Well, I've never acted like the big sister that I am, or tried to show how matured I am to my siblings. I guess being cool and letting those I love decide on their own to do the right thing is what I think is best for everyone, though some how along the life line we do need some guidance.
...
Tuesday: 11 May
"Guys, I don't know how to put this but, these parents are all we have. We can lie to ourselves and say without them we'd be fine but honestly we won't. They are what keeps us together, they know how to take care of us in ways we can't take care of ourselves. They are our YES PEOPLE, since they say yes to everything we ask. They try by all means to do what we ask and they try even hard to make things happen for us. What makes me happy is that, out of all the spoiling, turning us into spoiled brats, they do teach us the value of life, the values of growing into independent grown ups and how respect is important in our lives. If we misuse or take advantage of all that's given to us, we'll suffer when they're no longer with us. It hurts me to hurt our parents in any unnecessary manner, I know our mum and dad wants what best for us, they've been through heaven and hell with us and making sure they're happy and stress free is all we can do for them. I don't know if you guys see all this the way I see it, but if you don't, I wish you could", I sigh as I stare at my reflection from my bedroom mirror. I should be saying all this to Nala and Kourtney, but instead I'm saying this to myself. How pathetic.
I really don't know if my brother and sister feel how I feel for our parents. I love my mum and dad so much and I'd do anything for them to be happy, there isn't anything in this world that'll turn me against them, they're my life, my everything.
This is all I think about when my parents get upset over unnecessary issues. Like the fact that Nala wants expensive shoes while she knows that there isn't anytime of wasting money especially now, all she needs to think about is Lola not expensive shoes, gosh she's much immature than I am. I mean, she's a mum now, I don't get it.
As for Kourtney, being upset over the fact that he's asked to babysit is ridiculous, I don't get this either, we're a family and we should take care of one another. It's not like he's babysitting cause we're all out doing useless things but, whatever we do is important. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have my flaws, I fuck up most times but I do consider the fact that my parents love me and whatever they say or do is because they care too much. I don't have any other way to put it, but our parents are what we have and I don't wish to think about the day they'll nolonger be with us.
I'm a bit stressed out about work, but I've got my head held high for whatever that'll come my way. I got a lot of things to do, I got filing to fix, a customer's phone to find, returns, all that shit and I'm just exhausted before even getting to work and getting started. My dad is taking me to work, he's actually taking my sister to Lobour Department so I got a ride and I get to hold Lola as my Goodluck charm before I start my shift at work.
As we get to town I pull out my phone to call Tasha. We start our shift at the same time so we planned to get breakfast together.
"Girl, how are you?", she says after picking up.
"I'm all good", I breathe, "Where you at?",
"Just got to town and I'm here by our favorite robots", she says and good thing dad just pull over before the robot cause I asked for him to drop me there.
"That's were I am too, but I don't spot you anywhere", finally I decide to drop off, maybe I don't see her since I'm still inside the car. She hangs up the call the moment we face one another.
"See you later guys", I say goodbye to Dad, Nala, Kourtney and Lola. Kourtney is only here to watch over the baby when Nala is in the Labour building doing what she needs to do.
I walk closer to Tasha as Dad pulls off the parking spot.
"Sweetheart", Tasha pulls me into a hug and I hug her back. She's affectionate so most days the covid restrictions doesn't apply with her.
"What we eating?", I ask, she shrugs her shoulders and it hits me that we back to chips, our daily junk food.
...
Just as I start my shift and with no surprise, work's shit. It's 11AM and I already have a customer that I'm helping to decide on which cellphone to buy, Nolan walks to me, trying to charm his way with his slow walk and his stupid good looking smirk. "Hey, what's up?", Nolan greets. I smile, crossing my fingers for the customer to leave this instant.
"How are you?", I keep my smile on. The customer is glued on his spot staring at the glass cabinet as if the phone he likes will dance to be noticed.
"Where have you been?", he draws out his hand for me to go closer to him but just as he realise I'm not moving, he walks closer to me. How does he really expect me to ignore my customer for him. "You look good", he says with a smile while grabbing my hand and caressing it.
"Thank you", I pull out of his hold and move closer to the customer. He pulls me back saying, "Let's go to the men's department", he says in a way I feel could be romantic, and it sounds weird. "I wanna work besides you", he adds and I roll my eyes. I've heard stories of what happens in that department and I don't wanna be part of it. That department is the darkest and quiet part of the while store. And as big as the store is, the management team doesn't pay much attention to it. It's highly neglected so no, I don't wanna be part of all that shit that happens there, hell no.
