Dear dairy
I'm exhausted.
I miss my ex.
I miss him real bad.
He has a lot of flaws but one thing for sure, he did love me, in his own kind of way.
I'm crossing my legs and fingers at this moment so I won't call him. And Trevis is being a dickhead for not picking up his phone. Since yesterday, he's busy telling me he can't hear the damn thing, you'd swear his losing his fucken hearing or something. Gosh, and it pisses the fuck out of me since I need to talk to him more than anything right now. I need his voice and his love to stop me from making a dick move on my ex. I don't wanna act like a fucken idiot and call someone who dumped me, cause I know he'll definitely pick up, he'll pick up on a first or second ring.
I'm so frustrated.
I feel like I'm losing it.
I can't hold my shit together. And I can't keep explaining how irritated I get when he can't pick up my calls, seriously Trevis needs to deal with his shit. I'm getting tired, I'm exhausted from my last relationship and I don't need this one to drain me flat. Gosh, can't he see how "not in the mood" I am right now? Red riding hood messes up my mood and he also has to add. I can't deal with this. Its fucken exhausting and before I get exhausted, I get extremely pissed.
Fuck! Is he fucken serious? I can't.
I cannot!
He better fix his shit. He better.
I'm fucken losing it
Sunday: 8 November
I'm in a good mood. It took a few days for things to be better so Yeah.
I'm fantastic. It's weekend and weekends I'm with my bae.
Last night was great, though Sarki had a new girlfriend to entertain us. The girl is just something else. I don't like her for him. She's all makeup, long lashes, short dress, lets get drunk type of girl and that's totally what I don't get along with. And I know Sarki doesn't want that type of girl too. So we hanged out, I watched them drink since drinking isn't what I planned on doing.
My boyfriend kept mixing drinks and the girl kept drinking like she wanted to get drunk pretty soon. I was offered a glass but kindly declined it. Sarki drank a few glasses and excused himself on the fact that he's got a parents meeting at school tomorrow morning.
I had fun though, whenever I got close to Travis we couldn't keep our hands off eachother, we kept hugging and kissing. Sarki kept making jokes, like he always does, but made sure to keep some sense in it.
I spent the rest of my night in Travis's arms.
I actually sleep over at his house on all weekends that I spend with him, its becoming tradition.
Sweet Sunday
"Hey, wake up babe", Travis wakes me up. I feel some cool air blowing my whole body and all I wanna do is sleep.
Last night before we fell asleep I asked him to get a fan cause I can't sleep without it. It gives him sinuses but he still went and got it for me.
I got him upset too, and he's not the guy that easily gets upset but hey, it's me we talking about.
Flashback to last night
We laying on bed and I'm in his arms. In mind I'm thinking about Nolan, the guy I work with. I promised Nolan we'd hangout since I don't have a problem being friends with him. "Babe, will it be alright if a friend takes me out for movies?", I ask. I'm thinking Travis isn't those too extreme jealous guys who get to choose who their girl gets to chill with or be friends with. Duncan made sure to make it clear that he doesn't even want any male to even say hi to me. Unless he knows the guy.
"That's if that friend isn't a guy", he replies. I'm really surprised. But a part of me thought maybe he'd let me hangout with whom I wanna hang out with. It does sound like something that don't make sense but its just that I wanna do all the things I couldn't do on my last relationship. Not that I wanna cheat.
I move from his arms and turn to face him. "But you know I mostly have guy friends", I frown.
He looks away and in a soft quiet tone he says, "I also have female friends, but you don't see me going out for movies with them", he shifts trying to relax as he stares at the ceiling. "Its just I know its something you wouldn't tolerate",
"I wouldn't mind", I say. I know Travis has a point, and my reply isn't totally honest. I'll never see good on him hanging out with girls.
He turns his head to face me, he looks so damn serious. "What do you tell your friends? Don't you tell them you have a boyfriend?",
"I don't have a boyfriend", I reply just to piss him off. I wanted it to come out as a joke but it didn't.
"Oh. Okay", he looks away again. "Then go ahead and go out with your friend then", he closes his eyes and place a hand to cover his dick since he sleeps naked.
"What now? Are you dumping me?",
I have this habit of pushing him to see how he'll react. I guess it's a way to see how deeply he cares for me.
"Isn't it you said we not dating? So how am I dumping you?", he doesn't even dare to open his eyes. He looks bored by this convo.
"You sound a bit disappointed from the fact that I say we not dating. What? Did you think I'm your girlfriend?",
"Yes. That's what I see you as", he says softly.
