet—eerily quiet. Iyong tipo ng katahimikan na makakapagpataas ng balahibo mo. But somehow that kind of feeling lessened because Jem was here. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko iyon naisip. At hindi ako makapaniwalang ginagamit ko na ang nickname niya. That's because he gave you permission to do so, sabi ng boses sa isip ko.
He stretched his feet on the ground. "You know what, we can just stay here, kung gusto mo," muling baling niya sa akin. "I can learn how to hunt para may makain tayo. What do you think?"
Napalingon ako sa kanya, sinisigurado kung biro lang ba iyon. "Seryoso ka?"
Tumango siya. "Why not? And dito natin hintayin ang rescue team kapag dumating sila," simpleng sabi niya.
Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. He was right—we could just stay here and wait for the rescue teams to find us. Pero ang imahe ng mga nilalang na pumatay kay Celaena ay bumalik sa isip ko. And I knew in the back of my head that there would be no rescue teams.
"That was the first thing Ms Sanchez had told us that if ever we will meet an accident, we should stay as closely as possible in the place where the accident took place, right?" aniya.
"You know we can't do that, right?" saad ko. "It's not safe."
Just thinking about going back to our bus gave me the chills.
Mahina siyang tumawa. "You're right. Gusto ko lang paniwalain iyong sarili ko na makakaligtas tayo. And then we would all wake up in a hospital room—safe and sound," sabi niya, nakatingin pa rin sa itaas.
"Sana panaginip na lang ang lahat ng ito…" I whispered, thinking about Celaena's death, Sabrina's death—every of my classmate's death and of Sir Denver's.
And thinking about how I wouldn't be able to bring them back.
"Have you seen Brooke?" I asked him.
Nagkibit-balikat lang siya. "I'm sorry, hindi ko siya nakita," tugon niya.
Nagbaba ako ng tingin. I hope she's okay.
*****
After half an hour or so, we decided to start walking again and try to look for the others.
Alam kong nandito lang din sila sa gubat na ito. I know it in the back of head that they are here somewhere. We just gotta keep on walking.
"Left or right?" Jem asked, suddenly.
Natigil ako sa paglalakad at tumingin sa harap ko. Mayroong dalawang daanan. It was not exactly a road, pero parang tinanggal ang mga damong nakaharang doon para magsilbi iyong daanan.
Nagkibit-balikat ako. "I don't know. Ano ba sa tingin mo?"
Humalikipkip siya. "I think…" inilagay niya ang hintuturo niya sa sentido niya na para talaga siyang nag-iisip. "Right?"
Umiling ako. "Nope. We should go left."
"Okay," he simply said, shrugging.
Bigla tuloy akong nag-alala. Baka ako ang sisihin niya kung may mangyari sa aming masama. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya. "No, Jem. You can't just agree with me. I mean—"
An amused smile slowly spread across his face. "Your choice, Wadson."
"What?" nag-aalalang tanong ko. "No, ayoko. We should go with your choice, Mr Caliente."
"Okay," aniya at naglakad na patungo sa kanan. Hinigit ko ulit ang braso niya.
"John—Jem! Ano'ng ginagawa mo? We don't even know where we are going. At hindi rin tayo nakasisiguro na ligtas ang… ang kahit alin sa dalawang daan na 'yan," nagpa-panic na saad ko.
"Any way would do. Kahit naman may kapahamakan, kaya kong lumaban. I can save you, too." Mayabang na ngumiti siya. May bahid din pala ng kayabangan 'tong mokong na 'to.
Kinagat ko ang ibaba kong labi at maiging pinag-isipan ang sinabi niya. "Hindi, mali ka, Jem. At isa pa, kaya kong ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. All I'm saying is, we should think this through."
Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong braso. "You'll be safe with me. I promise," seryosong sabi niya.
Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, tumango ako. "O-okay."
Sa ilang segundong iyon, narinig ko ang mabilis na pagpintig ng puso ko. I didn't know why I felt that. Huminga ako nang malalim. What is happening to you, Blair? I told myself. I shouldn't even be happy because I didn't deserve it.
Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin.
