CHAPTER 29: Je Suis Une Amie (I Am A Friend)
BLAIR WADSON
"C-Celaena…" tanging nasabi ko, unti-unting nauubos ang hangin sa aking dibdib. We stared at each other for a moment.
"Run!" she kept on shouting.
I took a step back when I heard boots squeaked against the wooden floor. Lumapit na ang mga nilalang kay Celaena.
"Fucking run!" Celaena shouted once again.
"I-I'm sorry…" anas ko.
Napatda ako kinatatayuan ko, ang dalawang kamay ko nakatutop sa aking bibig. I'd never wanted to be so safe in my life. Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ito… I should've stopped her sooner. She would've lived. It's my fault. Kasalanan ko kung bakit iyon nangyari sa kanya. Hinatid ko siya sa kanyang kamatayan. Kagaya ng nangyari kay Sabrina. I let them both die.
Pinunasan ko ang basa kong pisngi. With all my remaining energy, I walked towards the window, my whole body trembling with emotions. I kept on whispering the same words—I'm sorry. Papalapit na ang mga yabag. Napabaling ako sa labas ng bintanang pinaglabasan ni Evangelyn. That was the only way, I thought to myself.
Bago ako tuluyang lumabas, muli akong lumingon, thinking of her—Celaena.
I bit my lower lip. Pinagkasya ko ang sarili ko palabas. I heard a smash on the door from outside. Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid. No one was around. Noon ako nagsimulang tumakbo. Wala na akong pakialam kung saan man ako dadalhin ng mga paa ko. I heard sobs. At nalaman kong sarili ko pala ang nagpapakawala ng mga hikbi. I kept on running and running and running. Hindi ko maramdaman ang pagod, only my breaths to accompany me.
The last thing I'd do to my bestfriend, I did it—I left her there.
Just like what Evangelyn did…
Iniwan ko siya roon without even putting up a fight. Iniwan ko siya para lang mailigtas ko ang sarili ko. I'm also a traitor. Naninikip na ang dibdib ko. Unti-unti na akong hindi makahinga. Huminto ako sa pagtakbo, sweat trickling down my face. Tila ba ang tuhod ko ay bumigay na at ibinagsak ko ang sarili ko sa lupa.
Falling on the ground, I felt the anger throb and course inside of me. How could I have let this happen…
"Celaena…" I said still sobbing.
Wala yatang katapusan ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ko. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at impit na tumili. Unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman ang pagod. Gusto ko nang magpahinga kahit ilang minuto man lang. I inhaled the scent of wet earth. "I'm sorry, Celaena… I'm so sorry…" I kept whispering to myself.
Isang bagay lang ang alam ko; wala na siya dahil hinayaan ko siyang mamatay. Nabalot ng katahimikan ang paligid. Ni hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ako magpapatuloy gayong alam kong… wala na si Celaena.
*****
I woke up when I felt a poke on my shoulder. Mabilis akong nagmulat ng mga mata. Nakailang kurap muna ako bago naging malinaw kung sino ang taong nasa harap ko—yes, a person.
Napasinghap ako nang makita kung sino iyon—si John. Bahagyang nakakunot ang noo niya. I quickly sat up when I felt earth against my damp skin.
Nakatulog pala ako. I shook my head, trying to lessen the throbbing ache in my head. Umiikot ang paningin ko.
"Blair?" hinawakan niya ang balikat ko. "Are you okay?"
I nodded. "John…" pagkumpirma ko. Nakita ko siyang tumango. "How did you find me?" I asked him.
Umupo siya sa tabi ko. "It doesn't matter," tugon niya. "Halos ilang oras kang nakatulog," may itinuro siya. "May natanaw akong cabin banda roon—" before he could finish, I cut him off.
"No!" I said, hastily. "Pumunta ka ba roon?"
When he shook his head, part of me sighed in relief.
"I thought something might've happened to you," aniya.
Nanakit ang mga labi ko nang subukan kong ngumiti. "Thank you. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog pala ako," sabi ko.
"I'm glad that you're fine. Naligaw ako. I just woke up being brought by Samuel together with Maru. Pero…" umiling siya. "Something happened. At hindi ko na alam kung nasaan sila ngayon. I just ran and ran."