I can tell he's upset and he's trying to hold it in. But he's not too upset to love me any less than he does right now.
His breathing relaxes and I can tell he's falling asleep. What sucks is he didn't reach out his hand for me to lay on his arm and I know it's all my fault.
Since I feel like something is missing, I roll to his side and place my head on his shoulder.
"I'm not your boyfriend but yet you still wanna be in my arms", he murmurs while pulling me closer so I'll place my head on his chest. I ignore him and drift off to Lalaland.
Back to Reality
"Its morning already?", I ask. My whole body still begs me to sleep but my bladder is so heavy in such a way that if I don't rush to the toilet, I'll pee myself.
"Yes", Travis says. "Wake up babe",
I slide off the bed and walk to the bathroom. Travis follows me and when he realizes what I'm doing he turns back heading to the kitchen.
Once I'm done I head back to bed. Travis comes back and lays besides me, pulling me to his arms.
After what feels like 5 minutes he wakes me up. "I have to go to work. Right now I'll go run the car's engine and take a shower",
"Yes go do that", I reply in my sleepy voice.
After 30 minutes or so, he wakes me up. He's fully dressed in his black work outfit and his skin complexion is way lighter than I thought it was. "Get dressed please", I roll on the side to grab my phone and check the time. It's 5:30 AM and the sun is already shining brightly through the window. We live in a hot area so in summer the sun rises from 5AM.
"You done?", I ask.
"Yes", he helps me out of bed then pulls me for a kiss on the lips. "Goodmorning", he murmurs and I smile at him.
I remove his boxers that I had last night as my pyjama pants and pull my Jean's back on. After getting dressed he leads me out to his car which is already parked on the driveway with the passager door opened.
"I'm late", he says as he settles on the drivers seat.
"Its 15mins before 6", I shrug. I'm confused cause on sundays retails open at 9AM.
"I start my shift at 7",
"Oh wow", I'm actually not surprised. "Then you better speed up",
I get home then start cleaning my room since my mum and dad are still sleeping. They didn't get to see that I didn't spend the night home. Kourtney isn't home, he's at his school camp and will be back later today.
Im laying on bed by 8 AM when Travis decides to call.
I pick up, "hey babe",
"All the rushing and running only to find out that my manager is late", he says.
"Oh wow. So what happens now?",
"We'll be opening the store at 9, so now I'm an hour early", he says.
"Its better than being an hour late", I reply.
"True. All I need now is to figure out what I'll eat",
"Go get KFC", I shrug my shoulders. Most shops are closed.
"I don't think I have any other choice",
"Yeap. Will I see you later today?", I ask. I wanna see him. I enjoy his company.
"Definitely babe", he replies.
"I'll be in an outfit that you've got to see", I say excitedly.
"I'll get home and do my washing then drive straight to you",
"That'll be before you go see your first wife?", by first wife I mean Sarki, his best friend. These two are inseparable. They're always together.
"Yeah babe, before him",
"Good",
"I don't always get to see him first all the time you know",
"Yeah you do", I reply with a nod. "You're always with him whenever we meet up",
"No-",
"Yes", I argue.
"Fine. You'll be my first today", he assures me. I get to hear a few mumbles on the background before he says goodbye and hangs up.
In a few minutes dad opens the kitchen door. I'm always glad that my bedroom is separate from the house, makes all this sneaking in and out quite easy. I get off bed and head inside to start cleaning. After cleaning I lay on the couch and watch TV. Then out of nowhere sleep comes and takes me back to Lalaland.
Mum wakes me up at 11:45 AM for me to make her something to eat. I prepare her a sandwich and right after I take a cold shower. It's not even that cold since the pipes are heated by the sun. After my not so cold shower, I get dressed in my high waisted knee length check skirt, a pink semi formal pink top with puffed shoulders and my pink ballerina pumps flat shoes.
"Mum, I'm going out", I call out to mum as I grab my purse and an umbrella then head out to buy my weekly ticket. "I'll cook lunch when I come back", I add as I walk out.
My walk to the ticket sale place isn't that long. On my way back, a friend I know whom I ride the bus with everyday calls out to me. "Hey", I stare at him as he waves. He's seated on a big rock under a huge tree on the other side of the street. "It hot", he yells.
"That's the reason you're seated there?", I ask.
"Was actually waiting for you", he says.
"Really?", I rise my eyebrows in a questioning look. "Then why are you still sitting there?", he quickly gets up and rushes over to my side. Good thing my umbrella is big enough for the both of us.
"I haven't seen you in a while", he says.
