Friday: 11 September
Just after stepping out of my workplace's giant doors, already my whole body is aching to see him. I wasn't planning to but I find my legs walking me straight to his workplace. As I enter, I stand by the door, under the door fan that's blowing my hair right now, my eyes searching around for him. A guy on the side, who also works there calls me over to the cash desk to sanitize my hands. That's when my eyes find him. He's standing at the back, at the shoes department, facing me, his eyes scanning to see if it's really me. It's clear he isn't expecting me.
After getting my hands sanitized I walk over to where he is. He's dressed in his black work outfit, making him look way cute than he already does. Before I get even way closer to him, he recognizes me.
"Hey", he flashes me a smile but I pretend not to see it, playing it cool.
"I just swinged by to check up on you", I say as I move around to shield my nerves. "You okay?", I ask and he nods as a reply. He's quite busy so I know I won't be staying long.
"Wait up for me",
"Huh?", I heard him. I just want him to say it out loud again.
"My shift ends at 6 P.M so wait up for me, if that's not too much to ask. But if you're rushing home, you can go",
"Nah, I'm leaving", I kindly decline his offer. I wanna spend time with him but not like this. I turn to walk out leaving him watching my back, after he says he'll see me tomorrow.
"Don't forget that I'm attending a mini-braai", I turn back at him.
He slaps his forehead, "oh yeah, I almost forgot", he says.
...
Dear diary
It's been eating me up. I wasn't about to write about it but I feel like I need to get it out of my system now. My sister is pregnant. She's 2 months pregnant and we haven't told mum about it. It's just that she's in a complicated relationship with her boyfriend and telling mum and dad might get it all worse. The idea of having a baby added to our family excites me. Even though I wanted to be the first to have one. I also feel her excitement and nerves when ever we talk about it over the phone.
I just pray everything goes well with her pregnancy and for her to give birth to a healthy baby.
Last night my mind drifted to my ex. It was out of the blue, I wasn't really planning on thinking about him. I wasn't even listening to any music when his face popped in my mind. I miss him. I miss everything about him.
Travis makes my spine shiver when he's around but I do still think of my ex, and the thought of wanting him back is still here. I do wanna think of Duncan as my past and put all our memories aside but, whenever I think of him, all I wanna do is run back into his arms.
I called him last night. Good thing he didn't pick up. The idea was to check on him but who knows, maybe I could have ruined what I'm starting with Travis by trying to drag Duncan back in my life. I wonder what he does when he misses me.
It's been 3 months since Duncan and I broke up but I still feel lost without him. I fight myself every night not to think of him, cause thinking about him rolls my tears down my cheeks.
This is all crazy, it's all madness. Maybe I'm going crazy, I could be going mad. I still feel his presence whenever I close my eyes. I feel his hands touching my skin, I hear his voice, his thick manly voice scalding me. His hands gripping my waist when making love. Gosh I miss him, I miss him so bad.
...
Monday: 14 September
Everything is changing.
I'm back.
My romantic side has taken full charge over all the feeling running through my body. I'm all giddy, I smile for no reason, my tummy's butterflies are awake all the time and I'm jumping for Joy.
I didn't think I'd feel like this ever, especially this soon. I told myself that men are all trash and I deserve way better than being with any guy. I gave it all up just to stay happily single. But no man, he came through, just like he always does.
It took me all this time to finally realize that Travis has always been around to catch me whenever my asshole of a boyfriend dumped me. He's been here and I always took advantage of his love and care, dumping him whenever I felt like things are good with the asshole boyfriend.
But this time its different. This time I looked him straight in his eyes and everything changed. I felt something, something I still feel even now whenever I think of him. His presence sparks something in me, he isn't the guy I turn to when things aren't good anymore. He's the guy I wanna be close to at all times. He's the guy I think about whenever my mind starts roaming. One look from him and I'm 'fine'.
I don't know how to describe our relationship. I keep telling myself that I'm not in love with him but lately I'm been doubting that.
Am I in love with him? Could I be?
I might not know what I feel for him right now but I do know that I'm what I felt for Duncan is longer here. I can think of Duncan without breaking down now.
Saturday: 12 September.
"Hi", the passenger door of his car opens, a guy I don't recognize steps out. "You can take the front, I'll take the back seat", he says stepping aside for me to climb in. My guy is sitting on the driver's seat with my favorite smile on his face, that one that brings his dimples to light.
I smile back at him. He starts the car driving off as he starts a conversation about how strong his car is compared to my dad's. His friend actually started it. He was just letting me know that he knows me and my family. Apparently we went to high school together. I don't remember him back at school but there's no way I'll ever tell him that.
Travis suddenly stops the car on the side of the road infront of a house that has a group of people on the lawn. It looks like they're having a great time, drinking. He gets out of the car, leaving his door opened and walks up to a guy who has his back on us.
Travis sells icecubes, it's his part time job and he loves it.
I light up my phone, pretending to be checking messages that ain't even there. I know damn well that I dont have data, on top of that I have poor network connection. Travis comes back and drives off.
His friend at the back starts a lobola conversation with me. I don't know why, but we debate on it for a while which makes me realise that he isn't actually bad to hangout with.
Along the way we pick up the friend's girlfriend.
"Hello", she greets as she climbs in. She has a really tinny voice.
"Nina, this is Hannah", the friend says. Gosh I still don't know his name. "Travis you know my girl",
"Yeah I do bro, obviously", Travis laugh, making Hannah join in with laughter.
We finally park around the neighborhood at a place called Old Complex, well known as the best place to have drinks at. Most local gigs are held there.
Tonight its parked, there isn't even parking available, you'd swear there isn't covid flowing around the air. Eventually we find a spot to park. My heart is beating so fast by looking around to see how fully parked this place is with drunk people.
