CHAPTER 12: The Last Normal Day of Our Lives
BLAIR WADSON
Hinayaan kong maramdaman ng sarili ko ang marahang pag-ihip ng hangin habang tinatahak namin ang kahabaan ng main road ng isla ng Ellis. It feels good to watch as the sun slowly goes back into its own place and will be temporarily replaced by the moon and stars. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the sound of silence.
I remember when I was a kid, I've always dreamt of going to a place far away from what I call home. To travel around the world, to visit beautiful places, to go to different beaches and to climb the tallest mountains on Earth. My dreams are quite big, right? I mean for my age at that time.
Every time na lumalabas ako sa dati naming bahay sa Makati, palagi kong nabubungaran si Papa na nakaupo sa porch namin, nagbabasa ng isang paperback na nobela. I always admired him. He's the kind of man whom you'd look up to. He's a genius. He knew all these places I'd never even heard of. And slowly as I grew, I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to go to the places he'd traveled to.
One time, when I saw him sitting at our porch, I asked him which of the places he'd been to was his favorite? Ang palagi niyang sagot ay South Carolina. That something about that place feels home to him. I remember writing it on my list that night and promised to myself that I'd go there with him. With Noah and Mama. Na dadalhin ko roon ang mga importanteng tao para sa 'kin.
But when he died on that accident that put him to a come for almost one week, I'd hoped. Umasa ako na baka may chance na magising pa siya. Na may posibilidad pa na muli kong marinig ang boses niya at maramdaman ang yakap niya. Naaalala ko pa na walang araw na hindi ko nakikita si Mama na hindi umiiyak. She was cradling Noah, who was still a baby that time.
Para kaming mga vase na nabasag nang sabihin sa amin ng Doctor na wala na si Papa. Bumagsak si Mama sa sahig at umiyak nang walang tigil. Then she started screaming next. I didn't know what to do. But when I hugged her, I could still remember how she looked at me. Her eyes glistening with tears. And she whispered, "I'm sorry, anak." Like it was her fault na namatay si Papa. I could only imagine what she went through after that tragic day.
I was suddenly out of my reverie when I felt someone poke me by my shoulder. Nagmulat ako at nakitang si Celaena pala iyon. When I looked outside of the car, I realized we are now parked at a gas station.
"Do you want something? Like chips, drinks, anything?" she asked.
She turned off the ignition and pulled out the key. "I'll come with you," I simply said.
Lumabas na kaming tatlo ng sasakyan at pumasok sa convenience store. The door chimed as we pushed the door open.
"Welcome po," bati ng babae sa likod ng cashier.
Tumango lang si Brooke sa direksyon niya and headed for the shelves.
"I'll go pay for the gas muna," ani Celaena at muling lumabas.
Pinadaanan ko ng mga kamay ko ang hanay ng mga estante. May mga chips akong nakita, may mga chocolate bars, may ilang candies pero wala akong gana. Napansin kong panay ang tingin sa 'kin ni Brooke sa kabilang bahagi ng shelf.
"I'm okay, Brooke. Don't worry," pilit ang ngiting sabi ko. That was partly true. Bahagya nang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.
"One-hundred percent sure ba 'yan?" giit niya.
Natatawang tumango ako sa kanya. "One-hundred percent sure," saad ko at kumuha ng isang chocolate bar.
Pumasok na si Celaena at dumeretso sa mga refrigerator sa dulong parte ng store. Saka ko lang nakita kung ano ang hawak niya nang maglakad siya pabalik sa counter—limang bote ng soju. Napanganga ako sa kinuha niya. She casually paid for it like she wasn't a high school student. Mukhang pinaniwalaan naman siya ng cashier lady at pinaper bag na ang mga bote ng alak.
I walked toward the counter and put the two chocolate bars I got. Isinama iyon ng babae sa paper bag. "Anything else you may want to add po?" the lady asked.
Celaena shook her head. "Uh, I think that's all," aniya at inabot ang isang paper bill. "Keep the change, thanks a lot!"
