Mornings were alright with Jordan; in fact, it was the one time of day that he enjoyed; taking into consideration that he woke up before anyone else and was able to enjoy that peacefulness that the rising sun brings; he was the first one to listen to the awakening songs of birds and the only one in the house hold to watch the colors being slowly and surely brought back to life. He would wait in bed; face turned toward the window and watch attentively while every other being awoke to their normal routines. Unfortunately, it also meant that he was supposed to be doing his morning routine as well and that, soon, the house would be filled with steps, yawning and "g' mornings" uttered roughly, before the sacred black liquid could slid down their throats and forcefully put their brains in gear.
Of course, he thought no one knew about that little habit of his, but Peter and Laura were well aware of it, considering that he was the only person awake enough to have regular to normal brain activity non affected by sleepiness. Jordan was the only person capable of setting the table on mornings without breaking anything or stumbling over his own feet.
After breakfast they would proceed with their days as required, Jordan would ride to school with Karen, Karen would go to her friends and forget Jordan existed, Laura would head to her work space and Peter to his normal 9/5 job; which he loved. They were by all means, and possible nosy neighbors, a normal and boring family. Some of said nosy neighbors still remembered that Jordan and Karen were foster kids, but they behaved so well and ordinarily that they soon became boorish and were forgotten, the normal teenagers that wreaked havoc in their households and threw parties whenever their parents were away were much more interesting and a way better subject for tea.
Now, one would most definitely ask oneself if those nosy neighbors had no idea about Jordan's past and origins, and the answer to that was that indeed they had absolutely no clue about Jordan's past and judging by his day-to-day behavior they could only make the assumption that he was orphaned and sadly had no other relatives that could care for him, that was why he ended up at the Willow household.
Karen on the other hand was thought to have escaped some very jarring place, because no one could forget her appearance the first time they laid eyes on her. That assumption was not very far from the truth, Karen had indeed escaped home, she had run away from a very abusive stepfather who, unfortunately and violently, had beaten her mother to death. She knew she was next, so at the first opportunity she ran away to the nearest police station, where she bravely told every cop and bystander that could hear, everything that happened with her and her mother and not one single person could have denied her truth, because Karen was a bloodied mess.
She indeed had had some time to recover, but gaining enough weight to hide her malnourished body would take months and all the bruises and hematomas she had would not disappear after a few days. And that was how the neighbors and Peter and Laura came across Karen, a small, skinny girl with black and blue all over her. She still had her therapy sessions and she honestly liked them, but she was now very different from the angry insecure girl that first entered that big brown door.
"See ya, hobbit."
Karen said when they entered the school building, Jordan thought it was weird since she never recognized his existence when they crossed the threshold; did he think it was bad? He questioned himself and arrived at the conclusion that he did not think it was a bad thing, a weird and new thing yes, but not bad. Therefore, he had no reason to mull over the situation and just walked peacefully to his first class of the many he'd have to attend today. And everything was fine until he saw her again, that oompa-loompa girl, the mystery he could not crack. He's mood turned instantly sour, but his annoyed face could not keep her at bay and the girl walked decidedly to him with a bright smile on her face; seeing her so happy turned his sour face even sourer.
"Good morning Jordan, remembered me already?"
He did not answer, but his face said it all.
"I see... let me make it easier for you, I used to be taller than you when we met."
At once Jordan's brain made an audible click and everything fitted together like a beautiful puzzle. He stared at her wide eyed, his eyebrows way up high his forehead, hiding behind his mane of a hair.
"Mauve?"
She laughed.
"Yeah, boy! How could you not remember me?"
"Well... you seemed a lot different from down there."
Mauve shrugged.
"To be fair, I wasn't expecting you to grow so tall either."
