Monday: 12 October
What did I tell you?
WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?
"I forgot my phone in the car", that's the kind of shit I said he'll say.
Genius right? I'M A FUCKEN SMART ASS! You should see my face right now.
6 AM, my phone rings scaring the shit out of me. I don't hesitate the moment I see who it is.
"Hello?", I answer.
"Hey. I'm so sorry for not picking up my phone. With the rain yesterday I was up and down taking my mum to my grans' and driving all them around to where they wanna go",
FUCK! Frustration boils up my body, in any time now I'll explode.
"That's when I forgot my phone in the dashboard cabinet and fell asleep on the couch. Till this morning", he continues.
Being upset is overrated, I'm so flippen mad. I feel like with all his excuses he keeps bringing the girl that I don't wanna be, the girl I used to be. The negging one, clinging one, that girl.
I'm just sick of his bullshit.
Seriously, I take all kinds of bullshit life throws at me and like the fool that I usually be, i do nothing about it.
I'm so done being afraid to let go of what I love. I'm so done being afraid of change.
Good or bad, I think I'll be fine.
I have to work things out for me this time, just be selfish for once.
"Look, do whatever you want, I don't care anymore", I reply, my tone of voice so calm.
"I'm not lying. I know you think that-",
"I don't fucken care", I cut in.
"I'll see you later today, I mean at 1 I'll be down that side at my grans' so-",
"So what? So you ignore my calls then expect me to just do whatever you want when you want?", I'm fuming with anger.
"No, it's nothing like that. Listen, we'll talk this in person please. I'll explain everything when with you", he says and I quickly hang up. I'm upset but I do wanna see him. I'm such an idiot.
Later he calls letting me know that his parked outside my house.
14:31 PM.
I get in his car and cross my legs on the seat as I get myself comfortable. He's seated with his back on the window and his right hand on the stirring wheel.
"I'm sorry babe", I feel his eyes on me as he begs for forgiveness. I'm giving him the silent treatment again. He's worried about the fact that I might not forgive him, I might dump his ass. "I left my phone in the car, it was raining, so I-",
I snap my head to quickly face him. "Shush", I pout my lips while placing my forefinger on them. "That's the thing Travis, it's either you leave your phone in the car or its charging, or you slept early and I'm getting tired of that", I whisper yell at him. His eyes looks sad and sorry as they're focused on me. I don't wanna be mad at him, but he makes me so mad.
"Yeah I know babe, I fucked up, I admit that", I twist my body, my back now against the window so I can give him my full attention. "I won't do it again-", he says but I shake my head.
"Yes you will", I say making him smile. I can tell that he sees that I've loosen up, I'm nolonger as angry as I was when I got here.
"Let's go chill at my grans' so you can yell some more at me", I roll my eyes at him as he starts the car.
The drive to his grans' place actually takes longer than its supposed to since he's busy explaining what happened last night. I'm not even paying attention since I know what the story is.
When we get to his place I cant help but notice that it looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a very long time. With the renovation that's been taking place it just made the whole place messy.
"Why don't you clean?", I asks as I walk to the corner of the room where a broom is. I take hold of it.
He smiles as he sees me moving the couches and the table to sweep. "I'll get the bucket and mop so you'll help me clean",
"I'm only cleaning the living room since I spend my time here", I call out to him as he walks to the kitchen to get cleaning materials.
We actually take this cleaning deal seriously. We move everything around and we mop the whole place.
His friend Sarki shows up just when only the kitchen is left to be cleaned. Travis walks out to him and they stand at the doorway. They talk, and I decide to trick Sarki into helping Travis to clean the kitchen. It actually works.
After cleaning we accompany Travis to the barbershop just down the street. He cuts his hair there, I don't think he'll ever change to a different barbershop. Just like I cut my hair in town.
"Life's just something else, don't you agree?", Sarki says. We sitting on a huge rock which everybody uses as a waiting area, we watching people and cars moving up and down the street.
"I suppose so", I nod.
"You and Travis", he chuckles. "You know I never thought one day you guys will end up together, he's been after you for years man",
"Well, wonders shall never end", I laugh. "I guess I've always had feelings for him as well. I mean, he's a great guy-",
"And he loves you", he adds.
"Well, I'm sure he does", I reply.
"You sound like someone who's unsure of that", he says.
"Nah, it's just people tend to be what they're not",
He shakes his head. "Not everyone", he says. "I've known him for years, like I've said, he's more my brother than he's my friend. Trust me, he's always what he tends to be",
I nod. It's just with the experience from my ex I guess trusting what I see is not easy anymore.
"Check out that guy", he points at a guy I don't know, who's driving like a maniac and we start making conversation out of that. Sarki has a lot of stories, he talks too much and when around him it's not easy to get bored.
I have my days of talking too much.
After Travis is done, we head to Sam's tuck shop nearby. Travis orders some chips and bread and we chat while waiting for it to be ready.
It's getting dark, my mum's already back from work I suppose.
"Hey", Travis is standing by Sam's truck shop facing me. Sarki is right next to him. "Do you want anything with your chips or?",
"Aargh", I sigh dramatically. "I'm tired of waiting, I wanna go home", we've been waiting for 20 minutes or so.
"Come here", Travis motion with his fingers for me to walk over to him.
I drag my feet walking to him slowly. "What?", I ask.
"You're tired?", he asks. I grab hold of his shirt and place my head on his chest, putting my arms around him. "Yes I'm tired", I look up at him and I can tell public affection makes him uncomfortable. I roll my eyes and move from his chest, giving us some space between us.
