Wednesday: 23 September
"Wild thoughts".
"His lips are soft against my skin as he traces down my body to my breasts. I push my head back, my torso rising slowly as a response over the pleasurable sensation building up my body. He sucks my breast, his tongue teasing my erect nipples. I move both my hands from his hands, moving them to his back, my nails digging on his skin as I get lost towards the feeling he's driving me to. "Trev-", I moan out the first letters of his name as my blood hits up for more of his kisses. He glances at me, smiling at the satisfaction of reaching his goal then rises up to prepare himself for his next move. I slowly open my eyes and I'm glad to still make out his tall body from the light of the moon that shines through my window. My eyes drift from his face, down to his hands as he rolls the piece of rubber down his length. Knowing I'm watching, he smirks, then quickly grabs my thighs from each sides pulling me towards him. I moan, knowing very well what's about to happen. He pulls me closer once more, my knees up in the air as he position his manly dick right between my legs. He slowly pushes in, deeply till he can't push any further. My pussy tightens around him as my body aches for movement.
I don't want a relationship, I didn't want a relationship. I don't want any guy to know any of my weakness. I don't wanna be weak over a guy that could some day walk out leaving me lonely and angry all over again. I easily cling over what I love. Shit... I don't wanna love. Fuck I'm screwed.
He starts moving, creating a magical rhythm as he pumps in and out of me, his movement slow at first but quickens the more he moves. If this feeling is a drug, then I'm definitely addicted.
Sensing I'm ready to explode, he slows down, covering my body with his as he kisses my neck. I should scream my lungs out from all the pleasure but I bite my lips close letting moans get stuck in my throat. His hands brushes down the sides of my body as he quickens his move back again. I hold on to him since all I wanna do is grab on to something. The faster he moves, the stiffer my body gets. I'm losing it and I can feel it, he feels it too. I want him so bad. Its torture whenever I deny my body on having his dick inside me. I hate it when my fucken body takes control, it overpowers my mind when it comes to him. I let him push me to the edge and hold on to him as I release. He follows right after, then collapse right besides me".
I snap out of my thoughts as the voices from the people around me gets louder and louder. Shit. I can't believe I'm thinking about all this. Getting my body worked up while sitting next to a guy I don't know, in a bus filled with people.
This guy, Travis, means he's totally driving me crazy then. How the fuck do I get wet dreams while still awake? While sitting in a bus out of all places. Gosh, just thinking about him drives me to a point of imagining his lips on mine. This guy will be the end of me, if I don't play my cards right.
...
It's a month and damn... feels like 3 months already. Feels like a lot of good months.
Dear diary
I'm attached. Completely? I don't know, and I don't wanna know. I'm trying the hardest not to be the same old me, I'm not doing that for him, but for me.
I know how I tend to be. I know I end up hurting myself with expectations then find a way to blame it on boys and life. Well, I know a lot of things about me now.
For now he makes me happy, even on my moody days. I haven't had a lot of those but, yeah, he makes me happy.
I do feel like I'm slowly relaxing into him so yeah, I stop myself whenever im rolling down that road. I don't want to say he's different. I'm not gonna say he's different.
Saturday: 26 September
With a huge happy smile plastered on my face, I dial his numbers. The phone rings up to his voicemail. I check the time, something I like doing when he doesn't answer his phone, its 17:53 PM, almost 6 PM. He knows how badly I hate it when he doesn't answer his phone, but oh well, maybe he's busy.
Rolling on my bed while reading Jullian's whatsapp message about how Andrew is being an asshole all of a sudden, starts pissing me off. Yeap, Andrew is totally being an ass for what he's doing to my friend but what's pissing me off is that Travis isn't calling back. I don't know why though, we're new with this whole relationship and already I'm starting to get pissed when he isn't answering my calls.
Jullian and I text back and forth while I keep glancing at the time.
Fuck! I'm so pissed now. It's already 18:59 P.M. and he hasn't called back. What the fuck is he busy with? It's a fucken Saturday and he said he knocks out at 4 P.M. and I called just when he knocked out so what keeping him from answering his calls now?
I finally tell Jullian how I'm feeling. She sympathize with me and we start plotting about our next move. Well, I tell her that if he finally calls back, I won't answer his call. She agrees and we chat some more on whether to conclude about what's happening or to wait for his explanation.
18:25, he still haven't called. I'm now thinking of switching off my phone cause FUCK, I'm losing my mind. I think about calling my ex the slap myself out of those thoughts quickly cause seriously that's bullshit.
18:39, my phone rings. I'm laid on bed facing down, my head on the edge and my ringing phone is on the floor. I glance at it, my heart beating as fast as it can. I knew who it is before I even saw the the contact name who it is. Beating myself up, I let it ring. He calls again and I text Jullian as i watch it ring.
He's calling, I'm not answering-;
That'll serve him good-; she replies.
Maybe I should ignore him the whole night-; I suggest.
But maybe he's got a reason for not answering. Just hear him out first-; she says.
What? I thought we agreeing on ignoring him-; I whine as I pout my lips.
I've been thinking, that if you ignore him you'll never really know what happened. Or you'd be mad over something he had to do which was important-; I can feel she's shrugging her shoulders even over the phone.