Jordan gave her a small smile. Mauve was another foster kid as far as Jordan could remember, he and her had shared a house hold some years back; back when Jordan thought girls were nasty and annoying in general. Mauve was the first girl-friend that had ever entered Jordan's life and both shared several endearing memories together, before they were separated of course. Mauve was, as far as his memory could go, a tomboyish kid with an appetite for dangerous adventures and a strong left hook; but the Mauve that was standing in front of him right now could not be more different from the kid he remembered, for one she was a lot more girlish and for another, her face was clean. When they were kids, Mauve's face seemed to be in a constant state of dirtiness, as if the girl spent all her days fighting on a clandestine ring that had nothing but ropes and dirt. To be fair it wasn't exactly far from the truth. In the neighborhood Mauve was known between all the kids for being short tempered and very strong, several boys and girls had picked up fights with her only to be humiliated by how absolutely overwhelming that kid could be.
"So, spill the beans, why the sudden change?"
"What are you talking about?" Jordan asked.
He was genuinely confused, but the fact was that he did not take into consideration Mauve's own memories, and in her memories, he was an outgoing child, hardly afraid of anything and the only one that accompanied her on her crazy ideas that normally ended up with one or both getting hurt. Jordan smiled a lot and his eyes held a spark that was endearing, so in her eyes, the Jordan of right now was so extremely different that if it wasn't for his features and his familiar eyes, she wouldn't have recognized him.
"Well... you are really different now, I mean, this "I don't do people" stuff is... unexpected."
Jordan pursed his lips and was now considering that maybe his change in character could be as shocking to her as hers was to him, maybe even more shocking considering how outgoing of a child he was.
"Yeah, well... things were very much different since I left the Henning's."
"I see..."
Jordan shrugged and resumed his walking toward the school building, Mauve followed him closely, but they did not exchange a single word. It was at that moment that Mauve realized how different their lives had been, she had left the Henning house to be adopted by the time she turned twelve, since then their family had grown with two more additions as her new family adopted twins, still toddlers and still chaos wrecking machines that Mauve adored, but sometimes wanted to lock inside a box. She stared at Jordan's tall back and wondered what had happened to him during all those years and why had his life been so different to her own. As their personalities used to be so much alike, she had assumed that his own life had taken a similar turn, but those simple words had thrown her delusions in the dust.
"See you later?"
Jordan said as he looked over his shoulder to his old childhood friend. Mauve startled, she was so lost in thought that she hadn't seen that they had arrived at a classroom and one where she did not belong. She gave him a small smile and nodded, to which he nodded back before entering and leaving Mauve alone to mull over her own luck.
While Mauve was feeling bad, Jordan was actually feeling pretty okay, he realized by her reaction that Mauve's life had been a good one up until that point and that made him glad. He was nothing but happy that another foster child did not have to go through what he did, he believed that Mauve had been adopted, otherwise she wouldn't look so disheartened when she listened to those words, only an orphan could feel that bad about something good just because it didn't happen to another orphan they knew.
Despite everything Jordan had a pleasant enough class and managed to fill his time nicely until lunch, where he tried to find Mauve, but was unsuccessful. That one thing made him sad, he was hoping to catch up during lunch time and was honestly up to assuring her that her happiness by no means meant his sadness, but she was nowhere to be found. But his sadness lasted only up to the moment he sat down to eat, because said small girl appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of him with the most tired face he had ever seen.
"What happened?" He asked honestly concerned.
"Stupid class, stupid teacher and stupid, stupid, stupid Marcus."
Jordan raised one eyebrow, while scrunching them together in disbelief. The Mauve of his memories would be solving everything with her fists, instead of locking it up and taking emotional and/or psychological abuse quietly.
"Again... what happened?"
Mauve ruffed before stuffing her mouth full of pasta.
"I'm having a hard time with biology, honestly, just stupid, the teacher is leaning on me because of that and heavily and then there is Marcus. I cannot believe someone could be as annoyingly full of oneself as he is."
She ranted between mouthfuls and Jordan paced himself calmly, listening attentively to every word, but eating at a healthy pace that allowed him to be safe against choking to death.
"Like, if his head was any bigger, he wouldn't cross the school's front door."
"Sounds like a nice guy."
Mauve rolled her eyes at him and sighed.