Then she walked out of the door. Nagtataka man ang cashier lady, pinasalamatan niya kaming dalawa ni Brooke na nahuli. Sumunod na rin kami agad kay Celaena na pinaandar na ang makina ng sasakyan.
"I can't believe she knows what my system is currently craving," ani Brooke habang naglalakad kami papuntang kotse. "Ang tagal ko nang gustong uminom ulit pagkatapos ng birthday party ni John."
"Is it safe to drink on a road trip?"
Nagkibit-balikat lang siya. "I guess we're about to find out."
Pumasok na kami sa kotse at pinaharurot na ni Celaena ang sasakyan palabas ng gas station. And we're back on the main road. Tall trees lined the side of the road. May ilang mga poste rin ng ilaw. Kulay kahel na ang langit dahil palubog na ang araw.
Napabaling ako sa radio nang biglang buksan iyon ni Celaena. Nagsimulang tumugtog ang kantang "Perfect Places" ni Lorde. The beat was so good that I couldn't stop myself from dancing with it. Nang bumaling ako kay Brooke, sumasayaw siya sa likod habang sinasabayan ang boses ni Lorde sa pagkanta. Si Celaena naman ay ginagamit ang isa niyang kamay para sumayaw at ang isang kamay ay nakahawak sa manibela.
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti. And just like that, happiness engulfed me again. It was like a warm blanket against my skin.
"Where the fuck are perfect places?" Lorde was singing from the radio.
Napaisip ako na ilang buwan na lang, tatapak na kami sa college. And we will be going our separate ways. I still haven't thought out what my plan will be after I graduated this year. Kung saan ako magka-college or if I will be leaving Ellis Island. There is just too much pressure on it kapag iniisip ko iyon.
"Where the fuck are perfect places, anyway?" sigaw ni Celaena kasabay ng boses ni Lorde sa radio. "Gosh, that song is fucking perfect!"
"I agree," ani Brooke sa likod. Napansin kong biglang nagbago ang mood niya. She keeps on checking her phone and then putting it again inside her bag. She's biting on her nails as she looked outside the backseat window.
Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Celaena na nagkaroon daw ng problema si Brooke kaya hindi nakapasok ng dalawang araw. At hindi pa handing mag-open up si Brooke tungkol doon. Though curious, I respect her decision. I'm sure she's going to tell us about it soon. Maybe she just needs time.
Lumipas ang ilang oras hanggang sa hindi ko namalayang gabi na pala. When I looked outside the window again, the moon was already above the sky, giving the dark road ahead of us a faint glow. Maningning din ang mga bituin ngayong gabi.
"Sa tingin ko malapit na tayo," ani Celaena at bahagyang umayos ng upo sa drive seat. She swerved right, away from the main road and traveled towards the rocky road on our right. Then after a minute or so, pinahinto ni Celaena ang sasakyan sa tabi ng isang malapad na puno.
Nang pasadahan ko ng tingin ang labas, kagubatan na ang nasa kanan namin.
"And here we are, girls. Unbuckle your seatbelts and get your ass out of my car," sabi ni Celaena at hinugot na ang susi mula sa ignition.
"Iinom tayo sa gitna ng gubat?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Brooke sa likod.
Lumingon siya sa 'ming dalawa. "Trust me on this," sabi niya at kumindat pa.
Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako ng tumingin sa gawi ko sa Brooke. And then we went out of the car. We were greeted by a strong wind. Napayakap ako sa magkabila kong balikat at sumunod sa nauna nang si Celaena.
She ran while holding the five bottles of soju. We walked down a small path following Celaena for what almost seemed like an hour.
Hanggang sa natagpuan namin ang aming mga sarili sa tila isang cliff. Malinaw kong naririnig mula sa puwesto ko ang malakas na agos ng tubig. When I stepped a little closer to the cliff, I saw the ocean. Mula sa malamlam na liwanag ng buwan, nagmukhang walang hanggan ang dagat.
