It's 2 a.m. I was sleeping peacefully before I was disturbed by a phone call.
"Jen…I am still sleeping," I said answering her.
"Baby I am outside your res building, please come out," she said.
I woke up from my bed, wore my hoodie and went outside. She probably would have knocked at my door, but the security guards from our res were strict. The rule was that visiting hours were up to 00:00 after that the visitor had to leave. Besides that, I have never taken Jen to my place. The reason is that this was my space and I didn't like invasion of my privacy. So, most of the time I spent the nights at either Jen's apartment or Sindi's room. Both of them did try to visit me but I never allowed them to. I am also like this at home, it's only my parents and Beauty who are allowed in my room.
The workers knew the law, and my siblings respected my privacy. When I was angry, or in a bad space, absolutely no one came near my room, not even at the door. The reason was that I hated burdening the people I care about with my anger. I preferred dealing with the anger alone. Besides that, when angry I used to say things to people, things that I didn't mean. So, I was protecting my people from being hurt. I didn't want to hurt people when hurting. That is why at home people respected my privacy, and I took this with me when moving to res.
"Jen…what are you doing…" I said, before she silenced me with a kiss.
We kissed and then I broke it off after a while.
"What are you doing here at this time?" I asked.
"I missed you, I was planning on coming to see you tomorrow, but I couldn't wait anymore…" she said.
"But couldn't you wait for tomorrow instead of this hour Jen? I was sleeping and tomorrow I have an early class," I replied.
"I just can't believe you have grown cold on me. It's because of that black friend of yours. Ever since she came this side things are not okay between us. You think I am blind and just because I am not in this institution I don't see it? I am losing you and I don't want to lose you!" she shouted whilst hitting my chest and crying.
"Hey! You guys are making noise. Go fight somewhere some students want to sleep," said the security then we went elsewhere.
I hated it when she starts breaking down because of me, couldn't bare the guilt. She continued crying non-stop and now I had to say something because we've been silent as I was searching for a place where we could talk privately. When Jen is angry her voice shoots up and she would wake everyone. At least there wasn't a crowd because a crowd boosts her to be even more dramatic. However, she would still have reacted in the same way in front of that security just to get attention. Okay, that's one of the things that I hate about her. Did I say hate? No, I meant things that I didn't like.
Therefore, I had to choose a place that was people-free because Mrs drama here would draw attention to us. Yes, it may sound unusual to look for a people-free area in the middle of the night. However, it is very much usual to bump into students at any time of the day and I mean anytime. We students liked to party a lot, especially on weekends. As we walked we bumped into few drunk students-pretty sure they are from a certain party. Some greeted me, I wasn't that nerdy, I knew people, besides like I mentioned, I also used to party.
I believe partying is a way of networking and that was the only reason why I would go partying. My father encouraged us to go party, it sounded strange to me at first till I saw how effective that networking strategy was. He used to say:
"To make connection you need to mingle with people and the great place to do so is in events especially when partying. I met your mother at a party and I also made a lot of money through partying. Therefore, it's good to party,"
My siblings obviously being who they are they used this statement as an excuse to become party animals, especially Lucia. When it comes to partying, she and Josh were best friends other than that, they never got along. When my father was now older, he obviously stopped going to parties and expected us as his kids to do it on his behalf. When going to partying, we had to make sure that we come back with contacts. My siblings never liked doing so, I was the only one who did. For me this was actually the only reason why I would go partying and I found that very cool.
The only place that Jen and I found without anyone walking around or any people was towards Sindi's res. Obviously that was my last resort, because I just didn't feel comfortable for Jen to be in contact with Sindi or anything that had to do with her. Already she was suspicious about us, and Sindi was unpredictable. You just never know when she will strike, or how her reaction would be towards Jen. The most challenging part about finding a place now, was to avoid going to Sindi's res without Jen seeing this and she was going to see this especially when she was this angry.
"Baby, we've been walking around the campus searching for a less busy place. Yet it's quite clear that the most private place is here. Why don't we just sit on the benches and talk?" she asked now she was a bit calmer.
"But Jen, we can't sit in these benches and disrupt the ladies who are sleeping. Or do you want the securities from this res to chase us away too? Let's just stand there next to the bins," I said pulling her gently.
"So, you want me a supermodel to stand next to those stinking bins! Whilst there is an option to sit in these benches so we can talk like adults. Need I not remind you that I am older than you here? So, you can't fool me! I can see that you are hiding something, or should I say someone rather? Tell me the truth or else I will walk in the building and ask the securities if you have ever visited any girl before. Do you understand me? Now tell me the truth," she shouted.
I am not sure if I was scared of her finding out that I was cheating on her with someone-well Sindi. Or if I were worried she would create a commotion that would wake Sindi up. Knowing her, when she would see this, she would also want to have a share in this drama. So, I was looking at the building if someone could hear Jen's shouting from the inside. As I was scouting I saw someone familiar- it looked like Lebo or maybe I was seeing things, but she almost looked like it was Sindi. Simply because I only saw a face. Sindi and Lebo had similar faces and skin colour.
"Jennifer, okay I am sorry…sorry about making you feel so insecure to the point that you are driven to believe I am cheating on you. I love you so much and you mean the world to me. Now when you react like this, you make me to feel scared-I am scared to lose you…please don't do this here or now. People are sleeping and I don't want to be kicked out of varsity for fighting with the sexiest woman alive," I said chuckling and she smiled back.
*Yes, I won her!*
"I love you too baby,' she said stroking my cheeks.