"I just wished he would stop being so obnoxious. Doesn't he realize that that just makes things worse? I mean, how can you guarantee that the people that walk with you aren't with you just so they won't suffer?"
"Being with him must already be a suffering in itself. I know Marcus, he is obnoxious and has the biggest head inside this school, but he is also an okay guy, trust me."
"How can you be so certain?"
Jordan shrugged.
"It is easier to know people when they forget you exist."
Mauve raised one eyebrow.
"You know, it's hard to believe someone as tall and attention calling as you would manage to be a wall flower, but what you have here is the biggest wall flower empire one could have. It's amazing."
Jordan shrugged.
"People used to try to interact with me, but after some years of unfruitful results, they kind of gave up and moved on. It's easy to forget something that you're actually willing to forget."
"Selective blindness... I see."
Jordan nodded.
"But seriously, I could give you a hand with biology and talk to Marcus, if you wanted."
"You're willing to break your anonymity for this?"
He shrugged.
"It's not like it isn't already broken, I'm speaking with you."
"Fair enough."
At that moment the bell rang and they were forced to cut their conversation short, Mauve quickly waved a good bye and assured Jordan that they would continue later while rushing to her next class. Jordan kept thinking about what she said, about his willingness to break the anonymity that he had kept and nourished for so many years, what had changed? Of course, reencountering Mauve was something that had moved his innards, but still, would only that factor alone initiate such a strong domino effect? Surely there must be something else that his subconscious mind had chunked together with the return of Mauve.
And there was, during the entire lecture Jordan kept mulling over his newly found openness and what could have possibly caused it, of course he still had to keep a level of attention on class and answer questions properly; which of course delayed his breakthrough to near the end of class.
Jordan remembered clearly what Peter had said, he remembered Karen's new way of including him even if just a little, his new opinion of Laura and suddenly he realized that his walls had crumbled a bit and he finally thought to himself that it wasn't as dangerous or scary right now as it used to be. Put all that together with the fact that his old best friend was back and his willingness to open up and end the wall flower cycle was perfectly reasonable. Or at least it seemed so and at that moment it was enough for him.
Jordan had one very uneventful rest of the day, when school was over, he found Mauve, for the first time, and they discussed their earlier conversation. To make things easier he would give her some notes and Marcus would be left alone since she insisted on solving the matter by her own self and Jordan chose to respect her wishes no matter how silly he considered them to be.
At home he found a happy yet recovering Laura, one anxious Karen and he did not find a Peter around, to his enquires Laura answered that he was stuck at work because of some mistake or other that their new stagiaire had committed. Since he had cooked the night before, Karen offered her services with a certain alacrity and underlying happiness that Jordan had never seen before on her; the fact that they had lived together for years and he had no idea that Karen loved to cook made him think about himself and his behavior, that one thing finally had Jordan questioning just how much he had shut himself away from people and whatever else the world had to offer.
"J, could you help me?"
Jordan raised one eyebrow so high it could have been lost between his locks to never be found again.
"J?"
Karen smiled at him.
"Yeah, figured hobbit was getting old."
To that Jordan only grunted.
"So, will you help me out here or not?"
"Sure."
He walked with her to the kitchen and Laura went upstairs to take one very long and relaxing bath, she had had a very rough day despite her smile being as bright as ever, dealing with her carpentry business with only one hand had proven to be extremely more difficult than she had thought. Laura Willow had a successful small business of custom-made furniture, her clients were always amazed by her care and attention to small details and, of course, her happy going sweet natured self; making her business to be one of the few that were still sustained by word of mouth and not Instagram. Adding to the fact that Laura was no tech expert she considered it a blessing that she had managed so far without the aid of something she had a very hard time to use.
While Karen picked ingredients and pots, Jordan found himself to be almost useless and decided to sit his rear end on the countertop and wait for instructions. They never came, instead Karen gave one very long and sad sigh and turned her back to him.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... it's like, not something that..."
