"OH sweet Lord, in a few days the baby will be here", mum says as she caresses Nala's belly.
Time flies, and a lot has happened in just a few days. My sister is finally on her meternity leave and we all excited for the baby. We've went on a shopping spree for the baby but didnt go all wild, we just have to buy the basic important things.
Tuesday: 13 April
I'm at work when mum calls to let me know that Nala is taken to the hospital for labor pains.
"What?", I gasp. "Are you sure it's the real pains?", I ask. I'm nervous, I totally am. My heart is beating so fast.
"Yes, an ambulance took her to the hospital", mum says calmly. She's also at work so I'm not expecting us to talk longer.
"So? You means she's coming back with the baby today?", I ask. Now it's excitement. The day is finally here to meet baby Lola.
"Hopefully", she replies. "We'll have to bring her more stuff since she only took a few things that she'll need",
Good thing my shift ends at 2PM, though I have a date with Julian, I'll have a ride with my parents when it's time to go home.
"I'm meeting Julian after work, so let me know once you've dropped Nala's things and I'll tell you my location",
"Alright", mum replies then hangs up.
Bruh I can't believe this. Nala was dancing last night, doing all kinds of moves I wouldn't even do. She was happy, jumpy and all that shit. I'm surprised she woke up with pains from the mood she slept in.
...
Right after work I call Julian. She let's me know her location and we meet up.
"OH my gosh, it's growing", I coo at Julian's belly. Yeap, she's pregnant.
After Julian moved back to her home town in George, she reconnected with a guy she knew from here. They talked over the phone, texted every second until they made it official to date. They started making plans of seeing one another so yeah, the guy flew to George Town and paid Jillian a visit. Well, you know how this goes. They hooked up, no scratch that, they got to know one another in a better level. Made romantic love a few times I guess, and thats how Julian got pregnant.
It kinda bumped me out though, that she was pregnant. I am totally happy for my friend but her getting pregnant kinda made me feel left out. Nala is having a baby and she's way younger than me.
Falshback
"Would it have changed anything if we had a baby?", tears I filled in my eyes as I ask Duncan that million dollar question. These past few days before we broke up, he was trying to make a baby. Sad thing is that I ain't even preventing but nah, I'm not getting pregnant.
The line is quiet for a while then I hear him say, "Yes, it would have",
He always promised me that it ain't about a family. He loves me and only wants me, having a baby would be a bonus, but I guess he wasn't being honest about that.
"I understand", I nod. People who have dated for 5 years like we have, have babies now. And yeah, it's a pressure I get it. His friends have been asking him how come he doesn't have a child, they've been asking me why am I not making babies with Duncan. People can't understand that it has nothing to do with making babies, I'm not fucken getting pregnant.
"Look, our child could have been walking, or running around by now", he says.
I guess he won't let that day pass. I once got pregnant when we started dating. Our child would be 4 years by now but no, the pregnancy got terminated before within a week. It's not even my fault but, I do feel guilty that it didn't hold on much longer.
"I know", tears fall down my eyes and I dare not wipe them off. It's not the baby thing that's hurting me, it's the fact that he's using that to add on his excuse to break up with me. I want a child, I want a child with him as much as he does. But I also wanna be in my own house and happily married. What good would the baby do if our relationship wouldn't work. "So you're really sure about your decision?", I ask.
"Nina I can't be with you like this, we've hurt one another so much and there's no going back with that. We have no trust for one another any more and I don't wanna go through a relationship of no trust", he says. "I love you, I do. But us being together isn't something I think would work now",
His words went straight to the heart, it's a sharp stab right in the heart.
Tears fall out my eyes and my chest starts closing up. I can't breathe and if I force it Duncan will hear that I'm crying. I don't need this, I don't need him. But here I am with my phone on the eye with no strength to hang up.
"I have to work", he says. He won't call me back, that I do know. I'm not even gonna ask if he will. All I do is nod,
"Okay", I take a deep breath, letting my tears fall to the ground. "Okay bye", I say then hang up.
A relationship I dedicated myself to has fell apart like it was nothing. 5 years of our dreams, plans of the future, then just like that, he ends it. He cheated, he fucken cheated but no, let's blame it on Nina.
Reality
Now that everyone around me is having a baby and I'm not, it sucks. I'm 27 years old so this is bullshit for me not to have a baby. Why the hell am I not getting pregnant? It's not like haven't been trying. I've even changed my diet and gosh, I try so hard not to stress but then end up stressing about this whole thing.
"I'm tired and uncomfortable all the time, I feel like it's too big", Jillian says holding her belly for a few seconds.
"It's not that big", I smirk. I motion to her for us to go sit at a nearby fast food restaurant.
When we get there we order something to eat and Julian suggests we sit outside under the cool shades from the tress around.
I haven't seen her in a while. She she moved back home we haven't been meeting up but I was planning to go visit her before the year ends.
"So how you holding up?", she asks.
"Well, I'm all good if I don't include my shitty job", I smile, nodding to what I'm saying. But it's a lie, I'm feeling like shit all the time. I don't wanna be working anymore, I've lost the strength to get up every morning for that shitty fucked up duty that I call work but here I am waking up for all that.
"Oh I get you, I feel great that I quit my job cause really that place is torture", she says. Julian understands how I really feel about work. Retail isn't the best job for me anymore, and I just can't wait for the day I'll stop waking up to go there.
"And the salary is peanuts", I say making us both laugh.
We talk about work for a few minutes and laugh at how shitty we both feel about it. She shares her experience when she was transfered closer to her home.
"So, how's Travis?", Julian asks. I know what she means, she's asking about how I feel about Travis.