The same thing you did, a voice in my head said.
Ngayon ko lang napansin na may tuyong likido sa pisngi niya—matingkad na pula ang kulay niyon. "Ano'ng nangyari d'yan?" I asked, looking at it.
"Ah, ito?" nagbaba siya ng tingin. "It's…"
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me," I said when I noticed that he was uncomfortable.
"Isabella's blood—this, I mean," aniya habang nakayuko pa rin. "S-she's dead."
"What?" tanging nasabi ko. Naubusan na yata ako ng luha at emosyon dahil wala na akong maramdaman ngayon.
"Uhm, yeah. When we went back to the bus, sinubukan pa namin siyang iligtas dahil… she's the only one near the entrance of the bus. We're planning to get you all out one by one, pero iyong bus ay nagsimula nang umapoy," He paused for a moment. "Then… may naapakan si Isabella na… mine. Mina. And it suddenly exploded."
Napailing ako. "What's happening here—to us? Bakit ba nila 'to ginagawa sa atin—killing us one by one."
Naninikip ang dibdib ko. I felt like I was about to cry again but not a single tear came.
Bumaling sa akin si John. "What do you mean? Who's doing what?" nagtatakang tanong niya.
So, he had no idea of what was happening. Pero sino ang tinakbuhan niya at nakarating siya rito?
I stared at the sky, the sun was beginning to rise, again. The same scene yesterday. If this was a different scenario, I would've been happy to see it. Pero hindi. Nasa ibang mundo kami.
This was hell, for me. Maybe for us—our own hell.
"The men in cloaks?" saad ko, nagbabakasakaling may maalala siya.
Nakakunot ang noong bumaling siya sa akin. "Men in cloaks? What about them?" inosente niyang tanong.
Ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang lahat—mula sa paglabas namin ni Celaena ng bus hanggang sa cabin. Those creatures in cloak. I left the part where she… died.
"I don't really know, Blair," umiling-iling siya. "Gusto ko ring malaman kung ano ang rason kung bakit nila ito ginagawa sa atin. Though I haven't seen any of them yet."
I looked down at my ripped skirt. Maybe it was ripped by a branch of a tree while I was running last night. Hindi ko lang siguro napansin.
"It's getting hard, you know. Isang araw na rin ang lumipas. Bakit wala pa ring dumarating na rescue team? O hindi kaya ay iyong bus ng Class 12-D. I'm sure they'll notice that we're gone, right?" hopeful na tanong niya.
"Siguro, but even if they did, pa'no naman nila tayo mahahanap? We're in the middle of nowhere," I chuckled, sardonically.
Bahagya rin siyang natawa. "You're right. It's hopeless," tumingin siya sa langit. "Where's Celaena? You said you were with her, right?"
Tila naging isang bloke ng yelo ang katawan ko. Nagbaba lang ako ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung sasabihin ko na ba sa kanya o magsisinungaling ako. I was never a good liar. But I can try to be one.
Umiling ako. "Hindi ko rin alam. W-we… we were parted," pagsisinungaling ko.
Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Let's try to find them, then."
Tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo at inilahad ang kamay niya.
He was still wearing our uniform. At nabahiran ng dugo ang kulay puti niyang polo. John smiled at me.
"S-sure," I said, accepting his hand.
Hinubad niya ang blazer niya at isinuot iyon sa akin. Ngayon ko lang namalayan na hindi ko na pala suot ang jacket ko. I gave him a thankful smile and said, "S-salamat."
Before I made a step, he put a hand on my shoulder. "Call me, Jem, kung okay lang sa 'yo."
"O-okay," nakangiting sabi ko. "…Jem."
Mahina siyang tumawa.
I was glad I found someone who could keep me company. Someone who would make me feel safe. But there was still this part of me that was scared—the one who almost faced death two times and afraid to face it once more. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong hindi matakot.
We were in the middle of nowhere, with no one to help or rescue us from this perilous forest. We only have ourselves.
Is it so wrong to hope that somebody will rescue us from this hell we are in?