She sighed again without finishing her sentence. Jordan crossed his arms and respectfully waited while Karen either found the right words or picked up her courage to speak; at long last she began once again. Her voice was small, almost a whisper and Jordan for once felt scared for her or whatever problem she had put herself into.
"There's this guy... he's a nice guy, you know?" She fidgeted while cutting the vegetables. "At least everyone thinks so... specially at school, he's like, part of the football team, has tons of friends and goes to charity stuff, like, soup houses and such..."
There was another pause, she sniffed and Jordan wondered if she was crying out of sadness or because the onions were punishing her unsuspecting eyeballs.
"You know... you don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it." Said he after some time.
Karen shook her head, sniffed again and dried her face with her sleeve.
"No, I have to, I need to tell someone and... you're always a good listener."
He raised his eyebrows, the mystery of how Karen could have deduced it about him was turning into the elephant inside his mind. Jordan never had many interactions and he always pegged her as too self-absorbed to notice any other human being that pegged no interest or had nothing to offer to her.
"So... I thought he was a nice guy, I mean, you wouldn't think bad of someone that did stuff like him or has as many friends as him... for real, it would never cross your mind if you saw him that he could... not be good." She carefully picked the cutting board and dropped the onion bits inside a pan that already had a splash of olive oil inside and Jordan enjoyed the sizzling noise. "J... do you remember how I got here?"
"Not something one can forget."
She gave him a quick and sad smile before turning her attention back to the sizzling pan, where she promptly dropped some minced meat.
"I can be wrong, I know I can be wrong, there is always that error percentage in anything and I'm not perfect or a specialist or anything, but J... I know abuse when I see it and I'm so, so certain something happened that every time I see that girl my guts churn and I just want to scream."
Jordan was truthfully alarmed by her declaration and his instincts kicked in, he propelled himself away from the countertop and was about to rest a hand on her shoulder when he realized that Karen had not been crying because of the onions. Thousands of different memories flew around his brain and all of them opened up old wounds and in a split second he dropped his hand, his tall figure looming above Karen's quietly, his shadow hiding her from prying eyes. She sniffled again and his innards twisted painfully, he could not only imagine what was going on inside her head, but also had his own ghost roaming along his brain, picking at him with painful stabs of guilt. He wanted to hug Karen, to rip whatever horrid memories she had away from her brain, but he knew better. Instead, he satisfied himself with resting his head against the cupboard and hide her small frame even more from anything and anyone that could enter that kitchen. He sighed and prayed that he could hide her away from her demons as well.
"Thanks… really…"
"It's okay…" Jordan sighed once more, but he could not hide his own pain. He had his own secrets and everyone in that house knew it. "Tell me what happened."
Karen sighed, she had dropped inside the pot the contents of one entire sauce can and some herbs Jordan wouldn't and couldn't even try to identify and to his surprise, after one deep and shaky breath, she took a step back and rested against him.
"There is this girl we always saw around, she wasn't popular or anything, but she wasn't a complete loner, nor did people pick on her, she was just quiet. I was considering making friends with her, shy people have a hard time sometimes and I knew we could help her. But then one day she shows up and this guy… well… they're dating, mind you not many people know about it, I'm guessing I'm one of the few who does."
Her hand steadily stirred the pot, but Jordan noticed when she'd gripped the spoon so tight, he thought it might've hurt. But it was as quick as a blink. She dried her face once again and he could feel her body trembling against his own; Jordan was agonizing, he felt so hopeless, so useless… once again he could do nothing but watch as someone suffered.
"I noticed her gradual changes, it wasn't like she suddenly became outgoing, but she was more open, gained a bit of backbone, you know? And then one day…" Karen's voice cracked, she took a shuddering breath and cleaned her throat. "One day, she came to school and… I could see it; it was written all over her. Her clothing was different, she couldn't look anyone in the eye, not even her few friends, she… she flinched any time one of her guy friends moved… I…"
"It's okay, Karen, we'll help her, I promise you."
