Duncan's birthday has passed. He didn't come see me so I guess I've saved the money I was gonna use to buy him lunch. I haven't stopped thinking about him, I wanted to see him. It would have been real nice to see him on his birthday.
This me thinking of Duncan all the time plants doubts on whether I really wanna be with Travis or not. I'm starting to feel like it isn't working for me. Maybe I moved on too quickly, maybe I really needed to heal. I'm even starting to feel like I'm dating the wrong guy here, maybe I wasn't suppose to date him. Plants a lot of questions in me. Whether I'm in love with him or not?
Its just my ex occupies my mind too much. I keep thinking this whole breakup thing isn't what should have happened. I keep wishing we go back to what we were when we met. But at the same time I feel it's a good thing it happened. Maybe forever isn't what we were heading for. But man, I long for the day he'll sit down with me and totally be honest about everything. I wish to understand what really happened between us, why he chose the path he did.
As for my boyfriend, I really don't know.
...
After that long conversation with Nolan, which I care little about right now, I finally took my shower and got dressed in my caramel jeggings, caramel tank top with white and red writting on the chest and a baggy checked-shirt.
I'm now laying on the backseat of my favorite city black golf as Travis drives slowly through the path headed to the old creepy park. It's dark outside and I have my eyes focused on the little stars shining in the dark sky. The speakers behind me are pounding with his favourite song as he chats with his best friend Sarki and not forgetting to throw a few glances at me in every minute that passes. Since it's too dark and scary, they decide we turn back and go somewhere else. As we approach the main street, Sarki turns and faces me.
"Did you hear what he said?", he's lips are stretched so wide I can tell Travis must have said something amusing. They both start laughing and I just look at them. I'm not in any mood for any of this and I guess Sarki can see that now. The car keeps moving and I remain in my 'laid back watching the stars' position. Suddenly I feel like going out. Watching the stars like this makes me wanna be on the road the whole night. But I know that won't happen. Driving gets tiring I suppose. Maybe we could go chill somewhere.
About the stars, I watch them shine and my mind drifts to a memory with Duncan.
Flashback
"Bring the blanket that I left on the sofa", Duncan says as he carries out another blanket with a tray of food. He just finished cooking and we've decided to have our supper outside, under the clear dark sky filled with bright stars. "Hold this", he hands me the tray and starts placing the blankets on the floor, closer to the wall of the house. He's home alone. He's step parents are out sleeping over in their second house. I help him lay the blankets in a picnic kinda way and we sit in eachother arms and start eating. While we eat he tells me his childhood story about how much he loved playing soccer.
After our meal we start making out. I can taste all the food we've been eating from his lips. He lays me down after undressing me and we make love while I'm facing the stars. The more he pounds in and out of me, it's the more I realise how beautiful the stars are. Its pretty romantic, and all I think of is how deeply inlove I am with him. As he pushes in and out, I feel our bodies tense and we cum at the same time. Since I've started having sex with him, this is the first time we cum together, usually he cums first and I follow or the other way around.
Reality
"Buy me a pack of Strongbow please", there's nothing else I could think of apart from alcohol. That's what I want. It's the only way I can distract myself with right now. I wanna forget about my ex. I wanna spend the rest of my night without thinking of him. Even though he's the one who got me to like strongbow.
Travis and Sarki both turn to look at me with shocked expression. You'd swear I'm under age to even think of drinking.
"Is your girlfriend for real?", Sarki asks as he turns to Travis.
"I can't believe it either man", he replies. I ignore them and decide to get up and sit straight.
"You said no more drinking, and now you wanna get drunk?", Sarki scolds me.
I roll my eyes. "I said I don't wanna go to a pub anymore not that I don't wanna drink", I reply.
"That's the same thing", he argues.
"Oh no its not",
We argue over that till Sarki realizes he can't win with me. Travis actually stopped Sarki from arguing with me and we ended up at some Chilled place and they actually bought what I asked for.
I've been lucky with relationships. I always get what I want with guys and luckily with Travis, his friend looks out for me too. Now, is this what I want?
After all the fun, well, we all head home and my night ends with Travis.
Wednesday :18 November
I wake up with the idea of taking an early bus. When I spoke to Travis over the phone last night, he said that he'll take an early bus today so in my mind I was also focused on taking an early bus too. Not as early as his but earlier then the usual one.
As I try to finish up I realise that I'm late, if I don't run out to the bus stop right now, it'll definitely leave without me.
I'm good at running so I manage to get it.
When I'm almost in town, I recieve a text from Travis. Let me know when you leave home-;
I stare at the text for a minute, shocked. I thought he'd tell me he's here. I wanted to hang with him for a while before I start work. So just after dropping off the bus I call him.
"Where are you?", he asks just after picking up.
"Are you kidding me?", I snap. "I'm in town cause you told me you were gonna take a early bus to work", gosh I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes. At the same time I'm pissed.
"Well I woke up late", one of his favorite excuses.
