Here I am staring at my bags and things that I still had to pack for the big day of going into a brand-new life. A life of independence, of hard work and people expecting you to make them proud. I paused and my eyes were scanning Mme Morena's room. My mother has always been called by everyone we grew with as Mme Morena. It ended up being natural to also call her like that and she didn't have a problem with it.
"Hey, we don't have enough time you need to finish packing before Mrs Thompsons arrives to pick us up. Bless that soul…she offered to give you a ride to your new school instead of sending drivers to do so like she usually does. You know how much she adores you akere (okay my child)? Like her own daughter. You never lacked anything at school not because your poor mother can afford, but because she insisted on helping you receive everything that would help you to achieve academically. Had I allowed her you would have even went to a private school, but it was going to be like I am taking advantage of her now," said Mme Morena who stood next to me and left without saying
That was Mme Morena I wasn't looking at her as my eyes were everywhere else, but I could tell from her excited and proud tone that she was over the moon…
I can still remember the day when my life was never the same. It was the 5th of January 2012, the day of receiving the results for the matriculant. Mme Morena was just as nervous as I was, I mean after all, I am her firstborn who have just finished school. Not only that, I was the very first person to ever finish matric and now if I had done well with my academics I would be the first person to go to varsity. Now tell me if that wasn't nerve-wrecking? The day before receiving my results I was unable to sleep. The confidence that A students have before receiving their results, was nowhere to be found instead, fear took over me.
Every time I would catch a nap, bad dreams were the only ones available, so I decided to keep myself busy. Mme Morena tried to calm me down, just like everyone else in my life, but how do I calm down knowing I was just about to receive life-changing results that were always going to be marked in my life? To keep myself busy I took out the laundry at 1 a.m. and washed it. At least the machine that Mrs Thompson gave Mme Morena was not loud, so it was not going to disturb my family as they were sleeping. I finished 30 minutes before 5.a.m. which is the time newspapers arrived at the garage.
I woke Mme Morena up and we walked together, and I could see already other matriculants heading towards the garage. Anxiety grew in me when others were screaming that they passed, whilst others were crying as we arrived the garage. Mme bought the newspaper and she searched for my exam number. I was too nervous to even look at the newspaper, so I stood 5 steps away from her. My heart was is its own drum beat competition…
"Hawu Ngwanaka (my child) why is it that your exam number has a bracket and what is this ENG, GEO, MATH in between those brackets?" asked Mme Morena.
I then screamed, jumped, and hugged her as tight as I could possibly.
"I passed mama! I passed!" I screamed.
"Yoh! Yoh! Yoh! Ngwanaka! Come here…" she hugged me back and kissed my entire face.
We were both too excited to say any other word after that, so we headed back home. When we arrived, I took out the laundry for it to dry up and after I went to sleep since I couldn't sleep. Mme Morena woke me up during my peaceful sleep because my phone was ringing, and I was in a deep sleep I couldn't even hear it. She then handed the phone over to me indicating that she had already answered the call.
"Hello, who am I talking to?"-Me
"Good day is that you Miss Lebogang Morena?"-The lady
"Yes, this is her speaking,"-Me
"We are calling from the company called PBC holdings and after the results we received, we would like to fund your studies this year,"-the lady
"That would be appreciated though I haven't received my notification from the universities I applied to,"-Me
"Okay, then would you like us to find out for you if you have been accepted or not from the institution?" -the lady
"Yes please, it's The University of Gauteng and my student number is 1442397,"-Me
"Okay-give me few minutes to call them and find out for you then,"-the lady
[hangs up]
It was pointless for me to go back to sleep after hearing this news, so I made my bed and just after I finished the lady called again.
"Okay Miss Lebogang your status here says that you have been admitted. Would you please come with your ID copy and your statement of results at our company to process your bursary? I will send you our physical address for you to come over?" she said.
That is how now I am going to the University of Gauteng, proud that I passed with 3 distinctions, came out 2nd among the entire matriculants at our school. My marks were very good because even with the subjects that I didn't get distinctions, they were only 1-2% away from getting distinctions. As for those that I received distinctions, they were rating at the 90%. Other companies did call to sponsor me, but I chose the bursary from PBC holdings due to what they offered as compared to others. I was going to study Civil engineering and I was excited because it was my dream coming true.