"We'll go now now", he grabs hold of my hand and pulls me back to his chest.
He let's go of me and moves to the wall and leans on it. I'm talking to him about a guy who's been bothering me for quite some time but he's got his attention at the cars on the street. It doesn't get me upset, I love watching his face light up to the sound of a Mercedes Benz E63 AMG, Audi A3, BMW M2, he just loves cars with turbo sounds, not that there's fancy cars passing by right now.
"You're not listening to me", I snap my fingers to bring his attention back at me.
"Block his ass", he replies with his eyes still at the street. Within seconds he realise I'm not responding so he glances at me. "I'm listening to you babe", he says and I ignore him. "Seriously, I have my full attention on you", he pushes himself from the wall to move closer to me.
Cold breeze blows our way and I snap my head at the guy with a hosepipe in his hand. The tuckshop has a car wash on the side.
We always come buy chips at this place. It's a carwash/ tuck shop with a sitting area.
"You okay?", I turn looking at Sarki. He's back from checking our order and apparently it's still not ready. He glances at Travis then back at me.
I shake my head no. Just as he was about to say something, the old lady selling chips says something making Travis to walk to her, leaving Sarki alone with me.
"Oh gosh, that's water", Sarki yells jumping to the side where the water blowing at us from the hosepipe doesn't get to him.
I laugh, "it's just water",
"I'm not in any mood for water", he says.
"Means it's hard for you to take a bath either", I laugh.
Travis comes back to lean against the wall again. He flashes me with his dimpled smile and I smile back.
I guess he now knows how deeply I'm in love with him. He stares at me and I suddenly feel like kissing him. Sarki notices what's going on and decides to excuse himself.
"Come here", I whisper.
"Why?", he chuckles. His shy side comes fully on display.
"Come here, you'll see", I laugh.
"No", he shakes his head as he blushes. "I know exactly what you wanna do", he says and I smile at the wild ideas that start consuming his mind.
Sarki comes back. "Man, how long does it really take to prepare chips?", he whines. He turns to Travis, "Dude we've been waiting for quite some time now",
"I'm not even hungry anymore", Travis replies.
"Well, since shes the only one who sells chips around here means you're still gonna wait", I fold my arms with a smirk on my face.
"But damn shes the best around here", Sarki replies.
I'm tired. "You guys wait here then, I'm going home", I turn to walk away but Travis grabs my hand making me laugh.
"Why do you always do that?", I ask as he pulls me back then let's my hand free.
"Is that why you always act like you're leaving?",
"Oh no", I shake my head no with a little attitude. "This ain't no act",
"Its definitely an act", Sarki comments.
"Fine. You guys stay here I'm going", I turn to walk away and Travis doesn't stop me this time. Its definitely an act but I won't look back to see if he's following me, cause that will prove him right.
It's dark and I'm afraid of the dark but I'll get home since there's still people around.
I walk down the street taking each step slower than ever. I wanna turn back and tell them I'm kidding but my pride won't let me. As I'm about to cross over to the other side Sarki's voice stops me. "You kidding right? He asks as he gets closer. "So you're actually leaving?", I glance back at the tuck shop to see Travis speaking to the chips lady.
"Whaat", I roll my eyes. "I'm tired and I wanna go home", I say in a duh attitude.
"Don't leave", he says. "Your guy will take you home", he points back at Travis.
I'm glad and relieved Sarki stopped me before I walked back home alone.
"Didn't you say you want airtime?", Sarki asks.
"I did", I nod.
"I can accompany you to go buy it over there", he points at a different shop on the other side of the road.
"Okay", we cross over to the other side. "So he sent you to stop me from walking home?",
"No. He was about to run after you when the lady called for our order",
Oh I see. I reply to myself.
Travis gave me money for airtime earlier while waiting for the chips order. I was gonna cross over to go buy it when he stopped me, saying he won't let me go alone. He's too jealous and he calls his jealousy tight security.
After buying my airtime, Sarki and I stand on the pavement as I load it.
"Gosh my airtime won't work", I cry out.
"Try again",
I keep trying and we stand there longer than we supposed to.
"Dude, it doesn't wanna work", I start yelling and Travis cross over from the chips shop to where we standing. He find me pissed over the airtime.
"You'll try it again later or I'll buy you another", he grabs my hand and instantly I calm down. Gosh he's my comforter.
Along the way home, Travis has his hand on me, our fingers are interlocked.
Travis and I have a really great connection. He just brings out the crazy out of me and gets crazy himself. We have this weird bond that makes us communicate without words. By now he can tell when I'm uncomfortable or not interested in something. We have a song that we dance to whenever it plays, we get to share inner jokes together. Sarki even mentioned that he understands why we decided to date, that we have a lot in common than most people, that we speak the same love language.
You know when they say you have a better half? I get to understand it now. It's someone who understands you without having to say anything. This bond that I have with Travis, is what I've been searching for. I just hope and pray it lasts longer. Maybe forever.
...
Wednesday: 14 October
Dear diary
He won't talk about his ex, like at all. I've tried asking a couple of times but doesn't wanna touch on it. I don't wanna force him, he'll get to tell me when he's ready I suppose.
Back when we were friends he used to say a few things about her. Like the fact that she's in school, whatever issues they were facing, about her having friends over to her room all the time and claiming it's a study group. Well, he doesn't say anything now.
He's always been secretive but now he's way worse. And now I'm getting worried.
What the hell happened to them?
I try not to ask most days but man, its eating me up now, I wanna know. Now more than ever I feel like I need to know. He knows all about my ex's so I don't get why he won't talk about his.
Maybe I should ask his friend.