"He's great, he's been awesome since we started dating and I'm just the only one who isn't on board",
"Oh yeah? But If he's great then what's the issue?", she asks.
"Well, I don't know man. I just don't think I deserve him. I just don't feel or I'm not on the same level as he is. I can't totally say that I'm head over heels for him, I mean, he could wake up tomorrow and tell me things are over and I don't think I'd go crazy or cry my eyes out-",
"I know what you mean. With me and AJ I'd say the say thing. I'm not totally in love with him, you know with what I've been through and to put myself through that again isn't what I need right now", she says.
"Yeah", I nod. "And it sucks hey. I've given myself to Duncan and he ruined me",
"He's an asshole. And you shouldn't beat yourself up for him being a jerk", she says. Julian is the best person to talk to so far. She listens and doesn't seem to judge, atleast not in my face.
"Yeah I know", I smile. "Trevis deserves way better. As much as I want him to be fully happy, I'm still selfish enough to keep him all for myself", I say.
"I understand you girl", she says.
Honestly, I don't know if she does. If I were her I wouldn't understand me either.
We talk about this for some time. I ask about her belly and she walks me through what's happening, how she feels and how her being far from home makes her feel. She tells how supportive AJ's family is and why she choose to quit her job for her to be here.
"Nala has been dancing all night last night", I laugh as I tell Julian. I pull out my phone to show her the video I took and we both laugh.
"I get why she's got pains", she laughs, "she triggered them",
"Yeah I guess that's true. I've heard a lot of stories of pregnant women acting up once their time to deliver is close", I say.
"Oh wow, that could be right", we laugh about the baby delivery thingy then my dad calls to let me know that you're on their way from the hospital.
"I have to go, are you sure you're gonna be okay?", I ask.
"Yes, yeah", she nods. "AJ is on his way so I'll be fine",
Just as my parents pull over on our location, I say goodbye to Julian. Mum had the opportunity to see Julian again and she was genuinely happy.
...
10:55 PM, we still awake and mum won't stop praying. Dad is playing a game on the laptop and you can tell that his mind isn't there at all, I don't even know why he keeps playing. I'm just pacing around my parents bedroom and I don't know what else to do. I've tried calling the hospital 10 times already since I can't get my sister on her phone. Kourtney is in his room and we just don't wanna worry him, we just hope he's sleeping.
"OH God I pray she's okay, I pray they're both okay", Mum says. I can't pick up the worry from her voice. We have great perants and trust me they'd do anything for us. "Why are they taking so long? She should have given birth by now", mum cries.
Dad doesn't even know what to say. "Pam, they'll let us know once everything is done. Nala will call",
By 11:35 Nala call saying they haven't attended her yet. She's got terrible pains and all.
Mum starts crying after ending the call. Dad is pissed and wants to go be with her in the hospital. But with covid and all, none of us can. All we can do is walk around the house and pray that everything goes well.
2:30 AM Nala calls.
"Hey, what happened baby?", Mum asks.
"Mum", Nala sounds sad, "I didn't get to see the baby, they say she came out not breathing well and-", she starts crying without finishing what's she's saying. Mum starts crying too and suddenly I feel so nervous, so scared.
She can't be dead, please don't let the baby die, dear God please-, I start praying as I watch mum's reaction. She listens to Nala then breaks down and cry.
"Nala, don't cry, it's gonna be fine", she tries to comfort her but nah, mum's also not feeling it, all she wants to do is cry.
Dad already has his hand over mum's shoulder, comforting her.
"They say she's not well, I didn't even hear her cry", Nala says. Oh God OH God, please no, let them be fine, let the baby be fine-, I continue with my prayer. I wanna cry but I can't, I'm only confused cause Nala isn't saying they baby is dead and she isn't saying if that what's they told her. So 60% sure that the baby is well.
After mum hangs up the call she starts crying. She goes crazy, she calls grandma and tells her what's going on then starts packing the baby clothes as if she's been told the baby is dead.
"Honey, Pam, please stop what you're doing. Nothing has been confirmed so don't conclude just yet", Dad comforts mum. But I can tell he's also hurt.
Just as mum seems fine, dad starts acting up. He places his head on his head saying he's got a headache, then goes crazy as he walks around as if he can't bare the headache he's got. He gets on bed and buries his head under the pillows I just feel all hope for my family going down the drain. My mind goes blank, my heart beats from far and tears just roll down my eyes as I watch dad.
"Terrence please, you're hurting your daughter by stressing", mum says to dad as she watch me. I'm just standing by the bed watching dad like a freaken' zombie.
"Hey, it's okay, just let it pass", dad is crying by now and I'm crying. He's hurt, he's stressing and he feels helpless.
By 4AM we decide to drive to the hospital. We have no plan on what we'll do when we get there or whether they'll let us in or not.
When we get to the hospital we park by the gate and try calling Nala.
"I've seen my baby", she says.
"What?", I smile, "Is she okay?",
"Yes, the nurse asked me to feed her", he replies.
Oh God thank you, thank you so much-, prayer is everything to me.
"That's great news, so are they gonna free you guys?", I'm excited, I wanna meet the baby.
"Tell her we waiting outside", mum says, she's now excited as I am.
"We waiting outside",
"Alright, I'm gonna hangup cause I don't have battery life that'll last me to the doctors get here at 10:00 AM", she says.
"Okay, you'll keep us updated", I say before hanging up.
"OH thank God, I was so worried. I thought her baby is dead. I didn't know what we'll say to Nala, how we were gonna talk to her. I didn't know what I'm gonna say at work, a child we've been waiting so long for then lose her just like that, no", mum speaks her mind. I'm also glad the baby is fine.