Mrs Thompsons arrived just as I finished packing and have placed everything I needed to start my new journey from being a learner to a student. The was a man who helped us pack our things in the van-which were not so many. I didn't have many clothes and I only took essential things that I was going to need for res. Such as, basic food, cleaning utensils, pots, blankets, cutleries, and crockeries. Other things were catered for at res since I was staying on-campus. This was a relief because I never liked the idea of my mother's boss buying things for me, Mme Morena was a domestic worker and her job was to clean and not receive expensive gifts from Mrs Thompsons.
I saw my siblings being emotional that I was leaving them behind and so was I. The highest emotion I had in me at that moment was not excitement but fear. Change is unsettling, it provokes the fear of the unknown and it makes you vulnerable to anything that comes the way. As the van drove by, and I was leaving my home, my people, and norms to meet brand new people. It was a beautiful yet unsettling feeling. Mme Morena and Mrs Thompsons couldn't hide their excitement and they were trying to make me excited about this new journey of my life. As they were talking, my mind trailed off…
*What is going to happen? What if I fail? What if I don't make friends? Lebo why are you even worried about friends whilst you never had any in your life? Okay-okay but what about my siblings? I have practically raised them and now they were going to have to stand on their own. Yes, I know they have grown enough to take care of themselves but to me they will always be my young brother and sister. At least I give them hope that they can also make a living for themselves.*
"Lebo we are here ngwanaka (my child)," said Mme Morena her smile suddenly shrunk I think it was now time for her to face reality.
When I stepped outside of the van, I turned and looked around I was amazed of how big and beautiful the buildings were. Everything was so perfect…The structure of the building, the gardens and even the people who were walking around carrying gadgets and wearing nice clothes. Somehow I felt inferior to them, I didn't know if I would ever blend in with these people.
"Come I will show you were the ladies' res building is," said Mrs Thompson.
I never even thought of how guys were separated from girls, all I knew was that here I was at Varsity and there was now no turning back. In fact, I didn't have any option but to go through all this whether I liked it or not. Mrs Thompson was leading the way to this big building made of first brick, and its doors of glass they had the university logo and it's slogan. When we entered there were two female securities old enough to be my mother with welcoming faces. Mrs Thompson spoke to them and we were directed to my new room. I was scared that I had to share a room with someone and when I opened it was a single room.
We entered into the elevator and it just hit me that now I had to use elevators every day and this was exciting. My room was on the 6th floor, the third room after the elevator. When Mme Morena opened the room, the size was just perfect, not too big, and not small either. There was a single bed and a study table with a lamp on top of it. Right next to the door there was a built-in black wardrobe. I think it was too big because my clothes were not that many. At least there was even a fan heater, for colder days or nights. When I looked around the walls I noticed there were even bookshelves. There was a sliding door opening to the balcony.
"Wow, the room is beautiful, mara you must clean it first before packing up," said Mme Morena I could sense she was no longer happy about leaving me alone.
We all observed everything in the room silently for some time…
"Okay then I think we have overstayed our welcome here, Mme Morena we have to go now and let her clean her new room," said Mrs Thompsons who could see how emotional Mme Morena was.
"Take care of yourself, focus on your work and work harder than before…" said Mme Morena she trailed off as she was wiping her tears.
"Oh…I am so proud of you my child, but living you here breaks my heart. Goodbye ngwanaka" she continued and gave me a warm embrace.
"Okay, Mme Morena, let's leave before the securities think we are also moving in," said Mrs Thompson as she walked out due to an incoming call.
Mme Morena took one last look at me, her tears still on her face, whilst her hands rested on my shoulders.
"Goodbye," she whispered and left.
As she was closing the door I said to her: "Bye Mme, please say goodbye to Mrs Thompson on my behalf,"
"I will do so, take care of yourself," she shouted and shut the door behind her quickly.