"Nolan I have a customer, plus I have a lot of things to sort out", I shrug my shoulders in a sly smile. "Maybe some other time", I add. Oh maybe never, the thought hits.
Finally the customer decides on which phone he wants, gosh he was about to piss the heck out of me, I really have other things to do. "I think I'll take this one", the customer points to the phone he wants, "How does it function? What are the features",
Here we go again, I roll my eyes but this is my favorite part of working here so I move closer to the customer to assist and Nolan has no other choice but to get back to work, they don't pay him to stare at me the whole day. What's funny about this job is that I'd work my ass off and at the end of the month, I'd earn peanuts, flippen peanuts which they call salary, but Nolan can walk around all day and he'd earn even more than I do, that's just plain shit. I have way more years than most of my colleagues, I know a lot of duties from serving customers at the tills to Cellphone department, and trust me interacting with customers of all kind and race isn't fun most days. The earn peanuts, what a joke. But who am I to judge right? I ain't no fucking manager.
After my shit work, I rush to catch up to Tasha and Xyla. As I get to walk by their side I catch on their talk about some girl I know nothing about, so I look around and spot Rina, my favorite old lady I work with and he's walking with Nolan. I decide to call her out.
"Mrs Rina, Mrs Rina", I call out. She doesn't hear me but Nolan does. So he turns and gestures my way, showing her that I'm calling her. She turns with a smile and says, "Come baby girl", she says waiting for me.
"I'll catch up with you guys later", I tell Tasha and Xyla, I'm sure they won't mind that I'm ditching them since they're deep into their juicy gossip. I rush to Rina, as I get closer Nolan says goodbye to Rina and walks away. I join Rina, "Where he going?", I ask Rina.
"He didn't say", Rina replies.
"Nolan? Nolan?", I call out. He turns, still walking, then looks away. "Really?", I call out to him. "That's how it is now?", I yell at him. He turns glancing at me then keeps walking.
"What the shit?", I gasp, as I whisper to myself. He's upset at me? Not too long ago he was playing touchy-touchy with me and now he's back to normal? He's shitty jerky moods? What a dick.
I sigh, I wanna call him and ask what's wrong but then decide why the hell do I care. I won't allow myself to worry about his selfish moods, I don't even worry about Travis's moods so why the hell should I worry about his. What a douchebag. He can go fly a kite for all I care.
I continue my walk with Rina and try by all means not to mind Nolan as he walks before me. As we get to the bus terminals I head straight to my platform. It's 5:30 PM and already it's dark. Winter is finally here.
Winter is my favorite, there's no sweat in that weather. Plus I love showing off all my jackets and jerseys, don't mention the boots or sneakers, oooh, the socks. I'm a fashion freak but I don't have that much money to buy too much clothing. Growing up I was into hair, since I had long hair, then I moved to heels, mum is actually the one that got me into it.
My phone rings as I settle in the bus. "Hello?", at first I thought it's Nolan since I feel I deserve an explanation for the shit he pulled, but nah, it's Trevis.
"HI. Have you left?", he asks.
"Still around town but yes, I'm already in the bus", the only thing that'll relax me is home. Work gets too much for me and home is more like a pill that helps me forget about work.
"Oh alright. I'm still at work so I'll call you later", he says before hanging up.
This is the guy I should hang on to, the guy that seems sincere and would never try to hurt me. But for some reason I still categorize him under the dickshits who breaks hearts even though he's far from that. I can't even relax with him cause I'm so focus on waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's kind, good looking and tall, tall! Something I've been hoping for, a guy who's taller than me. That's actually a tick on my relationship goals list. Though what's a turn off is the fact that we'll never experience having a child for the first time together, he's already done that with somebody else. That's actually something I can't get off my head.
"Hey", a guy I've seen a few times in the bus takes a seat next to me. I see this guy most mornings and afternoons but I've never spoken to him.
"Hello", I reply. I'm not in any hopes of having a conversation with him but, if he does try to start one I'd totally entertain that. Not to end up exchanging numbers though, just to make the ride back home much shorter.
I glance at him only to find him pulling out his earphones, he slowly plugs them to his ears and in no time, music burst in his ears. Not all guys wanna have conversations with me so, I'll respect that.
I pull out my own earphones and do the same as he did.
Surprisingly the ride home isn't that long, and I get home with only saying hello to the guy I was sitting with. Which is good.