Karen gave a small laugh and moved away, Jordan was annoyed at himself and at how much he wished she didn't have moved, at least not while he wanted to protect her. But Karen had her own personal reasons to move and they had nothing to do with her horrid past. When she noticed that Jordan was beginning to open up instead of pushing people away, she was ecstatic; despite her behavior suggesting that she was nothing but an airhead, Karen was the complete opposite of it, she was smart, careful and had a knack for reading people, while Jordan took advantage of his isolation, Karen preferred to hide in the open. She found herself a group of friends that could do just that and were shallow enough not to ask too many questions, but not so shallow as to be a pain to have around. While doing her best to maintain appearances she had all the leisure to observe her surroundings, and watch people without being suspected of such.
So, she was well aware that Jordan was actually a good guy, she knew for a fact that he was genuinely nice, that he was smart, maybe even smarter than her on some aspects, and extremely respectful; she honestly longed to have a good relationship with him, she wanted to be friends, maybe to consider him a real brother and she finally saw the chance of such a thing happening that day when Laura unfortunately hurt herself. Her heart leaped with excitement, but Karen had thought it was better to bide her time, take it slow and steady, but… then she remembered when she saw that girl she had been observing for weeks, the moment Karen's eyes laid on that pitiful frame everything inside her shook and convulsed. Her face paled and she had to run to the bathroom, leaving her worried friends behind so she could puke our everything that had happened to her.
Karen had puked and cried, her whole body shaking, that girl had been raped and she knew it, she knew it with every fiber of her being and amidst all of that hurt and revulsion she only saw one thing clearly.
Jordan.
His calm demeanor and security, his always steady voice and his cool headedness were so clear that Karen realized how comforting Jordan's presence always had been and suddenly she stopped shaking, her breathing got steadier and steadier until her own head was as cool as his. She had gotten up, cleaned herself and walked out with the resolution of speaking to him, she knew for certain that if anyone could help her it would be Jordan, but she hadn't had a chance up until that moment, Jordan had remained as hard to get a hold of as ever. Until that day when he took Laura to the hospital.
And when she finally opened up about it to him, she expected things to go differently.
But for once, Jordan wasn't completely coolheaded.
The minute she felt his presence near her she felt slightly alarmed, she couldn't help it, at that moment all her fears were very near her heart and one very big man suddenly bolting in her direction was not something that would help. She could feel the warmth of his hand near her right shoulder and held her breath instinctively, but just as quick it was gone and instead, he bent over her, hiding her crying self protectively, she saw his kind eyes and Karen never before had seen them so stormy. She relaxed with his looming protection, but she also discovered that Jordan had seen more shit than she assumed.
His voice however remained calm, she detected the nuances of painful memories in it, but there was no despair and his stoic strength of character gave her hope, of what she knew not, but she felt it. She stepped back and willingly pressed herself against him, she was shaking and fighting back more tears, but once she felt his regular breathing, she found strength and calmness herself. It allowed her to answer his question, it made it easier to stream through her bad feelings, to deal with them without losing her mind and crumbling down. It was still rough on her, but she knew perfectly well that it could have been insanely worst.
Then…she couldn't go on, she couldn't express herself because she honestly didn't know what to say, yet she wanted to say so much…and Jordan said the words she desperately wanted to hear. And she felt so relieved and happy…
Until all that relief and happiness made her aware of herself.
She had been so focused on all the hurt that the parts of her brain that were registering Jordan's physical qualities had been ignored. But they hit her all at once. Karen was suddenly and instantly aware of the fact that Jordan wasn't, as she had assumed because of his loose clothing, lanky; he was actually covered in hard, lean muscles of which she could feel the shapes. Suddenly feeling embarrassed and inadequate her brain jumped to the realization of how empty those words were and she stepped away with a small laugh.
"What can we do, J? We're just a couple of teens… do you know how many times I had gone to the police before the day I had decided to show up completely screwed up?"
"I don't… but we'll make it so they can't deny it. They'll be forced to believe us. To believe her."