I think she did this because she still couldn't bear the thought of leaving me to be alone. The minute they left it was when reality came back to me, I was now all alone not sure what to do with all this new freedom I received. No more taking care of children or the house, now I had to only take care of this room, myself, and my studies. Then I decided to start with cleaning just the way Mme Morena would. I still wasn't sure where to find the tap, so I left my room, locked it. Then looked at this long passage full of rooms hoping to find at least a kitchen or toilet. I kept on walking slowly hoping to find a sign of either a kitchen or toilet then someone opened one of the doors that I passed.
"Hey girl, can I help you?" she said.
"Hi, my name is Lebogang, but you can call me Lebo. I am looking for a place with a tap I need to pour water," I said showing her the bucket.
"Oops where are my manners my name is Sindisiwe, but you can call me Sindi…Come let me show you where the kitchen and the other places," said Sindi.
We walked passing a few more rooms until she pointed me the Kitchen. Then she showed me where the bathroom is-only to find that it was right opposite my room. I never noticed this because the door was closed, and it looked like one of the rooms.
"Okay Lebo if you need anything my room is right after the kitchen okay? When you done with cleaning please come over, I am so bored I need company. Ciao for now," said Sindi hugging me and off she went.
(Sigh) meeting Sindi was probably a sign that I was going to be fine. Yes, I didn't know my way around varsity yet, but if I would just be kind enough to ask, then I was going to be just fine. I went back to my room switched on my favourite songs and even sang along whilst cleaning. Like Mme Morena, I was good at cleaning and very fast too within 30 minutes I had finished scrubbing the walls, cleaning the wardrobe and the floor too. It was shocking to find that my room looked clean but after cleaning it again there was a lot of dirt that came out.
After cleaning, I went to freshen up in the shower-which I must mention was the most uncomfortable experience I have ever came across. Firstly, I was used to using a bathtub at home. Secondly, I was used to having locked the room when bathing for my siblings not to disturb. Now I had to bath without knowing if any stranger would walk in whilst I was taking a bath. After bathing I bumped into this girl at the door, who I greeted with a smile, but she seemed uncomfortable too response then I went back to my room.
This thing of leaving a room locked was going to annoy me, I wasn't used to it, although it was necessary. I walked out of the room and I saw a few girls walking towards me I was about to greet but they started looking at me strangely.
*I wonder what's wrong with me…Did I not wear something properly? I just bathed, and I do smell fresh, so I don't get why they would act like this. I will just have to ask Sindi.*
I knocked at Sindi's place and a guy opened a door. The most shocking part was he was white. I searched Sindi's room and he was alone.
"Hi there, my name is Matthew, but you can call me Matt," he said stretching out his hand towards me.
"Hi Matthew, I think I am lost, sorry to bother you," I said quickly closing the door and walked back to my room.
*What just happened? Didn't they say it's a ladies' res? What then is this guy doing then? Wasn't that supposed to be Sindi's room? You know what I don't have time for this…*
When I arrived in my room, I took out my phone and I received a notification that there was a free Wi-Fi. I went to social media and I was really enjoying it. For the first time in my life, I could browse and read interesting stories. There was a knock on the door before I could open Sindi opened and entered.
"Girl, sorry about earlier on…My friend Matt had come to fetch a book I borrowed from him and I had lent it to someone else. I had to go fetch it whilst leaving him in my room," she explained, sitting down on top of my bed.
Sindi was very comfortable in my room and it never sat well with me. Maybe it had to do with that I got used to respecting people's things. Mme Morena made sure we learned that from a very young age, no one was allowed to take someone's things without asking permission from the owner.
"Oh…Please apologise for me to him, because I ran out of the room, probably like a crazy chicken," I said to her.
"No worries, Matt is a cool guy I am sure he will understand. Anyways I cooked extra food and it will go to waste if you don't mind can you please help me out?" she said placing her hands over mine and looking at me with pleading eyes.
"Okay, plus I feel so lazy to cook," I said and we both laughed.
"Come now let me show you the rest of the campus before these crazies convince you to be a part of the initiation," she said.
"What's it all about?" I asked.
"Ugh, it's for the first years, they claim to help you with everything. They say that if you don't join them they won't help you with anything, even if you fall sick you are on your own," she explained…
(Sigh)