CHAPTER 8: THE NEW GIRL
BROOKE ESGUERRA, CLASS 12-C
Kinuha ko na ang bag ko nang matapos ang klase namin nang biglang magsalita si Evangelyn sa harap ng room.
"Good day, losers," she began. "We're looking for a new member for our cheerleading squad. So, if one you are interested, go to Stacey and magpalista kayo. Audition will be at exactly 5PM today. Bridget and Eyrene can fill you up with the details. Anyone can try out just show us your awesome stunts, okay? Bye!"
And then they all went out of the room. Hindi ko napigilan ang excitement na bumalot sa sistema ko. I have always wanted to join a cheerleading squad ever since I was a kid. Something about them seemed so cool, so athletic and doing it seemed so fun. And yes, I tried to join one back at my old school but unfortunately, I didn't get in. The captain said I would have to lose some weight in order to join them.
Celaena just rolled her eyes. "Who cares, right?" sabi niya at inayos na ang mga nakapatong na libro sa desk niya.
"Hey, Samantha," bigla ay sigaw ni Ryan mula sa unahan ng room. He was calling out the girl behind us. She looked a little chubby but she was pretty with her ash gray short hair. May freckles din akong nakita sa pisngi niya. She looked cute. "Maybe you'll get a chance this time, who knows?"
Nagtawanan ang mga kaibigan ni Ryan. Napaismid ako sa sinabi niya. He's an asshole.
Nang ibalik ko ang tingin ko kay Samantha, nagbaba lang siya ng tingin. "Don't mind him—" I tried to touch her arm but she pushed my hand away from her.
"Don't touch me," aniya at mabilis na naglakad pababa at palabas ng room. Nagulat ako sa reaksyong nakuha ko sa kanya.
"Let's just go," sabi ni Blair.
Sabay-sabay kaming lumabas ng silid nang bigla akong tumigil sa paglalakad. I looked at Blair and Celaena. Pareho silang nakakunot ang noong tumingin pabalik sa 'kin.
"I…" I started. Lumunok muna ako bago nagpatuloy. "I know you'll hate me for saying this but I want to join at the adutions later."
Celaena's eyes widened in surprise. "You don't mean trying out at the cheerleading squad later, do you?"
Nahihiyang nginitian ko lang siya. I felt Blair touched my shoulder. "I'll support you," aniya at maliit na ngumiti sa 'kin. I'm so glad I have Blair as my friend. "Right, Celaena?" baling niya kay Celaena.
Celaena rolled her eyes and forced herself to smile at us. "Of course. Just don't go crying to me if that bitch slapped you in the face," tugon niya na nagpatawa sa 'kin. "Clearly, we don't know the bitch. I mean, alam mo naman ginawa niya sa 'kin kahapon. So, beware."
"Thank you!" excited na sabi ko sa kanila. I clung my arms on their necks and pulled them both into a tight hug. "Thank you! Thank you!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," ani Celaena.
"You guys go ahead. Susunod na lang ako sa inyo. Cafeteria, right?" sabi ko sa kanilang dalawa.
Tumango si Blair. "Yeah, Saan ka pupunta?"
"Restroom," I answered. "Mauna na kayo."
Nagkibit-balikat lang si Celaena at naglakad na sila pababa sa pasilyo. Nang pumihit ako patalikod, nabunggo ko ang isang matigas na bagay. Mali, tao. When I looked up, it was Kaleon Yang. Bumagsak ang mga librong hawak ko sa sahig.
Mabilis akong yumukod at pinulot ang mga libro. "I'm sorry," sabi ko sa kanya.
Hindi ko inaasahan na yumukod din siya at tinulungan akong pulutin ang mga libro ko. "I didn't get to say sorry to you back at the party," aniya at tiningnan ako.
Napatigil ako sa pagpulot ng mga libro at tiningnan siya pabalik. I never really got a good look of his face. Kahit na nakasuot siya ng antipara, it didn't make him look nerdy. In fact, it made him look even hotter. Natutop ko ang bibig ko na parang may nasabi akong masama. I shouldn't be thinking of him that way. He's my classmate for pete's sake.
Bahagya akong umiling. "N-Nah, it's fine," I said, waving my hand on the air.
Nang mapulot ko na ang lahat ng mga libro ko, mabilis akong tumayo. "T-thanks," anas ko at akmang maglalakad na palayo.
"Do you want to grab some—" napatigil ako sa paglalakad at hinintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin. "Nevermind. I guess I'll see you later, Brooke?"
Tumango lang ako at kumaripas ng lakad papunta sa restroom. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I can only imagine how red my cheeks are right now. Pinaypay ko ang isa kong kamay sa mukha ko.
"Kalma, Brooke, kalma," I said to myself.