"We should go, then," kinuha niya ang kamay ko at isinukbit iyon sa braso niya. "Kumapit ka lang."
I quickly snatched my hand away from him. "'Sorry. H-hindi kasi ako kumportab—"
He looked startled by my reaction but his expression quickly softened. "It's okay," aniya at inilahad ang dalawa niyang kamay sa harapan ko. "Ladies first."
I nodded. Why are you even feeling awkward with him? Bulyaw ng isang bahagi ng isip ko.
Bahagya akong umiling, pinalis ang isiping iyon at nagpatiuna na sa paglalakad.
*****
Nakarating kami sa isang ilog. It was surrounded by enormous trees that hid it from view. We had been walking for what felt like hours and hours. And I didn't bother looking at the time because I didn't have a watch to look at in the first place. The river curved gently through a winding path that traveled to who-knows-where. My gaze landed to the swirling river. I could see now how the water has gained its glassy clarity. Nagmumula siguro iyon sa isang bundok na malapit dito. Or maybe this forest was part of that mountain.
"What if you'd get a chance to wish for something, what's it going to be?" I turned to Jem, who's looking at the view with glint in his eyes.
"Uhm…" pinag-krus ko ang dalawa kong braso at tumingin din sa ilog. "I think to see my family again."
"Same," mahina niyang sabi. I waited for him to continue. "I have two younger sisters. And strangely, I miss both of them. Masyado kasing makulit iyong dalawang iyon."
Bigla kong naalala ang malaking litrato sa kanyang bahay noong gabi ng birthday party niya. I saw his two younger sisters. They both looked so beautiful and so was his mother.
I softly laughed. "Nagmana ba sa kuya?"
Napangiti rin siya. "Siguro," and without saying anything, binuhat niya ako at tumakbo. The next thing I knew, basa na ang katawan ko. Even my clothes.
"Jem!" sigaw ko habang pinupunasan ang mukha ko para makakita ng malinaw.
There he was, laughing at me. "Sorry, I had to do that."
"You had to?" nagsimula akong maglakad sa direksyon niya pero mabilis siyang nakalayo sa akin.
"Come and get me, then," nanunuksong sabi niya.
I couldn't help but smile. Mabilis akong lumangoy patungo sa direksyon niya at successfully, nahawakan ko ang pants niya. Lumusong ako at nalamang hanggang leeg ko na pala ang tubig. Masyadong matangkad si Jem kaya umabot lang hanggang sa braso niya iyon.
Tumawa ulit siya at pinilit na kumawala sa pagkakahawak ko. May naapakan yata siyang bato kaya napatid siya at lumubog sa tubig. Napasama ako sa paglubog niya at naramdaman ko na lang ang pantalon niya na mahigpit kong hawak.
I swam to the surface, holding his pants up.
"What the—" narinig kong sabi niya nang makaahon ako.
Bumaba ang tingin ko sa ibaba niya na bahagya kong nakikita sa ilalim ng tubig. Kulay white na boxer shorts na lang ang suot niya sa pang-ibaba. Humagalpak ako ng tawa at lumangoy palayo sa kanya.
"Come and get it then," panggagaya ko sinabi niya sa akin.
He smiled evilly and dashed towards my direction, trying to grab his pants.
Masyado siyang mabilis at hapong-hapo na ang katawan ko sa kakalakad at sa kakalangoy. Naramdaman ko na lang ang isang braso niya na nakapulupot sa akin, at ang isa ay pilit na kinukuha ang pants. Natigil ako sa pagtawa. I felt his warmth against my back even though the water was cold in my skin. It was oddly soothing. Lumipas ang ilang segundo, tumigil din siya sa pagkuha ng kanyang pants. I could feel his warm breath in the nape of my neck.
Pumihit ako paharap at ibinigay sa kanya ang pants niya. I forced out a laugh at umahon na ako. Umupo ako sa malaking bato sa tabi ng ilog. Naramdaman ko ang pamumula ng pisngi ko. I tried to calm myself. Think about other things, Blair… I said to myself.
*****
Ang sarap pakinggan ng agos ng tubig at ang payapa ng paligid. Nahiling ko na sana ganito na lang bawat oras. Ah, wishful thinking… I muttered to myself.
