Monday: 5 April
I'm not in any modd for work but hey, what else would I be doing if it isn't going to work. I'm exhausted like I always am when I think of work, let's not even mention how much I feel like shit. Damnit, I hate this, I hate this feeling.
I'm staring outside the window of the bus I'm in and have my earphones plugged in my ears so badly, I don't wanna hear anything that goes on around me until I get to town. I'm not in any mood for anything.
As I stare out, deep in thoughts from the music that screams in my ears, I feel someone's presence next to me. I secretly lower the volume and listen to if whom ever is sitting next to me will greet. Well, "Hello", gosh, it's a deep sweet voice. I turn to a sweet good-looking baby face, light complexion, long black eyelashes and dark eyes. He's handsome, and how have I never seen him before?
"Hey", I reply, then quickly look away. He pulls out his phone and from my eye side he's scrolling through his Facebook. I don't have Facebook, or Instagram, or Twitter, I even deleted my TikTok account.
After what feels like 15 minutes the guy speaks.
"What?", I had my earphones on and didn't make out what he said.
"Do you know what time this bus gets to town?", he asks.
"Emm, I think-", I check the time on my phone then face him to reply, "around 8 or a little past 8",
"Oh, alright", he looks down on his phone and I decide to face back at my window. "You take this bus everyday?", he asks, just before I hit play on the Playlist I'm listening to.
"Em, yes", I reply. But in true honesty I don't take this bus everyday. It differs since my shift time varies every week.
"Oh I see, it's actually my first day taking this bus. I usually take the 6AM one since most days my shift starts at half 7", he replies.
7:30? Where does he work? Instead of asking that, I just nod to what he said. "I start mine at 9", I say, still nodding. I light up my phone and check the next song on my Playlist. After asking Kusam for a Spotify account he created one for me then paid 6 months in advance, so I deleted all my music in my phone so all I listen to is my Playlists on Spotify.
"Seems like you're into music?",
I smile, "I guess I am", I look down at my phone and turn to him. "Aren't you?",
"Hippop, House, Electronic, em-",
"OH my gosh", I gasp. "No RnB, Pop?",
He chuckles, "I guess not",
We talk for almost the entire ride. He's sweet, handsome, pretty much good company but I have a boyfriend.
"What did you say your name is?", he asks.
"I didn't", I smirk. He didn't ask, so I didn't say.
"Oh", he chuckles. "Okay", he looks away, and if I didn't know any better I'd say he's shy. "What's your name?", he asks, the look in his eyes says a lot more than just that question. I don't know what to say.
"I'm Nina", I smile. He smiles back at me. "What's yours?", I usually don't ask names but with him it's different. Or I think it's different cause he's cute.
"Quentin", he replies. Not the best name but hey, the guy is cute for any name.
We get to town just before he could ask for my numbers. I quickly get up and walk out the bus like I'm in a rush or something. I don't want him asking for my number cause I know I'd fall for his handsome face. And you know what they call handsome guys, fuck boys. At first I thought it was all judgement but then I got to know a few cute faces and well, these motherfuckers can ruin you. They're so cruel with it comes the the love department and boy oh boy...
Honestly it was my best decision ever not to end up giving him my phone number. I'm with Trevis and he's the greatest guy I've ever known. I don't even believe that Trevis is capable of hurting me but some days I remind myself that he's still a guy with a dick. Same with all these guys out there. All they want is what's between our legs, once they're done it's goodbye. I don't wanna go through that again. I don't wanna love hard or be crazy in love cause I know how painful that fall is. I thought it's the end of the world when Duncan made it clear that he wasn't gonna be with me anymore. And that day, the day he left replays a lot in my mind most days.
...
After work I slow walk my way out of the door. I'm actually waiting on Nolan to follow so we'll walk our way to the bus Terminal together. My actual plan is to wait for Trevis, I feel like being in his arms tonight, being cuddled and kissed all night.
Oh, here Nolan. I can hear him talk and laugh with his friends as he walks closer to me. When he gets to me, Wendy says goodbye to him and he walks passed me like he doesn't know me. He didn't say a word to me, didn't even look at me.
Great.
"What's up with Nolan?", I ask Wendy, they're friends, she has to know.
"You mean with you?", she asks her tone filled with shock, or confusion.
"Yes", I roll my eyes. Nolan is into me, he wouldn't do all this. Right? Did I do or say something wrong to him? Maybe he's pissed at me and I'm not aware.