Malalim akong huminga bago pumihit paharap kay Celaena at Brooke. Malawak silang nakangiti habang nakatanaw rin sa karagatan. It was a beautiful view. And when I looked the sky also seemed like a dark ocean with glinting stars. Napakaganda ng tanawin. I could live here forever—watch as the sun slowly goes up in the sky, washing us with its warm sunlight. The shade of the sky, gradually turning from black into orange.
"See? I told you na pasasalamatan n'yo ko na dinala ko kayo rito," mayabang na saad ni Celaena.
"Ano pa ang hinihintay natin? Let's drink na!" singit ni Brooke.
Nilatag ni Celaena ang makapal at malapad na blanket sa madamong lupa at hinila kaming dalawa ni Brooke paupo. Saka niya kami binigyan ng tig-isang bottle ng soju na wala ng takip.
"Let's play a game," ani Celaena na bumaling sa aming dalawa ni Brooke. "This is kinda like the toasting part in a wedding night pero let's change a few things up. Each of us will raise our bottles and shout the things we want to get off our chest. Game?"
"Sige! I'll start," agad na tugon ni Brooke at itinaas ang hawak niyang bottle. "Gusto kong maging successful na babae! I will never let my mistakes define who I am!" sigaw niya at nagbaba ng tingin. And then she began sobbing. She hastily wiped her cheeks and looked up again. "I hope my friends will forgive me one day!" muli niyang sigaw.
Sandali kaming nagtinginan ni Celaena. "Are you okay, Brooke?" untag niya. She gently patted Brooke on the back.
Marahas na bumuga ng hangin si Brooke at pilit na ngumiti sa aming dalawa. "I feel so fucking good!" at tumungga mula sa bottle na hawak niya. "Who's next?"
Tumikhim si Celaena bago itinaas ang bottle na hawak niya. "Sobrang swerte ng mga kaibigan ko sa 'kin!" sigaw niya at tiningnan kaming dalawa. Natatawang umiling-iling lang ako.
"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" komento ni Brooke na tumatawa rin.
Celaena just rolled her eyes and continued. "From now on, I will never let a man hurt me again! I will fucking fight! I will fucking kill him if I have to!" malakas na sigaw niya. Tumayo siya at tuloy-tuloy na tinungga ang soju. "Wooooooo!" she continued screaming in the air.
Nang umupo na si Celaena, tinuro niya ako. "Your turn, bitch," sabi niya sa 'kin.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago itinaas sa ere ang bottle ng soju. "This is for the future ahead of us!" I shouted as loud as I could. Chaotic emotions suddenly flooded my system. Before I could even utter another word, nangilid na ang mga luha pababa sa pisngi ko. "And… and…" pinalis ko ang basa kong pisngi. "And this is for our c-classmate… Sabrina. I'm sorry…" And I realized I was sobbing. "I-I'm sorry I couldn't do a-anything to save you…"
Brooke was quick to sit beside me. Mahigpit niya akong niyakap. "It's not your fault that she died, Blair," anas niya.
Naramdaman ko na lang na lumapit na rin si Celaena. "Let it out. Let it all out. Nandito kami para sa 'yo. Cry as long as you have to," aniya at hinimas-himas ang likod ko.
And at that moment, I suddenly wished time would stop. I wanted to live in this moment as long as I want to. Kung puwede lang, I will stay here forever if Celaena and Brooke will be here with me.
Lumipas ang ilang minuto at umupo kami malapit sa cliff. Nasa pagitan namin ni Brooke si Celaena. Kuntento lang kaming nakaupo roon habang nakatingin sa langit.
"I'll miss this," putol ni Celaena sa katahimikan.
"Thank you for having me as your friend," ani Brooke.
"Sabi nga nila, birds of the same feather flock together," sabi ko.
"Enough with the drama. Let's just enjoy the view, drama queens," saad ni Celaena na nagpatawa sa aming tatlo.
A strong wind came in from the ocean, bringing with it the smell of the sea. And it's just us three, with the night sky above us and the vast ocean beyond. And I find myself not caring about the past nor the future but now.