"And you didn't think for one second that maybe I should call my girlfriend and let her know?",
"I'm sorry. I thought you'll take the usual bus", he says.
"Yeah, whatever",
I let it go. Being mad at him for everything he does wrong is tiring now. Not only am I getting tired but he's getting tired of it too, though he won't admit it to me. I think about waiting for him to get here but then decide maybe we should meet up on our lunch break.
When I get to work I book for my lunch break. We take turns for lunch so I need to take mine at the same time Travis is taking his.
Everything goes to plan. By 1pm he calls me to let me know he's on lunch. I decide we meet at the cafe that sells chips since that's what I wanna have for lunch. When he gets there he buys my lunch and watches me eat. He said he isn't hungry, but I knew that's because he couldn't afford to buy us both lunch. One qualities that reminds me of Duncan.
After work I walk to the bus terminals with Nolan. Apparently he talks to me now even after the arguement we had. And unfortunately he still wants to talk about our argument. Great. When we get to the bus terminals we chill for a while. Him telling me about himself and me nodding in understanding. He can tell that I'm in no mood for him. As he speaks I texts Travis letting him know that I'm still around and he should call me so we can take the same bus.
Things work out how I planned. When he knocks off he calls me and we take the same bus home. We actually drop off at his mum's place for him to take his car and take me home. When we get to his mum's place, he doesn't even change out of his black uniform since he doesn't wanna keep me waiting too long outside and alone.
Before he drives me home, he takes me to his grans place.
My mum calls while I'm still with him, which reminds me that my parents are mad at me for not bringing him home. They still wanna see him, they still wanna know the guy I spend all my time with. So without giving it some serious thought, I tell my mum Travis has decided to meet them now. Travis thinks I'm joking when I tell him what I did. When he realises that I'm not, I could see his anger slowly covering his face.
"Why would you do that?", he asks, truly frustrated.
"Its about time you meet them. I can't keep running from home and hiding my whereabouts", I reply.
"But I was gonna meet them this weekend", he says.
"You weren't gonna meet them. You were gonna make excuses and postpone the damn meeting", I snap.
"No I wasn't", he yells shaking his head.
"Look. It's now or never", he stares at me for a while. He's pissed and I would too if I were him. But I'm a person who likes things to happen on my terms. Plus I don't like disobeying my parents.
He gets up from the couch he's sitting on and heads outside. I follow him. He stands outside looking at nothing in particular then walks back without saying anything. "I need to go. You can change your mind if you want to, I'm no stranger to that. I'll tell my parents something came up, an excuse that your cat died or something",
He rolls his eyes and walks to the bedroom. He pulls out a tshirt from the wardrobe and puts it on. I'm not planning to force Travis to see my parents but at the same time I feel he really does need the push of courage.
After gathering his strength, we head out. Our drive home is quiet. I don't even bother to make conversation cause maybe he's trying to calm his nerves, I don't know. When we get to my house, he parks his car on the other side of the street. As I step out of the car I can hear my parents talking. I'm guessing they're sitting outside since the house is hot inside, plus I gave them a reason to. They're waiting for Travis.
"I can't do it", Travis whispers while still seated in the car. I roll my eyes and walk around the car to stand infront of his window.
"So you gonna chicken out now?", I gasp. "You're here, all you need to do is go in", I roll my eyes. What's so damn hard on walking in to hear what he's been called for? "This isn't lobola negotiation day", I remind him.
He finally gathers his strength and gets out of the car, then motions for me to walk in first. I lead the way.
"Mum, dad", I greet them just after Travis and I appear from the gateway.
"Hello", mum replies. They both watch Travis as he gets closer. He greets them and dad asks me to get him a chair. I get him a chair and dad finally starts interrogating him. Nothing major though. About where he lives basically. He then tells him what he likes and won't like when it comes to the way he treats me. He tells him stories about himself when he was a kid too. Then finally he frees him.
"Thank you for your time sir", he says as he gets up.
"Its a pleasure", dad replies. He says his goodbye and I walk him out.
He sighs when he gets to his car. "Did you die?", I ask with a smirk on my face.
"Obviously not", he rolls his eyes.
"Wasn't that bad right", I ask.
"Yeah", he nods. "Your parents are actually cool hey", he says with a smile.
"I told you", I reply.
"I have to go, I'll call you when I get home",
I say my goodbye and head inside my house. Mums waiting for me. We talk a little about Travis then head straight to my room.
How I introduced Travis is different from how I introduced Duncan. With Duncan we were from work and he thought I was taking him somewhere else to chill around my neighborhood but I had no place in mind other than my house. It was a few weeks after we started dating. I thought my parents were gonna disapprove my move but they actually thought it's a good thing to do. From then Duncan was welcome any day. He actually had a way to get my dad talking nonestop. Mum didn't quite like him from the day he saw him but was willing to give him a chance. She's different with Travis though, even though all I wanted was for her to like Duncan. She always had this feeling that one day Duncan would hurt me real bad. And all I wanted was to prove her wrong and show her that Duncan loves me, but oh well. I guess she was right.