"I don't know", Wendy shakes her head. After taking 2 steps she stops and gasps. "Oh my gosh, he did totally walked passed you like-", she makes a thinking face then frowns. "Did you do something?",
"Something like what?",
She shrugs, "I don't know, maybe you said something rude?",
Thinking back to when I got to work, I don't remember saying anything rude. But he did try to talk to me and I blew him off. Gosh, I'm such an idiot sometimes. Now who the hell am I gonna hangout with till Trevis knocks off.
" I don't remember saying anything rude",
"Are you sure?", well, Nolan did ask to go out with me to the movies on Saturday, but honestly no, I had to decline.
Its just I can't help thinking what we'll talk about? What we'll do together while we outside of work.
Nolan is a great guy and all, but our conversations are limited cause we don't know anything else to talk about, except fight about why we aren't together, or we'd have a conversation of how wonderful we'd be together, as he pretends I haven't rejected him multiple times.
But as for today, I do need all that. Not just to be accompanied when waiting for Trevis but I feel like I need that as some kind of stress release. I have no idea what's stressing me though.
"I'm not sure, okay", I reply Wendy with a eye roll. Wendy is too close of a friend to Nolan so she doesn't like us talking about him, she feels like she's gossiping her best friend.
"Well, that's your problem with him", she looks away, then pulls out her phone, smiling as she silently reads her text. "Ohhh", she coo's.
I wasn't gonna ask but when a girl coo's, she begging to be asked what's happening. "What?",
"Willy sent me money for ice-cream, I need to go withdraw it", she smiles her biggest smile. Willy is her boyfriend and they're totally in love if you ask me. And with Willy, I knew him before I got to know Wendy.
Flashback to when I met William
I take the bus almost everyday to work. I meet a lot of people and I get to know most from the bus rides I take. So one good day a tall light skinned cute guy takes a seat next to me in a 5:30PM bus. I'm seated at the window seat when I feel a someone's presence next to me. "Hi", he greets.
I turn to look at him when I reply, "Hi", this guy is tall, looks like he's uncomfortable with the too close seats.
"I always see you in this bus and always wanted to say hi but you're always on your phone", he says making me drop my phone to my thighs since I was about to check my Whatsapp texts.
"Oh", I look down on my phone making him chuckle. "Well, I can't say I've seen you before", I glance at him then back at my phone, "obviously",
"Must be some interesting people you're chatting with", he says as he gestures to my phone.
"Not at all", I shake my head. I can see why he says I've got interesting people I'm chatting with, because of Sidney, Kusam and Jullian's contact names. They all have hearts except for Sidney's cause he's is broken. "These are all my friends", I chuckle.
"Yeah right", he giggles.
"I'm William",
"Nina",
The rest of the bus ride conversation is about dating life. I find out he's in a long distance relationship and I tell him about Duncan. Well, I made it clear how deeply I love with Duncan and he seemed to have understood, not that he was asking me out or anything, no, he did none of that.
When he was about to drop off, he asked for my numbers and I gave it to him.
Reality
"So you'll company me to go withdraw, right?", Wendy asks.
"Trevis is waiting for me and-",
"Come on please, it won't take long", she pouts and I can't say no to that face.
"Okay, fine I'll send Trevis a text",
"Yeey",
Trevis knocks out later than I do so I'll still be around town when he knocks out.
I accompany Wendy to withdraw the money then we go shopping for the ice-cream. Willy sent a lot of money for ice-cream so she ends up buying other stuff too. I decide to buy myself sour worms candy, strawberry flovoured yogurt and rum and raisins chocolate slab. This is all I need, this is all I think of when buying something sweet. Trevis knows that too, and too bad he ain't got a sweet tooth.
When we finally get to the bus terminal Trevis calls me.
"Hey", I answer.
"Where are you?", he asks. Wendy is already in her bus section now and I'm in mine.
"Bus terminal, same spot that I wait at", I reply. I hate waiting, but waiting for Trevis is worth it cause I end up in his arms. Unlike waiting for someone whom you'll spend on ly a few minutes with.
"Okay, I'm out so I'll see you in 10 minutes", he says and hangs up.
...
Today wasn't my best day. I'm still thinking about Nolan, why did he ignore me like that. I know I'm not the best to communicate with, or to even show affection. But him ignoring isn't something that's good to ever be done on a human being, that's being a jerk and I don't like jerks. He must feel as if I'm using him, playing with his emotions but I've always been honest with how I feel. With everyone.
If he's ignoring me to forget about his feelings towards me, then he should have told me that nah, he can't keep talking to me.