"Hey Juice", I call out to Travis and his friend laughs. "May I have a word with you outside?",
"Oh crap, she called you by your nickname", his friend jokes. Juice is the name everybody calls him with. They say he used to like drinking juice back in school, which adds up to him now selling icecubes.
He opens the door for me and I get out to meet him infront of the car. I'm just worried about him. I know how places like this are. They end up stabbing one another and blaming it on alcohol.
"Please be careful", I gesture towards the pub. He has no idea how these places makes me feel like.
"Oooo, I love that you care about me", he grins. I feel a strong force that wants our bodies way closer than we are now.
"I don't care", I laugh.
"I only care about what I'll have to tell your parents and mine if someone hurts you over there", I joke, pointed where all the crowd is.
He smiles then assures me that nothing like that will happen, he sells ice to all those people so he knows how to take care of himself.
I walk back to the car and occupy my seat. But before that Travis tells me that his friend is Sarki, but still I don't remember going to high school with him.
"Come on man, we got business to attend", Travis pops his head in the back seat.
He then opens my door, leans down and asks me if I'll be alright with Sarki's girlfriend while they go sell ice.
"Its fine, go", I push him back. Sarki steps out of the car, he opens the boot and pulls out packets of icecubes.
I turn around on my seat to face Hannah as they head off.
At first Hannah and I talk about having to sneak out of our houses to be here with these two guys, up to how easily frighten we get over anything. We talk about all the girls walking out half naked that we keep seeing, we talk about random things and laugh over all her jokes.
A knock on the window makes us both jump.
Its Travis, he laughs over the fact that he's frightened us.
"I'm sorry", he says.
He opens the driver's door and grabs a glass on the cup holder. He walks to the boot and comes back with a mini cool box. "Here", he puts the glass on my lips and I smell all the alcohol from it. "Have a drink", I push it away bit he brings it back. "Just taste it, it's not as bad as it smells", I take a sip. "Agh", I choke in disgust making Hannah laugh. "Not as bad as it smells huh?",
Sarki finally joins us. "Bro I think we've sold enough",
Travis laughs since he was already here, not selling anymore while Sarki finished the packets of icecubes alone. "We did bro",
He starts the car and drives to another spot, a bit away from where all the drunks are.
He grabs his cooler box, placing it on the pavement then sits on it, facing me in the car. I jump from my seat to sit on the driver's seat with my legs out between Travis's legs. Sarki gets out of the car too, leaving Hannah to sit the way I'm sitting.
Its midnight and none of us are hinting on going home to sleep. We drinking, talking and laughing. "Oh man, check that guy out", Sarki points at a guy who's sleeping on a car's bonnet. I think he's too drunk. I stand up without stepping on the ground, and twist my body to face the other side of the street where the drunk guy who's sleeping is at. I've pinned my body to Travis's car. Travis gets up from the cooler and leans on me, since he's tall, he can see what we all staring at. Sarki keeps making jokes, his girlfriend joining since they're both crazy. I turn to face Travis, he's holding me to keep me from falling.
"Are you cold?", he asks.
"Yeah", I nod.
I stare at him, up until he leans closer and kisses my left cheek. I sit back on the seat, he takes off his jacket and hands it to me. I quickly put it on.
It's the greatest night of my life. Awesome, something I've never done with any of my ex's. Duncan used to say that he doesn't like me hanging out with any of his friends, "guys will always be guys whether they're your friends or not", basically what he used to say. But I did spend Christmas with his family and one of his friend once.
"Guys I have work tomorrow", Travis says. It's a minute after 1 A.M. and I'm also tired. Though I don't have work.
"You mean today?", Sarki laughs.
"Yes", we all laugh.
We get in the car, Travis is drunk as well as Sarki but they're way too careful than any drunk guy I know.
After dropping Sarki and his girl at his place, Travis turns to me with a smile. "You're going to sleep with me right?", he asks.
I laugh. "You mean on the same bed?",
"Yes, on the same bed. But at my mum's house",
I shake my head. "Not if your mum is around",
"She isn't", he replies quickly.
"Alright",
He drives to his mum's house. When we get there I get out of the car while he drives it into the garage. He leads me inside of the house after locking the garage door.
I'm on my periods and he knows that. I head to the couch while he disappears into the other rooms. The tv is on so I do what I do when I'm home, I browse through Dstv Catch up to see what's on. Nothing interesting. He comes back from wherever he was and sits right next to me.
"Let's go to bed", he whispers.
"May I use your restroom first", I ask.
He shows me the way and I head there. When I walk out, he's standing by the door. "Come on", he walks in his bedroom and I follow.
I'm about to climb on bed when he pulls me in for a kiss. He tastes like the drink he's been having but I don't care. The kiss deepens and I know where its headed.
"Periods", I push him back.
"Oh", he let's go of me. "Right",
I take a seat on the bed and struggle to untie my shoelaces. He helps me out of my shoes then pulls me to his arms. I'm sitting between his legs with my back on him. His lips are planting soft kisses on my back after pulling off my t-shirt. He's working on getting me out of my bra now.
I'm on my periods and he's trying to turn me on.
I move from him and lay on the side. He follows, pulling me back to his arms. He leans in for a kiss, and I let him.
The way he's kissing tells me how turned on he is without me having to feel his dick. I push him back as the kiss deepens.
"I wrote something for you", I say.
He stares at me for a while then says, "let me read it",
"Get my phone from your dresser over there", I point out where my phone is. He gets up from bed and comes back with it. After he lays besides me, I move closer putting my head on his chest. He's sleepy by now. As I unlock my phone as he whispers, "do you want me to treat you better?", his voice is so low but I still hear him. I turn to look at him, the rising of his chest and the way he's breathing tells me he's asleep now. But I still nod, "mmmh".