As time had past more, she's the only one fucking up my head. Where the fuck am I suppose to go now..? She was mine and I fucked up because of that bitch. Gimme the girl I'm so fucked over, they say that it's for the best... they say it's better this way. That she's not worth it that it's just the way things are.
A few weeks ago, back at the Titanic.
When Gin went to grab dorin that was pretty much just dying of something. Something shiny had cought as she left to go get him I kept grabbing drinks from the bar as I walked to see what I saw so shiny. As i was already stumbling i made it. It was a girl with long brown hair.. she was wearing a short shiny dress. That's probably what caught my eye. As she truned I couldn't believe. "Zoe.." she smiled at me seducing me. She walked over to me pushing me against the wall. "Well Lukas long time no see." Zoe was my ex, I never really loved her she thought I did but I was just bored and used for pity. I never told her that.. I tryed but I got tired of seeing her so I left her in some other state. "Zoe.. yeah you look nice." I looked away as I took someone else's glass full of vodka. "You look amazing in that shirt, but it would better on the floor." She started to put her hands on me as I looked at her kinda drunk with a disgusted look. She noticed it then went right for my lips and kissed me. Being the sorry drunk I am I thought It was Gin.. But i did kiss back thinking it was my girl.. but when i realized it wasn't i knew it wasn't her the way she kissed me was so different and i didn't feel the love she gave me. When i opened my eye's i saw Zoe, it was her not Gin and when i realized it she had seen me with her around my arms. She was crying I had the girl i love cry by kissing some other girl that i pitty. When i pushed Zoe outta the way she grabbed my arm tight knowing i was going to chase Gin and didn't let go. "Your mine Lukas! Who care's about that bitch!" When she said that I couldn't contain my anger that she had called Gin that more less that she kissed me in front of her. "At least she' wasn't some whore that slept with every guy to get where she is." Once i said that she slapped me as she left to the bar everyone watching me as i went running down to see that Gin was in arm's of Dorin.. my bestfriend.. and he loved her more pure than i could ever.
At that moment i didn't how to react to seeing the love of my life and my best friend in each other's arm's like nothing had ever happened. I over reacted but i was druck what could i have done if i was wasted, angry and desprate to have Gin forgive me. Do i really deserve her.. Maybe everyone was right maybe I'm just someone ment to be alone like how my father ended up.. well at the end he died but just lonely like him.
My father who they called Monster... was just a good man who people saw for the bad. To me he was a great great man that helped others and a great dad, my mother left me with him when she gave birth and wated her life back to normal as if i never was part of her. My father at first thought he should leave me with a better family and then something happened, he let me stay with him longer. The love he showed me growing up was everything i knew.. Of course I knew of a much cruel. The kids my age or older would bully me because I was the son of a narc. I hated it so much but My father said something to me that i can never forget.
"If you let people talk to you however that's what you'll become."
Those words stayed with me all my life and i started to work out and had a good built body, i started to get some tatoo's as well. I wanted people to be scared of mea and know that I'm not to be messed with. I be came stronger to give fear. When i was 17 i had me Zoe my father was still alive, but he had gotten more busy, that's were Zoe came in. I mostly had pety for her, since she had a rough life and wanted to get something better. Yeah, she was there when i was in pain and felt like a nobody again. But she was worse i thought that we were going out but then,.. I found ou that she slept with half of everyone i knew to get money and buy herself nice things and climb up the socail latter. I never told her but.. I took her to another state telling her that I gained more money over there and me and her could start something for ourselves. She believed it and i took her, as 2 or 3 weeks went by i left with just 10 bucks on the table with a note saying "Goodbye you dead beat whore :)" I new she was angry but i couldn't help but to laugh and feel hurt at the same time.
After time passed they have killed my father they never told me how.. Dorin just told me that he's gone. I felt my world stop and fall to ash. I didn't know that pain would hurt me this much.. Maybe i wasn't strong enough. I thought it would be better to be the player instead of being played. It was all mostly like a game to me.. I never really cared who i hurted just so i could pass up to where i needed to be.
But you.. when i saw you with the guys i didn't know that you would change my world. That you would see the good in me. You were able to see that i was a good person and i wanted to become that person for you, everytime i saw with that guy.. Vale i got scared that you might leave me for him and that you'd just leave forever. I didn't want to lose you at all.. but what happened was my fault and i fucke dup and i don't know how i can make it up to you. All i want to do is make you happy. Please just stay with me a little longer and prove that i can change for you and I'll tell you the truth about me and eveything but please... just come back to me.
Where do i go from here if your not with me.