"I know, I haven't seen you in a while too", I reply.
"I still don't have your numbers", I once gave him my numbers and he lost his phone, so I guess I'd have to make him sweat to get my numbers again.
As I'm about to say something, my phone rings. It's a video call from the guy that cuts my hair at the salon. Leon, that's his name.
"Hey boo", he greets.
"Hey", I smile. He's got his cute face filling my screen. My bus friend is still walking besides me.
"Where are you? Looks like you walking", he says.
"I am. I'm from the bus ticket sale point", I jiggle my ticket infront of the screen for him to see.
"Okay. Call me when you get home",
"Sure thing", I reply with a smile then hang up.
By the time I get home, I'm super tired and thirsty for cold water. At around 4PM Travis calls letting me know that his mum has sent him to the shopping center and all he wanted to do was take a nap. He's frustrated but I manage to cheer him up.
Time flies, when I check the time I only find out that its 5:30 PM. Travis hasn't called back to let me know whether he's still coming or not. The pink top I have on even has an icecream stain right now. After changing my top I decide to call him so I'll know if he's still coming. Ty asked me to visit him so we'll chill, watch movies like we used to. So if Travis will get here late, I might as well visit Ty till later.
"No, no, no, you're not visiting anybody. I'm coming",
"At what time?", I'm sick of waiting.
"Babe, I'm coming",
"Okay", I hang up.
I start washing the dishes to pass time, then head outside to chill with my parents. They're fun to hang with. But I'm not quite enjoying since I'm waiting for Travis.
At around 7:30 PM I head to my room and lay on bed with my phone in hand. I decide to keep myself company with my WhatsApp friends till I fall asleep.
I have no idea what time it is right now and what's waking me up is my Telkom cellphone. I grab it since I recognize the number and answer.
"Mmmh?",
Suddenly I remember that I slept waiting and right now I don't even know what time it is. I'm still dressed in my pretty outfit and my bedroom light is still on plus I don't remember locking my door.
"Babe? I'm on my way to pick you up",
That just drives me to the edge. Is this guy fucken serious? My whole body heats up.
"Pick me up?", I chuckle and I'm sure it does sounds like an angry woman. "And where exactly are you gonna take me?",
"I'm at Old Complex buying chicken-dust for my mum and I thought maybe while I wait I'll drive to pick you up",
I decide to sit up cause maybe he doesn't get how upset I am right now. "Are you serious right now?",
"What's wrong?",
And he dares to ask me that. He had me waiting for all these hours and now he thinks theres nothing wrong with that? He better be fucken kidding me.
If that's the way he wants to play it, then he better be well prepared cause I know how to play that game. "Well, nothing is wrong. But for now, I'm sleeping",
"Come on babe, let me pick you up", he begs.
I'm so frustrated, I'm so mad, but I'll play it cool. "You know what you should do?",
"What?",
"Buy your mum that chicken-dust, take it to her and go to bed. You've got work tomorrow and I do too", I'm off the bed right now and angrily pulling my clothes off.
"Babe please",
"No", I snap at him then hang up.
I get dressed in my pyjamas but suddenly feel like I didn't express myself the way I should. The more I think about it, it's the more I feel like I'm fuming. I start searching for my other phone under my pillows. I dial Travis's numbers and wait a few seconds for him to pick up.
"Hello",
"You know what's making me real angry right now?", I'm sure by the tone of my voice he can tell how angry I am.
"What?",
I hear a bit of mumbling besides him so I'm guessing he's with Sarki. Funny thing is, he promised I'll be the first person he sees when he's from work.
"I asked if I could go see my friend and you said no, you're on your way. Look the the time! Its 9:30 PM",
"I'm sorry babe", he says calmly.
"Oh, it's okay. Now go on with what you're doing and I'll get back to my sleep",
He mumbles on the side then says, "someone wants to talk to you",
"Who? I don't wanna talk to anybody right now-",
I hear Sarki's voice clearly now as he calls out my name.
"He insists, he wants to talk to you",
"Whitey, come on. Let me talk to you", Sarki yells.
He calls me Whitey because of my light complexion.
"No, I don't want to", I snap. I know what he wants to say. He obviously wants to apologize on Travis behalf.
"I'm handing him the phone", Travis says. Sarki's voice fills up my speaker before I could even say anything.
"Whitey, I apologize for what got you upset okay. And Travis should apologize too", he says.
"But I did man", Travis says on the background. "She just doesn't wanna hear it", I roll my eyes at that.
"Anyway, we still need to talk about what happened last night. I wanna laugh it all out with you", Sarki says.