Umahon na rin si Jem at umupo sa tabi ko. "I-I'm sorry about your pants," pinilit kong ngumiti.
Bahagya siyang umiling. "No, it's okay. Ang saya nga, eh."
Minutes passed by. Naalala ko sina Noah at Mama. What are they doing right now? Okay lang kaya sila? Maybe they still didn't know about the accident. Baka hindi sila in-inform ng faculty about dito.
"I miss Noah, and my parents," I suddenly blurted out.
"Your brother?" he asked.
Tumango ako pero bago ko pa malaman, a single tear made its way down my cheek. "I miss them so much."
At nasundan pa ng isa, at ng isa hanggang sa umiiyak na ako. It all came like a wave and the walls I used to surround me broke down, completely. Nagsabay-sabay silang lahat—my family and everything I left behind… and Celaena's death. My vision was already blurred out pero naramdaman ko ang braso ni Jem na pumalupot sa balikat ko. I let myself fall to his embrace.
"It's okay. We will see them… soon. Makakaalis tayo rito," he whispered in my ear.
I couldn't stop myself from crying. Parang wala iyong katapusan. I was weak, fragile and I felt exposed.
Then slowly a flashback from the past, comes rushing inside my head. I closed my eyes. I could see the scene as if I was really there. It was Noah's first day at Ellis High.
With one last glance, lumabas na ako ng kuwarto at bumaba. Noah was already there, his arms crossed in his chest, at mukhang hindi siya masaya dahil ang suot niyang uniform ay may kalakihan. Lumapit ako sa kanya.
"You look handsome, Noah," nakangiting komento ko.
Napataas siya ng tingin sa 'kin. "Talaga, Ate?"
Tumango ako at inayos ang kanyang blazer. "Oo naman. Kapatid yata kita. And I'm sure if Papa was here, he will be so, so proud of you."
"You look pretty, too, Ate," nakangiting sabi niya. "Nami-miss mo ba siya?"
Bahagya akong lumuhod para mapantayan siya. "Of course. I will always miss him."
Malungkot siyang ngumiti. "I miss him, too," parang may pumiga sa puso ko nang mga oras na iyon. Pero mabilis kong pinigilan ang nagbabadyang luha sa mata ko. No, not today. It's his first day as a second grader.
Huminga ako nang malalim. "At sigurado akong nami-miss niya rin tayo ngayon. You know what, I'll tell you a secret."
Biglang lumiwanag ang mukha niya. "You know I'm good at keeping secrets!"
"Alam mo ba na si Papa ay nasa lugar kung saan walang sadness but only happiness exists? And he's watching us always. Kahit nasaan pa tayo."
Tumango-tango si Noah. "May gano'n bang klase ng lugar, ate?"
"Oo naman. Ang tawag doon ay heaven. Doon din tayo pupunta lahat someday."
Saglit siyang nagisip. "Hmm, I'll do a research on that later."
I pinched his nose. "Kaya make him proud today. Be brave today at school, okay?" nang tumango siya, tumayo na ako.
"Blair?" bumalik ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ko ang mababang boses ni Jem.
Pinunasan ko ang basa kong pisngi. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cried."
Ngumiti siya nang nakakaunawa. "Okay lang," aniya.
Dumeretso ako nang tayo at halos mapatalon nang may marinig akong bumagsak sa bandang likuran namin. It came from a tree. Mabilis akong humarap sa pinanggalingin ng ingay.
There he was, nakaluhod sa damuhan at nakatingin sa amin ni Jem. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa aming dalawa.
Ngumisi siya. "H-Hi," aniya at bahagyang itinaas ang isang kamay.
"Kaleon?" sabi ko. May dumi ang mukha niya, at ang uniform niya… sobrang dumi. Punit na rin ang black pants niya sa hindi sadyang paraan. His hair was a mess, which was normal for us now.
Pero nakilala ko siya agad. From his jet black hair na umaabot hanggang sa kanyang balikat. The kind of hair that he would have to tie it into a ponytail. I looked at his his glasses that was now broken from the impact of his fall.
Siya ang President ng math club ng school—Kaleon Yang.