Pinihit ko pabukas ang pinto ng restroom at pumasok na sa loob.
Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong mapasigaw sa gulat. Looking back at me was Evangelyn and a guy. She was hugging the guy from his back. Sa tingin ko ay kaibigan ni Maru ang lalaki. Minsan ko na siyang nakitang kasa-kasama ang mga teammate ni Maru sa gym kapag uwian. Madalas kasi kaming napapadaan doon nila Blair.
Napalunok ako. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
I quickly averted my eyes from them. Dumeretso ako sa sink at binuksan ang water faucet na parang walang nakita. Tama, this is better. Kunwari ay wala na lang akong nakita.
Narinig ko na lang ang pagsara ng pinto sa likod ko. When I looked up at the mirror, the guy was staring back at me.
"Please, don't say anything. Forget what you saw in here," sabi niya at tinapos na ang pagbutones sa kanyang polo. Lumabas na rin siya ng restroom.
Marahas akong napabuga ng hangin. What the hell did I just witnessed? Hindi ba't si Evangelyn at si Maru? Aren't they together?
Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko at pinalis ang isiping iyon.
An idea formed in my head. Mukhang matutupad ko na ang pangarap kong makapasok sa cheerleading squad this time.
*****
I did some stunts I learned back at my old school. I could see from Evangelyn's eyes that she was not that impressed with what I showed them. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at bumalik sa pila. I was the last one to audition.
Evangelyn seemed uncomfortable about something. Every time I looked at her, she kept on averting her gaze. Dahil ba 'yon sa nakita ko sa restroom? Most probably.
Tinawag na kaming sampu na nag-audition for a spot in Ellis High's cheerleading squad. Only one of us will get in. I'm pretty sure I've secured the spot already. Don't get me wrong, the brunette one was better that I was. She was more skilled. I think her name was Adelaide? I'm not sure. She's a freshman here.
Evangelyn bit her lower lip before speaking to us. "So," she began. "We have decided which one of you will join our squad," mapait siyang ngumiti bago bumaling sa gawi ko. "Brooke Esguerra, congratulations."
The other girls clapped for me. I almost jumped in joy but I controlled myself. Lumapit sa 'kin si Evangelyn at binigay ang fresh set of cheerleader uniform. Niyakap niya ako. "Now, we're even," she whispered in my ear. Kumawala siya sa pagkakayakap sa 'kin at sinabing, "Congratulations again, you deserved it. Thank you sa mga nag-audition. Better luck next time! You all did an amazing job!"
When the other girls walked away, I looked at Evangelyn. Inismiran niya lang ako at naglakad na palayo.
"Congrats," Stacey said and smiled.
"Thank you," I replied and walked back to the bleachers where Blair and Celaena was waiting for me.
"You got in!" bungad ni Blair at niyakap ako nang mahigpit.
"Yay!" ani Celaena at itinaas ang kamay sa ere. She almost sounded bored. "I'm just kidding. I'm proud of you, bitch."
Nang mga oras na 'yon, masaya ako. I have never felt this kind of happiness before. Kahit na sa dating kong school. I don't have friends there. But now, I have Blair and Celaena with me.
*****
Pinihit ko pabukas ang seradura ng bahay namin. I live with my auntie and uncle. Wala na kasi akong magulang. They first left me at my grandmother's house and I was passed on like an object to my Auntie. And here I am, living in this small house with an alcoholic auntie and my good-for-nothing uncle.
"I'm home," malungkot na pahayag ko nang makapasok sa bahay. I closed the door behind me. Amoy alak na naman ang loob ng bahay. Napunta ang tingin ko sa mga empty alcohol bottles na nakakalat sa ilalim ng mesa. Prenteng nakaupo si Aunti Carmina sa sofa set at nanonood ng TV.
"Oh, and'yan ka na pala. Go get me another bottle," utos niya.
Tumango na lang ako at dumeretso sa kusina, kung saan nakita ko naman si Uncle Gerry na naghuhugas.
"Kamusta ang araw mo, Brooke?" he asked me.
As if you really care, I almost replied.
"Ayos naman po," sa halip, ay sagot ko.
Kinuha ko ang bote ng alak sa cupboard ng kusina at bumalik sa sala. Inabot ko iyon kay Auntie at agad na dumeretso sa kuwarto ko. I threw my bag to my bed. Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama at tumitig sa kisame. Halos ang kalahating parte ng kisame ay nabalatan na ang wallpaper. Nakaawang na ang wallpaper niyon.
I heaved a sigh. I promised myself I'll get out of here once I get a decent work and before I go to college. Matagal ko nang gustong umalis dito. I was never treated right here. Yes, they feed me. But sometimes, they don't. They lock me in here without any reason. Just because they like to.
And then I realized one day that I want to get the hell out of this place.