"You know that I love you though," I said with that voice which always made her to melt and she was already.
We talked things through…Well I was telling her sweet nothings- all her favourites. At least her happy side was less loud and dramatic. Her anger was justified, I really was cheating on her. I have no idea how she knows it. Ladies like to claim that they are able to sense these things, well I think that's just ridiculous. However, with Jen it seems to be true for some strange reason. I mean how on earth could she possibly know that I am cheating on her when she is not even a student? Let alone the distance of where she stayed and our campus. I still believe this was not true, but this case was an exception.
"I love you Matthew, with all my heart," she said brushing my cheek and then I kissed her, there was no other best convincing way of proving my love for her than this one.
"I love you too Jen," I said after breaking the kiss.
Then she laid her head on my chest, she liked doing this especially when she was happy. This meant that I was still playing my cards right. As her head was still on my chest listening to my heartbeat my mind wandered.
*Something doesn't feel right here, why do I feel like this? She was supposed to be my everything. Why do I feel like this? Like I don't belong here, like there is this need in me yet I can't seem to understand it's purpose. I don't understand how it came and how to satisfy it…I need to do something about this and now.*
"Baby, it seems like your mind is not here. What are you thinking about?" she asked I could feel she was now facing me.
"Ah…Jen this is all nice, but tomorrow…" I said before she cut me.
"…I understand, besides it's late, sometimes I forget that you are still a student. Can't you just finish school so that you can move in with me?" she said.
"Move in? You serious about this Jen?" I asked.
What made her think that I would move in with her? Things were clearly getting out of hand and fast. I don't know when, but I need to do something about this.
*Gosh Jennifer why are you so difficult? No in fact, why are you impossible? It's like you go out your way to give me unnecessary stress. Why can't you just stay in your lane? Even if it's just for once, I mean I know you are older than me, but it doesn't mean you can control my life. You know, it's still my life…*
"Oh, sorry babe for keeping you up…I just can't get enough of you," she said whilst standing up.
"Yeah, me too…" I said faking a smile-I hope she bought it, but anyways she wouldn't have seen because it's at night.
I walked her to the parking lot, kissed her and waved goodbye whilst yawning. When she left, I kept on walking, but the craziest thing was I ended up at Sindi's res building. Please don't ask me how because I also don't know. As usual, I used my charm to the securities. Strangely, the one who agreed to let me in was that other strict security, she was even smiling. Okay truth be told, I never had a personal encounter with her before. Sindi was the one who used to tell me stories about her. She always asked if I bumped into her when I would visit her.
When I opened the lift, to my surprise the person who I was unconsciously going to she was just in front of the door of the lift when it opened.
"Sindi," I said stepping out of the lift.
"Matt, I was actually about to come to your place," she said.
Strangely, I was unbothered by that. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I wanted her…I needed her.
"Me too…since now I am here…let's go back to your room and…" I said whilst touching her waist she began giggling begging me to stop but I didn't.
"Shh, people are sleeping," I said to her whilst my hands were still on her waist.
We continued walking in that position and she continued to laugh non-stop. When we arrived in her room, I switched off the lights and she switched it on again. I always preferred to have sex in the dark. That was why I always visited Sindi only at night. I was shocked that she was now opposing what she knows I liked. This was so unlike her.
"Sindi, you know I like this in the dark, why switch on the lights now?" I asked.
"Today I want us to make love," she said.
"Make love? We are friends with benefits not lovers…you know that," I said I was getting pissed by this absurd behaviour that I don't even know where it came from.
"I am a woman Matt and I have needs and do you think that I don't need love?" she asked coming closer to me.
*Okay Sindi now you are getting to my nerves. First it was Jen and now it's you what's wrong with women? Or is it just the two of them trying to get to me? (Sigh) Calm down Matt you've got this. You know you can put Sindi to her place.*
"Look, Sindi…you need to understand I have a girlfriend, and this is just fun. Pure harmless fun. We did agree that we would never attach the strings, let's not complicate things for us. Unless you want me to leave," I said pretending to leave the door.
The truth is no matter how much Sindi can annoy me, I still wanted her, and I don't blame myself for that. She is one attractive woman. There was just this fire that though it burns and hurts, but it was enjoyable. That was something I never found with Jen. For me, Jen was just sweet, loving and caring but sometimes that can be boring to be quite honest. Maybe that's the reason why I wanted the both of them. The reason why I said those words to Sindi was because I knew she was willing to compromise for me, just like Jen.
"Okay then, we can switch off the light's then…I guess…But we should try lovemaking some other time. I mean it's not like you do that with your girlfriend," she said.
The minute she said that I switched off the lights….
As usual, after we had our usual crazy sex I kissed her forehead and went back to my room. I didn't waste time but threw myself on top of the bed and slept like a baby. (sigh) That's what sex with Sindi always does to me, leaving me completely satisfied. Honestly, I don't regret having her as a friend with benefits. However, that stunt she pulled earlier that day almost turned me off. The last thing I need is complications. I mean why would she spoil something so perfect like this. Sex with Jen was just compulsory if I didn't do it with her she would be suspicious.
With Sindi, I didn't have to direct her, she knew what I wanted and how. The last thing I need is coaching someone at this. Afterall, how do you enjoy food whilst you are focusing on other things other than indulging. The aim of food is to be eaten and nothing else, this is similar to sex. I become very impatient and with Jen I always had to direct her. I don't know why she would not remember how I wanted this. She was just an older woman who was clueless about sex, I had to always teach her. Maybe that's why I didn't find her attractive, she was just burdensome.