Karen took advantage of the repetitive motions of piling up lasagna layers to mull over his words, Jordan was being serious, she knew that, but still… how could they do that?
"It's pretty much impossible J, the chances are- "
Jordan stepped away, he was angry and he was determined to make things right, this time he would do something, he wouldn't let that girl be hurt like that and get no help, no justice. He was adamant, she would not live in fear if he could help. And Karen's doubtful tone was pressing his buttons.
"They're slim, I know that, trust me, if there is one other person inside this house that knows how stupidly small those chances are…" He sighed. "When I was nine or ten, I had been moved to yet another foster home, I used to be a happy go luck kid, but… that freak house changed everything. Mona and Caleb, monsters in disguise, Caleb was a fucking pedophile and Mona was the witch that kept his disgusting secret hidden. Boys were treated okay, but Caleb just loved little girls."
Karen could hear the disgust and venom laced around his words and she couldn't believe it was happening, she shook his head at him, eyes filled with horror.
"Oh yes, it was real, it IS real. I saw it one night, that disgusting pig… that girl…she was so terrified and he took pleasure on that, on the fact that she had no one and nobody to help her." Jordan ran his fingers through his hair, that scene would never leave his mind, it was burnt against his retinas. "It was the first time I saw it… next day I went to the police station, but it was a small town, they were "good people" and their willingness to take care of kids that weren't their own was just a ticket to be sanctified…"
Karen was ashen faced. What kind of environment had he been in? How had he survived? And why he emphasized that it was still happening? Jordan took a deep breath, inside his head the many movies of girls around five or six being abused were playing and his throat constricted with guilt.
"I tried convincing them to talk, and got some to go with me, then I was labeled as a bad influence and a liar. They warned me that if I did anything like that again they would tell Mona and Caleb about the fact that they were fostering a lying, ungrateful imp. I managed to scrape some proof, got a camera but it was so old that it didn't film and though I attempted to take pictures of him during the acts, all that showed up were black blurredness. So, I convinced some girls to let me take pictures of their wounds and bruises..." A bitter smiled latched on his lips and he looked away. "Big mistake. I was too naïve, when I showed it to them, they accused me of being not only a liar, but a… pervert. Mona and Caleb were alerted, they got rid of me as fast as they could and… as far as I know, they're still fostering kids."
Karen felt like throwing up all over again and for a different reason. How could monsters such as those still be at large and be able to fool people so thoroughly? She had so many questions flowing in her brain that suddenly she was attacked with a powerful migraine. Karen knew her own spots of darkness and evilness in the world, but there were some she had never visited before, some she willingly forgot existed every day, and Jordan had visited one of them, not only visited but lived with it for God knew how long. She felt for those girls, she felt for the people that were being fooled around like a bunch of puppets, but most of all, more than anything, she felt for Jordan and the deepness of the pain and guilt she now realized he carried around.
Jordan wasn't sorry for himself, not at all, he felt horrible about that whole ordeal simply because he couldn't make a bigger effort. He was ten, he had no money of his own, no means to acquire more evidence than what he managed to scrape, he should've done more, he should've kicked and screamed when they came for him, he should've kept pestering those poor 911 attendants and kept going until they either punished him severely or put his words to the test and caught that sleaze bastard. But he didn't. The shock of being taken away so soon and the frustration of not being believed had robbed him of his wits and when the social worker finally came, he was speechless and brain dead. Jordan would never forgive himself for that.
"But this time... this time we will make people believe; we'll get them to hear, Karen. I'll make damn sure of it."
Karen could only stare at him, her eyes like sauce pans, she wanted to comfort him, to hug him and assure him that it wasn't his fault, but Jordan wasn't exuding one single ounce of weakness. Karen was dumb folded by the sheer strength that emanated from him, the determination that propelled out of his eyes with the punch of an MMA fighter. Jordan was incredible and Karen couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that someone like him existed.
At long last she swallowed dry and nodded, she could no longer ignore his determination nor Jordan himself.
Karen believed in him.
And by God she was absolutely sure he would not disappoint.