May mga pangarap ako sa sarili ko. I fear that if I stay here for too long, I'll end up like them. At ayokong mangyari iyon.
Umupo ako sa kama at tinanggal ang sapatos ko. I fixed my bed and decided that I was tired and I want to sleep early tonight. Kinuha ko muna ang patalim at inilagay iyon sa ilalim ng unan ko. There's a reason I always do this before I sleep.
Hindi ko namalayang nakaidlip na pala ako. Napamulat ako ng mata nang marinig ang paglangitngit ng pinto ng silid ko pabukas. It was slowly opened. At narinig ko ang mahinang pagsara niyon.
Naramdaman ko na lang na may tumabi sa 'kin. Nakatagilid ako nang higa. I could smell the alcohol in his voice when he spoke. "I miss you," Uncle Gerry whispered. Pinadaan niya ang kanyang isang kamay sa pata ko. Napapikit ako sa pandidiri. I wanted to scream that moment. But I felt my body froze.
Dahan-dahan, pinailalim ko ang kamay ko sa unan ko at hinawakan ng mahigpit ang patalim. He did this to me many times. Ang akala niya ay tulog ako. Minsan ay hindi lang paghipo ang ginagawa niya sa 'kin. Even worse than that. I tried telling it to my Auntie but she wouldn't believe. Ang sabi niya ay gumagawa lang ako ng istorya dahil galita ako kay Uncle Gerry. That was when I realized I only have myself.
Napalunok ako.
"Brooke," muli ay bulong niya sa tainga ko.
I felt tears started streaming down my face. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong humikbi. Natatakot akong malaman kung ano ang gagawin niya sa 'kin kapag nalaman niyang gising ako. And so I closed my eyes firmly, trying my best to keep my body still as possible. Mas lalong humigpit ang paghawak ko sa patalim sa ilalim ng unan ko nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng zipper niya.
The next thing I felt was his penis hard against my back. Hinaplos niya ang braso ko.
Inside, I was screaming.
And I found myself grabbing the handle of the knife as hard as possible. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa galit. Sa pandidiri.
I won't take any of this anymore, I told myself.
He began grinding his body against my back. Pumihit ako paharap at madiin na ibinaon ang patalim sa kanyang leeg. Before I can realize what I just did, red liquid started oozing from his neck. He made sounds like someone was choking him. Umubo siya ng dugo. He tried to touch the hilt of the knife but he couldn't reach it.
When I looked at my hands, puno na iyon ng dugo. I blinked several times to confirm what I was seeing right now is real and now a dream.
Inilahad ni Uncle Gerry ang kamay niya sa gawi ko. As if he was trying to reach me. Tumulo ang dugo mula sa mga daliri niya. Sinubukan niyang magsalita pero hindi niya magawa.
Umiiling-iling na ibinaling ko ang aking tingin sa kumot na nasa sahig. Pinulot ko iyon at itinabing sa katawan ni Uncle Gerry. I wiped my bloody hands using the cloth but the stains only dried out on my palms.
I was starting to panic. Ano na ang sunod kong gagawin?
I could still hear the static sound from the TV outside. Auntie Carmina may still be awake at this hour. I glanced sideways, unable to make a decision.
Mabilis na hinanap ng mga mata ko ang phone na nasa ibabaw ng bedside table. Ibinulsa ko iyon at huminga muna nang malalim bago lumabas ng pinto. Sinubukan kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko habang tinatahak ang hagdan pababa sa sala. I was wrong. Auntie Carmina was already asleep at the sofa. Nakabukas pa rin ang TV.
Inapuhap ng mga kamay ko ang susi ng pinto. I quickly took it and opened the door. Bumungad sa 'kin ang malamig na ihip ng hangin. I have no idea what time is it. Gabi na sa labas. Kumikinang na ang mga bituin sa langit at maliwanag na rin ang buwan.
I felt numb inside. I didn't feel any remorse or regret for what I did.
Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang nang mga oras na 'to ay tama ang ginawa ko. Uncle Gerry deserved it. I kept telling it to myself.
I walked as if I was merely a ghost. Pagewang-gewang na naglakad ako palabas ng frontyard ng bahay. And I found myself standing in the middle of the road. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa paligid. May panaka-nakang ihip ng hangin ang nararamdaman ko.
Bumagsak ako sa aspalto at nanatili lang doon. I didn't know how many minutes had passed when a car stopped in front of me. I heard the car door opened and footsteps getting close to my spot.
"Miss, are you okay—" pamilyar na boses iyon ng lalaki. Napatigil siya sa pagsasalita. "Brooke?"
Awtomatiko akong napatayo at bumaling sa lalaki. He was still wearing our school uniform. Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang antiparang suot niya.
"K-Kaleon…" I said, barely a whisper.