She's right.
But as I pick up, he hangs up.
Was going to speak to him but he hanged up-; I text Jullian.
As Jullian types back, Travis sends a message.
What's up babe, I'm calling you and you ain't picking up-; I roll my eyes at his message. Not too long ago he was the one who wasnt picking up.
Funny, cause I called you a bunch of times and you didn't pick up-; I reply.
I just got back from work not too long ago-;
I check the time and its 8:20 PM. Since when does he get back from work at this time on a fucken Saturday?
Okay-; that's all I say.
I'm almost at Riverview supermarket, should I come pick you up?-; he asks. He's actually got some nerves to ask.
Really?-;
I'm for real. Don't believe me?-; just as I type back, he calls.
"What?", I answer.
"What?", I can tell from the way he asks the word that he's gasping. "Is that how you answer the phone now?",
"What do you want me to say?", I snap. Anger boils from within me. His voice gets me upset every second.
"Babe? You mad at me?", he asks. I gasp. This guy wasn't picking up his phone the whole day and now he's asking me if I'm mad? Is he fucken serious right now? Gosh.
"Why would I be mad? It's not like you're forced to answer your phone. You can always ignore it when you feel like it",
"It's nothing like that. When I spoke to you after work I actually got a ride back home with one of my neighbors-", he starts explaining.
"So when with your neighbor you don't pick up your phone?", I ask. I'm fuming at this moment, but at the same time I wanna see him.
"No, when he dropped me off I forgot my phone in his car. I just went to get it back not too long ago", he says. The line goes silent for a while. I'm just wondering what kind of a person forgets a phone. I'd know a second later that my phone isn't with me.
"Right", I nod, knowing very well he doesn't see my sarcastic nod.
"Look, I'm on my way there let's just talk about this",
"How far are you?", I ask.
"Not too far, give me 5 minutes", he says making me roll my eyes before I hang up.
I text Jullian back telling her what he said. She gets pissed over the fact that he asked me if I'm mad.
I'm outside-; a text from Travis.
I quickly text Jullian letting her know that Travis is outside.
What should I wear? Dressup like a doll or go out in my pj's?-;
Don't bother on dressing up, he's here to explain and not to check out what you're wearing-; she replies.
Oh yeah, you're right. Okay, I'm heading out-; I toss my phone on the bed and search for a pair of shoes that I can wear, then head out. My parents are still awake in their bedroom, Kourtney is laid on the couch watching TV.
"Where the heck are you going?", Kourtney asks as he stares at me with a warning look.
"Please", I roll my eyes heading for the door.
"Ey?!", he yells. "Where the hell are you going?",
"Piss off", I frown making his warning look a bit threatening. Kourtney is way younger than me but totally acts like the older brother. "I'm right outside", I open the door and close it right behind me.
He's parked a bit further than the driveway, and as I walk closer he opens the passenger door for me.
"Hey", he greets and I ignore him. My fury is building up again.
He starts the car and I quickly make it clear to him that I ain't going anywhere. He nods but still drives further down the road from my house. I ignore that, since I'm upset. He starts making small talk but I still ignore him. If he wasn't aware that I'm mad, now he's clearly aware.
In a much defeated manner, he says, "Okay yell at me please", he glances at me. "Say something please", I still ignore him. "Please stop this torture", he begs. I've got my legs crossed on the passager seat and my head is facing out the window. Hearing him beg in this manner, actually makes me turn.
"I don't wanna fucken seem like I talk too much", I burst. "But you know when something pisses the shit out of me, I can't shut up. Cause once I start to shut up, means I nolonger care about your ass. And man", I sigh, hitting my forehead with my palm. "I told you a cellphone will be the cause of our argument. Why do you have a flippen cellphone if you don't even bother to pick it up. What's it for? On top of that you have a smart phone", I trail off.
All my rambling was to get all my anger out, he asked for it.
He chuckles, pissing the heck out of me all over again.
"So you find all this funny", I point my index finger back and forth, at us.
"Not at all", he looks away. "Its just I'm glad I get to see this other side of you", his handsome smirk is still in place.
"So you did all this on purpose? So you can see my other side?",
"Not all, look", he sighs. "When I left work I was already late for the bus. Our manager unlocked the door late so I had to run for the bus. When I got to the robots, before the bus terminals, a guy that lives not too far from my house pulled up. He gave me a ride home in his freshly new-",
"I don't care what car he drives", Travis loves cars. He can talk about cars all day and he'll never get tired.
"Fine", he nods over what I don't wanna talk about. "While getting a ride from that friend, when he drops me off and I forgot my cellphone in his car", he says. "I had to go get it back later",
"Who does that?", I frown. "Who forgets his phone",
"I guess I do", he replies.
"Right", I give him a sarcastic nod.
"I'm sorry babe", he says. "I promise I'll make sure to pick up all your calls",
"Promise is a big word, and I know you won't be able to keep that promise", I tell him.
"Serious", he crosses his fingers. "I will", I roll my eyes at him.
We sit in his car for a while then he drives me home, drops me off at my gate and waits till Kourtney opens the door for me to go in the house. Right after I'm in he calls, to check if I'm alright.